by Simon Archer
“She does have a point, Martin,” Sayles said, his liquid voice entering the conversation with the ease of a lily pad floating on a pond. The white dragon lowered himself to the ground and rested his head on his webbed claws to get closer to me. “If you are spending so much of your time getting the court to trust you, how are you ever going to earn our trust?”
I gulped, unsure of how to continue. Ffamran’s voice popped into my head.
“Invite them to come with you to paint,” Ffamran urged in my mind.
As I contemplated Ffamran’s words, something occurred to me. Wasn’t I just complaining about this exact thing to the council earlier today? I thought I had given them all these reasons to trust me, and they still didn’t. While that might not have made sense to me, it made me consider what I had done to make the dragon clan trust me.
There was that initial trust when I bonded with them, but since then, it hadn’t really grown. It was like applying for a job I was woefully under-qualified for and expecting to get it. I needed to show them, give them something in order to get something in return. It was a two-way street, and so far, I hadn’t been willing to travel down it.
Maybe this invitation to something so meaningful to me would be a step forward. A step towards mutual trust. A step towards liking these dragons instead of still fearing them. A step towards feeling like I’d actually earned the title of King.
I took a huge breath and tried to wipe the anticipation from my face. I opened my chest and prepared to expose my inner self as I extended the olive branch.
“I would like to invite you to join me, one by one, to my painting sessions,” I said. I took another breath and slowed down. “This is the time where Ffamran and I got to know each other the best. It’s important to me that I get to know every one of you. This painting time is when I am most vulnerable, and I don’t let anyone other than Ffamran join me… but I would like to change that, starting with you.”
The dragons eyed me, each in their own way. Jin seemed royally disinterested and unimpressed. Maximus smiled proudly, the only one who might know the weight of what I was asking and how hard it was for me. Kolo’s eyes looked up and to the right, considering my offer. Johan tapped his claws on the ground, adding to the chatter of the woods. Sayles lifted his head off its resting spot with clear interest.
Finally, Ninji stepped forward and lowered her head down to me so we could look at each other in the eye. They glowed like gems, beautiful amethyst gems blinking from a hidden cave. They sparkled just as much, too, with a pleased light at the heart of them. Her smile curled into something delighted, not menacing despite her array of sharp white teeth.
I tried to brighten my own eyes like hers and show my sincerity and confidence. She moved her nose forward, ever so slightly. My hand raised to meet her, greeting her just as Ffamran and I had all those months ago.
Upon contact with her round snout, the light appeared on my arm. It raced up my shoulder and onto Ninji’s face. All at once, we were transported to the white space.
14
Ffamran and I first visited this white space when we had decided to bond. It was here that we first connected over losing loved ones and the desire to do better for ourselves and others. I painted his original home out by the sea without ever having seen it, and it marveled him. Our drawing sessions in the woods were the closest things that we could get to capturing that first magical meeting.
Now, the beautiful Ninji and I found ourselves in the same space. The light still glowed on my skin. I tried to dampen it, but it didn’t listen. If anything, it grew brighter.
“I believe you are supposed to paint with it,” Ninji suggested.
“What do you want me to paint?” I asked, thinking back to how much the beach impacted Ffamran. If there were something that I could paint for Ninji, maybe it would be the first step to trust.
Ninji’s eyes flitted up to the sky, thinking. “Could you paint your answer to a question?”
“I mean, sure,” I said with a blink, slightly thrown off by her suggestion. “What’s the question?”
“What does grace look like to you?”
I only had to think about it for a millisecond before my hand started moving. The light reached out and completed the picture in my head. Stroke by stroke, I colored in the image. I added layers and shades and expanded the canvas to encompass the enormity of my vision.
A grand ballroom erupted onto the white space. Elegant people spun around the floor of this elaborate setting, with high narrow windows and arched ceilings. Gold accented the trim and shined bright against the candlelight. There was a string quartet in the corner, elevated on a small platform. The figures danced in time with the deep music, letting it touch their souls.
Suddenly, another image popped into view. I added the final touches to the ballroom and then moved to another section of white, waiting to be filled.
This time, I drew the Marked Woods as I knew it. I added the large, thick trunks of trees and the twitching leaves, green though as I recreated the forest in summertime. A hunter with a camouflage cloak covering her head and bow and arrow hanging from her hand emerged as I kept drawing. I would be lying if I said the hunter didn’t resemble Diana, but I didn’t focus on her features. I focused on her movement. The way she crouched when narrowing in on a target or how she pursued one with silent, quick feet.
A final vision appeared, and I raced to draw that one. This was the ultimate example of grace. I just knew it. I drew around the white with a pale blue so that the whiteness shaped into fluffy clouds. I added only shading to puff them out a little more.
Then I drew Ffamran.
He was one of my favorite things to draw because I never felt I did him justice. It was like a challenge to capture his likeness exactly. Once again, I didn’t think I caught it completely, but hopefully, Ninji got the gist.
The purple dragon soared in the air. His wings dipped and stretched at just the right times in order to stay aloft. He swooped and dove, painting his own gorgeous picture in the sky. The most important part of that image was the fact that the dragon’s eyes were closed. Flying was not only beautiful, but it was effortless. Something that came so naturally to him that it would ache not to fly.
I took a step back and looked at Ninji. It was only then that the light retreated back. My skin grew dim and returned to normal.
The pink dragon walked around the three scenes, disturbing nothing, like a ghost walking through a wall. She twirled in each and observed every corner. Her face remained passive, contemplative.
I felt like a school kid getting graded on her work. It was an unpleasant feeling because I was used to being judged harshly. My art was good, that much I knew. That much I was confident in. What I wasn’t confident in was how well I had answered her question.
Grace, to me, came in many forms. These were three of the best depictions I could imagine. If Ninji didn’t accept them, well… we would have to agree to disagree.
When she looked at the image of Ffamran flying, Ninji broke into that special smile again. “Your souls are more intertwined than I have ever seen.”
“Thank you?” I said, not intending the phrase to be a question, but my voice made it one.
“It was a compliment,” Ninji clarified. “I am envious of it. This bond between the two of you is natural.”
“Our bond can be that way,” I offered, wanting it to be true.
“My dear,” Ninji said as she turned away from the image of Ffamran. “Ffamran will always be your strongest bond, but I am flattered that you think we could get so close.”
“I don’t hate any of you, you know,” I felt compelled to say. “I want to get to know you, but the whole thing feels so formal and kind of forced.”
“I can see where it might feel that way,” Ninji sympathized. “Especially when you have enough pressure on your shoulders. Being a king wasn’t in the plan, was it?”
“None of this was in the plan,” I admitted.
“I do not belie
ve anyone plans on being king, especially when you are not born into it,” Ninji said. “I also believe that no one is given a power as great as yours without the belief that they can handle it.”
“What about Hennar?” I asked, my mind turning philosophical. “He doesn’t seem to be handling that level of power very well.”
“Is that true, though?” Ninji challenged with a taunting smirk. “He may be handling it differently, but he sure has control over his abilities.”
“I’m working on that part,” I said sheepishly. “To my credit, I haven’t had them nearly as long as he has.”
“That is true,” Ninji conceded. “Can I ask you another question?”
“Sure,” I said.
“When looking at your answers, you interpreted grace as something merely physical,” Ninji said. “Is grace only physical?”
Smartly, I paused before answering the question. I initially went with the first thing that popped into my head. Grace was something smooth and beautiful. It radiated off someone like kindness or confidence. But those weren’t physical traits. They had physical characteristics, but the traits themselves were less tangible.
There was still one more section of white space. I approached it slowly, putting one foot in front of the other. Like walking a tightrope. My eyes shifted from corner to corner as the pieces fell into place. The blurry image cleared, and I stretched out my hand.
Once again, the light leapt to my fingertips, ready to fill the space, but I found I couldn’t quite do it.
“I don’t know how to paint that.” As the words left my lips, I found them to be true. I turned back to Ninji, dumbstruck. “I don’t know how to paint that,” I repeated.
“Why not?”
“Because there are so many examples,” I said, blinking rapidly. “I don’t know which to pick. I drew grace in the physical sense because that’s what I could easily represent. The grace you speak of is a feeling. It’s courtesy and goodwill and honoring something. It’s when someone yells at you, and instead of yelling back, you understand the source of their anger isn’t at you. So, you extend them grace and understanding.”
I held my elbows and curled in on myself. Unwanted memories of my parents flashed in my mind’s eye. I thought about the times we said grace around the dinner table, and the times my mom graced the pictures of my dad’s old Polaroid camera. Unwillingly, I recognized that the word “grace” meant so much more than I could ever depict, even in this unlimited space.
I looked up at Ninji with tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t answer your question. Or I can, but there are a million answers. I know grace when I see it. And I strive to have it, even though I don’t possess it. Not in the physical way or the other way. I wish I did. It would make me a better person, maybe a better leader.”
“I think, Lord Anthony, that you will surprise yourself,” Ninji mused. “I once offered the gift of grace to a human when we bonded.”
“I didn’t think you had another merkin,” I said abruptly. But then I was struck by what she was admitting, “You offered King Garham your gift?” There was a trace of disbelief in my voice. The Dragon King of legends, who created the bond, had been offered Ninji’s gift?
“I had a bond with the king, though it was not strong,” Ninji recalled. “He rejected my gift of grace.”
“You can reject a gift?” I blurted out. I wiped the excess tears from my eyes, all the sadness suddenly replaced by shock. “Seriously? King Garham rejected it!?” I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it the idea of the Dragon King rejecting a bonded dragon’s gift.
“He believed he already possessed grace,” Ninji said, her voice raspy like it was caught in a memory. “He did not need it, he told me. He asked for another gift, but that was the only one I had to offer.”
Ninji’s neck stiffened, and I could tell the whole conversation was as fresh a wound today as it had been the day it occurred.
“Needless to say, we would not go on to have a strong bond,” Ninji said with a sad smile that did not reach her eyes. “I bonded with you, Martin, because I believed it was my duty as one of the remaining dragons. However, I do not wish to recreate the failure of my last bond with my last merkin. I warn you that many of us that survived Hennar’s genocide feel similarly. We are as wary of you as you are of us. We want it to work, but fear impedes us.”
“I can relate to that,” I answered, my voice low and vulnerable.
“I see that now,” Ninji admitted. “Which is why I think you will do well as our king if you continue down this route. If you do not lose sight of what is right and extend grace when it is required.”
“I can promise to try my best,” I offered. “I still don’t think I deserve any of this.”
“That will come with time,” Ninji said reassuringly. “And with help. You will not be able to do it alone.”
“I need a lot of help,” I said, thinking back to the introduction to court and the chess games and the time management needed for all these new activities.
“I do not mean help with just the practical things,” Ninji said as if reading my mind. “I mean help with all of it.”
“I think I understand,” I said with a furrowed brow. “I might need a night to sleep on it, but as I said, I can promise to try.”
“That is all I can ask for.” Ninji smiled then, that brilliant and welcoming smile. “I do like you, Martin.”
“I like you too, Ninji,” I replied, a little too enthusiastically. “You’re gorgeous and kind and super insightful.”
Ninji’s laugh, like dancing glitter, erupted again. “That is high praise, my lord, thank you.”
“It’s true,” I said assuredly.
“I believe I will enjoy our future conversations,” the pink dragon said with a twinkle in her eye. “Will you accept my gift of grace?”
“You know, this whole process is a hell of a lot more formal than when Ffamran and I did it,” I commended offhandedly.
“Well, we may all be dragons, but we are all different races and come from different clans,” Ninji explained. “Bonding with each of us will be a unique experience. Do you accept my gift of grace?”
“Oh yeah. Absolutely,” I said, though I was still nervous about the whole thing.
I didn’t know how this gift was going to change me. I still wanted to be myself, just a better version. I thought the light did that, but I didn’t want to be able to do seven pirouettes in a row suddenly or easily forgive every person that did me wrong. I didn’t think that was healthy or would do well for my mental sanity.
But I didn’t voice any of this. I decided to stay quiet and trust Ninji. I knew that not all gifts bequeathed to humans by their animal merkins were extravagant. Bailey-Sue’s was as simple as seeing in the dark. Fipmly the goat gave Styu some extra strength so he could work a little easier. Not every gift was going to be a light show erupting from my hands.
A brief thought about Diana’s unknown gift flitted through my head. Maybe hers was also subtler, something I wouldn’t notice at first, second, or even third glance.
I shook my head a little and turned my attention back to Ninji. She cocked her head at me. “Where did you go just now?”
“Thinking about Diana,” I answered without considering the consequences of that much honesty.
“Huh,” Ninji said skeptically.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, a little annoyed by her nonchalance.
“Nothing,” Ninji answered, trying to be casual and failing. “We should be heading back to the others, don’t you think?”
“I want to know what you think of Diana because apparently, you have an opinion,” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest and stubbornly held my ground.
Ninji released a half-hearted sigh. She avoided eye contact with me and paused. I waited, unperturbed by her silence. I wasn’t leaving here until she cracked, and while she might have gifted me with grace, that didn’t mean I was going to relinquish my stubborn ways.
“She is attractive, I will give you that,” Ninji said with a cautious lilt. “However, I believe there are better women out there for you.”
“I’m not looking to marry her, you know,” I said, slightly perturbed at her implication.
“I never said you had to,” Ninji responded. “I am simply saying that there are other women, perhaps a little less conventionally attractive, but with more sincerity and kindness. Those can be wonderful aphrodisiacs.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I narrowed my gaze at her, but Ninji closed her lips and shook her head.
“You will do what you will,” the dragon relented. “Come now, let us return to the clan.”
“Fine,” I said with a sharp gaze on her, “but I want to know who or what you’re talking about.”
“I am sure you will figure it out at some point,” Ninji said as she lowered her face to mine. “I just hope it is not when the opportunity has passed.”
“Well, that’s not ominous at all,” I replied sarcastically. Then I put my hand to her snout, and we emerged from the white space, back into the Marked Woods, where night had officially fallen.
15
I awoke to the sound of knocking on my door. My eyes peeled open as the knock escalated from a light tap to a quick pounding within an unreasonably short time. Irritated, I flung back the covers, uncaring about my bare chest. I shuffled from the bed to the chamber door where the knocking now sounded as though someone was trying to break down my door.
“Hey!” I shouted, my voice still hoarse from not being used yet.
The knocking stopped.
“Thank you,” I said, lower now. I unlocked the door and opened it just a crack.
Standing on the other side was my favorite messenger guard. His gangly frame stood erect, his face gaunt and bland. I only ever saw Travis when he was delivering messages, though Diana assured me Travis was a faithful member of the king’s guard and did more than that. Travis never spoke to me, had never uttered a word. I even had to find out his name from Diana because the messenger never answered when I spoke to him.