by Brown, Tara
Leo watches it and then looks at me. I shake my head, lowering the bow. Whatever is behind the bushes is scared of us; it's clearly not the infected. We slip down the hill slowly, watching out for movement and listening for changes in the patterns.
I hear Will behind me, he's closing in on us. I scowl at him, making him stop. Everything he does annoys me.
Leo and I crouch, stalking through the woods silently. When I see the light of the field and the break in the forest, I stop and nod at Leo. He crouches low and stops moving. I jump into the tree nearest to me and climb fast. My skin aches, my calluses are gone. I'm getting soft.
I pull and lift until I'm high enough that my guts ache. The farmhouse looks empty. I miss it. I miss that life. The simplicity and peace. I want for that to be my way again. I want Jake, Megs, Sarah, Anna, and Will to live with me and Leo. I close my eyes and listen, as the wind sways the branch I am in. The wheat tickles and touches, the dust in the driveway rolls across the gravel, the breeze brushes against the house like it's painting it or stroking lightly, and nothing else moves.
There is nothing. No ragged breathing or high moans or campfires burning in the wind. There is no sign of life. The house looks the way it always does. I don’t like that. That is unsettling. Why would they have left a good house with a working well?
My heart tugs me in the direction of the house, and the supplies I know I have stashed, but my fears tell me that we need to give the house a wide birth. Leo pants nervously.
I look back and nod. Will speaks softly and they all move down the hill slowly. Anna still has her rifle, my old one with the silencer. They stashed it and all our things at the camp when they came looking for me. They traveled light.
I watch the field as they walk down the hill to me. Nothing moves around the house or field in a way it shouldn’t.
When they're close I climb down, "I'll go first and climb a tree at the far side. When I'm across and up the tree you all make it across one at a time."
Will nods, "Be fast."
I ignore him and crouch next to Leo. We slip out of the forest and into the wheat. I glance at him and whisper, "Ready?"
He pants at me, but I can see the yellow in his eyes is darkening. He's ready. We bolt at the exact same moment, running hard and fast across the field. I only have my bow and quiver. Normally, I would run the field with a huge pack and supplies. I am much faster without them. It's almost freeing to run this fast.
We break the forest at the same spot as last time. I leap into the huge tree and haul myself up the branches. I pull an arrow and scan the field.
There is nothing but the line in the wheat where we ran. I see Anna come first and then Jake. Will brings up the back end of them. Anna breaks the forest and spins, pointing the gun back at Jake. He flinches when he sees it and scowls. She ignores him and watches the field. Will comes last. I watch for an extra second.
"Nothing," I say. I'm almost disappointed.
We start the hike to the retreat and I can feel the excitement building inside of me.
Anna leads with Leo. Jake naturally falls into pace with me, leaving Will to bring up the back end.
"What are you, Em?" he whispers.
I feel a look flash across my face but I fight it, "Nothing. Why?" I hate that he knows something. Did I act differently?
He grabs a stick and snaps it, "I heard what Marshall said to Will. He said he knew almost right away, you were a seed. I just don’t know what that means. Will started to kill him and that sort of ended the conversation." He grins and my heart skips a beat. His cheeks flush when we make eye contact and I want to get lost in him like the girls in the romance books.
But I can't. I'm not like those girls.
I feel a burning pain in my eyes as they fill with tears. I look down when I realize I'm crying. I shake my head, "Marshall was right."
The back of his hand rubs against mine slowly. I let it. I let his touch mean something. I need it to, for some unknown reason. He always makes me feel something I like. I don’t know what it is, but it's good and maybe pure.
"Are you like the breeder babies?" he asks after a minute.
I nod once, "Yeah, like that. It's a long story, but basically I'm like that."
I can hear the grin in his voice when he speaks, "I knew you were more than just a regular girl."
I glance up at him and shake my head.
His grin stays on his lips, but I see it leave his eyes when he notices the tears. We don’t talk about it again but his hand encompasses mine. I notice suddenly he gives me a different sort of safety than Will. He makes my heart feel safe, like it's protected in his hands when he holds mine.
I notice Leo's ears go back and I drop the hand, pulling an arrow instantly. Anna has the gun pointed out, scanning. Will catches up, looking around savagely.
"There should be scouts by here," he says.
I notice it; we are at the big trees again. There should be armed guards in the trees.
I break into a run. Leo follows me. Fear for Meg and Sarah pulls me along. I run hard, oblivious to the sounds behind me, oblivious of whether they followed or not.
I smell the camp, before I see anything. I hear them, and then finally, I see it.
Laundry is hanging in the trees, people are laughing and talking, and everything looks like it was, only more relaxed. I come to a stop when I see her. Leo doesn’t stop he races to her and knocks her to the ground.
"Gosh darned, stupid crazy wolf!" she cries out, as he lies on top of her licking her face.
I grimace and laugh through my gasping breaths. Meg swats at him. He does his frisky-dog thing and hops about playfully. People seeing him have stopped talking and moving.
"WOLFIE!"
I turn my head to see the blond demon running for Leo. I whistle once. Leo is up and running for me. He stands behind me, panting and looking sloppy. Meg runs for my arms. She knocks me back a bit when she hits me. I wrap around her skinny body and hold her tighter, than I think I've ever held anything. I feel a million things I can't put my fingers on, but relief is the biggest.
"Sarah?" I whisper.
"Swimming lessons with Mary," she mutters into my hair. I can hear the sobs in her words. She trembles in my arms. Anna and Jake catch up to us. Meg pulls back and grins at him. I shake my head and sigh, but a sound overtakes all of us.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? GET THEM BACK IN THE TREES AND ON ROTATION NOW!" Will is screaming at a group of men. His words are savage growling at the end of the shouts.
The men lower their heads.
"They all listen to him?" Anna asks, almost laughing.
Meg snorts, "Well, I done told them, taking them guards outta the trees was a stupid idea. They told me to shut the hell up and play with the kids." She rolls her eyes and picks something from her teeth. "Soon as Will left, they all started slacking off. Been making wine and beer and been drinking." Her eyes flash something, "Been a bit scary round here lately. I was giving y'all two more weeks and I was taking Sarah and going to a town."
I frown at her, "No one hurt you, right?"
She shakes her head, "Not me. Hell no. Mary runs a tight ship with the kids now. They raised the age of all the something - something, too. No minors doing any dating till eighteen." She sounds bitter but I smile. She sneers at me, "You wipe that smile off, Em. You are to blame for the lack of fun, we been having."
I cross my arms, "I have been having enough for everyone."
That makes her grin at Jake and nod, "I can imagine."
Anna laughs, "I'm going swimming."
I nod, "Me too." Meg looks nervously at the camp, "Well you can't leave me here now." Seeing her face, I glance around the retreat and notice the people are watching me. The blond demon is even gone. He was there a second ago. I had rushed to Meg so fast, I didn’t notice where he went.
I search the angry faces for the one that I know will die protecting me. He's there, scowling away at me. I grin at him and walk away from it all, towards
the swimming hole. I have dreamt about swimming again for so long. The shower at the first camp was nothing compared to what the swimming hole is going to feel like.
I walk to the edge of the forest, to the path, but I can feel their eyes on me. The laughing and joking has quit.
We enter the path and I stop, looking at Meg, "What happened?"
She swallows and shakes her head, "They said you was bad. You was one of them bad ones and you was being sent to the city to live with the others like you. They said Marshall was protecting us all from you. But I swear, I never believed it. I even protected your name but they didn’t care. They believed you was evil."
It hurts. I left my mountain home, saved their loved ones, risked my life to protect them all, and I am the evil one. I don’t even have a defense. Marshall somehow knew what I was, what I am. It hurts. I push it down and walk down the path to the swimming hole. I strip my pants and shirt off and toss them aside. I kick my boots off and dive into the water. I see her. Her blonde head of hair is shiny and wet. I push my hands in and swim as hard as I can for her. Her face lights up when she sees mine.
"EMMA!" she screams and swims for me. She can swim. I fight the tears in my face, the hate in my heart and the betrayal that’s rotting my guts.
When her little hand is in mine, I pull her into my arms and close my eyes. I tread the water and squeeze the life out of her.
"Oh, Sarah," I sigh, "You're safe." The attachment feels stronger, like I am linked to her even more than before. I didn’t even know how much I worried about her until this moment. The water ripples around us. I look up to see the kind eyes of Mary. I smile, "Thank you."
She shakes her head, "She was amazing."
I shake my head, "I saddled you with it all and I think it's been more than you'll tell me."
Her eyes speak the words she can't, because the little ears with us don’t need to know about how bad things got around her. Sarah is a sharp girl; she no doubt noticed it all anyway. She'll tell me later.
Mary clears her throat, "It was my honor."
I wrap my arm around Mary and hug her too. I notice the way I fold myself around them; I'm not so wooden anymore. Things are different about me now.
Sarah sees Anna and swims to her. I glance at her and Jake diving in and smile. But Mary's hand on my arm and the tension of her grip, swings my head back around. Her eyes have changed, "You gotta go. Take her and Meg and get them the hell outta here."
I knew it. I knew I had sensed a change. "Why?"
She shakes her head, "Marshall has them all convinced that you are some kind of evil."
I sigh and look back at Jake, Anna, Meg, and Sarah. I feel a ticking start in my body.
"Is that baby of yours a breeder baby?"
Her eyes tell me the truth of the matter. I nod, "You love him and treat him with kindness, but you aren’t giving him enough rules. The only reason I'm not like those freaks in the city is my Granny and Gramps. They loved me, and my dad Lenny would tan my hide if I got out of line. You need to give him rules or he'll become like those things in the city. We aren’t right in the head." I swim away before she can ask questions. There's a fire burning in my belly that is making me feel sick.
I climb out of the water and pull my dirty clothes on. I notice the way they stink as I pull them on. I miss doing laundry and being clean and being alone. I miss everything but I'm in too deep.
Leo is waiting for me on the trail. He knows what I'm about to do. I can see it in his eyes. He nudges me . I shake my head, "No." I scratch his ears and walk past him. He nudges me again, but I continue up the hill.
When I get back to the camp I see them crowding and talking to Will, who looks angry in a whole new way. I climb onto a stump and whistle. Leo jumps onto the wide stump with me, almost knocking me off of it.
A man glances at me and points, "You need to leave."
I cross my arms and wait for them to gather. My belly is churning like something is tearing it out. I almost want to run away, but I need to fix it for my family.
The voices rise and the anger approaches. Another man shoves in front of the other people and points, "You're a danger to us all."
I watch his face. His confidence is based upon the other people; he glances nervously at the crowd for support. I lean in to Leo whose hackles are up. He growls at the group. Will is stalking towards me. He scares me way more than the other people.
A woman makes her way to the front, "She saved us, you idiots. She isn’t a danger—she's a savior. She stopped the farms."
A voice from the back shouts up, "They burned my town looking for her. She is trouble. We should give her back to them men."
That brings my attention around, "What men?" My tone is harsh and cold.
The woman in the front gives me a frightened stare, "Men came for you. They were looking for you. They said Marshall sent them here. Told everyone you were unstable and dangerous, not human."
It stings for a minute, but I swallow it. "Did they take anyone with them?"
She swallows and looks down, "They took a couple of the younger girls. Told us that we needed to replace what you stole from them."
My stomach burns more. My heart is picking up in pace. It makes Leo snarl at the closest man. He backs up.
"YOU LET THEM TAKE YOUNG GIRLS?" I shout at the crowd.
Will gets to the stump and drags me off. I pull my arm from his.
He turns and shouts, "This camp is going to lose its democracy and become a dictatorship, like the other camps in about two minutes. One more person speaks or makes a move, I end that."
The looks on the faces of the other people are intense. Some follow him, I can see that, but others are scared of me.
Me.
That almost makes me laugh. I glance at Leo and know it's probably him and not me.
"Will, she needs to leave. She brings danger."
I feel like screaming, "I am a person like you. Only I'm not a coward. If some men strolled into camp I would never have let them take girls. I am not an idiot like you. You are pathetic. The minute Will leaves the guards are taken down, so men can stroll into camp? The kids are forced to hide while you pigs make wine and beer and drink too much? The women aren’t safe? What the hell was the point in having a safe haven, if you can't keep it safe? You should be ashamed of yourselves. I have never harmed you, any of you." I turn away and walk to the path. I'm shaking and angry. I don’t try to control the rage I'm feeling, but I know I have to. I crawl into the bushes and sit on a log. My body aches from the pain in my heart.
Warmth wraps around me. His fur covers me. I dig my hands in and hold on.
"I wanna go home," I sob. Before I feel any sorrier, I hear twigs snapping next to me. I brace for Leo to attack, but he doesn’t. Another person joins our embrace. I smell him instantly.
"You ever want to tell people all the bad things you been through, so they'll feel sorry for you and be nice to you?" I ask.
Jake chuckles, "They aren’t worth the time it would take, but yeah. I want them to know everything you've been through. They believe Marshall is so great and he's an asshole. He's hurt you. I wish I had let Will kill him."
I blink tears down my cheeks and look up at him, "I don’t have any answers or courage or strength. I'm just me. I don’t know what to do next. I am sad—sadder than I've ever been. I think I was so excited to get here, and now that I am, it's disappointing. Like we got nowhere else to go in the world."
I see Will standing behind him looking down on us. His face is pained, "It's called postpartum. It's from being pregnant and your body making all the hormones. The baby dying hurts you, emotionally. You don’t even know it. It's common in women who have miscarriages and abortions. The doc was telling me some of the things we could expect."
I swallow and nod, "I have felt like a giant baby since then."
Jake looks sick, "You were pregnant?"
I nod, "They put a baby in there at the breeder farm, when I thought I was going for routine checks.
I didn’t even know. They didn’t even tell me they did it. We were there for a couple weeks and we went for routine checks constantly." I don’t know why but the sentence makes me ashamed, like I did it somehow.
He winces and holds me tighter to him, forcing my head down and kissing the top of it. He's like Leo, he doesn’t need to talk about, just hug it out.
"We need to leave here, Em."
I close my eyes when I hear Will's voice. I take a deep lungful of Jake, "I know, but we take everyone, Sarah and Meg."
"That’s dangerous." His tone is that one where he doesn’t want me to argue.
I glance up and shake my head, "Something bad is happening here, Will. The women are scared. I'm not leaving Meg and Sarah here. We gotta stop leaving people behind. If we aren’t coming back here, then I'm not hiking that damned hill again."
He sees my face and nods, "Fine. Where are we going?"
I swallow and look at Jake, "The new city. You remember the way?"
Jake's eyes widen. He looks at Will who is stoic and giving Jake no obvious hints on what to say, so he stammers, "Uhm…uh…y-y-yeah."
I sniffle and wipe my face, "None of us is sick. We should pass through the gates easily."
Will frowns after a second, "They will try to take you and Anna and Megs for sure."
I stop and think, "We dress Megs and Sarah like boys, it's blood work, they aren’t checking gender are they?"
He sighs, "I don’t know. We need a solid plan though."
I grin, "It's a long walk, we can plan along the way."
He looks like he might strangle me, "When have we heard that before?"
I sneer, "Well, it's what's happening. We sleep tonight and leave tomorrow morning."
He nods, "I'll tell the savages that I am taking you out of here. We leave at sunrise."
It hits me, "You acted like you weren’t on my side!"
He licks his lips, "I needed answers. Better for them to think I was with them." He turns and walks away. I don’t like that.