To Love Again

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To Love Again Page 4

by Andria Large


  I wonder what type of man he was before he met Greg. I really don’t think this frightened, unsure, timid guy in front of me is who Jack really is. His arms are covered in sleeve tattoos, and who knows how many other tattoos he has elsewhere. I’m sure there’s a strong, confident, outgoing man inside him somewhere. The trick is how to find that side of him and bring it back to life.

  JACK

  WARWICK MUST think I’m such a pussy. I shake my head to myself as soon as the front door closes behind him. I never used to be this weak… mentally, that is. That’s my own damn fault because I stayed with Greg for as long as I did. I let him break me down and turn me into someone I’m not.

  I was living a really great life before I met Greg. Even in the first year with him, everything was still pretty decent. I loved my job, I had a great group of friends, and my family was supportive of me and loved me for who I was. Everything was perfect. Then I got caught up in the shitstorm named Greg, and I almost lost my job because he’d show up there ranting and raving, I wasn’t allowed to see my friends anymore because he didn’t like them, and the same with my family. How could I have been so blind? How did I let myself think I loved him and he actually loved me back? I’m nothing but a piece of property to him, and no one else is allowed to have me.

  Diandra plops herself down on the couch next to me and hands me a bottle of water. I didn’t even realize she had gotten up and gone into the kitchen. I mutter a thanks, open it, and take a sip.

  “Don’t worry, Jacky-boy. Everything will be okay,” she says sweetly and pats my thigh.

  I nod even though I don’t fully agree.

  “So tell me, how did you and Warwick meet?” I ask, wanting to know more about the man who saved my life.

  She barks out a laugh. “Oh wait until you hear this! A bunch of us interns went out to celebrate surviving our first week. I mean, the moment I laid eyes on Warwick, I was in lust. I wanted him in my bed ASAP,” she says animatedly.

  I chuckle. I know what she means—the man is stunning.

  “Well, I got completely hammered and came on to him, hard, I mean, really hard. We were dancing, and I basically jumped on him and stuck my tongue down his throat. He had to literally pry my arms from around his neck. Once he finally got me off him, he explained that he was gay and even though I was extremely beautiful, he only liked dick. We’ve been best friends ever since.” She laughs.

  I laugh along with her. Girl is crazy. I can just imagine the whole scenario—this tiny little thing of a woman climbing up the six four Warwick; it’s a funny image indeed.

  Diandra and I get to talking about everything under the sun. I can see why she and Warwick are best friends. I get the impression both of their missions in life is to help people, and that’s why they became doctors. But they both have something a little more special, deeper; they feel it in their hearts and souls. It’s not something every doctor has, but these two, they have it—that need, that instinct to help others. Diandra is awesome and whatever man has a chance at landing her is truly lucky.

  Before I know it, my stomach is growling loudly, and I realize I never got something to eat. I look at the clock and have to do a double take. We’ve been talking for four hours!

  “Time flies when you’re having fun!” Diandra snickers, getting up and going into the kitchen. “Come on. Help me make some sandwiches.”

  Chapter FOUR

  WARWICK

  THE DAY dragged today. My mind kept drifting to Jack, wondering what he was doing—not like there was much to do in the apartment. I’m sure Diandra kept him entertained. I’m tired and can’t wait to get a shower and crawl into bed. Tomorrow is my day off, so that’s good.

  The apartment is quiet when I walk in, with only one end-table lamp lit; it’s usually what Diandra leaves on for me when she goes to bed and I’m not home from work yet. I shrug out of my lab coat and toss it over the back of the couch as I walk into the kitchen to look for something to snack on. After finding a granola bar, I munch on that as I walk to the bathroom.

  I close myself in and turn on the water in the shower. I strip out of my clothes, then climb in. Taking as little time as possible, I wash everything, then shut off the water and grab my towel from the rack on the wall. After drying off quickly, I wrap the towel around my waist and open the door, shutting off the light as I go.

  I take one step into the hall and crash into a hard male body. I wrap my arms around him to keep us both from falling. Jack grunts, his hands splayed on my chest. Our faces are so close our noses are brushing, or I should say my nose is brushing the bridge of his and his is brushing my top lip. He’s a couple of inches shorter, but he fits so perfectly against me. He seems to be holding his breath. It’s then I realize he doesn’t have a shirt on.

  I smooth my hands up his bare back, my fingers gliding easily over his warm, soft skin. Suddenly, my body is thrumming with desire, sending a rush of blood down to my cock, which hardens between us. I tilt my head down, bringing our lips even with each other. I’m not sure if Jack is breathing, and I can’t help but smile.

  “Jack?” I murmur.

  “Yeah?” he squeaks.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, my voice gone husky with need as my lips brush his slightly.

  “I-I need you to let me go,” he wheezes.

  His words are like a bucket of ice water over my head. Bloody hell! I wasn’t even thinking about how he would feel about me touching him so soon after everything he’s been through. I was only thinking about how much I liked the feel of him against me. I immediately release him. He steps away until his back is against the opposite wall of the hallway, effectively breaking my heart in two.

  “Fuck, Jack, I’m sorry.” I sigh and rake a hand through my damp hair. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  Jack nods jerkily. “It’s okay,” he croaks.

  I shake my head. “No, it’s not.”

  I step toward him, only to have him flatten himself more against the wall. I frown hard.

  “Jack, you have to know I would never ever hurt you, love. I’d rather die than hurt you.”

  I take another step forward, and Jack watches me, his eyes wide and searching. “I want to believe you, but my body and mind are fighting me,” he whispers.

  “You can trust me,” I murmur, stopping about a foot away from him. I’m afraid I might make things worse if I get any closer.

  Jack hangs his head, shaking it slightly. “Greg told me that too.”

  That comment right there is like a dagger in my chest. I don’t know what I was thinking. He barely knows me. It’s better if I leave him be and stop acting like an idiot.

  “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

  I shake my head. “Don’t be. I shouldn’t expect you to trust me when you barely know me.”

  I look at Jack so he knows I’m being sincere. He gives me a jerky nod, even though he looks confused. With that, I go to my bedroom and close the door quietly behind me.

  JACK

  I HAVE no idea what the hell just happened. Feeling like an ass just standing in the hallway, I go into the bathroom like I had intended before bumping into Warwick. After taking a leak, I go to my bedroom and close myself in, locking the knob. I know it sounds stupid, but it makes me feel better knowing the door is locked. If Greg does happen to find me and tries to get in, the lock will at least slow him down.

  Crawling into bed, I pull my covers up to my chin, like they will somehow protect me from Greg too. Fucking Greg, he ruined me. I have no idea how I’m ever going to get back to who I used to be, or if I even can. I don’t like this version of myself.

  My mind drifts to Warwick and when we bumped into each other in the hallway. I kind of enjoyed his big, hard body so close to mine. At first, all I felt was terror when we crashed into each other. If it had been Greg, he would have blamed me for not watching where I was going and would have beat the shit out of me even if it was a complete accident. But Warwick caressed my back and asked if I was okay. I fucking panicked, didn
’t know what to do with that, and just needed some space to think.

  And holy shit, when I stepped away and saw he only had a towel around his slim waist, I almost came in my pants, and that scared me too. There is no way I’m getting anywhere close to being with someone, or a relationship, or fuck buddies…. I can’t do it, not anytime soon.

  Warwick’s body is cut in all the right places. His chest and shoulders are wide, his abs look like you could literally wash your clothes on them, and then he has that V of muscle that disappeared under the towel. Don’t even get me started on his arms; he could probably crack open a walnut in the crook of his arm. And as big and nicely built as he is, Greg is bigger… and scarier. Where Warwick’s body is sexy and drool-worthy, Greg’s is too bulky and unnatural.

  I really need to stop thinking about Greg if I ever want to get to sleep. Same goes for Warwick, because if I continue to think about him, I’m gonna end up having to jerk off to get rid of the boner that won’t go away. At least I know I can still get a boner. This past year, they were few and far between—Greg made sure of that. Nothing he did to me ever turned me on for obvious reasons, and I eventually stopped getting them in the mornings too. I’m surprised my balls haven’t fallen off, because I honestly can’t remember the last time I had an orgasm, even at my own hand.

  A soft knock on the bedroom door startles the shit out of me. I fly into a sitting position, clutching my covers to my chin.

  “Jack, can we talk?” Warwick’s soft accented voice asks through the door.

  I blow out the breath I was holding and try to calm my pounding heart. He’s not here. He’s not here. He’s not here. I repeat the mantra in my head a few times as I get up and unlock the door. I open it to see Warwick, who is now in a T-shirt and gym shorts. He frowns at me.

  “Are you all right?” he asks in concern, looking over my face before letting his eyes drift down my body.

  It’s then I realize I’m still clutching the blanket to my chin. “Shit.” I lower the blanket and run a frustrated hand through my hair. “Sorry, your knock just startled me; that’s all.”

  He nods in understanding.

  “Listen, I really feel like a sod touching you like I did. I was completely out of line and I’m sorry. It will never happen again.”

  “It’s okay, Warwick, really. I shouldn’t have said what I did. You’re not Greg. I know that. It’s just getting my mind to adjust that’s the problem.”

  “I don’t want you to be afraid of me,” he murmurs, unable to hide sadness in his tone.

  “I’m not. But my reactions are so ingrained that every time you reach out to me, I flinch because my brain automatically thinks it’s going to be a hit. I have to retrain myself not to do that, and it’s going to take time, Warwick.”

  “I know, I know, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just not used to having someone act like they’re afraid of me. But you have every right to feel that way. I need to be more understanding. You came from a horrible situation and your reactions aren’t going to change overnight. Again, I apologize for what happened in the hallway. I was out of line,” he says, his eyes pleading with me to believe him.

  “Thank you. I appreciate that,” I say with a soft smile.

  He gives me a small smile in return. “We’re okay, yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I nod.

  Without thinking too much about it, I throw my arms around his neck and hug him. Warwick stiffens in surprise for all of a second before he slowly wraps his arms around my waist.

  “I still cannot thank you enough for helping me,” I whisper, tucking my face against his neck.

  “I’m just glad you let me,” he whispers in return, giving me a gentle squeeze.

  I sigh against him. “This feels good.”

  He chuckles softly and nuzzles his face against mine. “You can hug me anytime, mate.”

  “Thanks.” I snicker and let him go.

  Damn, I miss hugging him already. That’s not a good sign.

  “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. We’ll go out and get you a phone, yeah?”

  “Okay, sounds good.”

  “Night.”

  “Good night.”

  I watch his fine ass walk down the hall to his room. He glances at me over his shoulder when he opens his door. He sends me a wink and a smirk before going in and closing the door. That guy is something else.

  Chapter FIVE

  WARWICK

  THE MINUTE we walk out the door, Jack is extremely jumpy and paranoid. His eyes are darting everywhere, and I don’t know how he hasn’t made himself dizzy yet. I drive us to the AT&T store and get Jack a TracFone. This way he doesn’t have a contract or an account.

  “How far are we from where you lived?” I ask him as we pull into the parking lot of the AT&T store.

  Jack answers while continuing to look out the window. “About twenty minutes.”

  “Did Greg come to this neighborhood often?”

  Jack turns a confused gaze toward me. “No, why?”

  “Then it’s not likely he will be anywhere near here, Jack.”

  Jack licks his lips nervously. “Yeah, but….”

  “And even if he is around here, I’m with you. I won’t let anything happen to you, I swear.” I give him a pointed look.

  He nods quickly and rakes a hand through his hair. After searching the parking lot one more time, he pulls in a deep breath and blows it out. “Okay, okay. Let’s just go.”

  We exit the car, and Jack practically runs for the door. I sigh and shake my head; this isn’t going well. The guy is like a scared rabbit. I offered again this morning to go get the phone on my own, but Jack insisted he come and buy it himself. I was happy to learn he had a bank account he kept a secret from Greg and has been saving his money there.

  Once inside, we have to wait a few minutes for someone to finish helping another customer. I go and sit on the bench by the window to wait while Jack walks around looking at the phones, his eyes flicking to the windows every ten seconds. How do I know if it’s really ten seconds? I bloody counted!

  Finally a representative calls for whoever’s next. I stand and make my way over to him. Jack joins me at the high-top table, making sure he’s facing the front windows of the store. He stays mostly silent while the representative and I negotiate.

  My phone beeps in my pocket, letting me know I have a text message. I pull it out and check the text from Diandra, who is working.

  Lover boy came into the ER asking for you.

  “Bloody cocksucker,” I mutter to myself.

  “Excuse me?” the representative asks, his eyebrows raised.

  “Sorry. Not you, mate.” I grin sheepishly.

  “Oh, okay,” he replies, then turns to Jack. “Have you decided on a phone?”

  I glance over at him to find him watching me, a concerned look on his face. I give him a small reassuring smile, trying to let him know everything is fine. As Jack goes on to tell the guy what phone he wants, I text Diandra.

  When was he there?

  She replies a minute later.

  About 15 mins.

  Nobody told him anything, right?

  Not that I know of.

  Okay, thanks.

  The problem with him being at the hospital fifteen minutes ago means he most likely is still in the area—this area, where Jack and I are. The hospital is only two blocks from here.

  Not two minutes later, Jack gasps loudly. When I look over to see what’s wrong, he’s staring out the windows, pure terror in his eyes. I follow his gaze to a giant blue pickup truck with a grill that looks like flames; it’s pulling into the lot.

  Fuck. It’s Greg.

  Jack seems to be completely frozen in place. I grab him by his shoulders and give him a shake. “Jack,” I say sharply.

  He snaps out of it, turning his gaze on me. “What do I do?” he whispers, his voice trembling.

  “You go and hide behind the counter,” I tell him firmly.

  He doesn’t answer, just r
uns and ducks behind the checkout counter. The representative frowns and turns toward me.

  “He can’t be back there,” he says.

  “Listen, his abusive ex is about to walk in—you never saw him,” I tell the guy, giving him a hard look.

  He gives me a curt nod. “You got it.”

  “Thanks.”

  I watch as Greg hops out of the truck and slams the door. He looks at my SUV, a black Lexus LX, for a minute, even peeks in the passenger window. He then turns toward the front doors and starts for them, running his fingers down the hood of my SUV.

  I start talking to the rep as if I hadn’t just watched Greg fondle my car. He plays along, which I am grateful for. I’m also grateful for the windows, which are tinted, so you can see out but not in, giving Jack time to hide.

  Greg throws open the door and storms in, drawing our attention. He gives me a malicious smile. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Dr. Homewrecker.”

  I cock an eyebrow at him and give him a bored look. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, mate.”

  His smile drops, turning into a vicious sneer. “Don’t use that word with me! I know you have him. Where is he?” he barks, stopping right in my face.

  “Have who?” I ask.

  “Jack! You’re hiding him from me!”

  I shake my head and look at him like he’s crazy. “Honestly, mate, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t seen Jack since you brought him into the hospital after breaking his arm.”

  “I’m not your fucking mate, so stop calling me that!” he growls, his fists balling at his sides.

  I wave a dismissive hand. “Whatever. I don’t know where Jack is.”

  “He had your card, asshole. I know you have him. I want him back. He’s mine.”

  I purse my lips. This guy is pissing me off. “A person is not a possession. If he wasn’t happy in your relationship, then he had every right to leave.”

 

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