by Martina Cole
‘Don’t do this, Jimmy. I mean it, you do this to me, humiliate me in front of everyone, and that is me and you finished.’
Jimmy looked into Freddie’s face. He saw the worry there, and the hate, and he suddenly saw again the man he had looked up to all those years before.
He couldn’t do it to him.
He knew he should row him out, because Freddie’s penchant for trouble would one day be their downfall. But he could not take away from Freddie the only thing that gave him real pleasure. His job with Ozzy and his belief that they were equals was what made his life bearable, but it was also the thing that made him so unhappy. He knew he was not a real partner, he must know. But even after all this, he could not bring himself to destroy his Freddie. He loved him, even though he had not liked him for years.
‘You listen to me, Freddie, and you listen good. I’ll give you one more fucking chance, and if you even think about mugging off anyone, me included, you will be out on your fucking arse. Do you hear me? I mean it, you have caused me untold fucking trouble over the years. I have had to talk Ozzy down, lie to him, and fucking argue with him about you. I know you see me as your usurper, but Ozzy chose me to be the go-between, you lost any chance of being his number one years ago.’
Freddie was quiet, he was listening for once, and Jimmy knew that this had to be said now, while Freddie was willing to listen to him.
‘Ozzy hears everything in there. I tell you, he has a better fucking network than Bill Gates and the Pope put together, and he hears everything. He knew about the brass you topped. He even knew she had your kid, and I have never ever discussed that with him. You think that I have deliberately set out to do you down and take what’s yours. I know what you say about me in the pubs and the clubs, Freddie, people can’t wait to tell me when you bad-mouth me. But I swallowed because you are my blood, and you are my family. But it has got to stop.’
Freddie sighed heavily, puffing out his cheeks like a kid, and making a loud noise. ‘Well, that has told me, ain’t it?’
Jimmy had to stifle the urge to smack the man before him in the mouth. He shook his head slowly and said with quiet desperation, ‘I can’t do this no more, Freddie. I have been carrying you for years. You might not think I have, but I can assure you that is the truth. Now I have tried my hardest to keep us on an even keel, keep us together, like partners, but that has become impossible. You can’t be trusted any more. Since Lenny you have been too unreliable for me, Fred. Your temper and your carrying on will get us all a capture if you ain’t careful. You have been lucky up till now, and I have stepped in a few times to see you all right, but this last lot has finished me. You stood me up in public like I was a cunt. Not a phone call, not a fucking message, nothing. Well, you try and take a fucking bean in future, one fucking quid goes on the missing list, and I tell you now, Freddie, I swear on my boy’s life, I will fucking finish you off meself.’
Freddie stood and watched Jimmy. One thing he had going for him was that he knew when he was beaten. Well, he would wait and he would watch, and when the time was right he would strike. He knew Jimmy had every right to say what he had said. He was aware he was just a fucking ornament, that point had been rammed down his throat. He was just a fucking heavy who had believed he was in a partnership, and now he knew the score. He would keep his head down and his arse up, as the old boys in the docks used to say, meaning they would do their collar and that was all, no overtime, no nothing. Well, as his old mum was always saying, God paid back debts without money.
Dianna was dressed to kill. She was a small girl, with high breasts and a very slim frame. Her thick brown hair was her crowning glory. It was beautiful and she knew it was the envy of every woman who came into contact with her.
In her short black dress she looked older and sophisticated, which was exactly what she was aiming for.
Dianna was also very pretty, and she knew how to make the best of herself, thanks to Maggie who had let the girls work for her as soon as they were old enough, or expelled from school, whatever came first. She wondered what they would have done without their Mags sometimes. She had always made sure they had things, little things, like Tampax and deodorants, things that their mother wouldn’t dream of wasting money on. Yet Maggie had known how important those things were to young girls when even toothpaste had not been seen as a necessity by Jackie. And Maggie would bring it round their house by the carrier bag, along with all the other little things that made them feel good about themselves.
Now Dianna was sitting in a pub in Bow dressed to kill, or thrill as Maggie had said to make her laugh. She was waiting for a man she was so besotted with she couldn’t eat, sleep or concentrate, because he had taken over every aspect of her life. She thought about him constantly. It was as if her life had been on hold until he had arrived, and she suddenly knew the reason why she had been put on this earth.
They were all brought up Catholic. One thing her mother had done was to make sure they had been baptised, made their communions and been confirmed. She knew a lot of that had been because of her grandparents, but she still went to Mass and she still believed in God. But since she had met Terry Baker, she had finally understood the sacraments, and that sacraments were important.
And love. She finally understood how it could be so important. All her life she had seen her parents’ marriage and her mother would tell them all, when she was pissed out of her brains, how she loved her husband and that they were married in the eyes of God. But she had always believed that God would not be interested in them, that they were beneath his notice. Now though she wasn’t so sure. She knew that, if she married Terry Baker in a Catholic church, she would be like her mother. Nothing would ever make her leave him.
Just as she was starting to wonder if she had been stood up, Terry breezed into the pub all testosterone and expensive aftershave. One glimpse of his killer smile, and she was finished.
Jackie was trying to get up some enthusiasm for her daughter’s wedding, but it was hard. Rox kept going over the same things, and she felt like screaming at her to get to the fucking point. But she didn’t. Instead, she watched as Maggie discussed everything in minute detail and marvelled at how her little sister could even be interested.
Rox really had no idea about life. Anyone in their right mind, seeing Jackie’s marriage to Freddie, would run a fucking mile. Not her girls though. They thought it was all going to be wine and roses like Maggie’s and Jimmy’s.
What really pissed her off, though, was that thanks to Maggie she would have to get gussied up and go to the fucking wedding whether she liked it or not. She did want to see her daughter wed, but it was her Little Freddie she was worried about. Rox had banned him, said that no kids were allowed, even her brother. She meant, of course, especially her brother.
They were a crowd of treacherous bitches. She had given birth to a crowd of bastards, even Kimberley. The little mare never even popped her head around the door to see how any of them were. If it wasn’t for Rox and Maggie, she wouldn’t know anything about her at all. When she had rung, all she had talked about was her rehab, and her new life.
What was that all about?
Now Rox was nearly off her hands, and Dianna was going to fly the nest, she was sure of that. So for the first time in years, her life would be her own.
She was relishing the prospect of being alone with her son. Little Freddie was like his dad and if she couldn’t have him full time, then she was determined to have the next best thing. No matter what they said about him, she was his mother and she knew him better than anyone. Once the girls left home, she would devote all her time to him, that was what he needed, someone to dedicate their life to him.
Freddie Senior was trying to help him, and so would she. Together they could make him into a regular, happy boy.
Freddie was drunk, really drunk, and he was still reeling from the events from earlier in the day. Jimmy was with him but he knew that was only because he felt he needed to be there, not because he wanted to b
e there. This was their public show of strength, their way of clearing the air, not only with each other but with the people they dealt with on a daily basis. This was an exercise in damage limitation, and it was also a way for Jimmy to tell him he was forgiven, and that he was still a part of it all.
Like he gave a fuck now. He held all the fucking cards, and he could destroy Jimmy in an instant.
Freddie was very drunk, but he was also aware that he must not, at any time, say anything that might bring the wrath of this young man down on his head. After all these years he was finally having to admit to himself that Jimmy had it all sewn up. But for all Jimmy’s being the big man, he knew something Jimmy didn’t.
The thought made him smile now. If Jimmy knew, there would be fucking ructions, and those ructions would reverberate down the years. Freddie felt much better reminding himself of just how much trouble he was capable of causing if the fancy took him.
It was very tempting, so tempting. But he wouldn’t. Not tonight. This was something to be kept on ice until a future date. He needed to have this secret inside him, because just knowing he had something that could blast Jimmy’s world apart was making it all so much easier to cope with.
Worst of all, although Jimmy was playing fair, for once in his life, he had let Jimmy down for all the right reasons. He had stood him up, because of his son, not because he didn’t want to or couldn’t be bothered.
But he knew it was not the time to tell Jimmy about his boy. He was sorry that he had not let him be taken, but he knew Jackie would die if her son was charged with something like that and, truth be told, so would he.
He had been worried, though, because at one point he had not believed that he could smooth this one over. He had not intended to smooth it over, but blood will out, as Jimmy had proved to him today.
‘Come on, Freddie, let’s have another drink, eh?’
Jimmy was so happy, so boring, and so fucking smug, he wanted to smash the nearest pint pot into his handsome fucking face. Instead he smiled back and said happily, ‘I’ll get this one, Jim. It’s my round, mate.’
‘Go home will you, please.’
Little Freddie smiled at his nana with all the charm of his father, but Maddie wasn’t fooled.
‘I just want to talk to you, Nana. I want you to tell me about me granddad that’s all.’
Maddie looked at the boy she had adored as a baby, but who she had quickly realised was not quite right. He was like her Freddie, like his father, and whereas once that would have been the icing on her cake, now she saw it as a fault. Saw this child as an accident waiting to happen. His father had been the light of her life, but not any more. She knew too much about him and one day she would tell him.
Until then, she would try to make life bearable for herself and most of the people around her, but this boy, this big handsome child, frightened her. He was just like her Freddie at the same age and she had cosseted him just as Jackie had cosseted this one. She had seen in her Freddie something that had never been there. She had invented her son, had built him up in her head, made him into the person she had wanted him to be. Now she had to pay for that.
‘Please, Nana, let me stay a while.’
She saw the way he looked at her. He would fool a lot of people one day, and now he was playing her, using his good looks to get what he wanted.
‘Go home, I said.’
‘Please, Nana. I just want to sit with you that’s all.’
‘I want you to go.’
Her words were said with a finality that alerted Freddie to the fact he would get nothing from her. He was in a bind, he was being watched like a hawk and this old cow could have been a bit of light relief, and he was interested in his granddad. He wanted to hear about his suicide, wanted to hear about his life and his reputation for fighting. He had heard it all second-hand from other people, but she was the horse’s mouth. She could tell him everything he wanted to know.
‘Will you go, child, and leave me in peace.’
He punched her in the chest then, as his temper got the better of him. ‘You fucking old bitch, you’re an old woman, who would fucking want to sit with you anyway?’
She sighed, and said, without raising her voice, ‘Go, and leave me alone, or I will ring my son.’
He finally left her then. The threat of his father had done the trick, and she bolted her door behind him.
Lena and Joe laughed at the antics of little Jimmy. Maggie had dropped him off earlier because she had a late night at her Leigh-on-Sea salon.
Lena loved this child, they all did, because he was such a dear little thing.
‘Oh, Joe, I was so worried about my girl. Now when I watch her with him I feel like I have won the lottery.’
‘I know, love. Like I always say, things work out in their own time.’
Lena nodded. ‘Want a cuppa?’
Joe smiled. ‘Why not, and make me little bloke a hot chocolate, he loves that.’
As she watched her husband sit the child on his lap, Lena breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief.
She put the kettle on and quickly prepared the mugs, and made Jimmy Junior’s drink. He loved his hot chocolate and she should know, he had spent half his life here. With Maggie having been so offish and leaving him with them at the drop of a hat she knew her grandson better than anyone.
There had been times when she had thought her Maggie’s behaviour was unnatural. For years she had not treated that boy properly. Oh, she had done everything that was expected, but it was as if he wasn’t really hers, that he was someone else’s and she had to take care of him. It was as if she was his mother once removed. That was the only way Lena could explain it.
Now, though, her Maggie was back to her old self and she thanked God for that every day of her life. She had finally turned into a proper mother and that child was all the better for it.
There was a knock at the door and she opened it to see Little Freddie.
‘Hello, mate, what you doing here?’
He gave Lena that charming, handsome smile he could command at the drop of a hat. ‘I just wanted to see you, Nana. Can I come in?’
She opened the door wide then, and he slipped past her happily.
Lena grabbed his jacket and pulled him round to face her. ‘Any of your antics and I’ll fucking brain you, right?’
He looked into her eyes and said seriously, ‘Fair enough.’
These were two people who understood each other perfectly.
‘So, do you think Freddie took it well?’
Jimmy shrugged. ‘I really don’t know, Glen, but what I do know is, I let him off with a fucking caution. However, he is on fucking trial and even he has to comprehend that much.’
Glenford nodded. ‘He is a dangerous fuck, Jimmy.’
‘I know that, mate, you are preaching to the converted, but I ain’t scared of him. I was, many years ago when I was a kid. But not any more, and he knows that. What I couldn’t get through to him, though, was why what he had done was so outrageous, he still doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong.’
Glenford looked concerned. ‘You will regret this. You have taken a viper to your chest, boy, and the fucker will bite you at the first available opportunity. Freddie ain’t like other people, Jimmy, he sees the world through his eyes only. You will become the target for his next bout of hatred and violence. But I think you have already worked that one out for yourself, eh?’
Jimmy sighed. ‘What could I do, though? If I had aimed him out of it, he would never have let it go. I just couldn’t do it to him. I don’t want to do that to him. But I had to make him aware of what was going down.’
Glenford grabbed Jimmy’s hand and said seriously, ‘He is your nemesis, Jimmy. Everybody have one, you’re a lucky man because you have your one’s address.’
They laughed together, but neither of them thought that it was funny really.
Jackie had her dream. Her husband was coming home every night, and instead of loving it she was hating it. In he came like
the big ‘I am’, expecting all sorts. And if Little Freddie wasn’t there he went looking for him.
This was worse than being under house arrest. He mentioned every drink she poured and watched what he wanted to watch on TV. She had always had her viewing down pat, but now she had to make him sandwiches, run up the chippy or the Chinese, and get him beers from the fridge.
Little Freddie had to be on his best behaviour, and she had to sit there and make excuses to nip over the off-licence to get herself a drink. The way Freddie carried on anyone would think they were hard up or something. He was well wedged up, and she even wished he would fuck off round one of his birds’ houses. Anything was better than this.
He watched her and all, she could feel his eyes on her.
She had taken to bathing every day just to stop his fucking harping on about the state of her and the house. Anyone listening in would think he had been brought up in Buckingham Palace, but she knew who the real culprit was: Maggie. Maggie was too clean, she was fucking demented with it. The housework would still be there when she was gone, so why devote your life to it?
‘Where have you been today, then?’
Little Freddie looked at his father and said quietly, ‘I was round Nanny Lena’s and Granddad Joe’s.’
Freddie drank half his can of Tennents before saying quietly, ‘I never said you could go out.’
Jackie was on the edge of her seat. ‘I said he could go. What are you saying now, then? He can’t leave the fucking house?’
Freddie looked at his wife. She was a mess, a bigger mess than he had first suspected. ‘Shut the fuck up, Jackie, I am talking to the organ grinder, not the monkey.’
Little Freddie started to laugh, and he had to hold his hand over his mouth to stifle the sound.
Jackie was drunk and she was fed up with her husband and his constant presence. ‘You make me laugh, Freddie Jackson. You come in here and you throw your weight around, and expect everyone to jump to your fucking tune.’