“And you’re the one with your face between another woman’s legs,” Romeo continued.
“Didn’t give, didn’t take,” Shane said.
Nick and Romeo went silent.
“Started out, thought I could, thought I would. Kissed, yeah, hands all over the place, yeah,” Shane said, taking his seat again. “And it was definitely heading downtown, but I put a stop to it. I know I told Cecily it wasn’t going to happen for us, so I guess I was in the clear, but in that car, with that beautiful Russian chick . . . I wasn’t going there. Just wasn’t. Didn’t want her. Couldn’t do it with Cece in my brain, couldn’t do it to her, even if we’re done.” He leaned his head on his hand and sighed, more exhausted than he could remember feeling in his life.
Nick let out a low whistle.
Romeo stood up, a little wobbly, a lot pale. “Just for the record, I really do not feel well.”
Shane shot a look of irritation toward him for the benefit of Nick, who was smiling around the red straw he was chewing.
“He’s gonna boot,” Nick said.
“Saying that just might make me,” Romeo managed, moving quickly and very unsteadily. “I bid you two a good . . . oh, man . . .” And he was out the door.
“Who drinks gin on a sick stomach?” Shane asked.
“Old family remedy, I’m told.”
“I need a fucking remedy,” Shane said.
Nick slid one of the olives off the pick and chewed. “You’re thinking too much. I realize you’ve probably been blindsided and all, but you’re thinking way too much. I’ve seen you two together. It looks right to me. Why are you fighting it?”
“She’s not Armory material.”
“Nobody expects her to clip bomb wires or steal a briefcase in a crowded restaurant. Why does she have to be?” Nick asked.
“You never think about what kind of woman might fit into your life?” Shane asked.
Nick grinned. “All the time, but, like I said, I need to get back to normal first.”
“How’s that coming along?”
“If it was coming along, I’d still be living in my sweet penthouse instead of shacking up like a fraternity brother in a war compound. Not that the breakfasts aren’t worth it, but still. I like my own space. And I’m worried about my fish.” Nick downed the end of his drink, tossed the swizzle stick and toothpick into the trash, and slid the dirty glass lightly enough for it to zoom down the bar and end just short of the sink. “Put it in park, Shane. You were happy with her.”
“You giving Shane relationship advice, Nick?” Rothgar slid onto the bar stool next to Shane’s.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, boss,” Nick said with a wink before making himself scarce.
“Can’t remember the last time I saw you in the rec room,” Shane said to Roth.
The boss looked tired. “Me neither,” Roth said. “Been building this business a long time. Work never ends.”
Shane ran his finger along the wood grain of the bar. “I know my head’s been . . . I don’t want to say messed up . . . let’s just say I know I’m not giving what you normally get.”
“Wanted to talk to you about that,” Roth said. “It occurred to me that maybe I got things wrong. Still not the hell sure, but I’m rethinking some things.”
Shane hooked an eyebrow. “Something happen?”
“Yeah, something happened. A man I thought was iced over wasn’t. Found I was taken by surprise. Didn’t like that I was surprised. Did some thinking. Things change, and this job, what I do running this place, I can’t make assumptions. Gotta watch for changes. Gotta adapt. That’s how you survive. That’s how you keep talent. That’s how you keep the family strong . . . I shouldn’t have put you in that car with Anya, Shane.”
Shane stared at Rothgar. “It’s my job, Roth. I owe you—”
“You paid that debt long ago, brother. If you want to be here, be here. I want you here. And I need your skills. But you don’t owe me shit anymore. Not in that way.”
“If it wasn’t for you, I’d be in prison. I’d have nothing but bars the rest of my life. I owe you—”
“Nothing,” Roth said. “You’ve been on the team ten years. You know it’s true. You’re a good man. You figured out how to be a good man, and you found a woman who wants to love you, and if you care about her, then I gotta change, and I gotta adapt our game plan so that you don’t have to cross a line that threatens what you’re gonna build with her. You know we’ve already got her back because she’s Dex’s sister, but if she weren’t, I’d take her back because she’s with you. You got me?”
“Jesus,” Shane whispered. He just shook his head in wonder.
“We have all this,” Rothgar said, gesturing with arms wide. “We have this because we had nothing else. We built our own world with rules we like and people we care about. Now you got something else you like and someone else you care about. I hope to hell you don’t leave our team for it, but, brother, I’ve watched you go from iced over with dead eyes to the dictionary definition of happy. Nick is right.”
A hint of a smile washed over his face. “Don’t think I don’t see all. You want to try and have it all, as long as I believe it’s the real deal, I’ll do what I can on my side. Fact is, you got someone, and I’m happy for you. Tomorrow morning, you wake up, you clean yourself up, you take the happy you deserve.” Rothgar pushed away from the bar and headed for the door. “’Night, Shane.”
CHAPTER 30
Shane didn’t sleep much that night. A hundred times he thought about knocking on the door—fuck the time. A hundred times he told himself to let her sleep.
She’d asked him why he had to come see her if he had nothing new to say. All he knew at the time was that he had to know she was okay.
He finally went under himself, Rothgar’s words ringing in his ears.
By the time he woke up, got himself straightened out, and knocked on Missy’s door—he had headed for Missy’s office, figuring he’d rather try there than Dex’s—it was 10:00 a.m. and the room was silent.
Missy was up as usual, pounding a set of plans into her computer. Shane poked his head through the doorway. “You know where Cecily is?”
Missy waved him in but kept typing.
Shane strode in, impatient and refusing to sit down.
Missy pressed “Print” and pushed back. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Come again?”
“Why are you messing this up?”
“Why are you getting personal?” he shot back.
“Because you obviously need someone to tell you when you are fucking up.”
“Have you even turned eighteen yet, Missy?”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Whatever. She’s already gone, Shane. Went to go do normal. Left this morning. It’s not like she had a lot of stuff to move.”
Shane’s breath hitched.
“What’s the matter, big guy?” Missy asked. “Are you feeling something?”
“Is Dex on it?”
“On what?”
“Does Dex have surveillance on her?”
Missy raised an eyebrow. “If he thinks she needs it, I’m sure she’ll get it.”
“Tell him she needs it right away, not after something happens.”
“I’ll be sure to pass him a note in science class.” Missy looked up and saw from Shane’s face that he was not in the mood for snark. She sighed. “Sorry. But you and Dex need to patch things up.”
“We’re on our way,” Shane said.
“I guess it takes a little time after you fuck somebody’s sister and then give her the cold shoulder,” Missy said evenly, peering into the empty barrel of her stapler. “Maybe that’s bothering him a little.”
“Fuck, Missy. Maybe it’s bothering you a little.”
That got her full attention. She went silent for a moment and then said, “She was in love with you. I think you’re in love with her. I wish I had that. I don’t understand how it went wrong. I don’t understand why you think that’s okay.�
�� The tips of Missy’s ears were red. Shane couldn’t ever remember Missy getting embarrassed about anything. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a dick about it, though. Really.”
Shane nodded. He thought about defending himself. He thought about explaining how he thought for a second he could do normal things like take his girl to dinner and live that kind of life. How tailing Anya that day and having his car messed up without his having a clue broke something in him. Well, showed him that he was already broken, probably forever. How he’d realized that by loving Cecily she would always have a relationship with danger, and he couldn’t always be there to protect her. How Rothgar had essentially given him his blessing last night. He didn’t need it, but, damn, it was nice to have. How he tossed and turned all night thinking how he was going to explain to Cecily why he was all stop-and-go with her and how he only wanted to be “go” from here on out. How he couldn’t wait this morning for her to open the door to her room so he could explain himself.
And then he remembered how it always came back around to this: I just don’t see how it ever ends without us standing in an alley staring at each other like we just can’t understand what the hell the other person was thinking.
“She was right to go. She can do better,” Shane finally said.
Missy’s hands froze on her keyboard. “What the hell kind of better do you think we want?” she asked.
“What?”
“If you have to ask, never mind. Now, can you get out of my office so I can finish ordering the twenty thousand pounds of beef you boys go through in a week? I’m not your fucking therapist. Go find Dex. Sort it out.”
“She with Ally?”
Missy’s jaw tightened. “Of course.”
“You and Ally need to patch things up.”
“It’s too late, Shane. Really. I don’t think we have anything new to say to each other that’s going to make a difference,” Missy said. “Better to let it all stay in the past.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
Shane closed the door and stood in the hall for a moment. It was so silent he could hear the second hand ticking on his watch. Another planning session with Roth, a couple of jobs for the team, Anya would be in the can, and then he’d hit the road until Roth needed him again. Maybe he could leave sooner. Because Missy had the right idea. He wanted Cecily when he wanted her, when his body was going crazy for her and his mind wanted to pretend they could have some sort of future, but then he wanted her to let him go. For her own sake.
She deserved better than that kind of emotional whiplash, especially with James on her rap sheet. Shane would make her fall in love with him knowing he’d eventually just break her heart, never come back.
But out of sight wasn’t out of mind.
He headed up to the dining hall. It was after hours, deserted, but the refrigerator was packed with leftovers. He brought the food back to his room and ate off the tray, alone.
CHAPTER 31
Thankfully, Shane had plenty to keep him occupied since it turned out they weren’t done with Anya Gorchakov. Rothgar described the take from Anya’s home computer as lackluster, one of several words the boss liked to use when he wanted to convey something was catastrophically disappointing.
Nobody’s fault. It was what it was. But the intel they’d retrieved from her house wasn’t going to be enough. Shane absently wiped the back of his hand against his mouth, thinking about the circumstances under which they’d retrieved it in the first place.
So, here they were, a week later. Rothgar’d moved on to a new plan, explaining the strategy to gain entry to and sift the so-called fashion co-op Anya shared with several other models. It was a warehouse loft in the Garment District, where a bunch of those pretty, lonely girls who only ate salad took photos of themselves for portfolios and social media accounts.
Precision timing wasn’t the focal point this go-around, and thank fuck Shane’s piece didn’t involve playing dress-up this time. He’d get the drop-off directly from Nick this time, a handover through the window. Easy enough.
The war room was humming. And not just because the team was working out the details of Anya’s takedown.
It was also humming because of the palpable tension between him and Dex, who was still holding a grudge over Cecily.
“If you don’t let it go, I sure as hell can’t let it go,” Shane murmured over his shoulder. He’d never get over Cecily—wasn’t even sure he wanted to—but, man, he’d surely love a vacation from thinking about how it had all gone so wrong and the ways in which he’d screwed things up.
Except Dex wouldn’t let him forget. “I still don’t know what’s worse. You sleeping with my sister and then getting clear of her, or you sleeping with my sister and not getting clear of her,” Dex whispered back.
“Damn it,” Rothgar hissed, raising a palm to stop Missy from passing out the plans. Every head in the room snapped up. Roth was glowering at Dex and Shane. “I’m about five minutes short of ordering the two of you into the ring.”
Shane looked at Dex. Not a bad idea. He wouldn’t mind taking a swing, truth be told. “Not a fair fight.” He gestured to Dex’s leg.
“Then I guess you’ll have to talk it out. Starting now.”
Shane hated it when Roth played Dad. The sooner this was over, the better. He sighed and then laid it out. “Listen, Dex. I’m sorry I messed with Cecily. Sorry about how it played out. You know I’m not a player, and what happened wasn’t some random shit. But I shouldn’t have touched her in the first place, and for that I apologize.”
Shane was already pretty tapped out on patience, and the too-interested expressions on the faces of the rest of the guys who’d gophered up to get a piece of the apology didn’t help. “We good here?” he asked Roth.
Rothgar’s arms crossed against the massive barrel of his chest. His mouth remained hard-set, and only his eyes swiveled to Dex. “You. Go.”
“Just leave her alone. She’s not good for games. She’s the real deal.” Dex’s voice rose. “I need everybody to just leave her the fuck alone.”
Shane cocked his head. “’Scuse me, but it’s been a week since I even saw her. James bothering her again?”
“Nothing specific, thanks to the message you sent him,” Dex allowed. “Cecily just feels uneasy. At this point, I’m trying to figure out if he’s left town.” He glanced at Rothgar, still waiting, still grim-faced, before turning back to Shane. “But it’s not your business, and it’s not your problem. Just need to know you’re going to leave her in peace.”
“Thought I’d done that.” Shane felt a wave of possessiveness sweep through him. He hated the idea of Cecily feeling unsafe. “And I know it’s not my business anymore, but, believe me, it’s still my problem, since I seem to be in love with her.”
The room went dead silent. Dex’s eyes widened. “You’re not very good at it,” he finally said.
Someone laughed and got shushed.
“Yeah, and don’t I know it,” Shane said.
From the look on his face, Dex apparently didn’t know whether to laugh or throw a punch. “You realize you just admitted that in front of everybody,” he said.
Shane ran a palm over his face, feeling the exhaustion set in. “Welp. I guess it happens to the best of us. She’s moved on, and she’s living the nice, normal life with Ally you always wanted for her. Speaking of which, Cecily living with Ally means you’re good for surveillance there.”
Missy cleared her throat. “There hasn’t been surveillance on Ally’s place for at least a year. She cut the—”
Shane’s, Roth’s, and Flynn’s heads swiveled around. “There’s no surveillance at Ally’s?” Shane asked in total disbelief.
A wave of dark, dark anger rolled out from the front of the room; Rothgar’s expression alternated between fury and some kind of really intense pain. “I thought we overrode that decision.”
“We talked about it, but she—”
“We overrode that decision,” Rothgar roared. “You are not t
elling me we don’t have eyes on Ally, are you? You are not fucking telling me that.”
Missy’s jaw set. She got up, her chair hitting the back of the desk from the force. “I’m telling you that. I understood that was the—”
“Even if Allison wants to go dark, she’s not gonna go dark. You get that? She never goes dark, not until we find out for sure that Apollo and Graham are one hundred percent gone for good.”
Missy blinked, desperately trying to hold back tears welling in her eyes. “Well, she is dark, and—”
Roth looked around at the men, his eyes settling first on Shane, then switching to Flynn at the back of the room. “Flynn, get over there and fix it,” he barked.
“Stop interrupting me, Roth,” Missy yelled. “I’m not just some stupid girl who lives in your house.”
“I don’t understand how this fell through the cracks,” Roth replied, his voice scary-low.
“Apollo is my brother.”
“How does something like this fall through the cracks?” he thundered.
Not a sound came from the rest of the room as tiny Missy went toe-to-toe with Roth towering over her in a complete rage.
“It was obviously a miscommunication,” she tried out.
“Was it?”
“It’s hard to remember everything that happened,” Missy whispered, still holding her own. “It was a long time ago.”
Rothgar nodded slowly. “But it’s not over, you understand. It’s never over until we see the bodies. Apollo was your brother. Graham was Allison’s. But they were part of this family too. They were ours.” His head turned slowly to the spot where Flynn was now standing. “Flynn, get Ally back into the light as fast as you can.” He looked over at Dex and Shane. “If Ally’s in the light, so is Cecily. Two birds. And then maybe we can get some fucking work done, right? We’ll pick this up as soon as you’re back.”
Flynn nodded and headed out. Rothgar and Missy stared at each other. “She doesn’t want anything to do with us,” Missy whispered. “She’ll never forgive and she’ll never forget.”
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