by Simon Archer
“My clan was few in number,” Jin said by way of an answer. “We were often slaughtered upon birth because of the danger we posed to other creatures, of all kinds.”
“What kind of danger?” I wondered, intrigued.
“We can control the minds of other creatures,” Jin admitted. The confession hung in the air, like a puff of smoke not yet dissolved. “No one likes to lose control, especially over their own mind and body.”
“So, that’s what you did to me?” I clarified. “You took control of me, so I would stop abusing my bonds?”
“It was the only way we could get through to you,” Jin explained with urgency and fear I hadn’t heard from her ever. “The others tried every way we knew how, even Ffamran, who should have the strongest bond to you.”
Guilt struck me so hard I nearly fell over onto my back again. The thought of the clan in any amount of pain or distress, especially at my hand, made my throat close with regret and shame.
“So I stepped in and commanded Ffamran to allow access to your bond, and I sent a message down it again and again until I could finally reach you,” Jin continued.
“I am so sorry,” I said, the words finally releasing from my clogged throat. “I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry. I had no idea. I didn’t even know this was a thing that could happen.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Jin snapped suddenly. “You are completely unaware of the power you hold.”
The dragon whipped her tail around and turned away from me. She sauntered off, the curve of her muscles rippling along her back with each step. As I watched her walk away, the answer fell into my lap. The acceptance of it was greater than any physical pain I was currently experiencing.
“You’re right,” I said, not bothering to raise my voice. “You’re one hundred percent right. I am undeserving. When I came here, it was for completely selfish reasons. I didn’t want to help anyone. I didn’t want to be anyone’s hero. I wanted an escape.” I sighed. “Even just now, when I was thinking about killing Hennar, I only wanted to do it for myself. So that this would be over. I wouldn’t have any more responsibility, and I could get on with my escape plan.”
I huffed and leaned my head back to gaze once more at the sky. I swallowed before continuing. “Someone better should have these powers. Someone with a big heart and a sense of true nobility and selflessness. They should be your king. Not me. It should never have been me.”
My head flopped to my chest, and I let it hang there, not caring about the strain it put on my neck. I let the shame swallow me, regret by regret, like a black hole.
It wasn’t a secret that I didn’t feel equipped to be king. But in spite of all of their praise and encouragement, I still didn’t get the hang of that royal sense of duty. No matter how much I faked it until I made it, the final lesson that would launch me into being the ideal king and savior didn’t come. At this moment, I realized that it probably never was.
A slick, cold tingle touched the tip of my chin. I saw it was the end of Jin’s magnificent tail lifting my head. I let her maneuver me until our eyes met one another. Hers swirled and blazed as if an entire galaxy hid behind her eyes.
“Well done, Martin,” Jin said, her voice the softest I had ever heard it.
I sniffled in response. “What do you mean?”
“I have been waiting for so long for you to just admit that you are not good for this job,” Jin said as she tilted her head.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said sarcastically.
“Humility and humbleness are not natural traits for someone like you, but they are necessary to rule,” Jin continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “You need to know your weaknesses to learn to compensate for them. You need help.”
“As in therapy?” I asked, a little confused.
“No,” Jin said sternly. “You need to ask for help when confronted with your shortcomings. You are inexperienced in human relations, having been alone for as long as you were. Because of that, you have only had to think of yourself that has become your natural default.”
“Gee, thanks,” I replied, uninspired by this backward pep talk. “Anything else?”
“You are stubborn,” Jin continued, “which can sometimes mean you don’t know when to quit, for better or worse. So, hear me when I say this, you will not be able to do this alone. That is why you have the bonds, with the clan and with other humans. Do you understand?”
“I think so,” I said with a nod.
Jin wiped it away with the end of her tail. “I believe if you do not understand now, that you will in time.”
“Thanks?” I said, unsure if she was giving me a compliment. If so, it would be the first she ever gave.
“You are welcome,” Jin said smugly, rather proud herself for someone preaching humility, but then she sighed, suddenly revealing her own tiredness. “I am still hesitant to bond with you.”
“You want to bond with me?” I asked incredulously. I pointed to my chest and looked around, just to make sure there wasn’t anyone else in the lavender-tinted vicinity. “I thought you hated me.”
“Hate is a strong word,” Jin mused. “Dislike is more accurate.”
“Cool,” I grimaced.
“Regardless of whether or not I like you, Martin,” Jin said, lowering her head back to my level, “I made a mistake years ago by selecting Hennar. He was unable to admit to his flaws, and instead, he let himself be consumed by them. I will not make the same mistake, and I need to fix it. You are the best chance of doing that.”
“Again, thanks?” I repeated, turning my gratitude into a question.
“But bonding with you means sharing my gift with you, and I am afraid it will be abused,” Jin admitted, a rare moment of vulnerability.
I opened my mouth but closed it again, unsure of how to respond. At the mention of handling another gift, a new fear popped up like a weed in a flower garden. I had already been pushing my gifts to its limits, but now I had gone even past that. I caused the dragons distress and subjected them to the fear of a fate worse than death. All because I couldn’t control myself. All because I let my rage go past the point of reason.
I had been willing to destroy myself to destroy Hennar, but I could no longer think of just myself. I had bonds with five, nearly six, other creatures who entrusted me with their lives. I bruised and abused that trust, probably more than once.
Internally, I scolded myself for being so foolish, as Jin had said. I resolved not to do it again. I couldn’t bring myself to make a mistake that large again.
“I won’t abuse it, Jin,” I said aloud, vowing to myself as well. “If you ask it of me, I won’t ever use your gift if you believe that to be best.”
The dragon gazed at me with a look that shifted from suspicious to pondering to surprised.
“You are sincere,” Jin said. It wasn’t a question.
I waited, giving Jin the space she needed to make a decision. We sat in the pause together, breathing in the same space. Purple clouds continued to roll overhead, and the grass swayed beneath our feet.
“If you swear not to use it, then I agree to bond with you,” Jin finally declared.
“I agree,” I said without a second thought. Not because I was being careless, but because I knew it was the correct decision.
“Then it shall be,” Jin proclaimed.
The world around us froze. A silent moment passed between the pair of us. The visual of the tangle of yellow strands appeared in my mind’s eye. Suddenly, another strand, a sixth, slid into view. It joined the others in the center and pulled taut, forming a whole stronger than any individual strand.
39
I sat by Diana’s bedside as much as I could while she recovered. They kept her in the infirmary until she woke up. While she stayed incapacitated, they assured me that she wasn’t dying. Instead, she was recovering normally. I checked her nightly for any corruption, but there wasn’t a trace on her. Apparently, my battle with Hennar had been good for something, considering Dia
na was on her way to being fully healthy.
The physicians told us that there was no official way of knowing when she would wake up, but they assured us that she would. As of now, there was nothing wrong with her. She simply needed to recover.
Each time I visited her, I was tempted to end any remaining suffering and just heal her up the rest of the way. With the bump from her gift, it might not be too difficult. However, the scare from that last encounter with Hennar made me hesitant to use my gifts in any situation. Plus, I didn’t want to use Diana’s ability without her permission.
So we waited.
It wasn’t as though I had nothing to do while she recovered. I was in the middle of the final task for the introduction.
King Atlus had found me after I successfully healed Diana and “came out of my trance,” as Maji called it. I had my own bunk at the infirmary just so they could monitor me and run a couple of tests. I tried to tell them I was fine, but no one seemed to listen.
“King’s orders,” was all they would say to me as a way of explanation. So when the king himself entered the infirmary, I didn’t miss a single second in interrogating him.
“When the hell am I getting out of here?” I asked right away when Atlus approached my bed.
“Well, hello to you too,” the king said with a cheeky smile.
“I’m sorry,” I said and then cleared my throat. “Hello, sire, when the hell am I getting out of here?”
Atlus laughed. “I needed to make sure you were alright.”
“I’m alright,” I assured him. “Can I go now?”
“Where do you have to run in such a hurry?” King Atlus asked with an arched eyebrow.
“Well, I would like to check on Diana, which they are refusing to let me do until I’m cleared,” I explained, letting my annoyance seep through every word. “And then, I plan to make my way to the Marked Woods and find the nearest rock, so I can decorate the hell out of it. Maybe go on a ride with my dragon, pick up an extra shift in the Zoo. I don’t know… anything, but stay stuck in this bed!”
The king approached my bed and gripped the end of the wooden footboard. Two rings glinted in the firelight, and his knuckles turned white. I cocked my head to one side and scooted forward on the bed.
“Atlus,” I said, changing my tone to something more cautious. “What are you doing here?”
The king’s shoulders rose and fell with a dramatic breath. “The court is rather terrified after Diana’s collapse.”
“Good,” I said without a shred of shame. “They should be. They should know exactly what Hennar’s doing.”
“I agree,” King Atlus said, still refusing to meet my eye. “But oddly enough, they are in a more terrified state of awe of you.”
“Cause that makes sense. The rest of Insomier doesn’t fear me, so why does the court?” I replied, astonished. “Care to explain that one to me?”
“Some of them stuck around and saw what you did to heal her,” Atlus explained. “They crept up to the balconies and watched your light. It was an astonishing display of power, they said.”
“But I healed her,” I reasoned. “Why are they afraid of me?”
“Only some of them are,” Atlus said, as if this was some consolation prize. “Madame Ella has got them convinced that you infected Diana in the first place, only to earn our trust when you healed her. She thinks it’s a power play.”
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” I said, exasperated. “That is absurd!”
“I agree,” the king said with a hefty sigh. “The rest of us see how your gifts can be used to help the kingdom. As such, there was a compromise made to allow Eamon back into the introduction.”
“Wait.” I held out my hands like a cop trying to stop traffic. “So you’re telling me that half of the council trusts me and the other half doesn’t, and now suddenly Eamon is back in the running to be introduced?”
“Yes,” the king said with a sheepish smile. “It is rather confusing, I know.”
“It’s not just confusing, it’s ridiculous,” I exclaimed.
“Martin,” King Atlus said my name with a plea that made me look at him straight on. “We need to convince the rest of them that you are not here to hurt us. In order to do that, I needed to give them some leeway. Instead of just kicking you out of the process as that group demanded, I convinced them to let you finish this process and prove to them that you are here for Insomier. To do so, Eamon was allowed back in.”
“It doesn’t sound like it’s going to do much good if they’ve already made up their minds,” I said.
“The Ball gives you a chance to show off your gifts,” Atlus went on. “Not only is it a celebration of the inductees for the whole court, but it is where you get to display your gifts. It is there you can show them the benefits of what you can do.”
“They’ve seen what I can do,” I argued, “and half of the court still fears me. I don’t know how a full magic show is going to change their minds.”
“Please, Martin,” the king said as he reached out and took my hand in a handshake. “Just give it another couple of weeks, get through the Ball, and then things will change. I promise.”
I looked at our hands stretched out over the crisp white linen. Our skin tones were fairly similar, but where my fingers were rough and calloused, Atlus’s were smooth and long, like a piano player. I shook his hand and released it, flopping backward on the lumpy infirmary pillow.
“Fine. I will get through the Ball.” I gestured at Atlus, smirking as his face fell into relief.
“Thank you, Martin.” He stated sincerely.
“You can thank me but telling the physicians to let me out of here,” I protested.
Luckily, he did just that, and I was free to go about my training for the Ball, continue my watch over Diana, and resume my chess lessons. I did get a couple of chances to travel into the Marked Woods to draw, but the weather was dipping into colder temperatures. Back in my original world, I would have finished up some fall festival outside paintings by now and then called it for the rest of the year. I would take up some canvas and paints to fill the gaps during the snowy months.
The one thing I didn’t do right away was to visit the dragons. I was nervous about facing them after everything. Ffamran checked on me a couple of times, but I always made up some excuse about introduction lessons or visiting Diana that evening. None of them seemed to mind, but I knew I would have to face them at some point.
However, after what Jin had told me about the strain it put on the dragons, I didn’t want to face that mistake again. I didn’t want to see their faces when I apologized. I wasn’t quite ready for that. I didn’t know if I would ever be ready, but right now, I had enough excuses to continue to avoid that confrontation.
I wasn’t exactly lying. Madame Lilysmyth kept us incessantly busy with preparations for the Ball. Mainly, that meant dance lessons.
The only positive of these lessons was that I was improving. They were relatively similar to the joint group dances I watched in Victorian-era movies, or something out of Jane Austen novels. However, since Insomier didn’t have archaic notions about same-sex relationships, there weren’t any expectations about who led and who followed. Instead, we got to learn both parts.
I was better at leading than following, predictably. Sometimes it was hard for me to follow since everyone we practiced with, mainly the inductees and Madame Lilysmyth, was shorter than me. Ideally, the lead was taller than the follower which helped with turns and such. So, there were many awkward collisions with forearms to foreheads, heads to other heads, and of course, feet on toes.
I stifled a yawn as we watched Madame Lilysmyth waltz on the floor with Eamon. We were going on four hours of practice today, working through dinner. The sun had already set, a sign of the shortening days as we moved into fall and winter.
The ballroom was a spectacular piece of architecture and interior design. There was an upper level that descended directly to the dance floor with a wide grand staircase.
A chandelier hung from the mirrored ceiling, an effect that made the whole room grander somehow. Around the outside of the rectangular dance floor were assorted tables and chairs. Some couches and armchairs mixed in, all various pastel colors. The whole thing looked like it had come right out of Versailles itself.
Unfortunately, the hours of relentless practice weighed on me, and after spending several days in a row locked in this room, it had sort of lost its dazzle for me.
I released another yawn that Madame Lilysmyth caught, to my dismay.
“Lord Anthony!” She called out from her spinning with Eamon. She had resorted back to our formal names, considering we were going into the final stages of the introduction process. “If you must yawn, you need to cover it with your hand or with your handkerchief as instructed.”
“Sorry,” I said with another large and obnoxious yawn.
Madame Lilysmyth groaned, and the rumble caused Eamon to lose time. Her attention shifted to scolding him with a whack from her fan on his head. Em giggled beside me, and I shrugged back at her, slightly apologetic.
“I didn’t mean to throw off Eamon,” I whispered to her.
“A sneeze would throw off Eamon,” Em commented. “The poor lug is so uncoordinated.”
We watched her assessment in action as Madame Lilysmyth’s loud counts echoed throughout the room, while Eamon’s clunky feet plopped about. They missed every number, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little myself.
“How are you feeling?” I asked offhandedly to my friend. We chatted a bit during our chess lessons, which now perpetually took place in her chambers so I could trade off playing both her and Atlus.
“I am alright,” she said, shaking her cane a little. “I’m upright today, which is always a good sign.”
“Yeah, that’s nice,” I said, not really knowing how to follow that up.
“It was a little scary, you know, when Diana got sick,” Em said, staring straight ahead. “It reminded me of when I was corrupted.”
I shifted my head so I could look directly at her. She hadn’t spoken about Diana’s corruption or her own, for that matter. I wondered why she brought it up now.