by S. J. West
“No,” Malcolm and Lucifer say in unison, at least agreeing on this one thing in their lives.
“Well, I hate to inform the two of you,” my mother says almost angrily, “but I’ve never been very good at doing what I’m told, especially when I know it isn’t right.”
“You won’t see me again after tonight,” Lucifer tells my mother with so much conviction I almost believe it. “I have enough self-control to stay away from you. Can you say the same or are you going to prove to me that I’ve been right all these years in thinking humans are weak willed and minded?”
“Don’t do that,” my mother says, shaking her head at him. “Don’t try to provoke my anger to prove a point. It won’t work with me.”
“Stay away from me, Amalie,” Lucifer tells her, a warning in his voice. “Nothing good can come from us being together.”
Lucifer phases and the scene fades away.
I look back at Lucifer beside me. The snow completely covers his sweater and hair now, almost making them appear white.
“How did she make you change your mind about being with her?” I ask him.
“By being extremely stubborn,” he tells me, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he fondly remembers my mother. “It didn’t help that I found myself inventing reasons to seek her out. The connection between us was stronger than anything I’d ever experienced before. The only other human I ever felt connected to was Jess, but with Amalie, it was…different, more intense. I began to like the person I was when we were together. She made me want to let go of my hate because her love for me was so all consuming. Your mother never doubted for one moment that we were destined to be together. Even though Malcolm tried his best to warn her to stay away from me, she refused to listen to him. There were times I wish she had. I knew I wasn’t good enough for her, yet she wouldn’t listen to me either.”
The blackness in front of us transforms into a mirror of the courtyard we’re sitting in.
My mother is sitting on an identical bench crying. Lucifer phases in and sits beside her. Without saying a word, he brings her into the folds of his arms so she can cry against his chest. He gently begins to stroke her long brown hair.
“Amalie,” he says tenderly, “why are you crying like you’ve just lost your best friend?”
“Because I think I have,” she says, sobbing even harder.
Lucifer lets her cry for a little while longer before asking, “Can you tell me what happened?”
My mother sniffs before saying, “Malcolm and I had a fight.”
“About me I presume.”
My mother nods her head against Lucifer’s chest. “He even brought my parents into it this time.”
“And what did they think about us being together?”
“My father took Malcolm’s side.”
“And your mother?”
“She just wants me to be happy. She doesn’t like you, of course, but she knows I’ll never truly be content unless you’re a part of my life.”
“Neither of them is wrong, you know,” Lucifer tells her. “Malcolm is right in thinking I’m not good enough for you. And your mother is right in thinking you’ll never find true happiness without me.”
My mother leans away from Lucifer a little to look up at his face.
“Maybe if you removed the curse from Malcolm he would change his mind,” she suggests hopefully.
Lucifer seems to take her suggestion seriously but ends up shaking his head. “I can’t do that.”
“You can’t or won’t?” She questions.
“Won’t,” Lucifer admits. “There’s too much that’s passed between Malcolm and me, Amalie. Even if I did remove the curse, it wouldn’t change his mind about us.”
“I can’t let you go,” my mother says, snuggling her head against Lucifer’s chest. “I’d rather be dead than live my life without you in it. Malcolm will just have to come to terms with the fact that we’re meant to be together.”
“I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that he will never accept that.”
“And what about you?” My mother asks. “Are you going to stop fighting your feelings for me?”
Lucifer sighs and rests one of his cheeks against the top of my mother’s head.
“I don’t think I have any more fight left in me when it comes to you, Amalie.”
“Good,” my mother says, Lucifer’s words finally stopping the flow of her tears. “I was getting tired of trying to make you see reason. Maybe this experience will teach you a lesson.”
“And what lesson would that be?” Lucifer asks, sounding slightly amused.
“That I’m always right,” she replies, as though the answer should have been obvious.
Lucifer chuckles and my mother sits back to look at his face.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you laugh,” she says with a small smile of true happiness. “I like it. You should do it more often.”
“Maybe I will,” he tells her, grinning.
My mother takes in a deep breath and says, “I love you.”
I can instantly tell by the look of surprise on Lucifer’s face that this is the first time she’s said those words aloud to him.
My mother’s gaze falls to her lap as he continues to stare at her after her heartfelt declaration. I know what she’s waiting for. She’s waiting for him to say the same three little words to her, but he simply remains silent as he continues to gape at her.
“I…love you too,” Lucifer finally tells her, the words sounding like they cost him a lot of effort to say.
“You don’t have to say that just because I said it,” my mother tells him, obviously hearing the same hesitation in his voice that I did.
Lucifer reaches out a hand and places it underneath my mother’s chin, gently lifting her head up until their eyes meet.
“I love you, Amalie,” he says, his words sounding surer this time. “I’m sorry it didn’t come out quite right the first time. I’ve…just…never said them to anyone before now.”
My mother smiles shyly and leans in closer to Lucifer until their faces are barely an inch apart.
“Lucifer,” she murmurs, “kiss me…”
Lucifer hesitates for only a second before grabbing my mother to him and kissing her passionately.
I feel Lucifer take hold of one of my hands and instantly find myself sitting on the real bench back in Malcolm’s courtyard.
“Why did you bring me back here?” I ask him, feeling cheated out of seeing more about my parents’ life together.
“Because what happens after that kiss isn’t something a daughter should see her parents do,” Lucifer says sounding slightly embarrassed.
“Oh,” I say, not needing any further explanation.
I feel Lucifer begin to pull his hand away from mine, but I grab it before he can.
“Please,” I beg, “tell me what you think will happen if I collect all the seals. I need to know.”
Lucifer stares at our conjoined hands, his face drawn with worry.
“You’ll change, Anna,” he finally says, sadness at the prospect of this eventuality in his voice. “You’ll become something you won’t be able to recognize anymore.”
“How will the seals change me?” I ask, becoming worried for the first time since my mission began that maybe Lucifer was right about my quest.
Lucifer raises his gaze and looks me straight in the eyes.
“You’ll grow to be more of a monster than I am,” he tells me. “Hate will fill your soul to a point where you can't be saved. If you want to stay the person you are, stop trying to retrieve them, Anna. Save yourself and those who love you the pain of losing you in that way.”
Lucifer phases back to Hell, leaving me with even more questions than I had before.
Chapter 2
I stare at Lucifer's phase trail and know exactly why he’s returned to Hell. I pity his lonely existence. He only wants to relive beloved memories of his time with my mother, allowi
ng Hell to feed off his unending misery. Having found my own soulmate, I can only imagine the torment Lucifer is living in. If I were faced with an eternity without Malcolm, I’m certain I would either go mad or simply die from a broken heart. Unfortunately, the rift separating Heaven from Hell is a chasm no one can traverse.
I stand up from the bench and take in a deep breath to help brace myself for what awaits me inside the house. I want to be with Malcolm, but I know he'll be furious with me for leaving without letting him know where I went. Then again, I can't imagine he would have simply stood aside and let me follow Lucifer to Hell. He would have done everything within his power to keep me from phasing there, even though it did end up providing me with some valuable information. I now know a small portion of what Lucifer was holding back from us. I have a feeling there is more to the story than what he told me, but at least he knows there's nowhere he can go that I won't follow to get the truth.
When I phase back to Malcolm's bedroom, I find the man I love sitting on the edge of the bed looking completely lost. His elbows are resting on his thighs with his head hanging low and propped up between the palms of his hands. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt as I look at him. I don’t like to see him so sad, and I like it even less because I know I’m the reason for it.
As soon as I take a step forward, Malcolm's head jerks up. I'm in his arms before I can even think about taking a second step.
“Anna,” he sighs with a mixture of relief and worry, hugging me tightly to him, “where have you been? Did someone take you? Are you hurt?”
Malcolm makes to lean back to look at me, presumably to make sure that I haven't been harmed in any way. I quickly wrap my arms around his waist and hold him firmly to me, needing to feel his strength.
“I'm fine,” I tell him, feeling anything but after what Lucifer has told me. “Just hold me, Malcolm. All I need right now is to feel you.”
Malcolm does as I ask, but I know his questions are far from over.
“Where were you?” He demands, but not harshly. “We searched everywhere we could think of but couldn't find you.”
I'm silent for a long time because I know the moment I answer his question he'll be mad. I would much rather deal with a worried Malcolm than an angry Malcolm.
After a while I hear, “Anna...tell me where you’ve been.”
I close my eyes and breathe in Malcolm's scent, drinking in his warmth for a few more precious seconds before giving him my answer.
“I followed Lucifer to Hell.”
Malcolm jerks back from me and grabs hold of the top of my arms. He looks into my eyes like he hopes to find that I'm joking. His eyes narrow on me in anger when he sees that I'm not.
“Have you lost your mind?” He demands angrily.
“We needed answers,” I tell him, trying to sound reasonable.
“You needed answers,” Malcolm corrects. “I wouldn't ask you to go there for anything in this world. You can't just traipse down to Hell and come back thinking that place won't change you in some way. Once it grabs a hold of your mind, it won't let go, Anna. You don't play with something that dangerous. Look what it’s done to Lucifer!”
“I'm not going to argue and say it was the smartest thing I've ever done,” I admit, knowing I don't have a leg to stand on in this argument. “But I needed Lucifer to tell me what he knows about our future.”
“What he thinks he knows,” Malcolm corrects. “Our future is what we make of it. Nothing Lucifer says will change that fact.”
“It might,” I say, seeing my words register on Malcolm's face. “He told me what collecting the seals might do to me.”
Malcolm lets go of my arms, obviously not expecting my fact-finding mission to bear fruit.
“What did he say?”
“He said they could transform me into a monster worse than him. That they would fill my soul with so much hate I wouldn’t be able to recognize myself anymore.”
Malcolm's brow lowers at hearing this news, but he doesn't say anything.
“What are you thinking?” I ask, knowing he's considering my words thoughtfully.
“Do you remember me telling you the warning God gave us?” He asks. “The one about us needing to make sure your heart remained pure?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Maybe this is why we were told that,” Malcolm reasons. “If the seals can darken your heart, then maybe there's a way to protect your soul from them.”
“But how am I supposed to keep my heart pure?”
“By not allowing hatred to fill it,” Malcolm says, pulling me back into his arms. “We won't let that happen to you. My father wouldn't have sent you down here just to become something worse than Lucifer. He doesn't play games with a person's soul like that. Letting people have a choice in who they become has always been important to Him. You're stronger than anyone I know, Anna. I think you were built to withstand whatever evil resides in the power of the seals.”
“But, what if they're stronger than me?” I ask, letting Malcolm share my worry because I need his strength now more than ever. “What if the power they carry ends up consuming my soul?”
“I won't let that happen,” Malcolm says fiercely. “And I believe in our son.”
I look up at Malcolm. “What do you mean?”
“Lucas has seen our future together,” Malcolm reminds me. “And I choose to believe we'll live the future he’s seen for us. You need to do the same, my love. Believe that we'll have a little boy named Liam and a little girl named Lillianna. Though, I've been thinking about that name...”
“Don't you like it?” I ask, smiling at the dubious look on Malcolm's face.
“Seriously, that name is a mouthful,” Malcolm almost complains. “Let's shorten it to Liana. If she ever does something bad, by the time I get her full name out of my mouth I will have forgotten what it was I was going to chastise her for.”
I giggle, the tension from our conversation broken slightly.
“I'm fine with Liana,” I tell him, my heart swelling with love for the man and future father of my children standing in front of me.
Malcolm lets me go and takes one of my hands into his.
“Come on, everyone is worried about you. Next time at least leave me a note before you just disappear. Though, I’m not sure how happy I would be if you wrote, ‘Gone to Hell. Be back soon’.”
“I'm sorry I put you through that,” I tell him. “I just couldn’t let him disappear again without getting some answers. It might even explain why Will had a hard time resurrecting me. Is he still here?”
“No. He isn't allowed to stay on Earth for very long after he revives you.”
“I wish he could stay here with us permanently,” I say. “I think I could use all the friends I can get right about now.”
Malcolm squeezes my hand reassuringly.
“I won't let anything happen to you,” he tells me with so much conviction I have no choice but to believe him. “Now, let's go find the others and let them know you're back.”
Malcolm phases us to the sitting room where everyone seems to be waiting on news of my whereabouts.
“Mommy!” Lucas yells, removing Luna from his lap onto the floor and scrambling off his seat on the couch beside Millie. He runs to me and wraps his little arms around my hips, hugging me so tightly I'm not sure he ever intends to let me go.
Vala leaps from her own spot on the couch and comes to sit behind Lucas, an ever-faithful protector of us both.
“Where were you, Anna?” Vala asks, worry over my sudden disappearance evident in her voice.
I look around at Millie and my Watcher protectors as they all come to stand in front of us, anxious to hear my answer.
“Lucifer came to see me, and I followed him to get some answers,” I tell them, not wanting to flat out say that I travelled to Hell in front of Lucas. He was upset enough. I didn't want to aggravate the situation.
“Have you lost your mind, lass?” Desmond asks me in utter disbelief.
“My thoughts exactly,” Brutus grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head in disappointment.
“Did you completely forget what I told you about that place?” Jered says, not bothering to hide his aggravation with me.
I look at Daniel and wait for him to chastise me too.
“I don't think I have anything else to add,” he tells me with a shrug. “They pretty much said it all.”
“I went because I needed answers,” I tell them. “And I got a partial one from him.”
Gently, I loosen Lucas' hold on me and bend down on one knee to face him.
“Lucas, would you mind going with Millie to the kitchen and getting me something to drink. I'm really thirsty.”
“Ok,” Lucas says, unaware that I'm sending him on an errand so he doesn't hear what I need to tell the others.
“Come along, Lucas,” Millie says, holding out her hand to him. “I know just the thing we can fix for your mother to make her feel right as rain.”
Lucas and Millie walk out of the room with Vala pushing Luna along to follow close behind them. Once I know they are out of hearing range, I go on to tell the others what I told Malcolm about Lucifer's warning.
“Do you trust what he told you?” Jered asks, knowing I would be able to tell if what Lucifer said was the truth or a lie.
“I…think he was telling me the truth,” I tell them, only then realizing I didn’t feel confident in my answer. Usually, my natural sixth sense would tell me definitively whether or not someone was speaking the truth. Why didn’t I feel it while I was talking to Lucifer?
“Why don’t you sound sure?” Malcolm asks, looking as worried as I feel.
“Because I’m not,” I admit, seeing no need to hide the fact from them.
No one says a word, but they all look unsettled by this revelation.
“Do you think it’s a side effect from having two of the seals?” I ask them.
“It’s possible,” Jered says. “We’re entering unknown territory here, Anna. None of us knows all the answers. We’ll just have to deal with the consequences of you obtaining the seals as they happen.”
“Let’s assume for now that Lucifer was telling the truth,” Brutus says. “Is collecting them really worth the risk it poses to Anna? Because I don't think retrieving them is worth losing her like that.”