by Teo Xue Shen
Within seconds, in a whirlwind of activity, my Extensions are smashed and broken. I get up close and fire, stabbing it in the eye with my butterfly knife for extra impact. Disgusting. Its actions are punctuated by low moans, the sort you would expect to hear from a demented spectre. Worst of all is its face. Severely disfigured, it bobs around constantly, quivering as though the bones inside have been dissolved. The only thing holding it together is the Extension of the Aldabra giant tortoise, which coats its entire head, forming an impenetrable shell.
I realise, too late, that bullets and knives have no effect on the Hekatonkheires. They don’t falter, even as we pulp them with magazine after magazine of ammunition. Short of complete dismemberment, I can’t think of a way to stop them. Not again. Street 51 comes to mind. The feeling is exactly the same. Will I lose my entire squad once again, mired in that dogged incompetence which I can never seem to overcome?
A set of four clubs knocks the Hekatonkheire away from me. Raine is hammering away at one on her own, perched precariously on its misshapen shoulders. Behind her is Hyung, his Extension latched onto another Hekatonkheire. The Hekatonkheire slashes with a wolverine’s claw, slicing clean through his Extension. Grunting, he produces another, attacking the creature viciously. It’s futile. Any idiot can tell that they have the upper hand. We’re being forced back rapidly, without so much as a moment to catch our breaths. A scream. Sean’s been knocked to the ground. I move to help him, only to find the Hekatonkheire blocking my way. I charge. An eel-like Extension comes for me. I stab it with the tip of my tail, lifting myself into the air. Kicking off the Hekatonkheire’s head, I barrel towards Sean, grabbing his enemy by the numerous Extensions sprouting from its back, giving him enough time to recover and roll out of the way.
“Get to the damn car!” someone yells in the background.
Something hits me. Probably an Extension of some sort. Pain flares as I’m catapulted through the air. I land with the taste of blood in my mouth. I’m betting on a busted rib or two. I’m gasping like a dying fish, my vision blurring as the stabbing pain ricochets through my body. Sean grabs my shoulder and begins to drag me towards the car. Screw that. I brush his arm off and swat a Hekatonkheire across the head with a pincer. I’m pushing my limits here, with nine pincers emerging from my back. Grab. Rip. Grab. Rip. Methodically, I set about tearing the Extensions off the Hekatonkheire. It’s almost become a war of attrition. Whoever runs out of stamina first, loses. I mean, resources are needed to replenish the Extensions, right?
Black shape in the air. I reach out to crush it, and then realise that it’s too small to be a Hekatonkheire. So I catch it instead. It’s Raine, a gash across her stomach. She shimmies down my Extension, too exhausted to use her own. Two limp, vermilion clubs hover above her head. This is impossible.
“Sean!” Rick roars. “Get April to the car!”
He’s barely holding his own, his Extension held like a shield over his head. Distracted, however, he’s no match for the Hekatonkheire’s speed. It clubs his shield aside, raises a gargantuan paw and brings it down upon his defenseless head. Things seem to slow down. I’m too far away to help, with a bleeding Raine in my clutches.
“NO!”
The primal, guttural scream rises from April’s throat as the paw descends. Then, it stops. The Hekatonkheire shivers, ropes of drool dribbling over its bloated lips. A long, serrated, eighty-centimetre blade is sticking out of its head. The blade is attached to a narrow, whip-like tail. And that tail originates from the middle of April’s shoulder blades.
Time seems to start moving again as the Hekatonkheire collapses, its Extensions twitching uncontrollably. Somehow, April, whom everyone thought was a Neutral, has taken one down all by herself. But her Extension is far from obedient. It rips itself out of the Hekatonkheire and snakes around, hurling itself at Sean, who leaps aside nimbly. A neighbouring Hekatonkheire bats at her with a claw. If her Extension hadn’t been in the way, her head would have been taken off at the shoulders. But as things would have it, her Extension absorbs the brunt of the impact and she’s knocked unconscious instead. Without hesitation, Sean grabs her and hauls her away. He gives a hollering Rick a thumbs-up, meaning that April is still breathing.
Things are turning pretty sour. Ivy, her face dripping with blood from a gash on her forehead, is screaming bloody murder again, firing at the Hekatonkheires. She must know by now that it’s useless, that without an offensive Extension, she can do them no harm. But she fights on anyway, patiently buying the rest of us the precious time we need to get to the vehicle. That leaves Resh. I glance around desperately, wondering where the hell he is. Then, I see him.
Two jade green scythes of a praying mantis slash at a Hekatonkheire in a blur of movement, lopping off Extension after Extension. He seems to have had the same idea as I did. Vicious barbs line the length of his arms and legs, which he uses with deadly efficiency. Even amongst us, his speed is astonishing. For a moment, I think he might have the upper hand, despite being about 12 Extensions short of his foe. It’s no wonder he had such a legendary reputation. But the Hekatonkheire simply wears him down. It advances relentlessly, forcing him to back up towards the car.
It’s the same with me. I’m losing the war of attrition. Somehow, this machine has more resources than I do. It punches through my Extensions and stabs me in the right leg with a tail of some sort. I don’t have the time to dodge. The tail rips out of my flesh, bits of my muscle hanging off its backward-facing scales. My cry of pain chokes in my throat, ending in a strangled yelp. It. Goddamn. Hurts. Like someone is holding a red-hot poker to my leg. Tears worm their way to the corners of my eyes.
“Ren!” Raine yells in panic, swinging her clubs wildly at the Hekatonkheires.
“Get to the vehicle,” I hiss through gritted teeth. “I’ll be right behind you.”
“No, you won’t,” she snarls, dragging me along by my shoulders. “You’ll die in seconds.”
“Nice to know how much confidence you have in me,” I comment wryly through my pain.
She ignores me. I try to stand, but my wounded leg refuses to take any weight.
“IVY! RICK! HYUNG! MOVE!” she screams.
We’ve reached the car. April has regained consciousness, struggling against an extremely vexed Sean who’s trying to stop her from re-entering the fight without her Extension. Resh, upon noticing that we’ve mostly gathered near the car, retreats to join us. But the Hekatonkheires aren’t about to let us waltz off just like that. It’s painfully obvious. If we all get in the car at once, they’ll catch up and destroy the vehicle, together with our last chance of survival. Someone has to stay behind. And it should be me. I shake Raine off and prepare to leave. Something slams into my head and I see stars, my originally blurry vision blacking out into nothing.
“Sorry,” I hear Rick’s voice. “Can’t let you do it.”
“Rick! What the…”
“I’ll catch up with you.”
He’s lying. He doesn’t plan to. I know because I was thinking the same thing. My vision is starting to clear. Rick is beside April, whispering in her ear. Then, he kisses her on the forehead and leaps off the vehicle.
“Don’t you dare…” I start.
“I’m proud to have been in your squad.”
“What are you…”
He doesn’t let me finish before hitting me again. My eyes swim in their sockets, unfocused and groggy. I’m fighting unconsciousness. Through a veil of tears, I see April screaming, still struggling while Sean holds her back, calling for Rick. The vehicle starts. Rick turns around, catches my eye and gives me one last sardonic grin. There’s no fear in his eyes, only the slight bitterness of regret.
“Take care of her, will you?”
“RICK! NO! COME BACK!”
April bites down on Sean’s hand, raking at his face with her fingers. He doesn’t let go.
“RICK!”
I try to get up, but I can’t. The last thing I see is Rick’s burly figure, his Extens
ion held like a shield in front of him as he faces off with the Hekatonkheires. With death. His chin is held high, his shoulders pulled back as far as they can go. Proudly, stubbornly, he fights. As the world fades into a whirlwind of black, I’m engulfed by a strong feeling of hatred. Hatred for the coward that I am. For leaving Rick behind. For failing like I did all those months back. Nothing has changed. I’m still as useless as I once was. The ground seems to shift beneath me. Darkness.
17
A pure, blinding white. I should be dead. My mind is clouded in confusion. It hurts. A dull aching reverberates through my body, culminating in a sharp sting at my ribs and right leg. As my hazy vision clears, I realise I’m in a hospital ward, lying face up on a bed. I remember. Rick. Yeah, it should have been me. I should have been left behind. Not Rick.
A discreet cough. Raine is sitting in a chair beside the bed, observing me with the attentiveness of an eagle. Her eyes are red.
“How long?” I croak.
I sound as though I have sandpaper in my throat. Raine gently helps me sit up, flinching when I wince against the flash of pain which follows. She unscrews the cap of a bottle of water, lifts it up to my parched lips and tilts it ever so carefully, allowing a steady stream of water to flow.
“Thanks.”
“A week,” she says softly. “You broke two ribs. And that leg…the Extension went all the way into the bone. You’ll be limping for some time.”
“Rick?”
She shakes her head quietly. Her hand finds mine and our fingers intertwine. Her hand is trembling. Small, cold and fragile. I don’t know what to say. There’s a new, intense aching that’s not from my wounds. I can’t accurately define it. If I thought my injuries hurt, then I certainly wasn’t expecting this.
“Where’re the rest?” I manage to choke out.
“Ivy, Sean and Hyung are assisting Ben. Resh is somewhere. I don’t know or care about what he’s doing. April…well…uh…she’s in the psychiatric ward.”
“Why is she…”
“Can you walk?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t tried in a week.”
That brings out a small smile from her otherwise bleak expression. Gritting my teeth, I swing my legs off the bed, placing them firmly on the floor. It hurts, but the pain isn’t unbearable. I should be able to walk, I think. I think. The moment I try to stand, my wounded leg gives out under me, sending me straight into Raine’s arms. She catches me firmly and loops one of my arms around her shoulder. She’s close. Too close. Despite everything, I find myself blushing. And I’m not the only one.
“Let’s go visit April,” Raine says in a low voice.
Painstakingly, we make our way up to the psychiatric wards, stopping at a huge oak door behind which April currently resides. Raine knocks thrice and enters. There is a bed in the room, but it’s unoccupied. Instead, crouched in a corner, her knees brought up to her chest, is April, a shadow of her former self. Her eyes are wide open, her pupils fully dilated as they dart about in their sockets. She can see us, but her mind doesn’t register our presence.
“Hey,” I begin.
No response.
“I’m sorry.”
No response.
“It should have been me. I failed as a leader. I…I shouldn’t have let him go. If you have to blame someone, blame me. It…it wouldn’t have turned out like that if I…”
Still no response. Raine tugs on my arm.
“She’s been like that since we got back.”
I should have seen this coming. April’s life wasn’t easy before she joined the military. In here, she found someone she loved for the first time. Someone who loved her back. A purpose. But now, he’d been ripped from her arms. The support she’d found is gone. And like unsecured scaffolding, she’s collapsed. I almost can’t bear to see her in this state.
“Let’s go,” Raine urges gently. “You’re still in no position to be pushing yourself.”
We leave. As soon as the heavy door closes behind us, she turns to me.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she hisses firmly. “There was nothing you could have done.”
“It’s not what I did,” I reply. “It’s what I didn’t do.”
“Because he bonked you in the head,” Raine argues. “Look, we’ve already lost people. I can’t afford to lose you, too.”
I keep quiet. The feeling is mutual. Down the corridor, a door swings silently open. Out steps Resh. He sees us and stops short, awkwardly rooted to the spot. I don’t know or care why he’s here. At the moment, I can’t muster enough feelings to even speak to him. As we trudge past each other, he opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again when Raine glowers at him. Damn, she’s scary. I make it to the elevator before a searing pain ripples through my leg. Raine notices the anguish in my eyes, walks me over to the wall and makes me sit, pressing a bottle of water to my lips. Gradually, the throbbing subsides, but doesn’t disappear completely. It hangs around like a vulture circling around carrion, gnawing at me in bouts.
“Raine,” I muse after she removes the bottle from my lips and finishes the rest of the water herself.
“Mmhmm?”
“I’m going after him.”
I’m surprised at how calm I sound. My voice is steady, betraying none of the fury and hate which hacks at my heart. But from the way she glances at me, I can tell that she isn’t fooled.
“Going after who?”
“The Captain. I won’t sit around playing saviours any more.”
“Ah, okay.” She doesn’t sound surprised.
“Yeah. Just thought I’d let you know first. I’ll vanish from this camp once I’m fully recovered so keep everyone safe in my place, all right?”
“No,” she says firmly. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going with you.”
“You can’t be serious. You know very well that it’s going to be one of the most dangerous things I’ve ever done. I’m not dragging you into it.”
“Exactly,” she agrees. “It’s dangerous. You’ll die if I’m not around. So, I’m going too.”
“No, you’re not. You need to…”
“Don’t”—a tone of warning enters her voice—“don’t you dare say it. I’ve already lost so much that mattered to me. Except you. Don’t just go off and die on your own, you selfish asshole.”
Her words are hard, but her voice trembles. She’s staring straight ahead. Is it me, or is there a tinge of red in her eyes? With difficulty, she helps me to my feet and we return to my ward.
“Raine,” I try again. “I can’t allow you to. Not with the knowledge that it’s almost suicidal.”
“You can’t allow me to?” she snaps, her eyes brimming with anger. “Who the hell is asking for your permission?”
“Raine, please. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You aren’t even planning on coming back,” she accuses. “You’re going off to die.”
“I’m not…”
“Get this into your damn head,” she snarls. “If you die, it’s over for you. For you. And what about the rest of us? I’ll live the rest of my miserable life wondering what the hell happened to you. Don’t you even care?”
“It’s because I care that I don’t want you to go,” I shoot back, irritated. “I don’t want to lose you either. And that’s why I can only let you stay behind with the rest of them.”
“Let?” she sneers with venom. “Like how you let my brother die? And now you want to leave me too?”
I flinch. A hint of regret instantly touches her eyes. In frustration, she tosses the empty water bottle at me with unexpected force and storms out, slamming the door behind her. The ache in my heart worsens. My shoulders slump as I sink back into the bed. The soft folds of the blanket do nothing to soothe my troubled mind. Raine isn’t wrong. I was the one who let her brother die. I was the one who didn’t order them to retreat, even when things took a suspicious turn. And I was also the one who convinced everyone to switch sides. Now,
Rick is gone. A strange feeling hits me. I wait. Five minutes pass. Ten. Still, the tears don’t come.
“What the hell am I doing,” I whisper, hating myself for everything I’ve done.
Raine doesn’t deserve this. She should have killed me back when we were on guard duty in camp. Would’ve saved her a hell of a lot of trouble. And Rick. What if he hadn’t agreed to switch sides? Would he be alive now? I’m sure he would. Flashing that grin of his as he explodes through life with blinding optimism. Not to mention April. Reduced to a shivering husk. It’s all my fault. I can’t face them any more, not when I’ve caused them so much hurt.
A knock on the door. I’m jostled out of my thoughts as the door swings open, revealing a red-headed girl. The gash above her eyebrows has been stitched up.
“What’s eating you?” Ivy inquires lightly. “Lovers’ quarrel?”
“Shut up. That’s not it.”
“Well, when I ran into her in the hallway earlier, Raine was mumbling about saying something she shouldn’t have said.”
“It’s not her fault.”
“Cute,” she sniffs. “You’re defending each other now.”
“What else did she say?” I ask.
“Pretty much the whole story,” Ivy admits.
“So why’re you here?”
“Let me ask you a question.”
“Yeah?”
“How did you feel when Rick told us to leave him behind?”
“Like shit. Until he smacked me in the head. Then, I felt even worse.”
“That’s how Raine feels right now,” Ivy informs me softly. “If you truly care about her, then think about what she wants, not what you want. Or rather, what you would want if you were in her position.”