"Mama!" He crashed into me with a vice grip around my neck. I laughed as we tumbled to the ground.
"I missed you too, bud!" I squeezed him, not realizing how much I really had missed him.
"We go home?" he asked excitedly.
"Yeah, buddy, we're going home. How does pizza sound for dinner?"
"Pizza!" he shouted, raising his arms in approval. Jack held my hand as we left the daycare and headed to the car. As I was fumbling for my keys, I heard the obnoxious thumping sound of a car stereo system. I looked up to see who the jerk with the loud music was.
I froze.
Pulling out of the campus parking lot and taking a left just past the daycare was a giant black SUV. With Caden behind the wheel. His eyes met mine before they glanced down at Jack. His expression was unreadable.
I wanted to throw up.
I'd never been ashamed of Jack—or of being a young mother—but for some reason I felt an intense desire to chase Caden down and explain to him that I wasn't some sad irresponsible teen mom. That I was married to my high school sweetheart and he died. I shook off the thought and the sickly feeling that went along with it. Why should I care what Caden, or anyone for that matter, thought of me? I didn't need anyone's approval. I just needed to work and finish school so I could provide for Jack. That was the most important thing.
"Mama?" Jack looked up at me, wondering why we were just standing in the parking lot.
"Sorry, baby. Let's go." I opened the car door and buckled him into his booster seat.
When we walked into the apartment, Lizzy was already sitting on the sofa with two pizza boxes sitting next to her.
"Aunt Izzy!" Jack let go of my hand and rushed to Lizzy, slamming her into the sofa cushions.
"How's my favorite little man?" She snuggled him to her chest. "Did you have fun today?"
"Yeah! I played trains and cars!"
"That rocks, dude!" Lizzy gave him a fist bump. Lizzy's genuine love for Jack only made me love her more.
As soon as Jack was preoccupied with digging into the pizza box, Lizzy turned to me with her brows raised. "Anything you want to share?" She batted her eyelashes innocently.
Crap.
"I had lunch with Caden." I threw up my arms in surrender. "It was harmless. I promise." I walked over to the pizza box and bumped Jack with my hip to get him to move. "How did you know?" I asked, taking a bite of pizza.
"Oh, I have my sources. Don't change the subject." Her hands were on her hips now.
I sighed. "Honestly, it was no big deal. Besides, I told him I was unavailable…and he saw me with Jack." My face dropped and her face immediately softened.
"Oh, honey." She sighed, giving me a sympathetic look. She understood me better than anyone. She knew I felt embarrassed, and she didn't judge me for it. "Do you want me to punch him in the nuts?" she asked completely seriously, her blue eyes wide and determined.
I laughed. "No. It's not a big deal. Whatever." I waved it away like it wasn't eating at me.
We finished our pizza and played with Jack for a couple of hours. When Jack finally passed out in his bed, Lizzy and I snuggled up on the sofa under the same blanket. Lizzy wielded the remote.
"Cheesy Rom-Com or gory slasher?" We looked at each other for a half a second. "Gory slasher." we said in unison. We giggled as we turned on some old Freddy Krueger movie.
About halfway into the movie, my phone buzzed. I gave Lizzy a questioning look.
"Maybe your mom?" she answered my silent question.
"I highly doubt that." I shook my head as I kicked off the blanket. Another thing Lizzy and I had in common were crummy parents. Neither of us spoke to our parents more than once or twice a year. I got off the sofa and walked to where my phone was plugged into its charger on the kitchen counter. The only person that would call me was sitting in my living room. Unless it was an emergency. My chest tightened at the thought. I unhooked the charger from my phone and examined it on my way back to the sofa.
"It's a text message," I said, looking at a phone number I didn't recognize. The text read:
I want to see you.
"Must be a wrong number," I guessed, showing Lizzy. She eyed me speculatively. "What?" I asked.
"Text back, ask who it is."
I shrugged and texted back:
Who is this?
A few seconds later my phone buzzed.
Caden.
My stomach dropped. I turned the phone to Lizzy, giving her an I-didn't-do-anything-I-swear look. She still narrowed her eyes at me. "Kitrina…" she cautioned.
How did U get my #?
I always get what I want ;)
The suggestiveness of his text sent a shiver down my spine. I ignored it. No boyfriends.
Sorry. Busy.
I turned my phone off before he could text me back.
"What the hell was that about?" Lizzy chided.
"I have no freaking clue." I remembered the unreadable look on his face when he saw Jack holding my hand in the daycare parking lot. "He probably thinks I'm an easy lay." I didn't even bother hiding the bitterness in my voice.
"Screw him and his stupid beautiful assface." Lizzy pulled me back to the couch. "Seriously, Kitrina. Don't let him get to you. You are smart and beautiful and the best mom to the best little boy in the world. Someday you're going to find someone who will appreciate all of that. You don't need to waste your time with some Jock-head who's going to make you feel like crap." She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her side. "Now let's finish watching Freddy." She pushed play and we both fell silent.
Lizzy was right. Nobody knew my real story, and frankly it wasn't anyone's business. People were going to think whatever they wanted; unfortunately that was usually a more scandalous version of the truth. Whatever.
Chapter 2
I woke up the next morning with the same exhaustion I had grown accustomed to. Jack's nightmares cost me about two hours of sleep, but at least there were no tears this time. It was the tears that were hard for me to handle. I showered, dressed, and got Jack ready for the day. I wished that Lizzy was here. The hardest times were at night when I crawled into an empty bed with nothing but my thoughts and Jack's impending nightmares and the mornings. Getting myself and a four-year-old ready for the day by myself made me feel so alone. I dropped Jack off at the daycare and headed to work. Day two.
I walked up the front steps while digging through my purse to find my badge. When I finally found it stuck between my wallet and one of Jack's Batman action figures, I pulled it over my head and looked up to open the door. My breath escaped me in a rush when I saw Caden leaning against the wall smirking. I gave him a curt nod and walked through the door.
"You're break'n my heart, Kit," he whispered as he caught up to me.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure you'll survive." I picked up my pace and walked past him. "Excuse me, I need to work." I walked behind the counter of the front desk and logged myself in on one of the computers. Caden took a seat at one of the tables and kept his eyes on me. I made it a point to ignore him. In my peripheral I noticed him glance at his watch and scowl. He shot me another glance and with a huff, he stalked out of the library. I let out a thick breath. Finally. I turned my attention to the cart full of disorganized books and forced myself to concentrate.
I must have been getting a hang of this job because before I knew it, I had been working for two hours. I was actually kind of pleased. It was nice to have a job that kept me busy enough to keep my mind off of my life. Grateful for how fast the time was going, I put a little pep in my step.
"There's that smile." Caden grinned at me when I rounded the corner of the non-fiction section. I dropped the books that were in my hands.
"Jeez, Caden. Could you stop sneaking up on me like that?" I bent down to pick up the books. "I'm going to have to start an aspirin regimen," I mumbled. Caden knelt down to help me gather the books; I lifted my head to find us within inches of each other. His iridescent blue eyes glimmered beneath hi
s black lashes. He lifted his hand to my face and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear.
"If you'd stop hiding, I wouldn't have to sneak up on you." His eyes smoldered. I could still feel the heat from his fingers on the side of my face.
I swallowed. "I'm not hiding," I lied.
He inched his face closer to mine and whispered, "Liar."
My stomach churned in a way that was almost rebellious, like my body didn't give a damn that I had a 'no boyfriends' rule. My breathing hitched, giving me away. I cursed myself. The corner of his mouth lifted in a nearly undetectable grin that I wouldn't have seen if I wasn't so close. I stood up, needing to put some distance between us before I mauled him like a grizzly bear right there in the library.
"I just…I have other stuff going on. I have responsibilities."
He looked at me quizzically. "You mean like your little brother?"
"My little…?" Oh no.
My face fell. I just stared at him. He assumed I was picking up my little brother from daycare and now I had to tell him the truth. I instantly felt guilty for not wanting to. I loved Jack, I was proud to be his mom. I squared my shoulders and looked him in the eyes.
"I don't have a little brother," I said.
He cocked his head and I watched the wheels spin until…click. Realization covered his face and he rocked back on his heels. His instantaneous recoil stung. Bad. He just looked at me, unable to find words. The silence was humiliating. I gave a tight smile and turned to walk away. He didn't follow. I pressed my lips together as I picked up the pace toward the women's bathroom. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I pushed into a stall, locked the door, sat on the toilet lid and let just a few tears slip out. I knew I was being irrational. What did I expect to happen? Nothing, I reminded myself. Mad at myself for being dramatic, I wiped away the mascara smudges under my eyes and fixed my hair. "Time to put on your big girl panties," I muttered to myself before stepping back into the library. I could see Caden sitting with some guys at a table right in my path. Caden's back was facing me. I lifted my chin and walked briskly past his table back to my cart of books. I could hear one of the guys at the table chuckle and say, "At least you know she puts out." Ouch. I whipped my face around in his direction and gave Caden an icy glare. He flinched like he didn't know I was there and dropped his gaze.
What. An. Ass.
I continued working with vengeance. I was shoving books into the shelves so hard they were making a loud thud each time, garnering some "shhh"s from the students studying at the tables. I skipped my last fifteen minute break so Marcy, the less than friendly woman who worked at the front desk, let me go home early.
I grabbed my purse from behind the front counter and checked my phone as soon as I shut the door to my car. I sat in the parking lot staring at a text message from Caden.
Im sorry. Can we talk?
I dropped my keys on my lap and texted back.
No point. I'm not interested.
I pushed send and felt my throat tighten. I knew I was lying. I was interested. It was the first time I felt a physical attraction since David. But that didn't matter. There were more important things in my life. I let the fleeting resentment roll off of me. If I was being honest with myself I would admit that part of me wanted to be able to make a mistake like Caden. To have the freedom to fall for a jackass even though I knew it would end badly. But I couldn't. I had to be extremely guarded with who I let into my life. Who I let into Jack's life. I didn't have the luxury of making young and dumb mistakes. I had to be a grown up. It sucked.
I shoved my phone in my purse, started the ignition and went to pick up Jack. The rest of the day went by in haze of sadness and a little bit of anger. I was careful not to take it out on Jack. It wasn't his fault that his life got turned upside down. He didn't ask for any of this. I felt guilty for the resentment I felt earlier and let Jack eat popcorn and watch Yo Gabba Gabba on the little TV on my dresser until he fell asleep on my bed. I didn't move him. I just pulled a blanket over him and watched his precious little face as he slept. It broke my heart to think of the sad images that would soon wake him like they did every night.
I met the next day with determination. I wasn't going to put myself through the kind of crap I did the day before. I put on my tough-as-nails façade that only Lizzy knew was total crap. The truth was I could break any second. But this was what I needed. This was what Jack needed. I strolled into the library with my shoulders back, chin up, and a smile on my face. Caden was sitting at his usual table with some busty redhead on his lap. My stride faltered for a millisecond before I got it together and walked past the circus show to clock in. The obnoxious giggles coming from the dim-whit sitting on Caden was like nails on a chalkboard. I turned to see what was so hilarious that she had to disturb the whole library with her shrill giggle that was sure she thought was attractive. Caden was nibbling on her Earlobe, whispering something in her ear. His right arm was snaked around her waist. Gross.
I didn't know which pissed me off more: that he was flaunting his slut-fest in the library where I worked less than twenty four hours after hitting on me, or the fact that it was even bothering me at all. I mean jeez, I'd known the guy all of two days. As if that wasn't bad enough, Lizzy walked through the door. She took in the PDA and gave me a very pointed told-ya-so look.
"Front row seats to the Caden and slut-of-the-week show, how awesome for you." Her mock enthusiasm made me grin. Only Lizzy could put a smile on my face when I felt like crap. She leaned her elbows against the counter and gestured toward the scene. "If this isn't a new level of douchery for Caden, I don't know what is." She smacked her gum. "All he needs is an Ed Hardy shirt and some fist pumping music to complete the package."
I barked a laugh at the image. I threw my hand over my mouth, realizing how loud I was. Caden and his friend looked up at me. I averted my gaze, but not before seeing Caden narrow his eyes at me. Seriously? He had the audacity to give me a nasty look?
"Well as much fun as this freak show has been, I gotta get to chem class. I just came in to say hi." Lizzy lifted off of the counter and sauntered toward the front door. "If he sneezes or something, make sure you get checked for an STD after your shift," she said over her shoulder, just loud enough for him to hear. Lizzy had always been fiercely protective of me and it was every bit as hilarious as it was heartwarming. I gritted my teeth and made it through my shift without a second glance at Caden's table.
That night Lizzy came over again with a giant bag of KFC, and again Jack ran into her arms with enthusiasm. All three of us ate at the coffee table of the living room.
"I love you, Lizzy, but you seriously need to stop doing this." I gestured to the food. "I know you have a life of your own that you need to tend to. It's not going to kill me if I go a few days without you," I said with a convincing smile. "Besides, it's about time you got yourself a man." I raised my eyebrows suggestively.
She rolled her eyes. "First of all, maybe I come by so often for me, not you." She stuck out her tongue. "And secondly, the only man I want in my life is about three feet tall and can barely pronounce my name." She glanced lovingly at Jack who was devouring his mac'n'cheese. "So quit worrying and eat, you've got like ten pounds you need to gain back."
We finished eating and sat on the couch watching some kid's show until Jack fell asleep on Lizzy. I picked up the plates and garbage from the coffee table and put them in the kitchen. Walking back into the living room, I took in the beautiful scene of my best friend and my son snuggled up together. Lizzy had her arm protectively around Jack, stroking his hair while she flipped through the channels. Moments like this somehow made the nights and the mornings easier. I didn't know how I would ever repay Lizzy for what she'd done for Jack and me, but someday I would. I sat on the sofa and pulled my legs up underneath me.
"I'm serious though, Lizzy. It's been forever since you've been on a date."
"I know." She sighed and then looked like she was contemplating something. "W
ell…there is this guy in my history class that has been trying to get me to go out with him."
My stomach lurched in excitement with a hint of jealousy. "Go!" I insisted a little too over excitedly. "Seriously! You need to go on a date. Do you know how crappy I would feel if you moved all the way out here and ended up with no life?"
"Hey!" She snorted. "I have a life…it's just a quiet one." She pouted.
"Yeah, full of fast food and cartoons," I said, gesturing toward Jack. "It's okay to do something for yourself, Lizzy. Seriously, I'll be pissed if you don't get off your butt and start playing the field." I crossed my arms, daring her to argue. She slid me a wry grin.
"Okay, go grab my phone." She nodded to her purse that was on my kitchen counter. I grabbed it and handed it to her. I watched her type out something with one hand then put her phone down.
"There, done," she said with a smug smile. "I told him he could pick me up this Friday."
"'Atta girl." I nudged her with my elbow. "I want all the details. And I mean All."
She laughed as she rolled her eyes. "Perv."
The rest of the week felt like Groundhog's Day. I would wake up tired from lack of sleep, drop Jack off, go to work, and watch Caden very publicly seduce a different girl each day. Not a misogynist my ass. He didn't even bother to acknowledge my presence, but he knew I was there; he seemed to be making it a point to wait until I was in viewing range to start getting handsy. He wasn't shy either, gripping and caressing very private areas. The girls didn't seem to mind. They all were just so happy to be on the receiving end of his attention; degrading themselves in public was apparently a small price to pay. I started to hate the jealousy I could feel bubbling up. I tried to remind myself that he was a pig and I didn't want anything to do with him. But I kept remembering how his eyes bore into mine when he spoke to me. He was a tricky one. During our brief initial encounter, he looked at me like I was the only one he noticed, which clearly was not the case. I refused to be one of those pathetic girls that convinced themselves they could change a guy like Caden. I had too much self respect and too much hanging in the balance.
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