There were lots of things he liked about her. Most of all he liked how real he felt with her, but marriage was a two-way deal. What did he have to bring to the table except a title she didn’t want and to be a hands-on father for her child? Their child.
Tris knew all too well that Amber’s own sense of responsibility and a longing for family weighed heavily in his favour. But was that enough? He loved her, appreciated her efforts to make the relationship work, but he wasn’t kidding himself. Amber was working hard because that was what she did. She made the best out of every situation.
Hang on...he what? His mind skidded back. He loved her?
Tris almost laughed aloud with the inevitability of the discovery. Of course he did. He’d been drawn to her the moment he first saw her, the dazzling bridesmaid with a glorious mane of hair and the wide smile. But he’d fallen in love with the gallant, open-hearted girl who still believed in love and kindness and hope even after her sad and difficult teenage years. Amber might admit to dreaming of rescue, but she’d buckled up and rescued herself. She had a courage and spirit that made her beautiful within as well as without. But he wasn’t kidding himself; she was trying to forge a relationship with him because that was what she did, but she didn’t love him. And she dreamed of love; she’d been frank about that from the beginning.
With a start, Tris realised the boat had slowed and they were back at the jetty, Nikolai looking at him quizzically, waiting for him to throw the rope around the mooring pole. Hurriedly, Tris gathered it in his hands and with practised ease looped it around the pole. He pulled the rope until the boat was tight against the jetty and the two men clambered out.
With a deep breath, Tris turned to his cousin. ‘Thank you.’ It was all he could manage, his head filled with too many thoughts and scenarios and feelings.
‘I’m sorry things got to this stage,’ Nikolai said. ‘I’m fully aware how much I’m to blame, that I never reached out even after your father died. I hope it isn’t too late.’
‘Me too.’ With a jolt of surprise, Tris realised he meant the words. ‘It couldn’t have been easy coming here today.’
‘It wasn’t. I had to bring my small daughter to give me courage; there was no way she’d allow me to turn back, not when I’d promised her that she’d see her cousins and she could paddle in the lake. But I had to come. My father used to say how vivid and alive your mother was when he first met her, but after several years married to your father she became just a shadow of herself. That all the expectation and your father’s autocratic ways nearly crushed her. How he wished he had said or done something earlier. I didn’t want to stand by and see history repeat itself. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you and the Princess are meant to be, but either way I want you to go into marriage for the right reasons.’
‘Come to the villa, Nikolai. Stay for dinner, you and Isabella. My sisters would like that, I’d like that.’
‘Thank you.’ Nikolai smiled, looking so like the carefree youth Tris remembered it was impossible not to smile back, despite the tumult of emotions tumbling around his brain. ‘That would be good.’
The two men walked back to the villa side by side in a surprisingly companionable silence as Tris came to a resolution, as painful as it was necessary. Tonight he would play the host and enjoy the evening with his family and the woman he loved.
Tomorrow he would set her free.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘IT’S BEEN SO lovely to see you again.’ Amber embraced Elisabetta with a warm hug. ‘And absolutely gorgeous to meet you both.’ She hugged first Talia and then Giuliana before stepping back, oddly bereft as the girls headed towards the car.
How ridiculous! Talk about an overreaction. She barely knew them for a start, and it wasn’t as if they were going far. Elisabetta was returning to the castle, where she both lived and worked, Talia to the University of Elsornia which was based in the country’s charming capital city just a few miles from the castle, whilst Giuliana needed to report back at the airbase just outside the city. She and Tris would be returning themselves in just a couple of days; she could renew her acquaintance with his sisters at any time. So why did this feel more like a goodbye than a see you soon?
As Tris walked his sisters back to their car, Amber tried to shake off the foreboding that had plagued her ever since Nikolai’s unexpected arrival. She knew she was just being silly yet somehow her usual pep talks weren’t helping and every hour her feeling that things weren’t right deepened. She couldn’t put her finger on why exactly. After all, Nikolai and Tris had returned from their boat trip if not the best of friends, cordial and with an understanding that evidently astonished Tris’s sisters. Nikolai had even stayed until late the previous evening, before scooping up his adorable small daughter to drive her home, laughing that they would both be in trouble with his wife for staying out so late.
Sure, Tris had slept in his own room last night but that had been to allay any suspicions his sisters might have had about their relationship while it was still so fragile and undecided. But Amber had still half expected him to tiptoe down the corridors to her room after she had gone to bed and lain awake far too late waiting for him. She knew he was probably just being careful and had decided not to risk sneaking in, but it had been hard to sleep with his absence somehow filling the bed far more than his actual presence did.
She had also expected him to make an announcement about the baby, or maybe mention it casually while they were out walking, but nothing had been said. Elisabetta was obviously expecting him to say something too, judging by the quizzical glances she had sent Tris’s way throughout the evening and today. Amber wanted to believe that Tris had decided to give her more time to decide, to ensure she wasn’t ambushed by his excited sisters, but the explanation didn’t quite ring true. His distance seemed emotional as well as physical, all the closeness and intimacy gone, as if he were now acting her suitor instead of becoming her lover.
Amber watched him as he closed the car door, standing back as Giuliana reversed the car and he waved his sisters goodbye. There was no discernible difference in him that she could articulate; he was still lighter and warmer than he had been back at the castle, but she felt a difference. The lightness seemed forced, his good humour put on, and she would look up to find him gazing at her with such a deep sadness in his eyes that her stomach twisted and her chest ached to see it.
She waved to the Princesses until the car disappeared behind the closing gates before turning to Tris as he made his way slowly towards her. They were alone once more. She should be looking forward to another comfortable evening together, enjoying the still so new intimacy whilst anticipating the night after their separation the night before; instead the silence was weighted with expectation and an air of something momentous left unsaid.
‘Should we go inside?’ Amber asked with as breezy a smile as she could manage Other words trembled on the tip of her tongue: what had Nikolai said? What was wrong? But the words stayed unsaid; she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer. Folding her hands into fists, she tried again but still couldn’t speak. She wasn’t usually a coward, preferring to make the most out of any situation, no matter how bleak it might seem. Her Pollyanna attitude had got her through tighter spots than this, and yet her usual courage ebbed away. Looking at Tris’s set face, it was hard to feel anything but apprehensive.
‘Go in? Yes, that seems best. Amber, there is something I need to say to you. Could you spare me five minutes?’
‘Of course.’ Her apprehension heightened, the cool civility in his voice chilling her. The politeness of his request was so at odds with the companionship they’d shared. Something had happened, something linked to Nikolai’s unexpected arrival and their long trip out on the lake. Amber swallowed. She had thought she was used to being alone but not since her teens had she felt as isolated and friendless as she did right now.
Following Tris into the sitting room, Amber perched on
a sofa, folding her hands neatly, feeling a little like she had as a teenager sitting in her grandmother’s formal, overstuffed room, waiting to be told how to live her life. Sometimes she thought she’d never get rid of her grandmother’s critical voice in her head, telling her she was too loud, too exuberant, too impulsive, too untidy. Not regal enough, not poised enough, not good enough.
Elisabetta had warned her that news of her reappearance was beginning to leak out. Amber knew that she couldn’t avoid facing her past any longer; she needed to visit her grandmother, not to berate her or blame her but to lay all her ghosts to rest before the baby came.
The irony didn’t escape her; if she took Tris with her she would merely be confirming to her grandmother that the harsh treatment and isolation had been right and had led to the desired outcome. Conversely, turning up as a single mother would probably have the same effect, proving that she couldn’t be trusted to behave in an appropriate fashion on her own. But she no longer yearned for her grandmother’s approval, no longer considered her family. Her opinion didn’t matter. Any future relationship would be on Amber’s terms, if they had one at all.
She also needed to take control of her own fortune and look at how she could redistribute it, right the wrongs of her great-grandfather when he’d extracted the money from their small country. Tris was right; the best way would be through some kind of charitable foundation. It was that kind of forward thinking that made him such a good king. A good king and a good man.
She pushed the thoughts from her head and tried instead to concentrate on the scene unfolding before her, feeling more like a spectator than a participant. Tris hadn’t joined her on the sofa; he stood in front of the window, his expression becoming bleaker and bleaker as he seemed to search for the right thing to say.
The silence stretched on until she could take it no longer. ‘Tris, what’s happened? Something’s changed between yesterday and today; is it to do with Nikolai?’
Tris inhaled. ‘Nikolai came here to tell me that he will support my bid to change the constitution.’
Okay. But that was good news, wasn’t it? ‘In what way? To make it possible for you to be King now, without a son? That’s brilliant! It must be such a relief for you.’ Numbness crept over her as she saw Tris wince at her hearty tone. But hiding behind good humour and positivity had been her defence for far too long; she couldn’t drop it now.
‘Exactly that. More, we have decided to legislate to ensure that the current generation will benefit from the change in the law. This means that the oldest child will inherit whenever the existing monarch dies or abdicates, regardless of age, marital status or offspring. By doing so, he has effectively removed himself from the succession as all three of my sisters now come before him. If Parliament ratifies these changes, and there is no reason for them not to with the current existing heirs both sponsoring the bill, I can be officially crowned within the year, with Elisabetta taking on the role as the formal heir to the throne. She will be eminently suited to the role.’
‘Oh, yes, Elisabetta will be perfect,’ Amber agreed, her hand creeping to her stomach. Surely Elisabetta would only be heir for a short while? If she and Tris were to marry then, no matter whether she was expecting a boy or girl, their baby would inherit the throne one day. Wasn’t that what these changes meant?
Only...if Tris didn’t have to get married, didn’t have to have a son, then their marriage was no longer such a burning issue. In fact, it wasn’t even necessary. Her chest tightened, the air closing in around her. No wonder he had withdrawn from her; she was no longer of any use to him.
Here was proof; the intimacy of the last week or so was merely an illusion. He’d tried hard, she had to give him that, but it had all been an act. Numbness began to steal over her as she tried to digest the implications. Had her instincts been so wrong? Was she so desperate after all for a happy-ever-after that she had fallen for a façade?
It had seemed so real. ‘I see.’
Tris tried to smile, but there was no happiness or warmth in it. ‘The good news for you is that there is no longer any need for you to make a life here. You can go back to your normal life, your agency and your friends. I know how much you hate the idea of living in a castle, being a queen, living the life I must lead. Now you don’t have to.’
‘No. I suppose I don’t.’
‘I’ve ordered you a car; it will be here shortly to take you to the airport. You can go home, Amber. Your kindness in coming in the first place will never be forgotten. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. But there’s no need for you to sacrifice your happiness any longer. You’re free.’
Amber tried to find the right words, but for once she, who could usually chatter on to anyone about anything, was lost. What was wrong with her? She should be happy. Tris was right; this was exactly what she wanted made easy and guilt-free.
She had done the right thing in giving both him and Elsornia a chance but they both knew that living in the confined box of royalty wasn’t what she really wanted. Yes, she was pregnant, and he was the father, but this was the twenty-first century; she had a home, a job she loved and friends who, even if they were far apart, would always support her. She could and would love and raise their baby alone. Far better to do so than to raise it in a loveless marriage where hope and willingness to try would be bound to end in disappointment and bitterness.
She lifted her head and met his gaze. ‘That sounds very sensible. I’ll go and pack now. Tris, I’m glad that everything has worked out for you. But I hope you know that I still would like you to be part of our baby’s life. Every child needs a father if at all possible, and I think you are going to make a pretty remarkable one. I know your position makes it a little more complicated and I would rather not be the subject of any kind of media circus, but I’m sure if we’re careful we can find a way for you to be as hands-on as possible. If that’s what you want.’
Tris blinked and for a second Amber could have sworn she saw sorrow and disappointment cross his face. ‘Thank you. I would very much like to be involved. I don’t intend to marry, not now I don’t have to. I’m not sure it would be fair on any woman to always be second best to my role. But I would like to be a father, to be involved.’
Somehow, Amber managed a smile, even though her chest was ever tighter and her heart pulsing with a pain she couldn’t identify. ‘You’re only thirty, Tris. And you have such a huge capacity for love; don’t close yourself off from all that, please. I’d better go and pack. I am happy for you, really I am. You’ve got what you wanted; that must be amazing.’
She got up from the sofa, walked over to him and kissed his cool cheek, feeling him tremble under her touch. For one wild moment she wanted him to seize her, to hold her, to pull her to him and kiss her properly and tell her he couldn’t live without her. But instead he stood stock-still as she walked from the room, blinking hot, heavy tears from her eyes.
An hour later, Amber stood outside the villa, the car and driver waiting for her and her small amount of baggage, Tris next to her, still so remote and unreachable. This was what he wanted; surely he should be happy? Surely she should be happy instead of feeling utterly bereft. Sick with disbelief and unexpected loss.
‘Text when you’re safely home,’ Tris said, his words so ordinary they seemed utterly incongruous in the charged, unhappy atmosphere.
‘Of course.’ Amber took a step towards the car then stopped. ‘I’ll let you know the date of the next scan. Maybe there’s a way you can come, if you have time? I’ll have been home for almost two months by then so no one will be watching us; we might make it work. I’ll send you the date.’ She couldn’t help thinking that if he wasn’t involved now, then he would just get more and more remote until he was barely part of their lives at all. The thought of a future without him in it was too bleak to contemplate.
‘If you’d like me to be there then of course I will be. I don’t intend to just abandon
you, Amber. I hope you know that.’
‘I do.’ But her words were more hope than an affirmation. Tris didn’t know what unconditional love, what family was, didn’t know he could be integral to someone’s happiness. He was so likely to assume that she and the baby would be better off without him, to think he offered nothing of substance. By leaving, was she just proving that assumption true?
But he wanted her to leave. Had ordered the car before he had even told her of the change in his fortunes.
The driver put her few bags in the car and Amber didn’t move, still not quite ready to say goodbye. Tris stood framed by the villa, the white paint gleaming gold and pink thanks to the setting sun. Her eyes burned. The time she’d spent here had been the happiest of her adult life. Somehow, the villa felt like home.
‘Okay then.’ Tris leaned forward and dropped a single chaste kiss on her cheek. ‘Thank you again. For everything.’
‘Read the books, okay? And finish the playlist and watch the films; let me know what you think. And keep baking! You’re not too terrible.’ She took a reluctant step towards the car, still hoping, but she didn’t know for what. This was what she wanted. Why on earth did she feel as if she was being wrenched from all she held dear?
‘I will.’ He stepped away, face shuttered, mouth set firm.
‘Goodbye, Tris. Look after yourself.’ Amber took another few steps to the waiting car, where the driver held a door open for her. Suddenly, impulsively, she turned around. ‘Tris? Why did you agree to marry me all those years ago?’
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