by Cathryn Fox
“Ohmigod.” She swallows hard. “You don’t think I’m pregnant, do you?”
“I…I don’t know. I was only joking. Is there a chance?”
Her eyes narrow, like she’s doing mental math on the last date of her period and the longer she stares at the road without speaking, the more worried I become.
Her eyes are full of worry as she glances at me. “I might be a little late, but I always use a condom. I could be late because I’m sick, right?”
“Condoms aren’t one hundred percent,” I tell her. That’s the reason I went on the pill. I was using two forms of contraception in the beginning with Christian, but once I got to know him better, came to trust him, we only used the pill. My heart stalls. God, I hope he didn’t give me any STD’s. I don’t think he was with anyone when we were together, but now I’m questioning everything. Where did he sneak off to every Sunday?
“I’m on the pill, too, Maize.” She frowns. “But last month…I was studying and running, and missed taking a couple on time.” She grips the steering wheel tighter. “We’d better pick up a pregnancy test,” she says.
I put my hand on her arm. “It’ll be okay. No matter what, it’ll be okay.”
She nods, but she doesn’t look like she agrees with me. She drives a little faster, passing vehicles in her hurry to get back to Kingston.
When we finally reach town limits, she pulls into the nearest pharmacy and I wait in the car until she comes back out with a little white bag. I notice her hands are a bit shaky as she sets it beside her on the seat. We drive by Wolf House, which we have to pass on the way to our place. We both stare out the window and check the parking lot.
She slows the car and glances at me. “It doesn’t look like he’s here. Let’s get your stuff and get out.”
“We don’t have to go there first.” I glance at the bag. “I know you want to…”
“I want to get this done, and not take a chance on him returning.” She eases into the big parking lot, only one other vehicle in it and snatches up the bag. “Besides, while you pack up, I can use his bathroom and pee on this stick. Two birds and all.”
“Okay,” I say, and we go up the front steps. My stupid mind takes a fast trip down memory lane. Recalling all the times we went in the back way, and now I’m questioning everything. Was it because there were fewer steps, or was he just embarrassed to be seen with me? He’s a private guy and doesn’t like his business broadcasted, but still… If he loved me, really wanted to be with me, he’d want to tell the world, wouldn’t he?
We step inside and the place is empty. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” We go straight to his room, and his scent washes over me as we enter. A little gasp catches in my throat.
“You okay?” Kaitlyn asks. I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears restrained. “Maybe I should have done this for you.”
I breathe deep through my nose. “No, I’m okay.” I point. “The bathroom is right there, and I’ll be right here waiting for you. No matter what, I’ll be here for you, Kaitlyn.”
“Okay.” She walks to the bathroom and the door clicks shut. I glance at the clock as I hurry around and gather up the last of my things. All the while trying not to think about the lump in my throat, or the way my insides feel like they’ve been raked raw.
I count the minutes as I stuff everything into a bag, and sit on the bed, to stare at the closed bathroom door. She’s been in there at least four minutes, and the longer that door remains closed, the more I’m convinced she’s pregnant.
A little shriek reaches my ears and I jump from the bed. “Kaitlyn,” I say and walk to the door. It opens and relief washes through me when I see the smile on her face.
She holds the stick out. “Not pregnant.”
My body goes weak after the big adrenaline dump, and I pull her into my arms. “No more taking your pills late and if you want, you can have mine. I won’t be needing them anymore.”
She pulls back and brushes my hair from my face. “Don’t let Christian ruin anything for you. You deserve someone nice.”
I nod. She’s right. I do, but how can I give my heart to another when it’s in so many fragmented pieces.
I hear a bang down the hall and my pulse jumps. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Let me just clean up my stuff.” I follow her into the bathroom to pick up my toiletries, as she stuffs the stick and packaging material into the box. Once done, we leave his room, and as I shut his door, emotions crash over me like a turbulent wave, until I feel like I’m drowning. This is it. The very last I’ll ever see Christian’s room.
Why on earth did I let myself fall in love?
27
Christian
The rain falls heavy as I drive across campus, and the dark and dreary day is a fitting match for my mood. It’s the thirtieth of December, and I’m back early because we have practice tonight to prepare for next week’s game. I couldn’t wait to escape home. Watching Mom and Dad put on a show while they constantly bickered when they thought I wasn’t within hearing vicinity—I always was—was enough to send me packing, and if I heard one more word about me finding myself a nice girl…
I don’t get it. Why don’t they just get a damn divorce? If they’re staying together for my sake, if they’ve been doing that for years, they should probably know that staying in an unhealthy relationship does far more damage to the kid. Not that I’m a kid anymore, but my views on love and relationships were heavily influenced by what I heard and saw.
Were?
I guess those views changed after Maize, but what does that matter now? I need to put her out of my mind and focus on tonight’s practice. I’m not in the mood for football. No, I haven’t been in the mood for anything since Maize kicked me out of her life, with no explanation. The least she could have done was to let me know why. Steph had the decency to tell Linc she was interested in someone else and while it hurt him, he wasn’t left hanging. I glance at the empty passenger seat and my fucking heart pinches tight as I hit the steering wheel. She should be beside me.
I park at Wolf House and sit there for a few seconds. I stare at my window, the curtains shut. To think I was going to have venetian blinds put on for Maize after she told me that funny story about her idea of wealth. I wanted her to have everything she’s ever wanted. I guess in the end, I wasn’t what she always wanted.
My phone pings and my heart jumps. I snatch it from the seat, and disappointment grips me when a text from Chelsea pops up. Fuck, I’m not sure why she won’t take no for an answer. She was pretty adamant that we were going to be a couple before we both went off to our respective colleges. What she did to Maize and me in high school is unforgivable, but I guess a part of me feels sorry for her, knows the pressure she’s under. I’m getting it from my folks too, but latching onto me out of fear… that’s not good for either one of us.
I force myself to get out of the car, grab my bag from the back and trek slowly through the lot and up the stairs. I don’t care if I get wet. I don’t care about much these days, apparently. I reach my room, push open the door, and the first thing I’m hit with is Maize’s lack of presence. The place looks the same as it did before she moved in, but it now feels a little colder, and a whole lot lonelier. Maybe I should go find her, demand answers. Linc heard through gossip that Maize and Kaitlyn had left home on the 26th, and came back here. No doubt she wanted to clear her things out without the risk of running into me.
I drop my bag, grab a bottle of water from my small fridge and take a big drink. If I didn’t have practice tonight, I’d go for something stronger. A knock sounds on my door and I turn to find Thor standing there.
“How was your holidays?” he says, and stretches his hands over his head like he just crawled out of bed. His religion doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so he stayed here over the break. His brother was flying in to spend time with him.
I put on my best face. “Good. Did you have a good visit with your brother?” He nods and steps into the room. From the tightne
ss in his muscles to the clenching of his jaw, I can tell he has something on his mind. I turn to him, face him square on. “What’s up?”
“I was here when she came back,” he says and drops down into the small kitchen chair, the same one Maize sat in when she surprised me with eggs benny. Another day that cemented my love for her.
“Yeah.” I try to show disinterest but really, I want to know all the details. “When was that?” Did that come out like I’m just making conversation and don’t really care?
“The 26th, actually.” I nod and take another sip of my water. “She packed all her things and bolted.” A long pause. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good, Thor.” I stretch my arm out and fake a throw. “Looking forward to getting on the field.”
“Afterward the beer is on me, okay?”
I smile, because I have a good tribe of guys who have my back. “Thanks, man.” I eye my bed, hoping to get a bit of rest before practice tonight. I haven’t been sleeping so well.
“Catch up with you later,” he says and disappears, understanding I need some time alone, where I’ll be lonely. I close the door behind him and set the lock. With zero energy, I walk over to my bed and flop down on it, but the enticing scent of her skin is all over my sheets. I pull her pillow over my face and breathe her sweet aroma into my lungs.
Fuck me.
With a bevy of emotions coursing through me, anger, sadness, love and need, I stand and tear the sheets off the mattress, dropping them on the floor before making a quick trip to the bathroom. The sight of the big tub instantly brings back happy memories of Maize, and I grip the edge of the sink, and hang my head to stare at the floor as I will those memories to go away.
Get it together, dude.
I have a fucking career to think about and grades to keep up. I can’t be wallowing in self-pity like this. Something on the floor catches my attention, and I pick it up. It’s a small square pamphlet. I open it up, and see that it’s in Spanish. Good thing I remember some of it from high school classes. I drop down on the edge of the tub, and read through it, but I stumble over many of the words, so I head to the other room, grab my laptop and start a translation. Five minutes later I’m sitting at the table with my heart in my throat, and my stomach in one hell of a tight knot.
I grip my hair and tug, my eyes practically bulging out of my head as the tumblers fall into place. “Holy fuck,” I say much too loudly.
Someone raps on my door, and my head lifts. I stare at it, unable to think, or speak. The rap comes again. A fast rhythm that matches my heart. The knob turns, whoever is out there impatient to get in.
“Are you okay?” Linc asks through the closed door.
I stand on shaky legs, unlock it with trembling fingers, and he takes one look at me and curses. “Jesus Christ, what’s wrong?” I back up, stumble a bit, and drop back into the chair. “Talk to me, brother.” Unable to find the words, I slide the small sheet of paper across the table. “What is this?”
“Read it,” I push those two words past a dry throat, and jump to my feet, needing to move, do something to keep up with my racing thoughts.
He reads it once, then twice. His Spanish always was better than mine. His head slowly lifts, and I go still, meet eyes that are filled with worry, and confusion.
“Yeah, pregnant,” I say.
He holds the paper up, and questions me. “How do you know this is hers?” I walk over to the counter, and show him her key. “She left this. She was here. I’m pretty sure no other girl would be in my bathroom taking a pregnancy test.”
He frowns and goes quiet. I give him time to think. Hell, I need time too. He finally breaks the quiet with, “Didn’t you guys use protection?”
“Of course, we did,” I shoot back, and when he stiffens, I shake my head. “Sorry, man. I just…I’m fucked.”
“You’re not fucked. You don’t know what the results were. We can’t jump to conclusions just yet.”
I throw myself onto my bed, and put my arm over my eyes as I think things through. “We stopped using a condom because she said she was on the pill.”
“Okay, the pill is pretty safe. So maybe this is nothing.”
“Not safe enough if she had to take a test.” My mind screeches to a halt, and bile punches into my throat. “Fuck, you don’t think…” I don’t need to finish the sentence for Linc to know where my thoughts have gone. He knows everything about me, just like I know everything about him.
“I don’t know what to think, but why would she tell you she was on the pill if she wasn’t?”
I give a humorless laugh, and stare at the ceiling, shock preventing me from moving. “To trap me.” Everything my grandmother told me about my parents’ relationship seeps into my thoughts, and brings on my worst nightmare. I swore I never wanted a family, children. Never wanted to find myself in a situation like my parents.
I can hear Linc’s throat work as he swallows. “Just because your mom…”
“Then why would she lie about being on the pill?”
“Maybe she’s not lying. Not every girl is like your mother. Maybe she really is on the pill, and was late or something.”
I think about the kind of girl Maize is. Sweet, innocent, a hard worker, always open and honest with me. She didn’t even want me to introduce her to Dean Saunders. She wanted to get into Harvard on her own merits and I was the one who pushed for the meeting. Does that really sound like a girl out to trap a guy, for his money and influence?
“I told her I didn’t want kids, that I didn’t want to end up in a relationship like my parents.”
“Maybe that’s why she ran.”
I rub the back of my tight neck. “What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “Maybe she’s scared and running because you don’t want kids, and she was afraid you’d think she was trying to trap you.”
“That would mean she is pregnant.” I consider that for a moment. She told me she never wanted to bring a child into the world either. I believed her. But things changed, we’ve changed, and I want different things now. Is Maize Malone the type of girl to trap me? She’s ambitious, has her mind set on a law degree. Would she really get pregnant on purpose and blow that all off? I think about that long and hard, and come to one logical conclusion.
No, she wouldn’t.
“But why did she break up with me before Christmas, before she took this test and knew the results?”
“That I can’t answer.”
I take a breath to slow my racing mind, and the second I do, the second I realize there could be more at play here, I stare at Linc, the world going a little fuzzy around the edges.
“What?” he asks.
“You had my phone. In my bedroom. Chelsea…”
“Fuck, Chelsea. Do you think she could have texted something to Maize?”
I shake my head. “She’s always had it out for her. Fuck wait, maybe she sent her pictures of you guys in my bed.”
“I wouldn’t put anything past her, and I was drunk, Christian. She could have been taking pictures of the two of us, and I wouldn’t remember.”
The thoughts of Maize seeing pictures of Chelsea and Linc in bed—in my room—thinking it was Chelsea and me, turns the cup of coffee I drank earlier around and around in my stomach. “It’s the only thing that makes sense.” Maize isn’t the kind of girl to use me for anything. Even though insecurities from past experiences crept into my brain, my heart always knew she’d never do anything hurtful, which is why this was so confusing and painful.
“Oh, this is bad.” I tug on my hair. “So fucking bad.” I glance at Linc, who is staring at me, like he’s waiting for me to figure out how to fix this. “I need to talk to her.”
“Yeah, I know, but...” He shakes his head, worry all over his face. “She made it pretty clear she didn’t want to talk to you.”
I can’t let that stop me. Not now. Not with what I know. A plan forms and expands in my brain, and as my insides settle slightly. “I have an idea.”
/> 28
Maize
“Okay, get up. I’m sick of you moping around here like a sloth.”
“A sloth? Sloths mope?”
“Well I don’t know what mopes. I’ll do a search and come up with a better simile later. Right now, I want you to put on some damn pants, brush your hair and maybe a little lipstick wouldn’t kill you. Maybe some blush too. You look like death.”
“Why thank you. I love you too, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m reading.” I flip the page of my book. I’ve stared at the last page for so long, and I’ve yet to digest its words.
“Oh no you don’t.” She grabs the book and shoves it down the back of her pants.
“Give me that…wait, never mind. That is just nasty.”
“Get dressed, or I’ll do this with all your books, your computer and your e-reader.”
“Wow, I remember when you were my nice best friend.”
“I’m still your best friend, which is why you’re going to do everything I tell you to do.” I push up and adjust my pillow.
“What’s going on, Kaitlyn?”
“Well,” she says, “This is kind of about me. I’m sorry. I know you’re going through a hard time, and I haven’t wanted to make anything about me, but I need you.”
My stomach drops. “I’ve been such a terrible friend. I’m so sorry.”
“No, that’s not true at all.” She leans in and gives me a hug.
“Tell me what you need.”
“There’s a new band at the Growler tonight. The lead singer is soooo hot. I really want to go.”
I bite my lip, and consider Christian’s schedule. There’s no game today, so the team won’t be there to celebrate a win or loss, and truthfully, Kaitlyn has been there for me, through the highs and the lows, and I really want to be there for her when she needs me too.
“Give me a few minutes to get dressed, and we’ll head out.”
“Wear something sexy.”