by Drew Dyck
It’s my prayer for you too.
Information alone isn’t enough to bring about change. But I pray you’ll take what you’ve read here and put it into action. Place God at the center of your life. Flee temptation. If you can’t flee it, stand and fight. Eliminate distractions. Set sanctified goals. Grow your willpower. Break bad habits and replace them with healthy ones. Wage holy war on your sin. And above all, stay connected to God. As you do, you will see the fierce fruit of self-control begin to flourish.
No, self-control isn’t the sexiest topic, but it’s vital. Cultivating it will not only improve your own life. It will bless the lives of everyone you know and love. So endeavor to live a life marked by self-control. Your future self will thank you. And others will too.
Writing a book is rarely a solitary undertaking. Most authors need a lot of help to cross the finish line, and I’m no exception. I want to thank the people who inspired me to keep plodding along.
My wife, Grace: You read each chapter, gave constructive criticism, and pulled me out of the pit of doubt and self-loathing more than once. This book would have been impossible without you. You’re an angel with a terrible disguise.
My family: To my parents (Art and Margee), in-laws (Brian and Jane), and all my siblings, both by birth and marriage (David, Sonya, Darren and Tiffany, Dan and Christa, Jason and Faith, Nathanael and Kerri, Cory and Antoinette), you’ve all been incredibly supportive and many of you helped me pick the title and sort through cover options. Thank you.
My friends: Kyle Rohane, Brandon O’Brien, Paul Pastor, Dan Darling, Kevin Emmert, Duane Sherman, Amy Simpson, Kevin Miller, Skye Jethani, Jody Jasurda—you were all kind enough to discuss the ideas in this book with me and offer valuable input. Marshall Allen, friend and agent extraordinaire, thanks for the hours of dreaming and scheming about this project. It wouldn’t have happened without you.
The experts: Thanks for sharing your research and insights with me. Brad Wright, Sarah Schnitker, and Bill Russell, you were especially helpful and patient. I hope I haven’t oversimplified or misrepresented your research.
The Moody team: Randall Payleitner, thanks for catching the vision for this book and championing it. Connor Sterchi, this book is much better because of your thoughtful and thorough edit. Erik Peterson, thanks for a great cover. Jeremy Slager and Kathryn Eastham, thanks for spreading the word! To all my godly and brilliant colleagues at Moody Publishers, I’m honored to serve alongside you.
Jesus: For saving me, and for refusing to let me remain the same, thank you. I will be eternally grateful.
Introduction: A Foundation for the Soul
1. Eusebius, Eusebius: The Church History, trans. Paul L. Maier (Grand Rapids: Kregel Academic, 2007), 65.
2. The Library of Original Sources, vol. 3, ed. Oliver J. Thatcher (Milwaukee: University Research Extension Co., 1907), 365.
3. Eusebius, Eusebius: The History of the Church, trans. G. A. Williamson (New York: Penguin Classics, 1965), 52.
4. John Rickaby, “Cardinal Virtues,” Catholic Encyclopedia (2003 Online Edition).
5. @ThriveCenter. “Self control is an instrumental virtue. It facilitates the acquisition/development of other virtues: joy, gratitude, generosity,” May 25, 2017, https://twitter.com/ThriveCenter/status/867798157496733696.
Chapter 1: Why Self-Control?
1. The Anti-Pelagian Works of Saint Augustine, vol. 1, trans. Peter Holmes, ed. Marcus Dods (Edinburgh: T&T Clark, 1989), 319.
2. Walter Mischel, The Marshmallow Test: Why Self-Control Is the Engine of Success (New York: Back Bay Books, 2015), 4–5.
3. Augustine, The Confessions: With an Introduction and Contemporary Criticism, trans. Maria Boulding, ed. David Vincent Meconi (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2012), 213.
4. Owen Strachan, October 30, 2017, https://www.facebook.com/ostrachan.
5. Annie Dillard, The Writing Life (New York: Harper Perennial, 2013), 32.
6. Justin Taylor, “The Incredible Testimony as a Former Gymnast Confronts Her Sexual Abuser in Court,” The Gospel Coalition, January, 24, 2018, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justin-taylor/incredible-testimony-former-gymnast-confronts-sexual-abuser-court/.
7. Ibid.
8. HELPS Word-studies, https://biblehub.com/greek/1466.htm.
9. Kenneth Wuest, Word Studies From the Greek New Testament, vol. 2 (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1980), 46.
10. Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It (New York: Avery, 2012), 9.
Chapter 2: Sorry, Self-Control Isn’t About You
1. Clayton M. Christensen, “How Will You Measure Your Life?,” Harvard Business Review, July/August 2010, https://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life.
2. Ibid.
3. Ibid.
4. Augustine, The Confessions: With an Introduction and Contemporary Criticism, trans. Maria Boulding, ed. David Vincent Meconi (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2012), 213.
5. Tim Keller, Making Sense of God: An Invitation to the Skeptical (New York: Viking, 2016), 89.
6. Ibid., 90.
7. Augustine, Confessions, trans. Henry Chadwick (New York: Oxford University Press, 2008), 3.
8. Sir Alec Patterson, Leadership Journal 1, no. 2, http://www.preachingtoday.com/illustrations/1996/april/1399.html.
9. John Piper, “The Fierce Fruit of Self-Control,” Desiring God, May 15, 2001, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-fierce-fruit-of-self-control.
10. John Tierney, “For Good Self-Control, Try Getting Religious About It,” The New York Times, December 29, 2008, https://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/30/science/30tier.html.
11. Michael E. McCullough, quoted in ibid.
12. Michael E. McCullough and Brian L. B. Willoughby, “Religion, Self-Regulation, and Self-Control: Associations, Explanations, and Implications,” Psychological Bulletin 135, no. 1 (2009): 72.
13. Ibid., 78.
14. Francois Mauriac, What I Believe (London: Forgotten Books, 2018), as quoted by Philip Yancey in The Jesus I Never Knew (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 118.
15. Ibid.
16. Thomas Chalmers, “The Expulsive Power of a New Affection” (sermon), date unknown, www.theologynetwork.org.
Chapter 3: Meeting the Enemies
1. Marguerite Shuster, What We Have Become as Sinners (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2004), 164; quoted in Cindy Crosby, “An Unpopular Topic,” Christianity Today, June 1, 2004, 64, https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2004/june/15.64.html.
2. “New Research Explores the Changing Face of Temptation,” Barna Group, January 25, 2013, https://www.barna.com/research/new-research-explores-the-changing-shape-of-temptation/.
3. Ibid.
4. David Brooks, The Road to Character (New York: Random House, 2015), 11.
5. Ibid., 15.
6. Ibid., 11.
7. Ibid., 263.
8. Ibid., 263–64.
9. Ibid., 264.
Chapter 4: Hope for Growth
1. Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It (New York: Avery, 2012), 17.
2. Roy F. Baumeister et al., “Ego Depletion: Is the Active Self a Limited Resource?,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 74, no. 5 (1998): 1254.
3. Ibid., 1252.
4. Roy F. Baumeister, quoted in John Tierney, “Why You Need to Sleep On It,” The 6th Floor (blog), New York Times, August 17, 2011, https://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/17/why-you-need-to-sleep-on-it/?_r=0.
5. Bradley Wright and David Carreon, “The Science of Sinning Less: What New Research Reveals about Self-Control and Willpower,” Christianity Today, April 21, 2017.
6. Colin Robertson, “The Hot-Cold Gap: How We Set Ourselves Up For Willpower Failure,” Willpowered, October 20, 2014, http://www.willpowered.co/learn/the-hot-cold-empathy-gap.
7. Hal Ersner-Hershefield, G. Elliott Wimmer, and Brian Knutson, “Saving for the Future Sel
f: Neural Measures of Future Self-Continuity Predict Temporal Discounting,” Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 4, no. 1 (March 2009): 85–92.
8. McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct, 172.
9. Min J. Kang and Colin F. Camerer, “FMRI Evidence of a Hot-Cold Empathy Gap in Hypothetical and Real Aversive Choices,” Frontiers in Neuroscience, June 10, 2013.
10. Michelle McQauid, interview with Roy Baumeister, “Can You Have More Willpower? Interview with Roy Baumeister,” From Functioning to Flourishing (blog), Psychology Today, June 29, 2017, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/functioning-flourishing/201706/can-you-have-more-willpower.
11. Wright and Carreon, “The Science of Sinning Less.”
12. McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct, 24.
13. Charles Stone, “3 Morning Habits Guaranteed to Boost Brain Power,” Biblical Leadership, July 21, 2017, https://www.biblicalleadership.com/blogs/3-morning-habits-guaranteed-to-boost-brain-power/.
14. Malte Friese and Michaela Wanke, “Personal Prayer Buffers Self-Control Depletion,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 51 (March 2014): 56–59.
15. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/35269-i-have-so-much-to-do-that-i-shall-spend.
Chapter 5: The Transforming Power of Habits
1. Charles Duhigg, “Q&A with Charles DuHigg on The Power of Habit,” February 2012, charlesduhigg.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/QA.doc.
2. Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business (New York: Random House, 2012), 186.
3. Ken Kurson, “Surrender to Tim Ferriss: The Dynamo Behind the ‘4-hour’ Books Should Run Your Life (And Maybe Our City),” April 2, 2013, http://observer.com/2013/04/surrender-to-tim-ferriss-the-dynamo-behind-the-4-hour-books-should-run-your-life-and-maybe-our-city/.
4. John Ortberg, Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2014), 150.
5. Arthur V. Peterson Jr., “Hutchinson Smoking Prevention Project: Long-Term Randomized Trial in School-Based Tobacco Use Prevention—Results on Smoking,” Journal of the National Cancer Institute 92, no. 24 (December 20, 2000): 1979–91.
6. David Brooks, The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement (New York: Random House, 2012), 126.
7. James K. A. Smith, You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit (Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, 2016), 3.
8. Ibid.
9. A. W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy (New York: HarperCollins, 1978), 1.
10. Smith, You Are What You Love, 6.
11. Todd Hunter, Our Favorite Sins: The Sins We Commit and How You Can Quit (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2012), 59.
12. Smith, You Are What You Love, 6.
13. Jerry Jenkins, “Precious Memories: Billy Graham (1918–2018),” https://jerryjenkins.com/precious-memories-billy-graham-1918-2018/.
14. https://twitter.com/john_starke/status/860137979976851456.
15. Alain de Botton, “Atheism 2.0,” TED, July, 2011, https://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_atheism_2_0#t-556017.
16. Justin Taylor, “You Are What You Love: A Conversation with James K. A. Smith,” The Gospel Coalition, April 5, 2016, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justin-taylor/you-are-what-you-love-a-conversation-with-james-k-a-smith/.
17. Duhigg, The Power of Habit, 271.
18. C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: HarperCollins, 1952), 132.
19. Quoted by Michael Card, Scribbling in the Sand: Christ and Creativity (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2004), 97.
Chapter 6: Training Your Elephant
1. Benjamin Franklin, The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, 38, http://www.ushistory.org/franklin/autobiography/.
2. Ibid.
3. Ibid., 40.
4. Ibid., 38.
5. Ibid., 39.
6. Ibid.
7. Ibid., 41.
8. Ibid.
9. Jared Sparks, The Works of Benjamin Franklin (New York: Wiley and Putnam, 1844), 597.
10. Hal E. Hershfield et al., “Increasing Saving Behavior Through Age-Progressed Renderings of the Future Self,” Journal of Marketing Research 48 (November 2011), https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3949005/.
11. Jonathan Haidt, The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, (Basic Books, 2006).
12. Taken from “A Mini Guide to Forming Habits,” The Mindful Company, March 10, 2017, https://www.mindful-company.com/blogs/notebook/a-mini-guide-to-forming-habits. Image used by permission.
13. Live Science Staff, “People-Pleasers Eat More at Parties,” Live Science, February 1, 2012, https://www.livescience.com/18235-people-pleasers-overeating-social-situations.html.
14. Charles Duhigg, “How Companies Learn Your Secrets,” The New York Times, February 16, 2012, https://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/magazine/shopping-habits.html.
15. Ibid.
16. Richard H. Thaler and Cass R. Sunstein, Nudge: Improving Decisions about Health, Wealth, and Happiness (New York: Penguin, 2009), 3.
17. Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business (New York: Random House, 2012), 62.
18. Phillippa Lally, “How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world,” European Journal of Social Psychology 40, no. 6 (October 2010): 998–1009.
19. John Ortberg, Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2014), 151.
20. Duhigg, The Power of Habit, 101.
21. Steve Benna, “8 Keystone Habits That Can Transform Your Life,” Business Insider, August 6, 2015, http://www.businessinsider.com/keystone-habits-that-transform-your-life-2015-8.
22. Jack Shitama, “How Keystone Habits Help Me Grow as a Spiritual Leader,” BeADisciple (blog), June 28, 2017, http://www.beadisciple.com/blog/how-keystone-habits-help-me-grow-as-a-spiritual-leader/.
23. Greg L. Hawkins and Cally Parkinson, Move: What 1,000 Churches Reveal about Spiritual Growth (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2016), 19, 275.
24. Quoted in “Remembering John R.W. Stott on His Birthday—One of the Greatest Evangelicals of Our Time,” Verticallivingministries.com, April 27, 2012, https://verticallivingministries.com/tag/john-piper-on-john-stott/.
25. Tyler VanderWeele, quoted in Alan Mozes, “Devout Women May Enjoy Better Health,” HealthDay, May 16, 2016, https://consumer.healthday.com/public-health-information-30/religion-health-news-577/organized-religion-might-boost-women-s-survival-710987.html.
26. Tyler J. Vanderweele and John Siniff, “Religion May be a Miracle Drug,” October 26, 2016, https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2016/10/28/religion-church-attendance-mortality-column/92676964/.
27. T. M. Luhrmann, “The Benefits of Church,” The New York Times, April 20, 2013, https://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/21/opinion/sunday/luhrmann-why-going-to-church-is-good-for-you.html.
28. Laura Sessions Stepp, “Religion Has Been Found to Be Beneficial for Teens,” The Washington Post, April 17, 2004, https://products.kitsapsun.com/archive/2004/04-17/450987_religion_has_been_found_to_be_b.html.
29. David Mathis, “Your Single Most Important Habit,” Desiring God, March 6, 2016, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/your-single-most-important-habit.
30. Mike Cosper, “Faith Mapping: An Interview with Mike Cosper,” interview by Jason Vernon, Tony Morgan Live, March 27, 2013, https://tonymorganlive.com/2013/03/27/faith-mapping/.
31. Karen Ehman, Let. It. Go.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2012), 165.
32. Darryl Dash, How to Grow: Applying the Gospel to All of Your Life (Chicago: Moody, 2018), 109.
33. Ibid., 110.
Chapter 7: Grace Means I Don’t Need Self-Control
1. Andrew Naselli, Let Go and Let God?: A Survey and Analysis of Keswick Theology (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2017).
2. Billy Graham, 1957, New York Crusade, embedded video, Justin Taylor, “60 Years Ago: Billy Graham’s Madison Square Garden Crusade—An Interview with Grant Wacker,” Th
e Gospel Coalition, May 15, 2017, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/evangelical-history/billy-grahams-madison-square-garden-campaign-60-years-later/.
3. Kevin DeYoung, The Hole in Our Holiness: Filling the Gap Between Gospel Passion and the Pursuit of Godliness (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2012), 90.
4. Ibid., 28.
5. John Ortberg, The Life You’ve Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1997), 46.
6. Dallas Willard, “Live Life to the Full,” Christian Herald (U.K.), April 14, 2001, http://www.dwillard.org/articles/individual/live-life-to-the-full.
7. Todd Hunter, Our Favorite Sins: The Sins We Commit and How You Can Quit (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2012), 5.
8. Willard, “Live Life to the Full.”
9. Francesca Gino, “Is It the Right Time for a Fresh Start? Help is here for all those faltering New Year’s Resolutions,” Scientific American, March 1, 2016, https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-it-the-right-time-for-a-fresh-start/.
10. Kelly McGonigal, quoted in an article by Paula Davis-Laack, “How The What-The-Hell Effect Impacts Your Willpower: Strategies to avoid giving up when you slip up,” Pressure Proof (blog), Psychology Today, January 31, 2017, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pressure-proof/201701/how-the-what-the-hell-effect-impacts-your-willpower.
11. Richard Brodie, “Mary Ainsworth and Attachment Theory,” https://www.scribd.com/document/195116666/Mary-Ainsworth-and-Attachment-Theory.
12. Diane Benoit, “Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome,” Pediatrics & Child Health 9, no. 8 (November 2014): 541–45.
13. Matt Bradshaw, Christopher G. Ellison, and Jack P. Marcum, “Attachment to God, Images of God, and Psychological Distress in a Nationwide Sample of Presbyterians,” The International Journal for the Psychology of Religion 20, no. 2 (2010): 130–47.