She was rubbing her thumb against the bedpost, her brow furrowed.
He started cautiously toward her. "Leila—"
"Tell me your name," she said.
He stopped short. Curse her. To hell with her. No woman was worth—
"You don't have to," she said, still frowning at the bedpost. "We both know you can lure me straight into this bed with some lie or evasion or other. And I know that learning your name won't change anything. I'll still be a whore. And you'll know everything about me. It can't be helped. I'm...besotted." She swallowed. "I'm so tired of fighting with myself, trying to be what I'm not. I just want this one thing, you see. Your name. That's all."
He would have given her the world. If she asked, he would gladly abandon everything and take her away and shower her with his treasures. Anything she wanted.
She wanted his name.
He stood, fists clenched, heart pounding.
He saw a tear glisten at the corner of her eye. He watched her blink it back.
The rift inside widened.
Shpirti im, his soul called to hers. My heart.
He turned his back and left the room.
To hell with him, then, Leila told herself as she prepared for bed. To hell with him, she told herself hours later, when she woke sweating from a dream, which she angrily banished to the deepest recesses of her
mind.
Whatever Esmond felt for and wanted from her, it wasn't important enough to make him yield one small point: his curst name.
He expected trust. He was incapable of giving it, even to a woman who'd offered all hers, and her pride as well. She'd told him she loved him—as though that would matter. Women, men—and wild beasts, for all she knew—had been falling in love with him all his life. He thought no more of it than he did of breathing.
At least she wasn't the only idiot, she consoled herself hours later, when she rose and dressed and went downstairs, determined to eat her breakfast. She would not starve on Esmond's account. She'd refused to let Francis make a wreck of her, hadn't she? She was damned if she'd let Esmond affect her appetite.
Leila had scarcely sat down before Gaspard entered the dining room to announce that Lady Carroll was at the door. Moments later, Fiona was at the breakfast table, slathering butter and preserves on one of Eloise's enormous muffins.
"I thought you'd want to be the first to know," she was saying. "David leaves this afternoon for Surrey, to seek Norbury's permission to court Lettice."
The permission was merely a formality. If Fiona had pronounced David acceptable, the others must. Leila filled her friend's coffee cup. "Then I may conclude you're satisfied he's not a monster of depravity."
"Not a monster, no. But he didn't pretend to be a model of innocence, either, and so one must give him credit for honesty. And for poise," Fiona added as she dropped a lump of sugar into the coffee. "For I did set my teeth and tell him direct that Francis claimed an intimate knowledge of his hindquarters. 'Well, he was lying, as usual,' says His Lordship, quiet and polite as you please. So I got just as quiet and polite and asked if anyone else had such a knowledge, because I wouldn't put my sister in the hands of a mollying dog. Marriage is difficult enough, I told him, without those sorts of complications."
"Complications," Leila repeated expressionlessly, while she wondered whether murder would fall into the same category.
"Well, I know what goes on at public school, don't I? Or if not there, then at some point during the Grand Tour." Fiona bit into her muffin and chewed thoughtfully. "Forbidden fruit. Boys will be boys, Papa would say. But one must draw the line when it becomes a habit. Bad enough to catch your husband with the chambermaid, but when it's the groom or the pot boy—"
"I quite understand," Leila said. Grooms, serving lads, boys on the streets, for all one knew, she thought, sickened.
Her Ladyship went on talking between mouthfuls. "Anyhow, he bravely admitted to one drunken episode, a few years ago. He gave me his word of honor that was the first and only time. Then, still polite as ever, he wanted to know if there was anything else troubling me. 'Should I know of anything else?' I asked him. 'Can you promise that my sister will be safe and happy in your hands?' Then he became rather maudlin. I shan't repeat his effusions. Suffice to say, he is wretchedly in love with Letty, and she thinks the sun exists solely to shine on him. It's thoroughly disgusting. Is there sausage in that covered platter, love?"
"Bacon." Leila handed it over. "Did you mention the garter business?"
"I treated him to the whole story." Fiona dropped three rashers of bacon onto her plate. "It was obvious he hadn't known. He went white as a sheet. When he finally collected himself, however, he did it thoroughly. No more dramatics. He simply said, 'No one shall ever distress her again, Lady Carroll. You have my word. I shall take care of her, I promise you.' Well, what was I to say? I told him he might call me Fiona, and recommended he speak to Norbury as soon as may be—and get to Dorset before Letty murders my aunt."
Leila mustered a smile while she watched her friend make short work of the bacon. "And they all lived happily ever after," she murmured.
"Perhaps he'll ask Esmond to stand as groomsman," said Fiona. "Speaking of whom—"
"We weren't."
"What has been going on while I've been away?" Fiona attacked another muffin. "Something terribly discreet, no doubt, for I haven't heard a whisper."
"You've heard nothing because there is nothing."
"You were looking at each other in the same famished way David and Letty gaped at each other during the Fatal Ball. It was quite painful to watch."
"To imagine, you mean," Leila said stiffly. "Just as you imagined David was some evil pervert longing to do unspeakable things to your little sister."
"Actually, it was the promiscuity that bothered me. Neglect, disease—the sorts of things a wife has virtually no control over. As to unspeakable acts—Letty is no milk and water miss, you know. If she doesn't like it, she won't put up with it."
Fiona swallowed the last of the muffin. "Or am I naive? Is there something you know and I don't? Was Francis a brute in bed as well as out of it?"
"David is not Francis, as I told you several times last night," Leila said. "As I hope you discovered for yourself. From what you tell me, David answered in a frank, gentlemanly way—which is more than most of the men we know would do in like circumstances. To have his masculinity impugned—and with Francis, of all men—a filthy, sodden lecher—"
"Oh, I knew I was risking my neck, to accuse him of a hanging offense." Fiona wiped crumbs from her mouth. "Indeed, it's a wonder His Lordship didn't throw me from the carriage. But that's why I could believe him, you see. He took it like a man and answered me straight, man to man—without turning into the maddened animal most men become when you touch a sore spot. Except for the few, like Francis, who answer with a stab at your sore spot. Francis was good at that, laughing and mocking at what troubled you, and making a cruel joke of it. Gad, he was a swine." Her voice deepened and darkened. "He's dead—and the brute is still troubling us, still poisoning our minds and lives. He fouled everything he touched. Because of him, I nearly ruined my sister's chance for happiness. I listened to his filth, and believed it—when I of all people should have known better. When I'd spent years watching what he did to others—and worst of all, to you."
"It's over," Leila said, uneasy. "You've mended it."
"It isn't over for you, though, is it?"
"Of course it is," Leila said. "I've helped fix what I could. The Sherburnes are living in each other's pockets. David and Letty will be betrothed before the week is out, I daresay. And—"
"And you're still not cured of Francis Beaumont."
"I do not—"
"Francis didn't want you to know even a moment of happiness with any man," Fiona interrupted. "Especially not Esmond." She got up and came round the table to crouch beside Leila's chair. "Recollect what your husband did to my sister after I taunted him about Esmond," she said, her eyes searching Leila's. "Recollec
t the poison he dropped in my ear about David. I know Francis poisoned your mind about love—and lovemaking, no doubt—long ago. Don't tell me he didn't increase the dose when it came to Esmond."
"You're obsessed with Esmond," Leila said tightly. "You know far less of him than you do of David, yet you've been urging me to an affair practically from the moment you clapped eyes on that curst Frenchman. You invited him to Norbury House, you sent him after me when I fled, and you seem unable to spend an hour in my company without mentioning him. Yet you know no more of his character than you do of the man in the moon's. I half suspect it's sheer spite. Francis is dead, and you still want to spite him.”
"I shouldn't mind in the least if it added to his eternal sufferings." Fiona took Leila's hand and pressed it to her cheek. "I shouldn't mind anything that added to his punishments for what he did to you—to anyone I hold dear,” she said softly. "When I have trouble sleeping, or feel in the least agitated, I imagine him in his death agonies, or enduring the hideous torments of hell. It is wonderfully soothing." She smiled. "Do I shock you, love?"
Deeply. Chillingly. A question was forming in Leila's mind: Where had Fiona been the night before Francis died?—the night she'd been so late reaching Norbury House?
"You might," she said, "if I didn't know you never mean half what you say. All the same, it isn't soothing to my sensibilities to be urged to ruin just to satisfy your hunger for revenge."
"I said I shouldn't mind," Fiona corrected gently. "I assure you I am not so demented as to actively seek revenge on a dead man. He poisoned everything he touched—and died of his favorite poison. Poetic justice, don't you think? I'm satisfied with that. His afterlife I am content to leave in the hands of Providence." Releasing Leila's hand, she rose. "Likewise, I should be content to see you in proper hands. Because you're right about one thing: from the moment I clapped eyes on Esmond, I was positive he was the one for you. I can't explain. It just looked like, felt like...Fate."
Chapter 13
That night, Leila left Mrs. Stockwell-Hume's card party early, claiming a headache. While the carriage maneuvered through the evening traffic, she was recalling Esmond's sarcastic comments the first night they'd met privately: a cold trail...a host of suspects to be dealt with cautiously...a case that could occupy the rest of his life. She wished now that she'd heeded the warning.
She certainly wished she had never left Norbury House that fatal day in January. She wished she'd stayed and minded her own damned business.
As Francis' killer had expected her to do.
As Fiona had cajoled and begged her to do.
"Damn," Leila muttered to the empty carriage. "And damn again."
Between callers and dressmaker appointments, it had not been very difficult to keep the nagging suspicion at the back of her mind. But now there was no distraction, only the chilling recollection of the venomous hatred glittering in Fiona's eyes when she'd spoken of Francis and poetic justice.
Fiona certainly had a motive, every bit as powerful as Sherburne's or David's. She had, moreover, the character, brains, and guts to avenge her sister's honor.
The evidence was circumstantial, but damning.
Plenty of people had known of Leila's plans to spend at least a week at Norbury House with Fiona and her family. The arrangements had been made well in advance—a few weeks after the Fatal Ball, as it happened. Any of Francis' enemies—and their name was legion—could have known and taken advantage of Leila's absence from home.
It might have been anyone.
But it was Fiona who'd arranged for Leila's absence. It was Fiona who'd been delayed at the last minute and bundled Leila off to Surrey with a cousin. It was Fiona who'd arrived, very late, on the night someone had put poison in Francis' laudanum.
Fiona, who'd never had a headache in her life, had blamed her tardiness on a headache. She'd had to take laudanum and lie down. The ailment having cleared by mid-evening, she'd left London and raced to Norbury House. That was her story. Her alibi, Leila amended.
It didn't matter, she told herself. If one meant to excuse David for murder, one had bloody well better be prepared to excuse Fiona—to excuse everybody, in fact, because Francis was a swine who should have been hanged long since. It didn't matter who killed him or why. Justice had already been done.
So much for English justice, she thought bleakly as the carriage turned into the square. So much for her morals. So much for Andrew's efforts to make a decent human being of her. All she'd learned was how to pretend to be decent. Under the skin, she was Jonas Bridgeburton's daughter. The instant morality inconvenienced her, she knocked it down and ground it under her heel.
She doubted, in fact, that she'd truly wanted to solve the murder in the first place. It wasn't her conscience that had driven her to Quentin, but Esmond. She'd confessed the smaller crime so that he'd believe she hadn't committed the greater one. Very likely her intuition had told her Quentin would send for Esmond.
At any rate, common sense surely must have told her that Esmond could solve the murder without her help. She could have refused to become involved, or at least, so deeply involved. Instead, for every inch Esmond had offered her, she'd demanded a mile. From helping to partnership...to possession.
Because it was Esmond she was obsessed with solving. It was his heart she'd been trying to unlock with her clumsy pick.
Last night she'd actually begged. What next? she wondered, turning away from the carriage window and the steady drizzle outside.
Groveling, she answered herself. Sinking lower and lower. That was all that could happen. Esmond knew what she was doing and he'd told her loud and clear last night that she was doomed to failure. She'd begged, nearly wept—and he had turned his back and walked out.
She clenched her hands.
She would never, never humiliate herself so again. She would rather be hanged, shot, burned at the stake.
He'd only broken her heart. She'd recover. She had merely to shut the door on him, then pick up the pieces, put them back together, and get on with her life. She'd done it before. She'd shut Francis out, even though she was bound to him. This would be simpler.
Quentin hadn't been enthusiastic about the inquiry in the first place. She was the one who'd browbeaten him into taking it up. She could certainly persuade him to drop it—and dismiss the chief investigator. If Providence would be merciful for once, she wouldn't even have to say a word to Esmond about it. He would simply...vanish. To wherever he'd come from. Wherever that was.
The carriage rumbled to a halt, ending her gloomy reflections. She disembarked and hurried through the drizzle to her front door. Gaspard opened it with a welcoming smile.
She would miss her temporary servants, of course. But life would go on after they left. She'd do well enough. Her house was comfortable, the studio large and well lit, and she had ample funds to live on. Furthermore—
"Monsieur is in the studio," Gaspard said, taking her cloak and bonnet.
So much for counting on Providence to be merciful.
Setting her jaw, Leila marched down the hall and up the stairs, hastily composing her farewell speech as she went. Short, simple, to the point.
You win, Esmond. You didn't want to do this in the first place. You warned me and I wouldn't listen. Very well. You were right and I was wrong. I certainly don't possess the necessary patience for sleuthing. I most certainly do not want to spend the rest of my life on this case. I do not want to spend another minute on it. I'm not cut out to be your partner, and the last thing in the world I want is to be the equal of such a man. You win. I give up. Now go away and leave me in peace.
She swept through the study door. "Very well," she said. "You win, Esmond. You didn't want—"
The rest of her speech tumbled away to some distant nothingness.
There was no speech, no thought, nothing else in all the world but the picture before her.
Esmond sat cross-legged upon the carpet before the fire. He had made a nest of cushions and pillows about hi
m. Her sketchbook lay open on his knee. A small pan of coffee stood in a warmer at his elbow. A plate of pastries lay beside it.
He was draped in shimmering silks. He wore a loose, buttonless gold shirt, like a short robe, with a sash of sapphire blue. The trousers were the same jewel blue—the color of his eyes, she saw, as he lifted them to hers.
A golden prince.
Out of a fairy tale. Or a dream.
She wanted to rub her eyes. She was afraid he'd vanish if she did. She took a cautious step closer. He didn't vanish, didn't move, only watched her. She dared another step, to the edge of the carpet.
"You wanted to know who I am," he said. "This is who I am—as you sensed, as you drew."
Even his voice was different, the slight French accent gone. In its place were the unmistakable accents of the English privileged classes...and a trace of something else, unidentifiable.
She couldn't find her voice. He didn't seem to notice. She must be dreaming.
"You were not altogether correct," he said, glancing down at the sketchbook. "I never wore the turban. It makes too tempting a nest for vermin. Cleanliness is a problem in my country, you see. A bath requires several hours' hard work—and the time is not easily spared when one is constantly battling enemies."
If she wasn't dreaming, she must be drunk. He hadn't come. He wasn't there, speaking so casually of turbans and baths. It was wishful thinking, delirium.
She took another step nearer.
"But I was spoiled," he went on, his eyes still on the sketchbook. "I was treated to luxuries my poorer countrymen could scarcely imagine. I would not wear the turban, and I dressed in my own way. Yet no one dared mock or chide me, because I was born strange and my mother was believed to be a sorceress. My cousin, Ali Pasha, believed it. He even believed her prediction that I would become another Alexander, destined to lead my countrymen out of bondage and restore Illyria to greatness."
Mesmerized, even while disbelieving her own eyes and ears, Leila had been creeping ever closer while he spoke. Now she sank onto the carpet opposite him.
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