Good question.
"And when?" she added, shuffling over to sit beside me. "And why? And did they know it would have that effect?"
"I've struggled with those questions for eight years, Demeter."
"Can we assume, since Johnny maintains his sense of self, that we will likewise be aberrations from now on?" Erik asked, sipping coffee Celia had poured him.
Nana hit the tabletop and stared at me. "An aberrant pack of wolfen!"
"What?" Theo asked.
"I did some research on the Lustrata and—"
"And," I cut her off, "before we get sidetracked, I have to ask something." I paused. "I know I'm not supposed to know. I know you won't want to tell me. But we've deepened the level of trust among us in the last month. Witches have their legends. Waeres must have theirs. Don't they tell you about them in the six weeks you're gone for your fortieth full moon?"
Looks shot around like wild pinballs. No one spoke. I turned to Celia, thinking she would be the one to break, to show me she trusted me. We'd been friends since college.
But it was Johnny who spoke. "No. The purpose of the den is other," he said.
"Johnny," Celia protested.
"She's the Lustrata!" He came forward. "She must have a foot in our world."
"What if that's all bullshit?" Erik asked. "No offense, Seph, but this hero-witch business isn't easy to accept."
"No offense taken," I said.
"She is," Johnny insisted. "She gave you the gift, how can you not believe?"
"Gift?" I asked.
"Everyone knows waeres lose their humanity—body and mind—when they transform, but don't you realize you have been given half of that back?" He faced Erik. "Once you told me that when the beast rose the man sank and it left you feeling robbed. Now you'll be a man, always! You won't act like an animal, unless you choose to," Johnny said.
I decided to remember that last remark for later. "What about your at-will partial transformation?" Okay, it was a dirty Nana-trick to ask him in front of everyone, knowing he'd be forced to respond because everyone would pressure him if he didn't, but I intended to get my answer. "Can they do that too?"
Johnny glared at me.
I glared back.
"You can do that?" Theo asked him pointedly.
Johnny turned like he would walk out, but his feet didn't carry him away. He spun back, angry. Jaw closed tight, breathing hard through his nostrils, his forearms crossed before him, he made fists so hard he shook. With a low growl he lowered his arms, opening his hands as he did. Nail beds narrowed and elongated, fingers went dark and slightly furry. Bones popped as his fingers grew thick and long. He shouted and fell to his knees, panting. His head hung.
Stunned, we were all silent as his arms hung limp at his sides and claws reverted to normal hands.
"Domn Lup," Nana whispered.
"How the hell did you do that?" Erik demanded, moving to offer Johnny a hand.
"Will."
"Can you go all the way?"
Johnny brightened, opened his mouth, surely to say something lewd, but shut it without uttering anything. His answer was simply, "Not yet."
"Yet?"
"It's easier when I'm angry. I haven't been that angry."
Celia asked, "Does the dirija know about any of this?"
Johnny shook his head no.
"Dirija?" I asked.
"The title of the local supervisor."
"And you're pushing me to out myself to the Elders," I said flatly.
"Speaking of the Lustrata," he said, his attention transferring to Nana, "what did your research reveal, Demeter?"
"Oh no," I cut in. "You still haven't told me what goes on with the fortieth full moon and all."
Hands on hips, he said, "At the end of our third year as a waere, the beginning of our fourth, we are called to participate in a group training exercise called the luna patruzeci. It means simply fortieth moon. We retreat to the Grimasa-azil, it is our home. The name means 'grimace sanctuary' because we change together, unkenneled, as a group. I attended the luna suta or hundredth moon, before I started kenneling here."
"What kind of training exercise?" Nana asked.
"They say they're teaching us for a worst-case scenario, but bottom line is, as men and women, we are taught to wage war."
Nana twisted in her seat to stare and me and ask, "Now can I tell them?"
I conceded with a small nod.
"I have foreseen the hostilities. They must be avoided at all costs." She pursed her lips, then went on. "There are strong personalities among you. Strong minds. There are things you must do, things that may not soothe your nature, but will stir its opposition. And still it must be done."
"What must we do?" Theo asked.
"You are a pack. More than that, you are the Lustrata's pack. And she will have need of you."
"You mean we're her pets?" Erik asked, his tone clearly offended.
"Not pets," Nana said, "but you must honor her summoning."
Erik came forward. "No." He stopped, facing Johnny. "No. For years we've worked on what we wanted. On the contract we now have in hand. I know, man, you've spent years on this Lustrata thing, but you can't tell me you'll blow off the label—your shot at fame—to stay in a farmhouse in Ohio and be the watchdog of a witch."
Johnny hadn't been slumping, but he rose up, shoulders squaring, chest broadening. Wordless, his posture said everything.
Erik asked, "You're going to let this ruin the deal for the rest of us, aren't you?"
Johnny didn't flinch or blink.
"Celia," Erik said, and left.
Head down, she followed him out.
"Nana, let me out." I was going after them.
She didn't budge from the end of the bench.
"Give him time," Theo said. "He'll cool down. They'll be back."
Chapter 29
Johnny turned and strolled into the living room, biker-boots tapping each slow step down the hallway.
Nana got up and motioned me to get off the bench.
"What?" I asked. She hadn't moved an inch when I wanted out, but now she wasn't giving me an option.
"Go talk to him," she whispered.
After a glance at Theo, I scooted from the bench. Behind me, Theo asked, "So, Demeter, can you tell me about the spell that did this to us?"
Johnny stood in the living room. I couldn't tell if he was staring out the picture window, with its view of Erik's Infiniti just pulling out of sight, or if he was looking at the couch where we'd had sex.
I picked up the receiver from my desk phone and dialed his number. Suddenly the sound of Motley Crue's "Looks That Kill" filled the living room. He turned and looked askance at me. I shrugged. "I wanted to know what my ringtone was."
He turned away. I hung up the phone and walked into the living room.
"So you got a contract. That's fantastic." I wished it had come out more enthusiastically. Something of greater value.
"Haven't signed it yet."
"Why not?" I asked, surprised. "It's what you want, isn't it?"
"I want a lot of things."
The muscles in my neck and shoulders felt so taut they might snap. I moved past him and sat on the couch, off to the far end. "I have something to say. And I don't want you to interrupt me." He nodded. "I couldn't figure out if I had done what we did because I wanted to or if the stain was in charge. I had to sort some things out and, until I knew for certain, I couldn't falsely let you think all was perfect. I see now that my reaction may have made you think I was regretful, childish, and scared. I don't know if I was more afraid that it was the stain or more afraid it would be just me because then, if it was me, then what I felt would be… real.
"I came to the show to tell you that I'd figured it out." I paused. "I hadn't heard the band before. You guys sound great. Celia had said you were a great singer but I didn't know how…" I struggled for the right word.
"Look Red, Celia told me she saw you at the show. And that you hightailed it
out of there after we left the stage."
Realizing my lowered eyes was a defeatist position, my chin raised to face him squarely. I'd done nothing to be ashamed of. I wouldn't be the embarrassed one here. I put on a mirthless smile. "My exit was so fast I left my leather blazer in the coat check."
"I know what you saw," he said, hands sliding into his pockets. "And I want to explain."
"You don't have to. You don't owe me anything." My voice was flat, firm, and void of emotion.
Those Wedjat-tattooed eyes fixed on me. "Yes, I do."
I waited, unaffected. Blank.
He knew I had mastered the skill he'd taught me; the sorrow he couldn't hide made it clear. "They are Samantha and Cameron Harding, Sammi and Cammi."
"As in Harding Bank?" I'd seen their commercials.
"Yeah. They're the forty-something twins whose rich daddy died and left them his banks, so they kind of don't live in the same world we do, if you know what I mean. They've been waere for six years and even bankrolled an underground vault with kennels inside for waere employees to use. They're good friends of Celia's; she often refers clients to their banks for financing. They put the money up for Lycanthropia's CD."
I waited, hands in my lap.
"I thought it was cool they'd got all Gothed up and come to the gig. I pulled them up onstage so they could go back to the Green Room with us. That kiss was totally unexpected. After seeing you, Celia came back in and ripped them both a new one." He chuckled. "You should've seen it."
Seeing Celia get mad was an uncommon thing, but I knew from our college days she was formidable.
"Turns out they'd been seeing some guy for years, a happy threesome, kenneling with him and all, and they had just broken up with him. Guess they decided to make me the next object of their affection. Celia disabused them of that pretty damned fast. Maybe a little too harshly considering the business relationship and all."
He turned his head and looked out the window for a moment.
"Without the boyfriend, they couldn't exactly kennel with their employees, and had no backup place to go. They asked Celia if they could join her and Erik—she said she tried to call you. Anyway, Celia couldn't tell them no. She wanted to mend the business fences but she'd already said the other couple—Steve and Cherynna—could come."
I looked him up and down, taking in his posture, his expression, but I kept my thoughts to myself. He had more yet to explain.
"So, they kenneled here, and yeah, they kenneled with me. There was nowhere else for them to be. I couldn't give them my kennel and hang with another male; he'd just want to fight. If I'd known Celia and Erik would retain their human minds, we could have kenneled together and dealt with the teasing. But I didn't know that. I just knew I could kennel with the twins without incident. No mating happened, and if you don't believe me, any of them who kept their minds can tell you. Theo had one wolf trying to mount her; I had two trying to get under me. My solution was to curl up and sleep, snarling at them if they got too close. I figured they'd wake up and assume whatever they wanted, but I'd know the truth." He waited for me to say something.
I said, "So what advice did Celia give you about explaining all this to me?"
He came closer and lowered himself to sit on the floor with his back to the couch. Though he was facing away from me, I could hear him clearly as he said, "Grovel at your feet." He laid his head on my knee.
"Johnny, stop." My irritation was clear and he turned quickly. "The Domn Lup doesn't grovel at anyone's feet."
"Damn what?"
"You know what I said. You've researched the Lustrata; you know what the Domn Lup is and you know you are he."
"Wolf King."
"So get up."
He made a swift little bounce of a move and was on the couch next to me. The furniture frame creaked a complaint. "Red, this is miscommunication, pure and simple. I want it to be right again."
I stood up and paced away, arms wrapped around myself. "You moved out fast enough to make it seem like you were eager to get out." I turned back.
"Let me see," he said, crossing his arms and placing one finger thoughtfully at the corner of his mouth. "Live at my own place or be obligated into tooling around town in a rusty Le Sabre all winter? Tough decision."
He was trying to be funny, but I wasn't into it. "Pardon my self-centeredness, but didn't I figure into that equation at all?"
"I didn't take everything. After what you'd seen, I figured you might throw my guitar outside or something. If it didn't break, the neck would warp." He got up and came to me. He put his hands on my arms. "I only took the stuff I didn't want to risk losing. The guitar was pretty much it. And some clothes."
Things weren't as I'd feared and I could accept that. He sounded like he wanted to come back. Nana said I needed him here and, just then, I felt like it might work. But, as Amenemhab had said, I couldn't control how other people reacted. I had to know if he could take it, if he could handle my connection to Menessos. Not that I wanted to provoke him, just I needed to know. "I saw Goliath at the show," I said. "Made sure Menessos knew about the fairy's warning."
"That's—that's good." I could see that he was trying to be cool about it.
"He said that was a regular thing for them, getting threats. That I'd better get used to it."
"I still don't think the fey are any threat to them."
Looking over his shoulder and through the window, I saw a white van slow down on the road and pull into my driveway. The side of it read Incomparable Deliveries, LTD. "Just a minute," I said.
At the door, I waited as a little man in dark blue coveralls and matching cap carried a long, wide rectangular box to the porch. Grinning, he said, "Ms. Alcmedi?"
"Yes?"
"These are for you, miss." He handed them over.
Though the box was about four inches deep, it wasn't heavy. "Do I sign?"
"No. That's all taken care of, miss. You have a good day, now." He was already on his way back to the van.
"You order something?" Johnny asked.
"No." I set the box on the chair, checked the label. "Oh." The descending note of my voice belied my dissatisfaction.
"What?" he asked, coming closer.
"It's from Menessos."
Instantly, I could feel jealousy jacketing his aura. "Open it up," he said.
It seemed he was going for cheerfully-okay-with-it but what came out was I-hate-his-evil-guts. "I need scissors."
"Here."
Before I could move away, Johnny offered me his pocketknife. "Thanks."
Inside the cardboard box was a white box. I tried to remove it, but Johnny stepped in to slide the outer box away while I held the inner one. It was similar to a department store dress box, but the embossed seal in the top wasn't one I recognized. Lifting it gingerly, I set the lid aside and peeled back the different shaded layers of purple tissue paper. Inside was a costume gown of black and copper velvet, including the matching mask and shoes. Even jewelry.
"Oh my."
"Figures," Johnny said. He pointed at Ariadne. "More gifts to obligate you."
My anger was rising. The heat in my core was like a just-stoked furnace. "You know, I don't try to foster your jealousy but I have to talk to someone about what's going on in my life, and that's a part of the job I thought you wanted. I've been tiptoeing around it, and that's over. You could certainly choose to fight that emotion and do better than just giving up in the face of it, Domn Lup."
"Are you going to taunt me with that title now?"
"Not if you act like the king you are."
"You're bound to that vamp. I don't want to watch you succumb to his ploys!"
"Because I'm just a dumb little girl who doesn't see him for what he is?"
He straightened. "No. The Lustrata is not a 'dumb little girl. " He started to add to that, but I spoke first.
"When are you going to succumb to trusting me?" My shoulders squared.
Johnny shut his mouth. He didn't look happy.
&nbs
p; "It's as simple as making that choice, isn't it?" I paused, but he still said nothing. "I've learned my lesson. Waffling over things that should be clearly black and white, smearing it until everything is all gray, is bad. It leaves me uncertain what to think about it, let alone what to feel about it."
He put hands on hips and managed to seem irate and thoughtful.
"Do you think I can control what Menessos does?" I didn't have to tell him that to a degree, I possibly could. "Should I wave my wand and make him stop sending me things because it makes you feel bad? Or should I wave my wand and make you grow up?"
"Are your pretty painting and your pretty costume worth the rest of your life?"
A personal confrontation with someone I'd been intimate with usually made me cower, made me back down and give in just to stop the fight. But not now. Not as the Lustrata. "Worth?" I repeated. "What is the value of the Lustrata's life, Johnny?" Sauntering close and glaring up at him without fear or anger, I said, "I'm not sure what it's worth, but I am well aware of what price must be paid. I am aware the due bill will only get longer, never shorter. And I am aware that your jealousy vexes me." I nearly spat the last before returning to the box and gazing down into it. "There are things you don't yet understand."
"Then enlighten me." He sounded mesmerized. Maybe on some level he could detect the change the glowing armor-mantle of the Lustrata symbolized.
I said:
"Lustrata I am… and yet untested.
I've come too far to not be invested
Deep in the role that is consuming
My remade life while Destiny's looming."
He whispered, "Enlighten me!"
Did I tell him that Menessos was mine to control and not the other way around? More secrets wouldn't help. Ease in to it, I thought. "I figured out my troublesome issues with the stain."
"And?"
"You have no reason to let any stab of jealousy wound you."
I expected him to ask why, to press me for every detail, and I was prepared to tell him. But he stood there with this look of awe on his face. When he spoke, he said, "Do the right thing, for the right reason. It's not just words to you. It's a way of life."
"And that is why I'm asking you this: Is the recording contract worth the rest of your life?"
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