by Rebel Farris
“There,” she says and motions with the palm of her hand for us to look at her odd masterpiece.
I lean forward, and my stomach drops. In the center of the papers, where all the corners align, is a hummingbird.
“What is that?” I ask.
“It’s Roz’s parole approval papers. They were sent to me yesterday. But look—it took me a while to get it because individually, it looks like just a smudge in the corner.”
She lifts up the top page and hands it to me. She’s right. It does look like a weird smudge. Like it got stuck in a printer.
“How did you figure it out?”
“By accident. I dropped a few of the pages, and when I was picking them up, I noticed that the two in my hand sort of fit.”
Dawn frowns. “That’s just like the one I found when I was tracing Chloe’s WitSec hack.”
“And the dead birds you had on your dining room table.” Holly leans over the table to look more closely at the symbol.
“I need to tell you guys something,” I confess, my voice shaky. “I didn’t tell the police everything that Martinez told me. He said that the Hummingbird was the one who made him come back into my life. He was supposed to leave flowers and try and find or plant evidence to get me convicted of Jared’s murder.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” This from Dex, his voice deep and dark, his jaw clenched in anger.
My eyes bounce between everyone’s gazes. They’re all looking at me, and their faces are matching stamps of disapproval.
“I don’t know.” It’s the only answer I really have.
It’s the truth. I don’t know why I kept it to myself. My best guess was that it was a feeble attempt to have it all be over. To move on to normal and leave behind the doom and gloom.
“Guys—” Sloane draws the attention from me, and I let out a relieved breath. “Guys, you have to hear this.”
She waves her phone in the air, then pushes the screen and holds it out at arm’s length.
“Go ahead, Martin, tell them what you told me.”
Martin? Who the fuck is Martin?
A voice emanates from the phone. “The Raven got took.”
Ruby’s motorcycle is a custom chopper she built with her dad. It has raven’s wings painted on the side of the tank. It’s really a beautiful bike. And it’s not the first time I’ve heard someone call her that. I raise a brow at Sloane.
“This guy has Ruby’s phone,” Sloane explains. “I was calling it, hoping that she would maybe pull over and answer. Tell me where she is. But this guy answered. He’s some homeless guy that sits in front of a gas station on 35. Tell them what you saw, Martin.”
“The Raven stopped—she was pullin’ out this handphone when all these guys on bikes come up around her. Looked like her friends until they stuffed her in a van. Then one of them even took her sweet-ass bike away. But she dropped her handphone. That’s how I got it.”
The room starts to spin. Fuck. Sloane thanks the guy and hangs up the phone. She looks over at the table and frowns.
“What is that?” She motions to the oddly arranged papers.
Bridget sighs. “It’s Roz’s parole paperwork.”
“I’ve seen that before,” Sloane says, and our heads all snap in her direction, almost in sync.
Dawn stands up, then moves closer to us. “Where would you have seen that?”
“It was on my papers for my severance package from work. I remember thinking it was odd because the company has never had a hummingbird in their logo.”
I stand on shaky legs. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but as I stand, the TV screen on the back wall of the cabin—behind Sloane—comes to life. The screen is white until the first bird drops. One hummingbird… two, three, four, five, six, seven.
It starts to click. My mind turning the puzzle, twisting pieces until they click into place.
He’s not the Hummingbird.
“Martinez said that this guy had ways of finding out secrets and using them against you. That he could even turn people you know against you if they have something to lose. And the day that I got my tattoo, Dex found a hummingbird sketch on his chair when he got there that morning. I think it’s a warning. That sketch was my warning, and he’s the one who set all that trouble into motion after I received it.”
I look at Sloane, standing in front of the screen—then Holly, Bridget, and Dawn. Ruby and Chloe, who aren’t here because… And all the stuff that happened to me, but I survived. And I don’t think I’m the only one this guy is after. I finally work up the courage to give voice to my thoughts.
“I think… we’re the seven hummingbirds.”
Ready for more? Because the story doesn’t end here. No, there’s lots more in store for these girls. Coming this June we’ll kickoff the Seven Hummingbirds series with, Chloe’s story, Penalty Kill.
Penalty Kill (Seven Hummingbirds, #1)
Three years ago I escaped. Three years of living a new life. Three years of living a lie.
It's all catching up with me.
They know where I am and they're coming. I have to run.
Evan Langford was sent to make sure I returned to my new life, but he has no idea who he's protecting. I doubt that he'd still keep me safe if he found out... I'm not the girl he thinks I am.
I'm the one he should be afraid of. They all should.
Because I'm not a victim.
I am a killer.
Welcome to the Back of Book Shit, aka the BoBS. This is the part of the book where I tell you some of the backstories to my books. Holy… fuck. I really never thought I’d make it this far. There were so many obstacles laid in my path to finish this book that I almost gave up.
You see my grandmother, who I called Mamaw, told me that if things are meant to be, then your path becomes easier—things work out effortlessly. If you keep running into obstacles, then someone or something is trying to tell you that you’re on the wrong track. And in some ways, I think she was right, and that held true for these books. Well, most of the time I think that whole adage is pretty on point, but for this book, it was all about the timing.
When I finished this book, I had no clue how much I didn’t know about publishing. You can listen to indie authors talk about it, you can read about it, and do thousands of hours of research, but there is no substitution for firsthand experience. And getting to this point has been a rollercoaster ride for sure. It wasn’t until I found a fantastic support system through a group of authors on Facebook, that I started getting the answers I needed. And if life didn’t throw up all those roadblocks, then I wouldn’t have noticed them before I was ready to publish. Since finding that group, things have almost magically worked out for me, not that it didn’t require effort, but it just started falling into place.
But I promised you the backstory to the duet so here goes…
I may have mentioned it once or twice, that I was once a military wife. And during that time we were assigned to live in Korea, which was both an exciting adventure, and scary as fuck for someone who had only left her home state of Texas few enough times that she could still count them on one hand.
It turned out to be one of the greatest, most life-altering experiences of my life. I do believe in fate to an extent, and I think that me and the friends I made there were fated to meet each other and inspire each other. They have definitely inspired me.
The whole idea for these stories, The Falling Small Duet and the spin-off Seven Hummingbirds series, was inspired by meeting and being part of a close-knit group of friends from all different walks of life, with vastly different interests. The only thing we had that tied us together was an intense loyalty and love. And after finding that, I knew I had to write about it.
But more than that was watching more than one friend deal with a spouse who had PTSD or TBI. The effects of which are different for everyone, but the result is the same—it’s painful and hard for the family to live with, to endure, and to love d
espite the endless pain, anger, and frustration.
Three of my closest friends from Korea, all dealt with this in very different ways, with very different outcomes. There was a part of me that felt every bit of their pain as I watched them endure what they did. So, I took elements from each of their stories and wrapped it into Jared’s story, and that was where the ideas for Falling Small started.
In derby terms, falling small means to land in a way that you lessen the risk of tripping up other players and incurring a penalty. For me, that very much fit this story because Maddie’s constant struggle was trying to take on Jared’s fall and lessen the effects and the pain for everyone else around them. Which is a very typical reaction of anyone in that situation.
It was personal for me because while I didn’t have to deal with someone suffering from PTSD, I did have my own struggles scattered among the pages. My own heart laid bare, and it was tough to put it all out there. I’ve spent fifteen years falling small for my kids, keeping them protected and loved while coping with mental illness and addiction in our family. It’s not like you can walk away. If the person had cancer, you wouldn’t abandon them, so mental health shouldn’t be a deal breaker either, but it’s hard—it takes its toll.
It’s difficult to discern at the moment whether you’re compromising yourself or doing the right thing. And for me, I had to let go of the guilt, let go of the misconception that I was the root of the problem, and to learn to love myself again. I read a poem back then called Dear Woman by Michael E. Reid, it inspired me to pick myself back up from the pieces I had become and find myself again through my writing and lots of deep soul-searching. It was a piece of wisdom that I tried to impart through Maddie’s actions and her overall story arc.
I sometimes wish I had Maddie’s support system. I do in some regards, but my friends are scattered across the globe now, and it’s just my kids and me on our own, for now. But I have a good feeling that things might start looking up for us sometime soon.
One of my biggest goals with my books is to be realistic about the complexity of life in general. There are no good guys, and there are no bad guys. Well, we’ll still have to wait and see what the Hummingbird is all about, but for this duet, there isn’t a black-and-white storyline. Everything in life is shades of gray. There are always two sides to every story.
And if you got pissed at Maddie for finally giving in and sleeping with Law at the end, ask yourself: if you were in her shoes, neglected and abused, then faced with someone who came at you with complete adoration, you’d have a hard time saying no too. Because it’s a fundamental need to want to be accepted and adored.
That need to be understood drives us all, it is the very heart of human nature.
The other part of this was inspired by a blog post I read years ago on the three types of love. The article maintained that most people will fall in love three times. The first love is your ideal. What you believe that love and relationships should look like based on family values and societal norms. The problem with these relationships is often a lack of chemistry, and in the end, you lose interest over time, or the incompatibility begins to cause issues that lead to the relationship’s demise.
The second type is generally instigated by the shortcomings of the first, and you go out looking for someone that fulfills that need for a chemical connection alone. These relationships are often intense and fiery, full of great sex, and lots of arguments. When that one goes up in flames, because they all do eventually, you’ll be more self-aware and open to meeting the third and final type of love.
The third type is often called the soulmate. These are the ones who have one foot on both sides. They fit the ideals of what a relationship should look like, fit into your family values, and you have intense chemistry. This is your forever love and if you’re lucky enough to find it—hold on tight and never let it go.
That article hit close to home for me, because I had been there, stuck in a repeating evolution of the first two, unwilling to learn from my mistakes, so in a way, this story was trying to impart some wisdom on that front.
Law took on a life of his own when writing him. He had more personality than he was ever meant to have and for that reason alone, I really don’t know what the future holds for those three, but they’ll have their final showdown by the end of the series. You will have an answer.
And I really can’t wait to share the rest of the girls’ stories with you. The inspiration for each comes from very different sources, but I think you’re going to love them if you stuck with me this far.
Thank you so much for reading. I love you guys so much for sticking with me through this epic tale. You make every minute I spend writing worth it, you make every sacrifice my family had to endure to see these books published worth it, just by buying and reading my books. And as long as you stick with me and keep buying books, I will continue writing them. I have an endless well of inspiration to draw from.
Until then, be you. Stay original.
Rebel
Surprisingly there are a lot fewer people to thank when it comes to this book as opposed to False Start. Mostly because I had a hard time sharing this one. This is where the story got personal for me. I kept it close to the vest for a full year before I finally, finally relinquished it into the hands of my editor. And still, that was an excruciatingly difficult moment for me. I sat there with the email in compose mode for at least 12 hours before I walked away and made my soon-to-be-ex-husband push the button for me. And that’s not a joke, I’m not divorcing him because he pushed the button.
So, I at least have to thank him for that. And for the sticking around and funding my first books, and for believing in my talent. But I said all that nice shit in the first book, and really, I’m kind of fucking sick of thanking him at this point. A lot of that comes from a well-earned place for me.
I really do need to thank my editor though, Sandra Depukat of One Love Editing is quite simply, my editing soulmate. She gets me in a way most others have failed. I’m not a delicate flower, you can straight up tell me when something’s wrong, but you got to get the fact that I do have a point, I have a message and a moral to my tales. And when I’m failing to communicate that effectively, Sandra and I would have Q&A chats where she tried to help me pinpoint where I was going wrong.
I mean there were some profound philosophical questions thrown my way, but the fact that she knew that I had an answer for all of them pretty much attached me to her for life. She would laugh and say that she was venturing into “book club territory,” but it helped in the end. I think this book shines because of the extra care and attention to detail it got to make sure the story was told clearly.
Then there’s Cassie Sharp, I really don’t know what I’d do without this woman. She beta reads for me, but she does so much more than that. She’s willing to give another pass to rewrites and additions to see if we cleared up misunderstandings and got the point across. She also puts up with my incessant questions over teasers and cover design, and what the fuck I’m writing in my BoBS and acknowledgments pages. I even ran my dedication page by her to make sure I didn’t sound like a bitter, lonely bitch.
If Sandra is my right hand, then Cassie has quickly become my left. I couldn’t do it without you two. Both of y’all are amazing, and I’m endlessly grateful for all your help, your belief in me and your support.
Also need to thank my other beta readers, Melissa Pascoe and Trisha Haberthur. Trisha, you did an excellent job as always in pointing out my story’s weaknesses. And Melissa, your last minute confirmation that we had indeed fixed the story and suggestions for tiny tweaks were awesome. I can’t thank you both enough for your time and work in helping me get my story told in the right way.
Jenn Wood of All About the Edits, I think you did a fantastic job of finding all the little errors. I don’t think readers realize the potential amount of typos that can exist in a 104k+ word manuscript, combing through that for all the little bits and pieces is an extraordi
nary task. I think Jenn did an excellent job. But really time will tell because I still don’t see the errors after living with this manuscript for more than a year.
And for the man who didn’t get any credit for working on False Start because, well, I write all this before I give it to him. I really need to thank Erik Gevers. He helped me create not one, but two beautiful book interiors that really highlight the stories themselves. He’s also the last line of defense in proofreading these books and making sure I’m delivering as clean of a book as possible to you. He made some absolutely good catches with False Start and I have no doubt he’ll find a few in this book, too. And he put up with my picky long-listed feedback, patiently regarding my ridiculous demands for cool shit, and consoling my naiveté in thinking some things can be done that are just beyond current technology. He graciously made the changes that were possible and didn’t even get a mention. Well, not this time, buddy. You’re getting acknowledged and thanked for your hard work. I really do appreciate your skill, your knowledge, and your ability to put up with me.
Thank you again Regina Wamba for yet another amazing cover design. It took us more than a few tries to get this one right, but I couldn’t be happier with the results. You truly do exceed my expectations every time. It’s amazing to me how you nail the vision I had for each book with very limited instructions. Your work is truly astounding.
And a very special thanks to poet Michael E. Reid for the use of his poem Dear Woman as an Epigraph to this novel. I talked a bit about how it inspired me both personally and in the writing of this duet in the BoBS. It was so very kind of him to allow me to publish his work in my book. I hope his message reaches my readers who need to hear it, too, the way it did for me.