He grabbed her hand, feeling a little desperate when he considered it may be the last physical contact they ever shared. “Yeah, my bedroom.”
She halted before they reached the bottom step. “Wait, couldn’t it be somewhere else? Your office, maybe?”
He knew why she didn’t want to go to his bedroom—she might be tempted by the memories they’d made in that room the night they met. He was slammed by the image of her riding him every time he walked into that room, and if she was going to walk out on him, he was determined to make her suffer the way she was making him suffer. “Every other room in the house is occupied. I told them my bedroom was off-limits.”
She begrudgingly followed but not before pulling her hand from his. “Just doesn’t seem like the best place for the kind of talk I had in mind.”
“Really?” He smirked, grateful she couldn’t see his face. “Sounds like the ideal place to me.” When they were finally behind the locked door, he set down his beer and trapped her between his arms against the door. He wasn’t touching her, but their intimate stance made it feel as though his hands were all over her. “You were saying?”
She swallowed, letting her gaze dip to his chest. He was wearing a black button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled back and the top two buttons undone. Just enough skin to hopefully remind her…
“That girl downstairs—”
“Is a total stranger,” he said, cutting her off before her imagination could take over. “The only time I touched her was to shake her hand when we first met.” He’d decided to keep his hands to himself until Juliette made the first move, but he couldn’t help grazing her soft cheek with the stubble dusting his jaw. “Here’s the thing, beautiful: I’ve never been a one-woman man before, but you make me want to try.”
“Trying isn’t doing,” she said, quirking an eyebrow. “You don’t try to be faithful. You just are.”
He chuckled, dropping his head. “You’re right.”
“But I just got a taste of what your lifestyle is like back home. You honestly expect me to believe, even if we did want to make this work, that it would be possible with parties like that every night?” She crossed her arms, creating a physical barrier between them. “You still live like a kid, with no responsibilities, and my life just isn’t like that.”
“Are you telling me that you don’t have to attend parties all the time?” His eyes skimmed her dress, which had been covered by a white blazer earlier. “That you don’t have suits hitting on you every chance they get?” The thought of some dude hitting on Jules when he wasn’t around awakened everything primal in Zeke. That was how he knew letting her go wasn’t an option.
“Sure, guys may try, but they never get anywhere. I told you when we met that I’m too busy for a relationship.”
“I know what you told me.” He licked his lips, his eyes dipping to her full mouth. “But that’s exactly what this has turned into, hasn’t it? A relationship. Whether we intended it or not.”
She sighed. “I can’t think straight with you standing so close to me.” She pressed her palms into his shoulders. “Can’t you back up, give me room to breathe, to think?”
“That’s not what you really want, is it?” He rested his hands on her hips, feeling his chest tighten as he considered how much was riding on her response. “If you overthink it, you’ll come to the wrong decision just like you did earlier.”
“What do you mean?”
“When we’re not together, you can list a hundred reasons why we won’t work. But when we’re together, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is how alive we make each other feel.” He kissed her gently, using every ounce of self-control he possessed not to take it further. “Admit it. You feel like you’re going through the motions the rest of the time, don’t you? Just counting down the minutes until you can see me again?”
“God, you’re so arrogant,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“I know that’s the way I feel.”
Her eyes widened. “You do?”
“Yeah.” He bit his lip, wondering if he should tell her the truth. “The guys came this weekend expecting to take me home with them Sunday night. See, they’re all on the board of directors for my company.” At her look of surprise, he lifted a shoulder. “I needed people I could trust. Anyways, we have a board meeting on Monday morning.”
“When were you planning to tell me you were leaving town?” she asked, sounding dejected.
He tipped her chin with his index finger. “Don’t think for a second I would have bailed on you without a word. I wouldn’t do that to you. Ever.”
“When will you be back?”
“I guess that depends on you.” If she cut him loose, it would probably be a while before he could drive into town without looking for her on every street corner.
“On me?”
“If you tell me you’ll be waiting for me to come back, that you want me here, I’ll wrap things up as quickly as I can in LA.”
“And if I don’t?”
“I guess there’s no reason for me to hurry back then, is there?”
Looking panicked, she said, “But you renovated this house because you want it, right? You’re not thinking about selling it, are you?”
“I own quite a few properties, Jules. Some I rent out; others are vacation properties I lend to friends. I may only get there once or twice a year.”
“But this place is different, isn’t it? It’s special. It’s where you grew up!”
“It sounds like you’re trying to convince me.” He didn’t want to look smug with his half smile, but he couldn’t help feeling encouraged by her hard sell.
“I’m…” She shook her head before palming her forehead. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I came here to tell you it’s over, and you’re telling me that you have to leave town in a few days, that you don’t know when or if you’ll be back.”
“I told you—give me a reason to come back and I will.” The decision had to be hers. As much as he cared about her, he couldn’t force her to feel the same way he did.
“This is so hard,” she whispered. “I never expected to feel so much, so soon. It’s so confusing. One minute I’m convinced we’re a bad idea, and the next it’s hard to even imagine not seeing you every day.”
“I know what you mean. I feel the same way.”
“You do?” She rested her palms against his chest, and he knew she could feel his heart racing. That probably told her more than words ever could about how invested he was in her. He was scared to death of losing his one chance with her, no matter how cool he was trying to play it.
“Of course I do.”
“Then you have your doubts too?”
“How could I not? We’re from two different worlds. Your old man hates my guts. I could cost you your job. I hate to think having me in your life could hurt you in any way, but I know that it could.” His conscience told him letting her go would be the best thing for her, but he could only claim one selfless act in his life, and he’d worked hard to keep that one a secret.
“Zeke, what are we going to do?” she asked, sounding hopeless. “I love my job, but I l—” She cleared her throat before glancing at him. “I like you a lot too.”
“We could agree to take it one day at a time.” He curled his hand around the back of her neck, relishing the feel of her soft, lightly scented skin. “Come on, don’t cut me loose just yet.” When she didn’t respond and her gaze cut over his shoulder, his voice became raspier, bordering on desperation, when he said, “You know you’re not done with me yet. And I sure as hell can’t see myself being done with you… for a long time.”
“But there will come a day when you will be,” she said quietly, meeting his eyes. “And if I wait that long, I could get my heart broken.”
He’d never had the desire to be tied down to one place or one woman. He liked the freedom his life provided. Sure, he loved his friends—they were his family—but if he had to leave them, he could, and they’d unders
tand. With a woman, it was different. She’d never understand his need to get away, sometimes for months at a time, to clear his head of the bad memories.
Suddenly overwhelmed, as if the walls were closing in on him, he stepped back. He cared about Jules, but this was getting real. Too real. He suddenly wasn’t sure he could handle it.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, wide-eyed as she watched him pace.
Raking his hands through his hair, he groaned before clasping his hands behind his neck. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe the kindest thing I can do is let you go now, before you get hurt.” Though he suspected he would be equally hurt, if not more so, when the dust settled. “I told you before I’m a lousy boyfriend. Hell, I don’t even know how to be a boyfriend. And you deserve better than that, Jules.” He forced himself to look at her. “You deserve the best.”
She needed some suit-and-tie with a fancy office and degree, someone who fit into her world. Someone who wanted a wife and kids, the whole nine yards.
“Can I tell you a secret?” she whispered before biting her lip.
“You can tell me anything.” He was even tempted to tell her everything, which proved how much he’d grown to trust her.
“I was miserable before I met you. I hated my life, resented my job, missed the carefree girl I used to be. But you helped me find her again.” She gave him a sad smile. “And I have a feeling if I lose you, I’ll lose her too.”
He loved that she felt he brought out the best in her, but how long would she feel that way? What she needed was a vacation, not a man to distract her from her work. “I feel that way sometimes. We all do. That’s when I take a vacation. Get away from it all. You should think about doing the same.”
“Well, I do have this friend with a really great place in Malibu. I bet that would be the perfect vacation spot. But he hasn’t invited me, and I wouldn’t want to impose.”
He studied her carefully, trying to get a read on her. He battled what was best for him and what was best for her. He wanted her with him but not if it meant he was setting her up for heartbreak down the road.
“You’d really want to come to Malibu?” He’d love to show her around his world, give her a taste of how he lived. He told himself that’s all it was. A vacation from her real life. But he knew better. It was a chance for him to convince her she needed him. Because that was really what he wanted. For her to need him.
“It might give us a chance to figure things out without the distractions. Here, we get tongues wagging wherever we go. There, no one would care that we’re together.” When he didn’t respond, she raised an eyebrow. “Wait, that’s not entirely true, is it? Those girls that you’re seeing—”
“Were,” he said, correcting her. “Were seeing. I’m not anymore. I haven’t had contact with any of them since I met you.” He raised his right hand with a grin. “I swear.”
“I believe you.” She kicked off her high heels before taking a few steps toward him. Grabbing handfuls of his shirt, she drew her body against his. “Trust doesn’t come all that easily to me, but I do trust you.”
He didn’t deserve her trust, not when he was letting her believe a lie. For half a second, he considered telling her the truth, but they weren’t there yet. Her ties to this community meant she would feel the need to correct an injustice, and he couldn’t risk that.
“Do you trust me?” She tipped her head back, looking serious.
In so many ways, he did. He believed her word was her bond. If she told him he would be the only man in her life, he had no doubt she would honor that commitment. But getting to the point he could tell her his deepest and darkest secrets felt implausible.
“You don’t.” The hurt was evident in her voice when she stepped back.
He closed his hands around her wrist before she could get away. “Please try to understand. This isn’t easy for me. I’ve never trusted a woman completely. I know how sad that sounds, but it’s true. I just need a little more time to sort some things out before I can…” Tell you everything. “Uh, get there.”
“I’m not trying to rush you.” She flattened her palms against his chest when he loosened his grip on her wrists. “I know it takes some people a while to open up. Given all that you’ve been through, it’s no wonder you’d be gun-shy.” She winced as color bloomed on her cheeks. “God, I’m sorry, poor choice of words.”
“It’s okay. I understand.” What he didn’t understand was why a woman as incredible as Juliette would be willing to turn her entire life upside down for a guy who was far from a safe bet. “You came here tonight to end things, and I feel like I kind of pressured you into reconsidering. I don’t want it to be like that. It can’t be like that. You have to be with me because you want to, not because you feel you have to.”
Her kiss was so soft, so sweet, he felt the protective shield around his heart crack.
“Being with you makes me happy,” she said, grazing the stubble on his jaw with her fingertips. “When I’m not with you, that’s when I start to have my doubts. But every time I step into your arms, something happens. They vanish.”
***
Juliette woke up the next morning naked, Zeke wrapped around her. She was tempted to stay like that forever, but she had to use the restroom. As she stepped over their hastily shed clothes, images of last night came flooding back. Once she’d agreed to meet up with him in Malibu in a couple of weeks, it was like flipping a switch. His tightly coiled muscles had relaxed, and that sexy, carefree lover she’d met their first night came out to play. And play they did. All. Night. Long.
Her muscles were deliciously sore this morning, and she knew the only thing that would help ease them would be a nice, hot shower. As she stood under the spray, she thought about what her life had been like before Zeke. All work. No fun. No sex. No romance. Nothing and no one that made her heart race. That was the difference now. Zeke made her feel alive. She was excited to be with him. Every day felt like a holiday from her real-life responsibilities, but she knew that couldn’t last forever.
She smiled when she heard the shower door open behind her and felt a hard, warm chest against her back.
“I thought you’d want to sleep in this morning,” she said, grinning as she rested her head against his shoulder. “You certainly earned it.”
“I thought you might have to get to work. I wanted to spend some time with you before you had to leave.”
She loved that he seemed as anxious as she was to capitalize on every minute they had together. Just thinking about being separated from him, even briefly, made her sad. “I’m going to miss you,” she whispered, linking her hand through his as the warm water sprayed down on them.
“You won’t have time to miss me.” He pressed his lips against her cheek. “You’ll be out there before you know it.”
Then what? The question popped into her head almost immediately, but she had the good sense to keep it to herself. She had no right to make demands on him. She couldn’t ask him to uproot his entire life for her. Besides, what would a guy like Zeke, who thrived in a fast-paced environment, do in a sleepy little town like Vista Falls for the long haul? Be bored out of his mind. And resent you because of it. That seemed the most probable outcome, yet she still couldn’t encourage him to cut his losses and move on.
“I’m going to let you finish getting ready,” she said, turning to face him. “You’re right about me needing to get some work done this morning. Besides, your friends came all the way out here to see you. I’m sure you’ll want to spend some time with them.” She planned to make an effort to get to know them before she left. In her line of work, she met new people all the time, so she wasn’t intimidated by the mob of strangers filling Zeke’s house.
“I’d rather spend time with you,” he claimed, locking his arms around her waist. “So don’t feel you have to rush off on their account. Besides, I’d like for you to get to know them better. If we’re going to be a couple—” He quirked an eyebrow when she grinned. “What? That’s what we are, are
n’t we?”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been part of a couple.” It thrilled and terrified her at the same time. She liked the idea of having someone to share things with, but that also meant being accountable to someone else, and that part scared her.
“Me too.” He dropped a kiss on her lips as he threaded his fingers through her wet hair. “But we’ll figure things out. Together.”
He sounded so confident she chose to believe him. “I’ll wait for you to finish getting ready before I head out, okay?”
“Sure you don’t want to hide out in here with me a little while longer?” he asked, smirking.
“I’d love nothing more than to hide out in here with you all day,” she said, tapping her hand against his solid chest. “But if I did that, how would I get any work done?”
“Work is highly overrated,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Says the other workaholic in the room.” Before stepping out of the shower, she turned back to face him. “I want to thank you. No matter how this plays out, I’m really glad I met you, Zeke.”
He frowned before grabbing her hand and bringing it to his lips. “I don’t think I like the way that sounds.”
“I just meant—”
“I know what you meant.” The lines between his brows deepened. “And I don’t like it. This isn’t going to be some casual thing we both forget about in a few months. You mean more to me than that.”
He meant a lot to her too… more than he realized. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. You might go back home, get caught up in your real life, and decide you don’t want me to come out after all.” Before he could object, she placed a finger over his lips to silence him. “If that happens, no hard feelings. I just want you to know that. No regrets on my part. I love every moment I’ve spent with you. You made me feel alive again for the first time in a long time.”
He stared at her as though he was waging some internal war. “It’s obvious there’s only one thing I can say that’ll convince you I’m serious about this. About you.”
Coming Home (Vista Falls #4) Page 10