by Rebel Farris
“Sorry,” he said, looking anything but. “I couldn’t think of a better way to distract you. It’s the only thing on my mind when I’m around you.”
“I—” I stopped because I couldn’t think of what to say.
He turned back to the first aid kit and grabbed a butterfly bandage, applying it to my cheek. It gave me a break from all the intensity. I knew that if I was truly honest with myself, I never stopped loving him. But this just wasn’t the time or the place for that kind of conversation. “All done.” He closed the first aid kit and returned it to the cabinet.
“Law,” I said, placing my hand on his forearm. “Thank you. For taking care of me. For coming to apologize—”
His stare was intense, looking at my left hand as it rested on his arm. “You’re not wearing his ring.”
“Um, did you fail to catch on to what happened?” I pointed at my face.
He leaned forward, resting his hands on the counter on either side of me. “What did happen, Laine?” His brows pinched and his jaw clenched, as his lips pressed into a flat line.
“I said something I shouldn’t’ve,” I said, focusing on my hands. I couldn’t tell him what started it. I really didn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with him, the source of the anger that fed into that fight. I looked up at him as he stared at me in silence, waiting for an answer. I sighed in frustration. “What do you want from me, Law?”
“Why would he get so pissed about me? Why would it escalate to this when you got home? I’ve only seen you a handful of times, and you’re not the kind that strays, but he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to act like that without reason.”
“He was here when you left. He got to watch me every day, going through the motions but not really living. He sat by for months while I…” I shook my head, not wanting to go there. “But really the biggest problem was that he heard you that day at the derby. You basically told him that I’ve a preference for rough sex and ass play.” I could feel the anger swelling up in me again. Fucking Law. “And he’s not like that. He’s not into kinky shit at all. Is that what you want to hear? He doesn’t know about the rest of it. Fucking Lord knows that would send him further into crazy town than he’s already gone.”
“That was years ago,” he said, confusion stamped on his face. “He’s been giving you shit for that this whole time? Why would you even agree to marry him?”
“No. He wasn’t like that at all. It wasn’t until he got back from this last deployment. I didn’t even know that he had heard you. But he’s changed. I know he has PTSD, and we’ve been trying to get him to get help… but the tour… none of it makes it any easier for him.”
“He’s been doing this since he got back?” His voice was low, with a deadly undertone that caused me to look up. His arm muscles were bulging with the strain of his grip on the edge of the counter. From his look, it was clear that he thought Jared had been beating me on a regular basis.
“No,” I defended. “This is the first time he’s ever laid a hand on me.”
“Then what would set him off like this, Laine?” He raised his voice, his disbelief apparent in his tone.
“I told him you were a better fuck, okay?” I yelled. “Is that what you want to hear? Does that make you happy? I rubbed it in his face that you’ll always be something more than he’ll ever be. And it doesn’t help that he had to sit by and watch me fall apart when you left. You fucking destroyed me, Law. He tried to put me back together, but he never had all the pieces.”
“I destroyed you? You broke up with me.”
“Because you wouldn’t accept that moving here was the right thing to do. It could’ve been temporary—you could’ve been here every night to fuck me in this house while he had to watch you come and go—but you chose to walk away. You didn’t even put up a fight. You just left town. You cut me off. So don’t fucking sit there and act like you were the victim.”
“Fuck, Laine. I see that clearly now, but back then I thought that you were choosing him.” He pushed back from the counter and paced the kitchen floor. “He had the means to support you, and I didn’t. I started boxing to prove to you that I could be that man. That I could take care of you and your girls. But when I came back, it was too fucking late.” His hand went to the back of his neck. “I thought I knew what love was until I met you. But you—you’re the kind that no amount of space or time will let me forget just how stupid I was.” He tipped his head back and laughed. Silence followed. Then he pinned me with his gaze. “You’re not with him anymore. You want me to fight?” He took two steps and was back in front of me.
I opened my mouth to reply, and he crashed into me, his tongue taking advantage of my open mouth. And this kiss was different. It was claiming, consuming. His hands fisted my hair, pulling my head back to the exact angle he wanted it at. My body responded to him like the puppet he trained it to be. His arm fell down to my waist, and he pulled me toward him so we were pressed together. I ground against him, and he groaned.
Common sense warred with desire in my brain. It felt so good, my willpower was slipping further away by the second.
“Stop,” I gasped in a brief second his mouth parted from mine.
He pressed himself tighter against me until I could feel his hard length against the apex of my thighs, the heat rolling off of him, the way he thrust against me—so eager he couldn’t stop the instinct to drive into me, even with clothes on.
“I’m not stopping until my cock is deep inside your pussy where it belongs,” he pulled away and said between the kisses and nips he trailed down my neck. “I’m making you mine again, Laine. So you need to use our safe word if this is too much.”
He bit down on my nipple through my dress, and my head fell back as a keening moan escaped my lips. I couldn’t bring myself to say the word. I couldn’t stop. I’d been needing this for so long. Deprived of someone who knew my body and how to give me what I needed without asking. Without choice. His hand slid up my skirt and pressed into the throbbing bundle of nerves. He pushed my panties aside, and his finger slipped into me.
“Jesus, you’re wet, Bumpkin.”
My body shivered at the name and the sensations his hand was drawing out as his fingers entered me. His mouth was back on mine while his fingers worked me toward release. It didn’t take long after being denied for so long, the pressure built up within me like a freight train barreling toward a cliff’s edge. I was powerless to stop it, and I didn’t want to.
It started in little pulses to the rhythm of his fingers pumping in and out. Tiny waves of pleasure that had me gasping out disconnected moans. Then it exploded as he pinched my clit and bit down on my nipple at the same time. A scream throttled out of me as I hit the crest of pleasure.
His fingers disappeared, and his cock slammed into me before I came down from my orgasm, each thrust drawing out the pleasure in waves. His fingertips dug into the cheeks of my ass as he pounded into me.
“You’re mine, Laine. You were made for me. We were made for each other,” he growled in my ear before he bit down on my shoulder.
I cried out in veneration. He was undoing me, dismantling every condemnation that I’d felt toward myself and what I craved by giving it to me while slaking his own thirst. He lifted me up, walking across the room until my back slammed into the door of the pantry. His rhythm was relentless. It was raw and primal. Each thrust felt like an exaltation. I felt it, too—the relief of letting go, giving in to the intrinsic urges that were inherent in who we were at our core.
I ripped open his shirt, buttons clattering to the floor. My fingernails were desperate to rake into his skin. My mind barely registered the new ink across his chest as I clawed his back. One of his hands gripped the neckline of my dress, and the sound of ripping fabric echoed in my mind as the cloth gave way and his mouth found my breasts. I bit down on his shoulder and he groaned, quickening his pace.
His thumb returned to the bundle of nerves at my center, and the fingers of
his other hand teased my puckered hole.
“Come,” he breathed in my ear.
I detonated at his whispered command, submitting my pleasure to him. The orgasm barreled through my body, my brain losing control of everything. Synapses failed to communicate anything else but the overwhelming sensation of release. I screamed as my limbs convulsed, and his pace increased until he found his release. He collapsed against me, pressing me into the door.
We stayed there, still joined together, breathing heavily into the silence. He searched my eyes, his own filled with such reverence. A crooked smile tugged up the corner of his mouth and his dimple appeared.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered between ragged breaths.
Crash!
Something fragile shattered from the front of the house, followed by the front door slamming. The reality of everything came crashing back to me with that sound. Guilt flooded me. Fuck. I pushed at Law and scrambled to put myself back together as I raced for the door, Law right behind me.
I flung the front door open and ran to the end of the driveway, to the open security gate that surrounded the house. He was here. I know he was. He saw everything. I looked both ways down the road—nothing. I collapsed to the ground as sobs released from my body.
“Laine?”
“It had to be Jared. He saw us, Law. Fuck. What have we done? What was I thinking?” I said, looking down at the raw scrapes in my palms from the concrete below me. The scuff of Law’s shoes on the pavement gave away his movement toward me. “You need to leave.”
He stopped. “Laine—”
“Go!” I screamed. “Leave, now. I’ve gotta find him.”
I pulled myself up from the ground and ran back into the house.
Now
His hands frame my face as he searches my eyes. Law. I’m standing in front of Law. My mind has slowed to—before I even have a chance to think, his hopeful mouth ensnares mine. Chills sweep my spine with the familiarity of it all. My mind blanks. He pulls me to him until our bodies are sealed together. He’s so much larger and more defined, a champion fighter in his own right, but still as familiar as a well-worn glove.
“Bumpkin,” he whispers, breaking away and resting his forehead on mine. “God, I’ve missed you so much. Sloane told you I was in town?”
I shake my head. I’ve no words. Tears fill my eyes. The anger I usually feel toward him isn’t there, and it shocks me enough that I forget why I’m here and who I’m with.
Years ago, Law told me he had a brother. One that he hated—for reasons he never told me about.
Dex mentioned it, too, when we first met. His brother that’d been in a local punk band. And what he did to destroy that relationship—Audra’s mom.
They look nothing alike, Dex and Law. Though, now that I know, I can see a little of Holden Russo in Dex. He’s got his father’s build. The dimples. What in the actual fuck. What’re the odds? I was more worried that Dex knew who I was when we first met, I didn’t give much thought to whether I knew anyone in his family.
Fuck.
Law’s eyes finally flit over my shoulder.
“Hey, Dex. Audra’s inside with Sloane,” Law explained. “Where’s the girlfriend she said you were bringing? Have you met—”
His arms loosen from around me and then fall away. I’m going to throw up. This can’t be happening. I see it click into place in Law’s eyes with a slight widening, followed by a cold, hard veil descending.
I close my eyes. Maybe this will all vanish. I’m roughly shoved to the side. I turn just in time to see them crash into each other.
“Is this supposed to be payback? Kissing the first girlfriend I bring home?” Dex grits out between clenched teeth.
“No. This is payback.” Law’s fist swings low, catching Dex in the ribs.
My gasp is drowned out by the yelling and grunting. Dex picks Law by his thighs, and they both go crashing to the ground. I take a second to thank God that they moved to the grass before starting this Neanderthal horseshit.
“What the fuck?” comes from over my shoulder. I look back to Sloane’s horrified eyes as they turn on me. Without taking her eyes off me, she screeches, “Daaaaaaaaad!”
I shrink back in on myself. What the fuck have I done? Tears well in my eyes. I can’t love without destruction. I’m so naive I poison lives. I always make the worst choices, fall for the wrong people. Nothing in my life can ever be simple.
She takes large strides and is in front of me in an instant. “No, no, no. You don’t get to shut down on me again. What are you doing here? I told you I’d be by after Thanksgiving. I didn’t call because I knew he’d be here.” She tips her head in Law’s direction. “And you wouldn’t want to see him.” She looks over to where the two brothers grapple, and then back to me with confusion. “Why are they fighting?”
“Cut it out!” Holden roars, appearing in the doorway.
Audra’s face peeks out, too, and Sloane moves quickly to shuffle her back inside and close the door.
Law and Dex are grappling on the ground. Occasionally trading punches, they flail and struggle until Law is straddling Dex’s back and Dex has Law’s arms trapped in his armpits. Both of their faces are red with strain. Though they look calm, they’re still struggling for the upper hand. Holden walks straight up to them and smacks Law in the back of the head, dragging him off Dex. Law lunges and twists in Holden’s grip before he stumbles away.
“What the fuck is going on with you two dipshits?” Holden asks. “You’re acting like goddamn teenagers.”
“He kissed my girlfriend,” Dex groans.
Sloane gasps behind me. Law lunges, going after Dex before he’s fully upright. Holden plants his palm on Law’s chest and shoves him back, stepping between them.
“He’s fucking my girl,” Law says, then leans around to pin Dex with a glare. “Again.”
I cringe. “I haven’t been your girl for a long time, Law.”
Law turns his glare on me. “I said I’d give you time and space to get over what happened to him. But you never stopped being mine.”
“I’m better. I’ve been for a while. But I didn’t come back to you, because we can’t go back. What we did was beyond fucked up.” I know, once I say the words, that I’m wrong. I don’t know when it happened that I moved past the blinding guilt. Sometime over the last few weeks. I think Dex is part of the reason I started to see things differently. Some of it was Marcus’s death, but I’ve given more credence to the murder theory with all that’s happened lately.
“We didn’t kill him.” Law is seething.
Everyone else is silent. I can feel the weight of their questions in the air.
“Maybe you’re right. But we crossed a line. Whether he killed himself or was murdered, we fucked up. And you weren’t the one that finally made me see that.”
“This is why you blame yourself?” Dex asks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because knowing that I fucked Law the night Jared died wouldn’t help you solve the murder if there was one. I never told anyone about what we did. It helps nothing to rehash it.”
“I told you everything,” Dex says, defeat laced in his voice. “You know the history here. I can’t—I need to clear my head. I don’t—”
“What—” I try to ask.
“I’m going for a ride. Stay here. I’m sure my brother can keep you safe.” He cuts a glare at Law and pivots on his heel.
“Don’t leave,” I plea. “We need to talk about this. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”
I chase after him as he walks up the drive to uncover his Harley and hop on the bike. Not looking up, he starts the engine. I stop his hand before he puts on the helmet.
I shout over the grumbling motorcycle, “Please, just talk to me.”
“I’m not the one who has a problem talking. And this isn’t just about you. I’m trying to be a better man, and taking something else from my brother doe
sn’t fit with that.”
“I’m yours, Dex.”
“I’d like to think that, Maddie. But I’m not so sure anymore.”
He slides on his helmet and drives away. And I feel it this moment, a pain so intense it leaves me breathless. A pain so deep it tears into my soul. What I feel for Dex isn’t normal. It isn’t what I had with Jared, and it isn’t what I had with Law. It’s more. And when he turns the corner out of sight, it feels like someone’s piercing my heart with a poisoned blade.
He’s a better man. He isn’t perfect, but he’s perfect for me. The match to my crazy. The only one who will ever understand every facet of my being. He’s the one. The one I’m willing to put in the work for. Do anything.
I know—I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can’t let him walk away. I have to go after him.
Then
I threw on the first coat I could find and grabbed my purse and my keys, and was driving down the road before I knew what I was doing. I’d no idea where to go. I looked down at the gauges and realized that my gas tank was on the wrong side of the red line. Shit.
I pulled into the nearest gas station and started filling up the gas tank while I thought about what I needed to do. I tried calling Jared’s phone, but it went straight to voicemail. Nic had moved to LA last month, so that wasn’t an option. Maybe Asher would know? I pulled out my phone and hit Asher’s number.
“Mads?” Asher answered. His voice was rough and I heard a sniffle, like he’d been crying. I felt bad for him; he must’ve been really taking the split with Holly hard.
“Do you know where Jared is? Have you seen him tonight?”
“No—no. I thought y’all were having a date night. How would I know where he is? Did something happen?”
“What didn’t happen? I need to find him. Now. I don’t know, Ash. I don’t know what I’m doin’.” I pulled my hair in frustration. The lady pumping gas on the other side of the pump had leaned over and was looking at me. “What the fuck’re you lookin’ at?” I yelled at her.