She hiccups with every breath. Her fingers reach out for my face. “There’s something in here. It showed me—I don’t want to say.”
“You don’t have to.”
I pull her into my arms to stop her from shaking. I get that feeling again, that dread that crept along my skin before the ground opened up to swallow me whole. I let my embrace warm her cold skin. She presses her forehead against mine.
“Whatever was in here showed me you,” Rishi says. “You were dead, Alex! You were dead in my arms.”
“I’m right here. You have to know that.”
Rishi presses her hands on my face. “I do know. You gave up your magic for me. I couldn’t stand it if I lost you.”
“You won’t.”
“Please don’t break my heart, Alex.”
I feel like my heart will beat right through my rib cage. “I have all these feelings that I can’t sort out. I think I’ve felt it since the day you found me. But when this is all over, we’ll figure it out, okay?”
Even in the dark, she finds my lips. They’re warm despite the air around us. I press my lips against hers, softly and slowly, like stepping into a wide, unknown ocean one foot at a time.
The labyrinth rumbles around us. A slithering shadow undulates beneath the ground. The ball of light returns. It pulses weakly, and we follow it to another dead end.
“This isn’t right,” Rishi says, pressing her weight against the hedge.
“Alejandra!” Aunt Ro’s voice is clear as a summer’s day. “The moon!”
I look up at the clouded sky. The mammoth clouds part for a moment to reveal the crescent moon. It is inches away from eclipsing the sun, but for now, its moonlight shines down on my necklace. The prism of light returns, revealing a hidden door on the hedge.
Then the clouds gather with more force, and the light is gone.
“There,” I say, and swing my mace. The hedge twists and writhes, but I bash my way through.
Rishi has to hold me up because I feel like I’m falling.
It’s Aunt Ro. I reach out for her smiling face. Her black corkscrew curls billow around her head in a wild halo. She’s really real.
“You’re alive.”
35
Once, the brujas fought the shadows and won.
Twice, the shadows pushed back.
—from the Journal of Juana Luz Sartre de Mortiz
“Mostly alive,” Aunt Ro says. The hedge shuts behind us, and the ball of light pulses weakly in our circle.
“You mean you’re like a zombie?” Rishi asks.
Aunt Rosaria smiles at her, and in that moment, my whole world makes sense. “I died in our world. There is no going back. But the Deos, they can make mistakes.”
I know she died. Her dead body fell on me. We mourned her for days. Then, I see something my seven-year-old self wouldn’t have noticed: the thick, red scar across her neck. I touch the keloid.
“You were—” The word is so ugly I can’t even say it. Murdered.
“It’s not something I ever wanted you to know.”
“My mom said that it was a canto that went wrong.”
“Oh, it did,” she says, laughing darkly. “When they found me, no one was more surprised than me.”
“Who found you?”
She frowns. “That is a story for another day. What matters is that it wasn’t my time. That’s what everyone says, don’t they? Everyone thinks they have another day, month, year to keep going. As if all of this world and the others were designed for them alone.”
“Maybe,” I say. “But you were the world to a lot of people. To me.”
“That’s why we mourn.” A sad smile appears on her face. “Death is the most sure but unexpected part about life. It’s almost up there with love. It’s bound to happen, but how and when—now that’s the tricky part.”
“Tricky isn’t the word I’d use.”
She brushes my hair from my face.
“Who broke your heart, nena? That boy you were with? I wish I could have been there to tell you to never trust a boy with star eyes. They blind you like a deer in headlights.”
I make a face and motion to where Rishi is standing with her arms crossed. “It’s more than that.” Then I realize something. “Why can I talk to you now?”
She settles into a cross-legged position. That’s when I see her feet are shackled to the ground. “Because your magic is gone. I’ve been trying to contact you for a long time. I’m your godmother, after all. I should have been there to guide your powers when they came. I should have been there to stop you from doing what you did.”
I swallow the bitter guilt in my mouth. My body craves water. Rain. My veins itch. She puts a hand on my arm where I’m scratching.
“Withdrawal.”
“So soon?”
“You’re never the same without it.”
“So now that I’m not a bruja, you can talk to me?”
“Don’t sass me.” She slaps the back of my head and Rishi snorts. “The reason I couldn’t talk to you was you. You kept your ears closed.”
“Me?”
“You didn’t want to listen. That’s why our bond was broken.”
“It didn’t help that every time you materialized, you looked like a corpse.”
“That was your fear making you see me that way.” She brushes her fingers through my hair, which is caked in blood and mud and La Mama knows what else.
“I didn’t want to think about you dead.”
“That’s the thing, my love. Even if you don’t think of the dead, the dead are thinking of you.”
“Sorry, but why are you trapped here?” Rishi asks.
“And what do you mean the Deos made a mistake?” I add.
Aunt Ro throws her arms up in mock surrender. The gesture is so familiar that I could cry. “You ignore me for years and now you want all the answers. Listen here, girl, the Deos gave me this chance. Even they believe I was meant for something great. Perhaps not in our world, but there’s still hope in this one.”
“You live in a literal prison inside the labyrinth of a demon witch who is about to kill our entire family. How can there be any hope?”
“We found each other, didn’t we?” She smiles, and it makes my heart break. I’ve missed her so much. This whole time, all I did was push her away. “Your godmother is supposed to guide you through your magical journey.”
“As in the fairy variety?” Rishi asks, and it feels so good to hear her voice twinkle with happiness.
“I could see glimpses of Alejandra throughout the years,” Aunt Ro says. “But Los Lagos isn’t like the realm of the dead or the paradise fields where the Deos live. It’s harder, almost impossible, to break out of here. I always wondered why they chose this land for me. The moment I woke here, I was in chains. I was furious. After everything they put me through. After everything I saw you go through. When I realized the Devourer was targeting you, I knew I had to act. The Deos act through us. They want us to save this land.”
“That was you I heard calling out to me when we were in the River Luxaria, wasn’t it?”
“You needed a push. Now that we’re together, we’ll set things right.”
I scratch at the inside of my wrist. I can’t stop shaking. “When the Devourer took my power, I wanted to die. I felt like there was no place for me anymore. And there won’t be—not without the others. I wish I’d told my mother the day my powers arrived, but I was too scared.”
“I should’ve been there to teach you.”
“It wasn’t your job. I had a mother.”
Have, I correct myself. I have a mother.
“You can’t be mad at her. She had a hard time. I watched you guys every day. You’re an amazing girl, Alejandra. Your mom did the best she could even if it didn’t feel like it was enough. She did the best she could.�
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“I get it, okay? I’m afraid to face her now. She’ll know what I did. She’ll know about dad—”
“What happened with Miluna, with your father—that was not your fault! I’m going to tell you something about your mother, but you can’t tell her.”
“She’s being held captive by an evil witch,” Rishi says. “Alex couldn’t tell her even if she wanted to.”
“You certainly have a mouth, don’t you?” Aunt Ro winks at her.
“What about my mom?”
“You know, Alejandra, you’re just like your mother when she was your age. Impatient and bossy. Magic was different then. It was the eighties. Brujas were coming over from the islands to practice freely. We were wild back then. Careless. A lot of people we knew died from using too much or getting into nasty business. We were hunted. We went underground. Your mother wanted nothing to do with her gift after our dad was killed by hunters.”
“I didn’t know that. I thought Papa Renaldo died of a heart attack.”
“Caused by a hunter,” she says bitterly. “It was a different time. There’s a truce, a treaty now. The Thorne Hill Alliance they call themselves. But back then, your mom told me we were going to run away to the middle of nowhere. We could hide and never use our powers again. It was the day before my Deathday, and I was scared. Treaty or not, my powers were wild. The elements called to me. She feared for my life. Rightfully so, I suppose.”
“What made you stay?” I ask.
“Your father.” She looks pleased with the shock on my face. “That same night, we were at a social circle. We had to make the rounds, so our mom wouldn’t suspect anything. You always had to be one step ahead of her. She had the Sight, like Rose.
“So at the circle, there’s this handsome guy with big, gray eyes and creamy, light skin. Real fresh, you know? He spoke about all these hopes for all magical kind. How we needed to come together with not just brujos and brujas, but with the half-beings. I thought he was cute.”
“Gross.”
“But your mom, man. She loved him even before he started speaking. She loved him even more when he walked up to her and introduced himself. I knew I couldn’t leave. If I left, Carmen would have come with me, and I just couldn’t do that to her.”
“Do you think you made the right choice?”
She looks at my face for a long time. “I don’t regret staying. I regret a lot of things, but staying, being part of your lives, I never regretted that. I want you to know that we could have left. The thought was there. You weren’t the only one who felt like the magic was too much.”
“I wish she’d told me. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so weak.”
She grabs my face in her palms. “Never, ever could you be weak. We all think about leaving, Alejandra. We all get scared and want to turn away, but it isn’t always strength that makes you stay. Strength is also making the decision to change your destiny.”
“But look at what I did! My powers are gone.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” She stands and dusts off her white dress. She holds out her hands for me to take.
“What do you mean I’m wrong?” I ask.
“The Deos act through us. Only my own blood can free me, and here you are. You were born a bruja, Alejandra.” She looks at the big sky. “Your powers are at the Tree of Souls, but your body is still a conduit. Your body is made to hold your personal brand of magic. It’ll always be yours. That’s why the Devourer constantly needs to feed to accumulate power. With every bit she consumes, it takes a toll on her physical body because the power is stolen. What happens when you don’t feed a fire?”
“It burns out,” Rishi says.
“What do I do in the meantime?” I ask.
Aunt Rosaria grips my hands tighter. I jump with the shock of power. “You’re going to borrow some of mine.”
36
She ate the stars and swallowed the earth.
She is the girl with all the power.
—Witchsong #5, Book of Cantos
Aunt Ro’s power floods my body. It’s familiar but foreign all at once, like listening to my grandparents speak in the Old Tongue and understanding what they say even if I can’t pronounce the words myself.
Every time I look at her, I’m filled with more wonder. She’s alive. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. I’m not sure if this will work, but Aunt Ro says to trust her, and I do. The first step is breaking her free. I pull the borrowed magic and rip the chains from the ground. I think of Agosto and the Meadowkin. I whisper a prayer to El Guardia for their safety. The chains break apart and melt into the ground. I hiss as the recoil hits me harder, and my hands glow as black marks burn farther along my skin.
The labyrinth shudders around us. For a long time, I wanted nothing more than to be ordinary. As we run through the changing paths of this maze, I realize I was never ordinary to begin with. We are built a certain way, and the only thing I regret is that it took me so long to see that. The Devour tried to take that from me when she took my family. I’m going to get it back.
“Has the Devourer seen you here?” I ask. “I mean, the Deos put both of you here.”
“The Devourer was put here by her crimes in her realm, your human realm,” Aunt Ro says. “I have a different path. When Xara discovered she could make herself stronger by feeding off the Tree, she thought she could become so great, no Deo could imprison her here. She recruits vulnerable creatures in other realms and uses them to bring others she feeds off here.”
Nova. An unblessed brujo. A marked brujo. A boy who wanted more, to never be powerless. A boy who didn’t want to die.
“So if she has enough power, she can break out of Los Lagos?”
“I believe so,” Aunt Ro says. “Power is addictive. She needs it to survive, just as much as she needs it to destroy. The only way for her to break free from her punishment, to rule with unlimited strength, is to become a god herself.”
“Is that even possible?”
“By definition of immortality, yes. With the right amount of powers, she could. Our family is among the oldest lines of brujas in the world. She’d get pretty damn close.”
No, I think. She won’t.
We stop at a fork in the labyrinth.
“Remember what I said,” Aunt Ro tells me. “Don’t stand in one place for too long. If you get taken by the vines, stab the thickest part closest to the ground. Even plants have feelings, after all.
“Get to the tree, Alejandra,” she tells me.
“Keep Rishi safe,” I tell her.
Rishi kisses my cheek, and then they’re gone. A hedge separates us. I run. With Aunt Ro’s magic, my strength is renewed. I skid on the ground as a wall appears in front of me. The labyrinth blocks my way, creating a perfect square around me.
“Alejandra,” he says.
The ground swims beneath me as I look at his face.
He hasn’t aged a day. It’s like looking into a mirror when he smiles—same teeth, same smile, same shape of our eyes. His are gray like Lula’s. His hair is combed back. I can smell the gel he used every morning, the spice in the aftershave he used after making his face silky smooth and trimming his mustache. I remember the way his mustache tickled my skin when he’d kiss me good night.
“It’s all right,” my father says.
“It is not all right.”
He looks around him. “I can take you to the others. I know how to get us back home.”
I find myself breathing hard. I can’t stop my heart from racing in my chest. Can’t stop the questions from racing through my head. Why did you leave?
“You’re not real,” I whisper.
I can feel the shadows surround us.
Look twice. Look twice. Look twice.
“Listen to me, Alejandra,” he says.
It sounds just like him, I think. It even has the scars on his
hands. The laugh lines around his eyes. It looks just like him.
“Listen to me, nena,” my father says. “I had to leave. Leaving was the only way your power would become as great as it is now. From the moment Rose was born, I knew my children would have a bigger destiny than I ever did. Me? I thought I’d change the world. But I couldn’t. I was never good enough for you, for your mother. You made me feel…inadequate. I couldn’t look at you without remembering my own failure. I tried to make the world better for you, and I couldn’t.”
“Stop it.” I shut my eyes and stumble back.
“I left because I could never love you,” he says. His body becomes straighter. The smile fades. “No one can.”
A shudder passes over me. I’ve wanted to believe this for so long—that there is something inside of me that is so wretched, no one can love me. But that can’t be true. My whole family, living and dead, protected me from the Devourer. Rishi followed me into a black hole. I touch the moon pendant between my clavicles. I feel a weight lifting off my chest, a truth I didn’t want to see in my own heart.
“My father loved me.”
I see his eyes flash dark. He advances on me.
Then, the winds change, wrapping around me like wings. I can feel them—my family. All of them. The Tree of Souls is so close. I can feel their love brushing against my skin. It banishes the shadows that crawl all over me. Even if they’ll never forget what I did to them, I know in my heart that they still love me.
“I am loved.” I push against the shadow and fear that surround me.
He staggers, snarling. The dark moves around us. Shadows gather, taking the shape of a person. The gray skin of the dead. One human leg, the other a stump, replaced by gold. Like Oros, the duende of the Luxaria. A swollen belly marked with bites and bruises. Bony arms with sagging flesh. Its face, misshapen and contorted. Teeth covered in black and green decay. It looks at me, and there is no looking away from eyes so black it’s like staring into the terror of the unknown.
“You are the one with all the power,” it tells me, limping around me.
“You’re a duende,” I say, turning to keep him in my sights. “What do you want? Gold? This?” I touch the crescent moon around my neck.
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