I tried not to flinch at the harshness of his tone, or feel hurt by his comment, but it still stung. He turned to walk away, but then I remembered the documents in my purse.
“Mr. Callahan, wait.”
He stopped, and I reached for the notes I was supposed to give him yesterday.
“These are the minutes, and the additional notes from yesterday’s meeting that you asked for.”
Without another word, he took the papers from my hands, and his suit jacket, and walked away.
In spite of how my morning started, I felt worse now than I had fifteen minutes ago. I would have gladly taken the humiliation a thousand times over than feel the sharp sting of such a brusque dismissal.
I scurried to the restroom on the other end of the office, and snuck inside with my wounded pride in tow. Looking in the mirror, I was relieved to find that I didn’t look as bad as I initially expected, but it was still inappropriate for the office. I started cleaning myself up, and couldn’t help but replay the morning in my mind. More specifically, the way Caleb had indirectly censured my appearance. His eyes were harder than I remembered, his tone far more clipped. Gone was the young, carefree twenty-five-year-old that starred in my favorite memory from yesteryear, and in his place was a beautiful man who emanated a presence so rife with power it was enough to knock the wind from your lungs.
And just like that I was thrown into the past…
Kadence
5 Years Earlier
The party inside was in full swing, and I watched from the balcony as my parents drifted among their friends. They looked happy, but I knew it was a façade, a senseless charade they put on in front of New York’s elite. It made me sad, but I was helpless to change it so I stood next to them, smiled politely, and did exactly what was expected of me. Unlike my sister, who defied them at every step without consequence. She was the oldest though, so I guess it meant that the rules set for me weren’t applicable to her. I stopped fighting that a long time ago, and accepted my role as ‘the good daughter’. I was about to graduate high school anyway, and then I would be off to college where I would finally have a little freedom.
A noise on the left startled me, and I spun around to find a shadowed figure walking closer. I held my breath, ready to scream if I had to, but when the figure stepped into the bright moonlight I held my breath for an entirely different reason.
I’d had a crush on Caleb Callahan since I was fourteen years old. Our parents were close friends, but it wasn’t until recently that I saw him at the events I attended with my parents. Our age difference meant we didn’t run in the same circles – he was eight years my senior – but I knew more about him than I did my closest friends at school. He was a favorite in the tabloids, always cavorting with a new socialite or model (incredibly sad, and clichéd) and causing mayhem along the way. He was just another spoiled rich kid, and while I knew everything about him screamed ‘trouble’, he intrigued me nonetheless. So much so that every time he was in the same room my heart did this strange flip-flop thing in my chest, making it feel like a hummingbird had taken up residence in my belly.
Someone giggled behind him, and I stepped into the darkness just as my sister Katrina appeared. Seeing them together, seeing her brush her hands up his chest as she smiled up at him made me clench my fists. Anger bloomed in my chest, as irrational it may have been, and I scowled, grateful that they hadn’t seen me. Caleb whispered something to Katrina, and she murmured her response before slipping through the balcony doors, and back into the party. I hated her then, wishing it was me that Caleb had been with. I could understand why he was attracted to her though. She was beautiful in that sexy and seductive kind of way men found alluring, and mysterious. Her hair was darker than mine, taking after our father where I took after our mother, and she had the blue eyes I wished I had. She’d grown into her curves, and at twenty-one she had the body of a woman, rather than that of a girl. I on the other hand was all girl, and my sister constantly teased me because I was a ‘late bloomer’. It only made me dislike her more.
“You can come out of hiding now, Kadence.”
An audible gasp escaped my mouth at the sound of my name. Caleb was looking right at me, even with me partly hidden in the shadows. He smiled, and tucked his hands into the pockets of his slacks. He looked devilishly handsome in his fitted Armani suit.
I swallowed, and bravely stepped into the light.
“I wasn’t hiding,” I said quietly, not sure if he even heard me. His rough chuckle told me he had in fact heard me, and I bristled slightly at the teasing lilt.
“Of course you were. You want some company?”
Rather than show my surprise, I straightened and pretended to be unaffected, even when I was anything but.
“Shouldn’t you get back to Katrina?” My haughty tone made the side of Caleb’s mouth tilt up and for the first time ever I had the urge to slap it off his face. I wasn’t a fan of violence of any kind, but something about Caleb had me feeling on edge, and the strange, new feeling confused me.
“Careful now,” warned Caleb, “Or you might start sounding jealous.”
I rolled my eyes, and walked over to the edge of the balcony that overlooked the city. My parent’s penthouse was in Fifth Avenue, and had one of the most coveted views of Manhattan. I liked coming out here at night, when the buildings lit up, and made the place look magical.
“Please,” I snorted. “I’d rather be with someone who hasn’t bedded half of New York.” My eyes widened at the word vomit falling from my lips, and I started to apologize when Caleb lifted his hand, and shook his head.
“You’re right,” he said, regarding me with his arctic blue eyes. “Someone with your ‘inexperience’ should be off-limits to someone like me.”
For some reason his comment annoyed me, and I couldn’t help but think he saw me as a child. Too young, and too ignorant.
“What makes you think I’m inexperienced?” I huffed. “I’m seventeen, not seven you know.”
Caleb stepped closer until only an arm’s length separated us. “Trust me sweet Kadence, I’m well-aware of how old you are, and just how very innocent.”
The gleam in his eye made me wonder what exactly he was thinking, and if maybe, just maybe, I was misinterpreting what he meant.
Don’t get your hopes up, I told myself. There was no way someone like Caleb would ever be interested in someone like me. Age aside, I was exactly as he’d said, inexperienced, and I was sure he would find me lacking in every way that mattered to him. I doubted that he thought me worth the trouble anyway, given that he wouldn’t want to be caught with a minor.
“I wish you’d stop looking at me like that.” It came out as a whisper, but the distinct rasp in his voice made sure I heard it.
“Like what?” I asked, feigning indifference. The lights dancing around us, combined with the moonlight beaming from high up in the night sky accentuated every feature of Caleb’s face that I found most attractive, starting with the curvature of his cheekbones, the sharpness of his nose, and the perfect bow of his lips. He had that angular jaw women loved, and while he looked very debonair without his signature stubble, I much preferred him with it.
Caleb lifted his hand, and brushed his knuckles down the apple of my cheek, brushing over the spot that I’m sure was red with warmth. “Like you’re curious about me,” he replied quietly. “Like you want to know me, what it’s like to kiss me.”
That was my chance to confirm his oh-so-very accurate observation, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So instead I said, “Every women looks at you that way, so you can’t blame me for doing the same.”
The feel of his touch made me breathless, and I bit my lip to stop the protest when he dropped his hand.
“I’ve seen that look on the faces of many women, yes, but none of them have affected me quiet the way yours does, and I don’t understand why. Nothing about you should pique my interest, and yet it does.”
My heart tripped over itself.
“What about me has you curious?” I asked bravely.
His lips tilted. “Your eyes,” he closed the gap between us, “They’re so big, and green, and for someone your age they look worldly, like you’ve seen more than you should have. You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, “But unlike everyone else, you don’t realize it, and damn if that’s not sexy.”
“You think I’m s-sexy?” I stuttered, trying for some kind of poise and failing miserably.
“Hmmm hmmm.” Caleb nodded, bringing his hands up to my throat. My eyes fluttered at the feel of his rough skin against mine, his fingertips brushing right above my pulse. “And your lips. God, they’ve driven me crazy for the last year even though you’re untouchable.”
“Is it because of my age?” I exhaled harshly. Caleb tilted my head to the side, and trailed his finger to the soft patch of flesh right below my ear. His smile turned sensual when I shivered, like he’d just discovered something he had every intention of using against me.
“Yes,” I heard his intake of breath, “But I would never dream of tainting you, ruining you. You deserve more than that, Kadence.”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, and when I opened them again Caleb’s arctic blue eyes were bright, and unyielding. “What if I want you to ruin me?”
Caleb’s grasp on my neck tightened slightly, but it was enough to have warmth pooling between my legs. “You don’t want that. You deserve someone who’s good, someone who will put your needs above theirs. I would never do that. I would use your sweet little body to satisfy my own needs, and I don’t think I would be able to forgive myself for doing that to you.”
I remained silent, watching him carefully while trying to make sense of what he was saying. He’d been watching me, thinking about me, that much was obvious, but what I couldn’t understand was why me? He had the top pick for all the beautiful women in this city, even women my mother’s age adored him, and yet here he was, touching me, telling me that I was too pure for the likes of him. Whichever way I tried to rationalize it though, I still felt a small pang at his rejection and even if he thought he was doing the honorable thing, I still wished he would take the risk.
“You’re doing it again,” he sighed, his hot breath fanning my lips.
“What?”
“Looking at me like you want to kiss me, like you want me to kiss you.”
“I do,” I replied honestly.
Caleb stared at me without shame for a long minute, and I was convinced that was it, he was going to walk away and leave me wanting. I’d never been so happy to be wrong in my life.
“Have you been kissed before?”
I shook my head, not bothering to look away in embarrassment. I’d never dated before, let alone been kissed. The boys I went to school with were all arrogant, and shallow snots who gave a new meaning to the word ‘immature’. The only person who had ever held my interest was Caleb, and he certainly wasn’t a boy.
“No other boy has touched these lips? Not even once?” The incredulity in Caleb’s voice should have been offensive, but I was a little too enraptured with his proximity and the smell of his mouth-watering cologne to care.
“No,” I replied.
Caleb’s jaw tightened, and I saw the indecision in the black of his irises.
“You want me to be the first, don’t you?”
Ambivalence warred inside me, warning me not to take this chance. I knew if he kissed me it would ruin me for anyone else, while to him it would have been just another mouth, just another kiss. It wouldn’t have meant anything to him.
He saw the moment I stopped caring about all that, and responded with a low growl that vibrated in his chest.
I answered by leaning onto the balls of my feet, and wrapping my hands around his wrists for leverage. Carefully, I brushed my lips across his, and before I could get through the second stroke his mouth slanted across mine. He was gentle at first, but when a breathy moan escaped my lips, he slipped his tongue inside my mouth, and stole my very first kiss. It was sweet, and completely comprehensible, but it was also the perfect first kiss. He coaxed me, willing me to meet his rhythm and I did, giving as much as what he gave me. It was only after he’d broken the contact, and walked away that I realized I was right. It was just another kiss to him, and I was just another of those girls who got pulled into his orbit.
Long after the evening had ended, I lay in bed, and touched my lips, remembering what his had felt like. I had no idea it would be the last night I ever saw him, or that a week later my whole world, along with his, would come crumbling down.
THE MEMORY FLICKERED, and played in my head like an old movie, bringing to the fore a rush of feelings I remembered feeling that night. I admonished myself for replaying it, trying desperately not to hope against all hopes that Caleb still remembered me. He’d said my name earlier, when we were outside, and had I not been so surprised to bump into him – literally – the possibility that he knew exactly who I was might have crossed my mind. But it was foolish. I was foolish.
I shook my head at my reflection, and started removing my blouse when the bathroom door swung open. Aaliyah appeared with some folded clothes, a pair of heels and a small make-up bag.
“Wow,” she giggled, coming to stand beside me. “Caleb wasn’t kidding when he said you looked like a hot mess.”
“He said that?” Hiding the disbelief from my voice wasn’t going to happen. It didn’t sound like something this Caleb would say. He seemed a little too professional for that.
“Not in so many words,” replied Aaliyah, “But I could read between the lines.”
I looked down. “I’m so embarrassed.”
With a snort, Aaliyah waved me off, and handed me the clothing in her hands. “Anthony and Julian send this with love,” she winked, “Now go change.”
I took the garments from her outstretched hand and stepped into the cubicle. Getting rid of my own clothes felt remarkably good, like I was getting a do-over on my perfectly disastrous start to the day. I dressed quickly, and when I opened the cubicle door, Aaliyah turned to face me, a wide grin on her face.
She whistled. “Well hello gorgeous.”
“Does it look okay?” I asked, running my fingers down the front of the silky top, and pleated slacks. It was a stunning outfit, and I shuddered just thinking about what it would cost to buy.
“You look ready to rule the world,” she mused. “It’s a good thing we don’t have many single men on our floor, because I think you could easily become a distraction around here.”
I rolled my eyes, and went about putting the heels on my feet, and fixing my hair. I used my fingers to comb it out, and then carefully braided it to the side. Aaliyah passed me some mascara, and a nude gloss to coat my lips.
When I was satisfied, I thanked Aaliyah for her help and went back into the office. She stopped me right before I headed towards my desk.
“So Annabelle and I are heading to a bar after work tonight, you’re coming with.”
“I am?”
I’d been in the city for a few weeks now, and had yet to spend a night out. I didn’t know anybody – not anymore at least – and the thought of getting to know some of my colleagues was appealing.
“Yes. I hope you like Mexican, and by that I mean Margarita’s.”
“Sounds like fun,” I replied with a laugh, and finally got back to work. I got caught up on all my emails, and after explaining to Macy what had happened, I started on the new list of tasks she had for me.
I was half way through the list when my email dinged with a new message, and when I saw who it had come from I looked twice to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.
T0: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: (none)
Ms. Kavanagh
I wanted to apologize for my brash behavior this morning. You caught me at a bad time. Also, thank you for your notes.
P.S Welcome to Callahan Industries
Kind Regards,
C.E.O
I read the message three times, and then scowled at the screen; maybe not so much at the screen as the disappointment I felt. I squashed it quickly, and rather than respond to his message, I moved it to the “other” file in my mailbox and chose to forget about it. He would receive a notification that I’d read his email, and that would be response enough.
IT HAD BEEN a long day and Aaliyah, Annabelle and I were sitting at a tall table in a Mexican restaurant two blocks from our office. It was filled to the brim, people enjoying the increasing warmth of summer and delicious Mexican food outside, while the rest of us socialized by the bar. We were each on our second round of Margaritas, and I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. My limbs were warm, and relaxed, and I was thoroughly enjoying Aaliyah and Annabelle’s company.
“So what’s your story,” asked Annabelle, tipping her drink in my direction. In the last hour I’d learned she was engaged to her brother’s best friend, and so deliriously happy that she belonged in a Hallmark movie. But I also learned that she was kind, and loved her job, and for some reason, she’d taken a liking to me. I’d managed to avoid an inquisition, but now I guess I was shit out of luck.
“I don’t have one,” I replied, trying to evade her question. Sadly, the sloppy smile on my face only encouraged her.
“C’mon,” said Aaliyah. “You know all our dirty secrets, now it’s your turn. Spill.”
She wasn’t kidding. After the second round of drinks, Aaliyah and Annabelle started swapping stories about their sex lives. They were so open about it all, laughing at each other, that I couldn’t bring myself to feel embarrassed by the turn of conversation. If this is what it felt like to have real, honest-to-God girlfriends, I could get used to it.
“I don’t have dirty secrets,” I giggled, pushing my glass away. I’d had enough, and the last thing I wanted was to take the subway while tipsy.
Playing Pretend Page 3