by Nicole Thorn
He blinked at me. His eyes traveled down my body, to where we touched. I felt him stir, and wanted to smile. This was enough to get his attention? Beautiful. This talk would go swimmingly. He shifted around, which had been a bad idea if he wanted to get away from me. Instead, he ended up pressing against me, and I wanted to keep up with that action.
Zander stopped moving, clearly realizing the same thing that I had. He cleared his throat. “What am I supposed to be explaining, Jasmine?” he asked. His hands found their way onto my hips, and stayed there. So that, if I wanted, I could start grinding up on him, and he would tighten his fingers to keep me steady.
It was my turn to clear my throat. “Why the hell do you think it’s okay to decide you want to be with me, but only on your timetable?”
Suddenly, his entire focus narrowed down to the conversation. His eyes looked wider than they had been before. Then they narrowed. “Jasper . . . ” he said, his head hitting the bed. “I should have realized that he would tell you immediately. I hope Kizzy doesn’t mind me killing him, because I’m totally—”
“Not gonna do a thing to him?” I asked. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, because you kinda like my brother. You won’t admit it to Kizzy or yourself, but you kinda like him. He touches your sister, which bugs you—” Zander made a pained sound. “—But you like all of us, even Juniper who has been less than friendly to you guys.”
He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. “All of you have your moments,” he said. “That doesn’t mean I’m not irritated with him for telling you something that’s really none of his business.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Exactly. It’s none of his business, and you still told him. It’s my business, and you didn’t tell me. So, explain yourself, or I will be forced to get violent, and I don’t think you want me doing that in our current positions.” To emphasize my point, I pushed against the hard length between us. He hissed in a breath as I lost mine, but it had been worth the point I tried to make.
Zander’s hands came down on my hips again, stopping them from moving. I guess he couldn’t think when I ground on him. Go me.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew this would happen,” Zander said. His eyes looked up at me, and they seemed like liquid warmth. “Jasmine, I love you. Fighting that just isn’t possible anymore, but can’t you see why this is such a bad time for us?”
“It was a bad time before,” I said. “It’s a bad time now. It’ll be a bad time afterward. Zander, I get that I have problems, and that you’re worried about ruining me, but I’m not the only issue here. You are. You’re trying to keep me safe, but in doing so, you’re putting me in a little glass box that I can’t move in.”
He sighed. “I know, and I’m sorry—”
“Just like the one you’ve smooshed yourself into,” I finished before he could get out the rest of his apology.
His eyes popped wide as he stared at me. “What?! Jasmine, I haven’t done anything of the like.” Now he sat up, moving me off him, much to my disappointment. I let him sit me next to him. He rubbed his face, and eyes. “You just stopped drinking. A relationship will cause you unneeded stress at such a delicate time, especially with everything else that’s going on. Can’t we wait until we get Arachne taken care of, and then try?”
“No,” I said.
“Why?” and now he sounded exasperated. He looked at me with pleading eyes, and so much stress in his gaze. Like he was ready to be done with it all. I gave him the expression right back, because he wasn’t the only one tired of us circling each other like sharks in a tank.
“Let’s say we take care of Arachne,” I said. “The gorgons leave us alone, we have no more chimeras to worry about, and everything goes back to normal for us. You and I start talking about giving it a go, and then bam. I get a vision of someone dying. One of us dying. Callie dying, because gods know she isn’t a very stable person. Then what?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Then I’m stressed, and I’ve just stopped drinking, and I’ve just come off a huge ordeal, and you don’t want to push me too far with this new thing. Can you promise me that you won’t make that exact excuse?” I asked, looking up into Zander’s eyes. I had to put my elbows on my knees to do it.
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Clench his jaw. “No, I can’t, because it would be the right thing to do,” he snarled, getting to his feet.
“For who?” I demanded.
“For you,” he said. “Everything I’ve denied myself is for you, Jasmine. To make sure that you don’t get yourself killed, or go a step too far. I’m trying to keep you safe. Why won’t you let me?”
“Because your keeping me safe will put us both at a standstill, and it’s all an excuse,” I shouted back at him. “You want to be with me, then be with me. Stop making a thousand excuses for why you can’t, because stress will always be there. It’s never a good time to start a relationship, it’s never a good time to move forward with your life, because something you can’t afford to go wrong can and will always go wrong. That’s the risk that every person who gets up in the morning takes.”
“It’s not the same thing,” Zander said. “If you were getting together with a normal person, then it’d be different.”
“Why do you do this to yourself?” I demanded. “Zander, you’ve shoved yourself into a little glass box just like the one you’ve shoved me into, and you’ve labeled mine. Drunkard. That’s what you’ve put on it. That’s the big bad thing that I need to stop being, but the fact is that I’m so much more than that. I’m beyond the mistakes I’ve made. You’ve shoved yourself into an identical glass box, but your label doesn’t say Drunkard. Yours says Dangerous.”
He flinched. His expression changed just enough for me to see his acceptance of that label. His acceptance that I saw it, and I wanted to shake him, until some sense came into his fool brain.
“Why?” I asked. “Why do you think you’re dangerous? I love you, Zander. I feel safe with you, even when you’re being a pain in the ass. More than the safety of not worrying about being injured, but I don’t worry about being hurt. You refuse to look at that—”
He cut me off, exploding off the bed, all the pressure that had been building in him these last few weeks finally pushing him off that ledge of sanity he had been maintaining. “Because I enjoyed killing them!” he shouted. “Those disgusting wastes of life that did those horrible things to Kizzy? I loved every second of their pain, and I wanted to keep it going forever, but I knew that I couldn’t. That they’d eventually die, and when they did, I was disappointed that my fun was over. They hurt her so much, and I wanted them to suffer for what they did. I shouldn’t take pleasure in what I did to them. I was thirteen, and enjoying every second of the kill like it was the finest of food.”
I sat back on my heels so that I could look at him. “So?” I asked.
He stared at me. “So? Don’t you see. It was wrong.”
“No, it wasn’t,” I said. “If someone had been hurting Jasper or Juniper like that, and I had been aware because gods know we’re good at burying our heads in the sand, I would have done the same thing. I would have enjoyed it too. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you a bad person, Zander.”
“Yes, it does,” he said. “It makes me a monster. No one deserves to suffer like that.”
I looked him dead in the eyes and said, “You’re wrong.” He stopped again, and just stared at me. I shrugged. “You’re wrong. Sometimes someone deserves to suffer. When someone does something so terrible that all the lives around them have been damaged irrevocably, they deserve to suffer. We can pretend that we’re better than that, and we can pretend that the afterlife will take care of their suffering for us, and try to be good little people that follow the rules, but sometimes, those rules fail us. When they do, are we supposed to sit on our hands, and do nothing? Take the suffering for the person who had earned it? No. We make them pay, so that everyone will know to never fuck with us again.”
We stared at each other for several long seconds then. Just looking at each other. I got off the bed and approached Zander. I took his hand in mine, and folded my fingers over his. “Zander, you had to do a terrible thing at an age where no one should have to do a terrible thing. Maybe, like how my siblings buried our heads in the sand, you’re doing the same thing. Hiding from your damage. I want you to know that Kizzy loves you more than you can imagine, and she does not blame you for what happened. I love you more than you can imagine, and for everything that you feel guilty about, I forgive you. The furies have exonerated you. The only person who blames you, is you. And you need to let it go.”
His hands shook. I gripped them tighter so that he knew I wouldn’t leave. Then, as quickly as it came, the shaking stopped. He bent down, and his lips pressed to mine. It was a gentle kiss, lacking the hunger that we usually attacked each other with. It deepened, but with the slow escalation that the kiss deserved.
We ended up on the bed, laying sideways. My hands slid up his shirt, pulling it off so that I could push my hands against his smooth chest, feeling all the skin that I could. My shirt ended up on the floor too. My shorts joined them, and then I laid in my bra and panties. I pulled away, and looked down at his pants. “One of us is grossly overdressed,” I informed him.
Zander snapped my bra strap, “I agree,” he said. He started reaching around me, but I pulled back, grinning. His zipper came undone in a second, and I had his pants coming down around his hips the next second. He let me pull them off, and toss them onto the floor. When I turned back, he reached for my bra again.
I slid my hand down his boxers, taking him into my hand. He groaned, and went flat against the pillows. I grinned in victory, even as I removed his boxers with my free hand. He got naked first, and I felt like I won something in accomplishing that.
He was already hard, and I brushed my fingers down the length of him, teasing. Zander groaned, his hips lifting off the bed. I stroked him all the way down, and back to the top, running my thumb over the tip of him. His breathing got heavier as he opened his eyes to look at me.
It was the invitation that I had been waiting for. I straddled his legs, down by his knees, and met his eyes. He knew what I would do, just like I knew he would let me. I lowered my mouth over him, letting that hard length fill me up. He jerked on the bed, his back bowed again. If I could have grinned right then, I would have, but my mouth was otherwise occupied.
I worked him, stroking with my hand, lips, and tongue all at the same time. Zander moved on the bed, his entire body jerking, almost sliding us onto the floor. I worked my lips up him again, coming off at the tip with a little kiss. He seemed so focused on what I had been doing that he had thrown nearly all the pillows off the bed, leaving only the one still underneath his head.
I waited until he looked down at me again, and then I lowered my mouth once more. He groaned, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before he couldn’t take any more of this. On the down stroke, he finished. His hips jerking off the bed, and the sound he made had me wanting to smile again. When Zander settled against the remaining pillow once more, I crawled up his chest.
He panted, and looked perfectly content to just lay there. I felt like smirking, but didn’t want to look too smug. It wouldn’t have been fair to him, really. I cocked my hip, and said, “You could have had that for a long time if you weren’t so stupid, ya know.”
Zander blinked up at me, like he just now realized that I sat on his chest. Again, made me feel pretty damn good. The next thing I knew, he had flipped me over, onto my back, and grinned down at me. “You’re so damn cocky,” he said, still grinning. “I think I should take care of that before it gets out of hand.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?” I made it a challenge, because I could.
My bra came off a second later, and he dangled it over the edge of the bed before letting it drop to the floor. Zander smirked, smug as could be, when he lowered his head to my breast. My nipple hardened with the first pass of his tongue. I gasped, sliding my hands into his hair.
I could feel him smiling against me as his teeth came next. Zander pulled against my breast playfully, and I made another sound that he’d probably use against me later. Then he started really working my nipple, and I lost all coherent thought. The sensations became too much for anything else.
Zander moved onto the other nipple. It didn’t take him long to work them both into a sensitive state, where barely touching them would have me writhing on the bed beneath him. My fella enjoyed his work, if the smile on his face was any indication.
His lips pressed down between my breasts. Then right under them. He left a trail of kisses down my torso, over my belly button, and lower. As he moved, he hooked his fingers around my underwear, and started pulling them down my legs. They met the same fate as my bra had, and went to the floor.
His mouth touched my inner thigh, drawing a hot line down to my knee, and then back up. His tongue barely teased the skin as Zander pushed my legs further apart, and his mouth touched my core. He had worked me up so much, that the second his tongue followed, I climaxed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR:
Why the Sun Rises
Zander
Well that wasn’t fair. I’d been waiting forever to do this to her, and she already finished. So, I guess I would need to keep going, because she wouldn’t get out of this without fully understanding how much I wanted her. I wanted to keep her for the rest of time, not letting anything come between us.
I continued with my activities, getting far too much when I looked up and saw Jasmine writhing and gripping the hell out of the sheets. I knew I looked smug, and I didn’t care. I was cool with being smug. Hell, she could hate me for it after we finished this. I could win her back if I needed to.
Weight felt like it left me, and that was entirely new. I stopped being scared. Not of Jasmine seeing something horrible in me, or me doing something that would get her killed. I didn’t fear making mistakes because of who I was.
I stopped being afraid of me.
I could be better, because I wanted it. Jasmine taught me that, as well as Kizzy and Jasper. They taught me that intent mattered more than anything else in the world, and that you fought for what you needed. I needed Jasmine, and I wanted her to know that.
I smirked at her reaction when I slipped my fingers into her, and found that little spot that could make my girl scream. Thankfully, she didn’t, because I didn’t want to get murdered by her brother today. As much as he deserved a punishment for what he did, this would have been cruel. Instead, I focused on Jasmine, and making her feel perfect. I kissed her skin, and worked my fingers deeper into her.
So damn long, I wanted to do this. I honestly thought it started at the beginning. I gave her a piggyback ride in the store, and I had been a goner. So, full of life even with the dark things I could feel inside of her heart. She could smile and be alive, no matter how she hurt. And now I got to keep that girl, and take care of her for the rest of her life. No matter how long we had, I would make it perfect for us. Making every day count for something.
I found out that Jasmine had a lot more strength than I gave her credit for when she grabbed my hair and pulled on it. I didn’t mind the little bit of pain. I actually kind of liked it . . . but I would keep that one to myself for the time being.
I let Jasmine finish again before I needed to be inside of her. The wait had been so long, and I loved her so much. I laid between her legs, and she stared up at me with glassy eyes, smiling in victory.
“Well you look awful cocky,” I pointed out to her, grinning.
She scoffed. “Who are you telling? If cocky were a currency, you would have enough money to build a castle.”
I laughed. “That’s not a phrase, Jazz.”
She batted at my shoulder. “It is now!”
Oh, I’m a lucky fella.
I buried my face in Jasmine’s neck, kissing her until she started panting again, and digging her nails into my s
houlders. Her hips moved up, meeting mine, and purposely rubbing against me. Not that it took much to undo me, but she still had a special skill for it.
“Zander,” she gently called to me, pretty much telling me to hurry it up.
Her legs widened again, and she laid flat on her back. Slender fingers pulled me down by the shoulders, and I pushed into her. I had to be careful, since she was human, but this wasn’t my first time with a more fragile body. I knew what to do.
Jasmine made a sound of pleasure and relief once I glided inside of her, and I had to fight off another smug smile, because it would kill the mood. Instead, I bent to kiss her as much as I could with the height difference we worked with. When I felt safe from grinning, I gripped the bed at either side of Jasmine, one hand on the pillow and the other holding the frame above her head.
Jasmine’s head went back, and her eyes closed as she wrapped her leg around me tight. I thrust forward with as much force as would’ve been safe for her, and Jasmine gasped, raking her hands down my back. She left trails of heat where her nails had been, and I did it again in hopes she would scratch me a little harder. She did, and I groaned.
I was a selfish bastard, and it showed in how quickly I started pumping. Jasmine’s reactions were just too perfect, and I loved hearing the sounds she made when she lost her control. She was mine, and it never felt truer than right then. It felt awful, how much I loved her belonging to me. With every moan and every cry of my name, I claimed her.
Her skin against mine seemed like everything I thought it would be, and I didn’t want it to be over. The only comfort I had was that we could do this anytime we wanted, and for the rest of her life. I got to feel her loving me for such a long time, and it would be fine when it ended today.
Jasmine stopped breathing, and then relaxed a little on the bed, telling me she had finished. It only took another few seconds for me, and bliss washed over me again. For a little while, I couldn’t feel anything but rapture as I looked into Jasmine’s eyes.