by Nina Levine
He entered the kitchen and I turned to him, holding up the coffee and a spoon. “How do you have your coffee these days?”
“Same as before,” he replied, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms.
I felt a little self-conscious with him watching me like this, but hell would freeze over before I admitted that to him, so I went about the task of making coffee. We stood in silence while waiting for the kettle to boil. It was uncomfortable and I wished that J would say something, anything, but he didn’t. Eventually, I finished making our drinks and handed his to him before we both took a seat at the kitchen table. And, again, there was complete silence. Normally, I enjoyed silence, but with J it felt awkward.
So I forced myself to say something. “How the hell did Bec end up with Nix?” Both her kids’ fathers had been bikers who had screwed her over so the last I knew she’d sworn off bikers altogether.
“From what I can work out she flipped after what happened with Rob and got into some bad shit. Led her to Nix eventually. I think he targeted her.”
My mind raced and my anxiety rose. I didn’t want to talk about Rob and J had caught me off guard even bringing it up. My hand brushed over the scar on my arm without me realising it, until I saw J’s eyes move to it. He lifted his hand and moved to touch me. “Don’t,” I snapped, and scraped my chair back so I could stand.
“Fuck, Madison. You’re still dealing with that, aren’t you?” J stood and moved towards me, but I backed away. Reaching his arm out, he hooked it around my waist, and pulled me towards him.
I raised my palms to his chest in an effort to halt his progress of bringing us together. “Don’t talk to me about dealing with that. I fucking have. You’ve got no idea what I’ve been through with all that shit, so don’t think you know all about it.” I tried to push away from him but he was too strong and held me close. With my heart beating wildly, I ignored his scent, ignored our closeness. I needed to protect myself. The only way to do that was to keep pushing, and if I couldn’t do that physically, my best bet was to stick with the bitch routine.
“You might have dealt with your drinking and I hope you fucking have, babe, but I can tell that you haven’t sorted through some of the other shit in your head,” he bit out.
“It’s none of your business. You made it perfectly clear you weren’t interested when you told me to leave,” I hissed, and gave him another shove. He relented and let me go.
His face contorted in anger and he raked his fingers through his hair. “Fine. I don’t wanna get into this crap right now anyway.” He jabbed his finger at me. “Mark my fucking words though, we will be getting into it.”
Oh, my God. He was still one bossy fucker. And as much as I tried to ignore the fact, desire screamed through me at his bossiness.
I hope I can be strong enough to stay out of his bed
I pray I can be strong enough to guard my heart.
I rolled over and checked the time on the bedside clock. Three a.m. Shit, it was going to be a long night; I’d woken up every hour since I went to bed at midnight. The revelations of the evening had stirred up long suppressed feelings and I couldn’t stop the memories. I reached for my smokes and lit one, taking a long, hard drag on it. I closed my eyes as it filled my lungs and the smell of it hit my nostrils. Smoking was a habit I was trying to break, but in times of stress it calmed my nerves. I took another drag, trying desperately to block out the images of Bec suffering at the hands of Nix.
Bec was my best friend growing up. Her father was also a member of the club and we’d been inseparable. She was a few years older than me and had always looked out for me. Bec had fallen pregnant at seventeen, and I had helped her look after Georgie when he was born, and later, Crystal. We’d been through a lot together and had always sworn nothing would come between us, but then on that fateful day that changed my life, something had come between us and there had been no going back from it. Bec cut me out of her life and I’d had to learn how to live life without the unwavering support of a best friend. Even after Nix had fucked me up, she didn’t check in on me; she hated me that much. But I had never stopped loving her and my broken heart cracked even more at the realisation that I would never see her again.
Bec’s hatred stemmed from the fact she’d been dating Rob at the time he attacked me. They’d been together for a couple of years, and although he’d often flirted with me, I naïvely thought he was harmless. Turned out he was far from harmless. After J killed him, and he and Scott buried the body, Bec had been heartbroken at his disappearance. She wasn’t stupid though, and suspected the club had something to do with it because Rob and the club had always had problems. Threats had been made against him so she assumed that the club had finally made good on those threats. And when he’d failed to ever show up again, and I hadn’t helped her find him, she turned against me saying that I’d taken the club’s side. If only she knew the truth. But I couldn’t tell her the truth because it implicated J.
I stubbed out my smoke and left my bed. There was no point trying to force sleep. Wandering out to the kitchen, I saw the light on and realised J was up. He sat at the table and looked up when he heard me. We hadn’t spoken much after we’d argued. Before shutting myself away in my bedroom, I’d hooked him up with a pillow and blanket. I didn’t trust myself with him yet and needed to work through my conflicting emotions. Although I thought I was over him, especially after the way he’d treated me, relief at seeing him again confused me.
“Scott called. Fucking prospects lost Nix. We’re on it, but haven’t found him yet,” J said as I walked past him to get a glass of water. His voice was husky from sleep and he sat dressed in only his jeans. No freaking shirt. J was easily the best looking man I had ever met and having those muscles shoved in my face at this time of the morning, when I had little sleep was making my brain fire haphazardly. It wasn’t safe to be this close to him when he was shirtless. And was that my tattoo still on his chest? Surely not; surely he would have had that removed. I wasn’t going to stare to confirm it though.
“You boys are resourceful so I’m sure you’ll find him soon.” I stumbled over my words distracted by his bare chest and arms.
“Are you taking this seriously, Madison?” he asked sharply.
Annoyed at his tone, all thoughts of his body disappeared. “Of course I am.”
“Well, you don’t fucking seem like it.” He glared at me, waiting for my response.
I decided it was probably best to avoid the rest of this conversation. After finishing my drink, I placed my empty glass in the sink. “I’m going back to bed. I need more sleep to be able to deal with this, J.”
His eyes penetrated mine as I walked past him and I wasn’t sure what I saw in them. It looked like lust but it was probably anger and frustration. Lack of sleep often led me to the wrong conclusions.
I made my way to my bedroom door and was just closing it when he pushed it open. There was no light on so I could only make him out roughly, but the energy surrounding us was charged.
He stood in the doorway, and as I adjusted to the darkness, I could tell he was running his eyes over my body. I’d been right when I thought his eyes held lust; he radiated it now. And hell, it turned me on. I’d never wanted any other man like I wanted J. Sure, I loved sex and craved it, but J brought out carnal desires in me that no one else seemed able to.
“J, what are you doing?” I tried hard to concentrate, but found it almost impossible
He took a step toward me and reached out, brushing his thumb across my cheek. “I’d almost gotten to a place where I didn’t think about you every fucking day,” he murmured, surprising the hell out of me.
His words snapped me out of my lust-fuelled trance and I pushed his hand away from my face. “What the hell?” My body stiffened as I waited for his response. Why was he saying that crap to me? He was the one who told me he didn’t love me anymore, the one who sent me away. Why would he still be thinking about me?
“You’ve no idea, baby.
No idea...” he muttered and walked out of the room, leaving me confused and annoyed. J was a walking contradiction, and I sensed this was just the beginning. Events from the past were going to start catching up with me and I was powerless to stop it.
6
Jason
I rolled over and almost fell out of bed. Shit. It wasn’t a bed, it was a couch, and it was the most uncomfortable couch I had ever slept on. Sitting up, I realised what had woken me up. A fucking blender going off in the kitchen. Who the fuck used a blender at this time of the day? Or maybe it was later than I thought. I checked my watch. Nope, it was six o-fucking-clock.
Shifting my legs to put my feet on the ground, I reached for my jeans. I slid into them, threw my t-shirt on, and then stumbled into the kitchen. My guess was that it wasn’t Madison. I’d never known her to be a six-a.m.-blender chick. And I was right. I rounded the corner and discovered a chick making a mess with leaves and fruit as she concocted some fucking awful green drink.
As she lifted a glass of it to her lips, I asked, “What the fuck is that?”
She turned, startled, and grumbled, “Morning to you, too. It’s a green smoothie.”
I rubbed my eyes; it was too early to take all this in. I had never seen anyone drink something that looked that disgusting. “Right,” I muttered as I headed to the kettle. “I need coffee.”
She pointed at the blender. “There’s smoothie left if you want some.”
“Not fucking likely,” I said, and made coffee as she stood there, sipping her drink and looking me up and down.
“How long you here for?” she eventually asked.
I shrugged. “For as long as it takes.”
“For as long as what takes?”
I stopped what I was doing and turned to face her. “For as long as it takes to get Madison to come home with me.”
“You do realise that she isn’t going to ever go home with you, don’t you,” she stated matter-of-factly.
I smirked at her. “You don’t know Madison as well as you think, sugar.”
“My name’s Serena, and I know how broken she was when she left Brisbane. She’s not going back to that anytime soon.”
She scowled at me before starting to clean up her mess. Silence consumed us as we both retreated into our thoughts until a couple of moments later when we were startled by Madison walking into the kitchen. My dick jumped to attention as I took in her sheer t-shirt. It barely covered her ass, and her long legs almost overshadowed her tits. Almost. Because those tits were to fucking die for.
Shit. I concentrated on drinking my coffee. Anything to busy me, and stop me checking her out. However, she made her way to the kettle and when she reached up to grab a mug out of the cupboard, her fucking t-shirt rode up, revealing a perfectly sculpted ass cheek. I let my eyes take that in, and as I looked back up, I saw Serena watching me. Her eyes narrowed and she shot me a filthy look.
Geez, what was up this chick’s ass? “You got a problem with me?” I asked, and settled myself back against the counter, crossing one leg over the other, waiting for her answer.
“Yeah, biker boy, I do. I don’t like you coming here, after what you did to Maddy years ago, and expecting her to just let you start controlling her. And I don’t like your eyes all over her ass. It’s not yours anymore.”
My eyebrows shot up. I kinda dug this chick, and the way she was loyal to Madison. “Doesn’t mean I can’t admire it. And as far as me trying to control Madison? Are you sure we’re talking about the same Madison? Because the one I used to fuck never let me control her.”
Madison dropped her mug and it smashed across the floor. I flicked my gaze to her and found her eyes narrowed at me and her lips pressed together in the way she used to when I’d pissed her off.
“Classy, J. Fucking classy.” She dropped to the floor to start cleaning up the mess. This made my day, and I continued to check out her ass and legs while she did it. Serena helped her, but not before pinning me with another glower
Perfect. I’d succeeded in pissing them both off. Time to get out of there for a while. “Towels in the bathroom?” I asked, pushing off the counter.
“Yes, in the cupboard,” Madison replied, her voice sharp.
I took one last look at her ass and then made my way to the bathroom for a shower, making sure to throw Serena a wink on my way out.
Madison
Serena and I watched J leave. “What an asshole!” She didn’t hold back.
I laughed at her indignation. “He’s worked out how to push your buttons, honey. That’s all.”
She gaped at me. “Are you standing up for him?”
“Not really, but he’s not always like that. I have my issues with him, and yes I do think he was an asshole to me years ago, but what he said to you just then... that was J messing with you.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Yeah, well, I’m withholding judgement for now. I still call asshole.”
We finished cleaning up the mess I’d made and then I helped her finish cleaning up her smoothie mess. “I don’t know how you can drink these things,” I said.
“That’s exactly what biker boy said.”
“Yeah, I doubt J even knew what it was.”
“So, now he’s here, are we still going shopping today or are you pulling out? Plus, I still need you to fill me in on what he told you last night,” she said.
I considered her question for a moment. “I don’t see why we can’t still go shopping.” Why should we let J interfere with our plans?
She raised her brows. “You really think he’s going to let you out of his sight?”
“Well, if he doesn’t, it just means he’s coming shopping too. I highly doubt he’ll want to do that.”
“Ha! Good luck with that, sugar,” she said. “I’m going to go and get ready just in case we’re allowed out.” Her eyes danced with sarcasm and I laughed as she turned and left me. Once someone had rubbed Serena the wrong way like J had, it took a lot of work on their behalf to win her over. I had no idea if J planned to try, but he had a long road ahead of him if he did.
I made the coffee I’d originally come to make and sat at the table, enjoying the quiet while I drank it. My thoughts wandered to my conversation with J the previous night. His admission confused me, and although I wanted to know what he meant, there was no way I’d ever bring it up with him. My heart was still fragile where he was concerned. Before I left Brisbane, we’d been rebuilding our friendship and I’d been sure we’d end up back together again, after I managed to free myself of Nix. But then Nix turned on me, and J had been the one to find me beaten and bloody. Something snapped in him that day, and our friendship changed again. A week later, he came to me and told me there was nothing left between us and that I should leave Brisbane to get away from Nix, to start a new life. He’d sent me away; he didn’t love or want me anymore.
Startling me from my thoughts, J came back into the kitchen, freshly showered. I took in his jeans and the way his fitted black t-shirt defined his muscles. And then his scent filled the room: sandalwood. God, I loved that smell; it was the one he’d always worn. It hit my nostrils and then it hit my heart. Memories flooded my mind and overwhelmed my senses. It was funny how a smell had the power to bring so much back to you.
Ignoring the weak sensation in my legs, I stood and, at the same time, he moved into my space. Too close. His presence, his smell, his breath – it all messed with me and I couldn’t think straight. Our eyes locked for a few silent seconds, and then I stepped backwards to escape whatever was happening between us.
“I’m sorry for being an asshole to your friend before,” he apologised, shocking the shit out of me.
This was a new side to J. I tilted my head to the side. “Since when do you apologise for things you’ve said?”
He shrugged. “Since now. Since I’m trying to get you to stop being angry at me. I know you’re still mad at me for what I did, but, babe, that was two years ago and we need to move forward if you’re gonna come back h
ome. Be a lot easier to do that if you weren’t so hostile.”
“Who said I was coming back to Brisbane?”
“You’ll be coming back with me. That’s a given. Just a matter of time till you agree.”
“You’re still as cocky and bossy as you always were, aren’t you?”
Before he could reply, Serena waltzed back in and said to J, “So, biker boy, Madison and I have shopping planned for today. Will you be coming with us or will you allow us to go out on our own?”
J smirked, and then looking from Serena to me, he said, “I like your friend, even if she does have a smart mouth on her.” Focusing his gaze on Serena, he replied in a firm voice, “And, no, there won’t be any shopping today.”
Her body straightened and she held his gaze. “Maybe not for you. We’ll be going though.”
He stepped closer to her, all lightness gone from his eyes. Nobody said no to J. “No, you won’t be, sweetheart.”
Her eyes widened. Serena wasn’t used to men like J, men who said no to her. And she certainly wasn’t used to being spoken to in a forceful tone like the one J had just used. She quickly looked to me for backup.
“J, I think we’ll be okay shopping. I highly doubt Nix will be out looking for us in a shopping mall.” I tried to reason with him.
He turned his head in my direction. Oh, shit. The look flashing in his eyes was not one I wanted to mess with. “Did you not fucking take in what I told you about Nix last night? Do you need to see those photos again or perhaps I should show them to Serena so she can fully appreciate what we’re dealing with here,” he fumed, reaching for his phone.
I held up my hand. “Stop! No, we don’t need to see those photos. We won’t go shopping.” I gave in, but I wasn’t happy that Nix had yet again managed to disrupt our lives.
He opened his mouth to speak but changed his mind before stalking out of the room without uttering another word.