by Lois Richer
“Mom?”
“Yes, honey. Go ahead and eat. I’m leaving in a minute.” She stared at Keeley’s blond head for a long time, studying the gamine features closely. “Keeley?”
“What?” The sullen look was still on her daughter’s face.
“Can I ask you something?” Keeley’s eyes widened, but she slowly nodded. “Do you miss Grady?”
All at once the harshness fell away as tears rolled down the child’s pale cheeks. Maggie gathered her up in her arms and rocked back and forth, holding the girl tightly against her. And she let her own tears fall.
“Oh, Mom,” Keeley wailed. “I miss him so much. I wish I had him as my father.”
“You do?” Maggie knew the girls adored Grady but apparently she hadn’t realized how much they needed a father in their lives. “I didn’t know you missed your dad so much, sweetie.”
“It’s not just that,” Keeley mumbled, wiping her eyes. “It’s because we were like a real family when Grady was there. Everything was fun and happy. You laughed a lot, Mom. And…” She stopped, glancing up through her lashes at her mother with a strange look on her face.
“Go on, sweetheart. Say the rest of it. You can tell me anything.”
“Why won’t you marry Grady? Is it because you really don’t love him? Or is it because you’re scared he’ll go away like our father did?”
Maggie stared. “Why would you say that, Keeley?”
“Because that’s how I feel. Sometimes it seems like everything is going really well and then all of a sudden, bang! Something goes wrong and you’ve got to start worrying all over again. And then I wonder if God even cares about what’s happening.”
“God always cares, sweetie. Of that I am very sure.” Katy walked up slowly and Maggie held out her other arm. “I was just reading my Bible and I came across this verse.” She read it to them. “Do you know what it means?”
“It means that if people can give good gifts, then God can give even more,” Katy told them.
“That’s right. And if He’s in control, there’s no need for us to worry about anything.”
“You mean nothing bad will happen?” Keeley asked doubtfully.
“No, silly. She means that even when bad things happen, God is still there, watching out for us. And worrying about that guy downstairs doesn’t make it any better or worse,” Katy told her sister firmly. “Grady taught me that a long time ago.”
“What guy downstairs?” Maggie studied her daughter anew. “What’s bothering you, Keeley?” She watched the girl struggle to keep her face from showing her true emotions. “You have to tell me, honey. Otherwise I can’t help you.”
“I’m afraid, Mommy.” Keeley buried her face in her mother’s shoulder and sobbed her heart out. “I’m always afraid. At home there was Granny or Grady or even the Waltons to call if I got in trouble. But here there’s nobody. At school the kids think I’m a geek because I get all A’s. One of them stopped me in the bathroom and said if I answered the teacher’s questions again and got them more homework, they were going to beat me up after school.”
Help me, Lord, she prayed silently. Give me the right answers.
“Girls, God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. It says in here—” she quickly turned the pages in her Bible to Second Timothy “—‘God has given us a spirit of power and love and of a sound mind. We don’t have to be afraid.’”
“But you are, Mom,” Keeley protested softly. “You’re always afraid that we won’t have enough money. And when we were on the farm, you worried that the crops wouldn’t get off or that they wouldn’t sell or that the rain wouldn’t come or that the snow would come too early. Isn’t worry like fear?”
From the top of her head to the soles of her feet, Maggie felt a deep profound sense of shame. Were these the values she had imparted to her children? Fear and worry?
“You’re afraid to marry Grady, too,” Katy accused “He told me that you didn’t trust him enough.”
It was true. It was all true. God help her, she’d been running because she was too afraid to stand still and let God handle it all. Grady was right. God had filled His side of the bargain. He’d sent Grady to help them through the tough times, to love her and the girls, to shore them up when they most needed it.
And because she wouldn’t believe or trust in what was in her own heart, Maggie had thrown it all away for the foolish dream of security.
Well, she asked herself. Are you secure now?
“Mother, you’ve missed your bus!” Keeley was back to her usual responsible self and Maggie realized that it was something her child did to protect her, the mother.
“Don’t you worry about me, sweetheart,” Maggie murmured, hugging the little girl tightly. “I’m the mother here and I know when I’ve missed my bus. It so happens I don’t care.” She glanced from one surprised face to the other. “And you two aren’t going anywhere, either.”
“We aren’t?” Katy frowned suspiciously. “Why? Did the teacher call you?”
“No, it’s me,” Keeley groaned. “I probably got suspended.”
“Neither of the above.” Maggie grinned. “Today this is one time you girls and I are going to have a day on the town. We’ll go to the Devonian Gardens this morning and drop out to Calaway Park this afternoon. And in between we’re having lunch at McDonald’s.”
“We are?” The twins looked at each other and shrugged.
“Yes, we are. And then we’re coming straight home to pack.” Maggie watched the hope light up their eyes.
“You mean, we can go to Granny’s for Thanksgiving?” Keeley’s face shone one minute and then dimmed the next. “But what about the money?”
“For once, I think I’ll depend on God to take care of things for me.” Maggie grinned. “’…My Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.’” She hugged each one. “Let’s just spend a few minutes thanking our Father for the wonderful things He’s given us.”
She listened first to Katy’s little prayer and then Keeley’s, and then Maggie whispered her own. As the girls scurried out of the room to gather their jackets, Maggie closed her eyes.
“I believe You have a way planned for me,” she said silently. “I don’t know what it is and I don’t know how I’ll handle it, but I’m giving it all over to You. Forgive me for not believing when I should have and help me trust You more.”
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Maggie found herself wondering how Grady would greet their homecoming. She could hardly imagine he would welcome them back now, with this new disaster looming on his own horizon.
Chapter Sixteen
“Sweetheart, your father and I would have come and picked you up. You didn’t have to drive out here.” Kayleen was frowning as she helped the sleepy girls out of the car.
“Believe me, if I’d known I’d have car trouble, I would have called you.” Maggie stretched. “As it is, I’m dead beat. The traffic was awful. The girls conked out a while ago.” She stared up at her parents’ house and absorbed all the familiar details. It would be nice to sleep without the thudding of bass drums against her ear, Maggie decided.
Katy and Keeley were content to snuggle down in their grandfather’s study, their eyes drooping closed almost immediately. Maggie smiled as she snapped off the light and gently closed the door.
“Now, dear, I’ve made a fresh pot of tea. Come and tell us all about Calgary.”
Maggie fielded the questions as best she could, but just the same, Kayleen managed to acquire quite a bit of information. It was time to turn the tables.
“Mom, how’s Grady?” Maggie tried to say it nonchalantly, keeping her eyes downcast.
“Why, he seems fine, dear.” Her mother’s bright eyes were narrowed knowingly. “We’ve been out several times, your father and I, and the changes around the old place are amazing. Grady’s been getting Elmer Hawkins to inquire into some different types of seed, and he’s got next
year’s crops all planned out.” Kayleen sipped her tea thoughtfully. “Did you know he has a degree in agriculture and another one in commerce?”
“No, I didn’t,” Maggie whispered, ashamed at the little she really knew about the man she’d fallen in love with.
“I can’t imagine how a smart man like that got involved with a woman like her!” Kayleen flicked a finger at the open newspaper. “She’s created such an awful ruckus around here that poor Grady’s been afraid to leave the farm.”
And it was all her fault! Maggie knew it as surely as if someone had screamed the words out. “I’m going for a walk, Mom. I’m just too wound-up to sleep right now. You and Dad go ahead if you want. I’ll lock up when I come in.” She slipped on her denim jacket and moved toward the door.
“Why don’t you go through the park?” Kayleen murmured helpfully. “The leaves are a wonderful color right now, and this is perfect Thanksgiving weather.”
Maggie walked out the door, barely catching her father’s puzzled voice.
“There’s not much to see in the park when it’s this dark, Kayleen. And you sure can’t tell the color of the leaves when it’s almost midnight!”
Maggie smiled as she pulled the door closed and made her way to the street. Good old Willow Bunch, where you could still go for a walk in the park and no one would bother you.
“Maggie?” The voice was soft behind her left shoulder but she would have known it anywhere. Wheeling around, she came face-to-face with Grady’s twinkling brown eyes. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she whispered, drinking in the sight of his wonderful craggy good looks and crooked smile. “How are you?”
“Lonely.” His hands enfolded hers. “How are you?”
“Lonely,” she murmured back, curling her fingers around his. Seconds later she was in his arms and his mouth crushed hers in a kiss that was long overdue.
“Maggie, I came as soon as your mother called. I couldn’t stay away.” They reached the park and found a bench by the playground. “When are you going to marry me? If Calgary’s where you want to live, that’s fine with me. I’ll start a new company, find a new job. I don’t care. As long as I’m with you.”
“You’re certainly not leaving the farm now?” Maggie gasped, turning to stare at him. She saw the love glowing in his eyes and almost forgot what she wanted to say. Almost. “I know how much you spent to buy the farm, Grady. You can’t just dump that investment. Especially not now.”
“Why not now?” he asked, puzzled. But Maggie was continuing.
“It’s my fault you’re in this mess in the first place,” she stated firmly, although there was a little quaver in her voice. “I realize that now.”
“Maggie, darling. What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about me not seeing God’s hand in things. About not trusting and believing that the God I serve is big enough to handle mortgage payments and broken machinery and hailstorms. Don’t you get it?” Maggie frowned. When he shook his head from side to side she began again.
“I’ve been a fool,” she stated baldly. “I got so caught up in my ‘poor me’ syndrome, that I couldn’t see the bigger picture. You were right, Grady. I was running. As fast as I could. Nothing was going the way I planned and I lost my perspective on things. Somehow I figured if I could just get away from the farm, get that millstone off my neck, I’d find such greener pastures on the other side.
“So I refused to stick it out and discover what God had in store for me. I figured if He wouldn’t even save that wheat crop, I needed to take matters into my own hands. Maybe that would stop the fear.”
“What are you afraid of, sweetheart?” His arm slid across her shoulders and Maggie snuggled into his warmth.
“The girls helped me see that I was afraid of everything,” she told him. “Frantically worrying about the money and the bills and what was going to happen in the future made me crazy with fear.” She glanced up at him. “I think I was afraid God would leave me to stand on my own two feet and face the mess I’d made of things. And now I’ve gotten you in trouble.”
He frowned. “You have?”
“Of course, I know you’ll deny it, but sinking all your money into the farm was the worst thing you could have done.”
“It was?”
“Naturally! You’re going to need that cash freed up to help settle the claim on your inheritance.” She tugged a check out of her pocket. “I know it isn’t much, but it’s what was left from the farm.” Maggie held it out toward him. “I’ll pay you back as much as I possibly can each month, Grady.”
“When are you going to get it into your head that I don’t care about money?” His voice was harsh but a hint of pain shone from his brown eyes. “I didn’t buy the farm so I’d have some hold on you. I bought it because I wanted us to live there and I thought once you had a chance to live out your dreams of fancy clothes and a nine-to-five job, you’d see that happiness—real happiness—doesn’t have anything to do with money. It’s a state of mind we choose when we depend on God.
“Don’t you get it, Maggie? I love you. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do us part. And money or some silly legal case isn’t going to change that. I love you. Period.”
“I love you, too,” she breathed, afraid to look away from those compelling eyes. “And it’s not because of the money or anything else.”
“Then why won’t you marry me?” His voice was curt.
“I will.” She grinned. “If you’ll ask me. I don’t care where we live, Grady. I finally realized that places and things don’t matter a whit if you don’t have someone to share them with. The girls taught me that. I think I was happier on that run-down, derelict old farm with you there, than I have been for a long, long time.”
“Hey,” he teased, pulling her close, “that’s my home you’re maligning.” Slowly and carefully he lifted the shiny sapphire from the neck of her blouse and unfastening the chain, slid the ring free. “Maggie McCarthy, will you please, please marry me? Soon?”
“Yes,” she cried, holding her hand out as he finally slid the ring into its rightful place. “As soon as you want.”
“Tonight,” he whispered before his mouth covered hers in a promise of a lifetime of love.
“Not tonight.” She giggled. “I want to have my family around when I finally get to call you ‘husband.’ How about tomorrow?”
“Nope,” he told her. “Tomorrow we’re having a real Thanksgiving dinner. And it’s going to be at my place. With my new family right beside me. Kayleen and I have it all planned. You and I are going to have Thanksgiving Monday all to ourselves.”
Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. “You had that much faith in me?” She hugged him tightly.
“That and a whole lot more,” he whispered. “’With God, all things are possible.’ Didn’t I tell you to stand on the promises? He will never let us down.”
“Yes, you did,” she murmured, tilting her head back for his kiss. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Now about a date for this wedding?”
It was a long time before Maggie heard the town clock chime one o’clock. Regretfully, she leaned back and closed her eyes.
“I’ve got to get going, handsome.” She chuckled, when he tried to kiss her again. A new thought hit her. “Grady, what about Fiona and the money?”
“Nothing about Fiona and the money. She has no claim. I’m not destitute, if that’s what you’re worried about.” His face mirrored his uneasiness at her grin. “Does it matter, Maggie?”
“Not to me. Not in the least! But maybe if you gave her some of it, she’d realize that true happiness doesn’t come from money and things. We could do that, couldn’t we, Grady? After all, we’ve got each other now and she hasn’t got anyone.”
Familiar and harsh, the bitterness rose in his face. “She lost my child, Maggie. She was pregnant and deliberately ignored the doctor’s orders to take it easy. She wouldn’t let me take care of her either. And she
ended up losing the baby. My baby.” His fingers clenched. “I don’t owe her a thing.”
“I’m sorry, Grady. So sorry.” She slipped her hand in his, tears welling in her eyes as she felt the pain of it grab hold of him. She waited, long interminable minutes, for the grief to ebb. “I know how much you love children. It must have been terribly hard to lose that precious baby.”
He nodded, mouth tight with emotion.
“But don’t you see, darling? Giving away that money wouldn’t be for her. Not really. It would be for you, to free you.” She cupped his chin in her hand and forced his head up. “God can use even that sad thing to bring glory to His name. But to do it, you need to let go of the bitterness and hate. Let God worry about it.”
She waited breathlessly as he sat there, staring at her, his body tense. Finally Grady closed his eyes and let out a whoosh of air, loosening his fingers as he did.
“When did you get so smart?”
“Just recently, as a matter of fact. I’m a quick study. I love you, Grady O’Toole.”
“I love you, Maggie McCarthy.”
Tomorrow came quickly and everyone rushed around the tiny bungalow to get ready for church. Grady showed up just as they were about to leave, and after thoroughly kissing her, to the delight of her family, helped Maggie transfer her Thanksgiving quilt to his truck. His fingers meshed with hers as they drove to the church.
“You finished it,” he said as they spread it behind the jars of preserves and sacks of potatoes and carrots. “It’s beautiful.”
“Of course I finished it,” she sputtered, half-indignantly. “It’s a tradition around here.”
“I love tradition,” he whispered in her ear as the church began filling with old friends and neighbors eager to welcome her back. “Especially wedding traditions.”
Maggie felt her heart fill as so many people greeted her. Then the service began and she couldn’t help but pour her feelings of thanksgiving into the lovely old hymns and several new choruses. Pastor Jim gave each one something to think about as he spoke of God’s faithfulness to His children, and Maggie dwelt on the verse he’d recited.