by Sara Craven
He said, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Children.’ She swallowed. ‘Apparently, Selina wants them here. An extra clause in the inheritance agreement. Della warned me before she left. Or are you going to deny it?’
‘I deny nothing,’ Alex drawled scornfully. ‘Rosshampton is a wonderful place for children, and always has been. Selina believes that, and so do I.’ He paused. ‘What else did Della say?’
‘Just that she’d refused point-blank to become the Rosshampton brood mare.’ Louise lifted her chin. ‘However, I wasn’t offered the same choice.’
He was very white. He said, ‘Is that—truly how you see yourself? With me as visiting stud, presumably?’
She was weeping inside, but she managed a shrug. ‘You said it. I didn’t.’
‘Yes.’ He was silent again, his mouth hard and taut, his eyes studying her as if she was a stranger. ‘I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. What happened to the warm, adorable girl I left sleeping?’
Louise shrugged defensively. ‘She—woke up. Discovered reality.’
‘Reality?’ he repeated incredulously. ‘Is that what you want? Fine.’ He drew a breath. ‘You feel you should have been offered a choice? Then choose now, Louise. The deal—or the marriage I thought we began last night.’
She folded her arms across her body, creating a deliberate barrier. A gesture that, she saw, was not lost on him.
He said too quietly, ‘I see.’ He paused. ‘So, a few hours ago, you were merely on loan—is that it?’
She said stonily, ‘A few hours ago I was a little crazy, but now I’m sane again, and I want my life back. All of it. As we agreed.’
He nodded, his face too expressionless, too controlled. ‘What happens now, if I’m allowed to ask?’
She swallowed. ‘I—I’d like to go back to London, if you’ll let me have the car. I’ll move out of the flat—find a hotel.’
‘Try the Belmayne,’ he said, his voice icily cynical. ‘I hear the beds are incredible.’ He paused. ‘I’ll have the money transferred to your account, plus a suitable bonus to compensate for my unwarranted use of your charming body.’
She bit the inside of her bottom lip so hard she tasted blood. She had the feeling that she’d thrown a stone, and started an avalanche. That events were out of control, careering away from her to ruin and despair. That if she could only turn back the clock, she would handle things very differently.
Aloud, she said, ‘And if there are—consequences?’
His smile touched her shrinking flesh like the lash of a whip. ‘Then deal with them in whatever way you wish, darling. And send me the bill.’
She wanted to cry out—scream in pain and negation. Instead, she lifted her chin defiantly. ‘Naturally. And now, perhaps, you’ll go. Let me finish packing.’
She turned to walk past him to the wardrobe, but he halted her, his hand hard on her arm. He lifted her as if she was a featherweight, tossing her onto the bed.
‘Presently,’ he said. ‘But first, maybe, I should give you something to remember me by.’
‘Alex.’ She sobbed his name as he knelt over her, his hands going to the waistband of his jeans. ‘No—please. You couldn’t…’
He paused, looking down at her, the anger draining from his face, leaving a terrible weariness in its place.
‘No,’ he said at last. ‘Fortunately for you, I couldn’t. Because I have to live with myself after this.’
His icy glance glittered with contempt. ‘I wonder if you can say the same, my sweet wife.’
He went from her, leaving her lying there, staring after him, her hand pressed to her mouth.
She thought, So that’s that. It’s over, finished.
And then, as the pain tore through her, I’ve lost him. What have I done? Oh, dear God, what have I done?
It was a long time before Louise could pull herself together sufficiently to finish packing, and when there was a knock at the door she tensed, hoping—praying—that Alex had come back. But even if he had, what was there to say?
I can’t stay with him as things are, she told herself wretchedly. But how am I going to live without him?
But it was only Mrs Gillow at the door to tell her that Alex’s driver was waiting, and that Gillow was ready to carry her bag down to the car. She murmured a word of thanks, and fastened the bag, her hands shaking so much she could scarcely close the zip.
The hallway was deserted and the main door stood open, offering instant escape, she realised, trying to feel relieved. But as she reached the foot of the stairs Lady Perrin appeared in the doorway of the drawing room.
‘Louise, my dear.’ Her tone was crisp. ‘I hope you were not planning to go without saying goodbye to me.’
‘No, of course not,’ Louise said, guiltily aware that had been her exact plan.
‘Come in, then, and sit down,’ Lady Perrin directed.
Louise complied with reluctance, noting that Lady Perrin had closed the drawing-room door, indicating that she had more to say than the conventional words that normally sped the departing guest.
The older woman seated herself opposite, fixing Louise with an eagle eye.
‘So,’ she said, ‘my grandson tells me you are leaving him. That you’ve decided to “take the money and run”, as I believe the saying is.’
Louise’s lips parted in shock. She said, ‘You mean—you know?’
‘About that nonsensical bargain? Yes, of course.’ Lady Perrin nodded. ‘Alex told me all about it when he came to inform me of your marriage. He has always confided in me since he was a small child, especially when he was in trouble. And on this occasion, I had to share the blame.’
She shook her head. ‘However unhappy I may have been about his way of life, his choice of companion, I had no right to interfere. And I should have realised that if I threw down the gauntlet Alex would pick it up, for good or ill.’
Louise sat up very straight. ‘Was that why you decided to give him the house? Because you felt guilty that you’d pushed him into marriage?’
‘Oh, no. Rosshampton was always his—if he wanted it. He knew that.’
Louise was confused. ‘But what about Cliff Maidstone? He thought he was in with a chance too. Something must have given him that impression.’
Lady Perrin snorted. ‘I am not responsible for that young man’s delusions. He also believed that I would be fool enough to invest in some non-existent company he was touting,’ she added tartly. ‘I’m afraid that bad blood tells.’
She paused. ‘As it did with his grandfather, of course, who was twice as good-looking, and far more charming, and with whom I briefly fancied I was in love.’ She smiled reminiscently. ‘You see, I was engaged to my other cousin, Alexander, whom I’d known all my life, and it all seemed very staid and settled and not particularly romantic. So Archie was a very real temptation, and it was fortunate for me that he proved far more interested in getting away with the bank’s money than he was in me.’
She sighed. ‘All the same, when he was sent away I was convinced my heart was broken, so my parents very wisely brought forward the date of the wedding, and I married Alexander and went on honeymoon with him.’ Her face softened magically. ‘And discovered with him, my dear, more passion and excitement than I had ever dreamed of. Found, in fact, that I was not merely loved, but adored, and that I could love with my whole heart in return.
‘When we were together in a crowd, he used to watch me across the room in the same way that I saw Alex looking at you last night. As if I was the centre of his world—of his universe.’
She nodded. ‘I knew that when my grandson found a woman to love, there would be no half-measures, and I was right. I hoped that by this time his patience might have been rewarded. And as he sat through breakfast this morning in a dream, barely hearing a word I said,’ she added drily, ‘I thought it had.’
Louise blushed to the roots of her hair. ‘Lady Perrin,’ she began.
‘My dear, couldn’t you call me Gran, a
s Alex does?’
Louise stared down at her hands, welded together in her lap. She said in a low voice, ‘He doesn’t love me. He married me just to get the house. That’s all it’s ever been. And I can’t bear it.’
‘But he doesn’t have the house,’ Lady Perrin told her gently. ‘He gave up all claim to it when he came to see me that day.’
Louise shook her head. ‘But he can’t have done,’ she said in bewilderment. ‘He—he wanted it so badly. He always has.’
‘Once, perhaps,’ the older woman agreed. ‘Until he found something he wanted far more. Until, my dear, he found you. And, believe me, he made the sacrifice most willingly.’
‘But what’s going to happen to it?’ Louise stared at her. ‘Surely not Cliff Maidstone…’
‘Certainly not,’ Lady Perrin said briskly. ‘At your husband’s suggestion I’m making a gift of it to a charity that helps disadvantaged children. He’s helping me set up a trust fund to cover the running costs.’
Louise said numbly, ‘Then—those were the children you meant? But Della said—Cliff Maidstone thought…’
‘Yes.’ Lady Perrin looked rueful. ‘I’m afraid that was pure wickedness on my part. A strong desire to see how unprincipled he was—and how far he was prepared to go to achieve his ambitions. Well, a few unguarded remarks from his wife gave me the answer to that.’ She sighed. ‘But I never intended to make mischief between you and Alex.’
‘Oh, God.’ Louise buried her face in her hands. ‘Lady Perrin—Gran—I said the most dreadful things to him.’
‘So I gathered,’ Lady Perrin said drily. ‘He looked shattered when he came to see me. And lonely, as he used to sometimes when he was a child. I’d hoped I would never see that look in his eyes again.’
Louise stood up. ‘Where is he—please?’
‘Down by the lake. I suggest you go through the French windows and across the terrace.’
Alex was standing by the water’s edge, his tall figure dark and isolated against its glitter.
She said his name, and he turned slowly and looked at her, his face pale and deathly tired.
She said breathlessly, ‘There’s something I need to ask you.’
‘Then will you please ask it, and go?’ he said. ‘As you can see, I don’t take rejection well.’
She swallowed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
He said slowly, ‘There are so many things I should have told you—and didn’t. Which particular one did you have in mind?’
‘This house,’ she said. ‘Your grandmother told me you gave it up. Why, please?’
He said quietly, ‘Don’t you know?’
‘I think so,’ she said. ‘I hope so. But, Alex, I need to hear you say it.’
‘I gave it up,’ he said, ‘because I realised it would always have been a barrier between us. I wanted to be able to say to you—I want you, and only you. But if I’d accepted Rosshampton from Gran, you might always have wondered, in some corner of your mind, if I had used you. I couldn’t risk that.’
‘But you love it so,’ Louise said urgently. ‘It can’t be too late. I’m sure she’d change her mind, if we went to her.’
‘I don’t want her to change her mind,’ he said gently. ‘I want us to find another house together, you and I, and make a home in it.’
‘Why did you let me accuse you like that? Say those stupid, awful things to you? You could have told me the truth.’
His mouth twisted. ‘Pride,’ he said. ‘I hated being categorised with Cliff Maidstone. And my rotten temper, which I promise I’ll try to control.’ He paused. ‘Also, you have the power to hurt me, and make me look at myself, and ask questions as no other woman ever has. And that doesn’t make me altogether rational, sometimes. I didn’t know love could do that.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me you loved me?’
‘I planned to—after breakfast,’ he said. ‘I was going to take you walking in the garden, your hand in mine, husband and wife stuff, and tell you that I fell in love with you when you dropped a pile of old clothes on my head, but that I didn’t realise it until you came out of the house that day to drive off to Somerset.’
He shook his head. ‘You were so hurt and bewildered, yet trying so hard to be brave. And I suddenly knew I wanted to pick you up in my arms and comfort you, and keep you safe forever.’
‘You felt like that?’ Her voice trembled.
‘Oh, I had other less chivalrous impulses too.’ He smiled a little. ‘Like taking off your clothes and making love to you until we both fainted.’
‘Suppose I’d refused to go with you that day?’
‘Then I’d have become very well-acquainted with the motorway to Somerset,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t going to let you walk out of my life. Just as if you’d left me today, I’d have come after you. You’re my wife, Louise, and the only woman I’ll ever want. And I shall love you until I die.’
He paused. ‘Now, there’s something I need to hear from you.’
She went to him then, walking into his waiting arms, feeling them fold around her. Sliding her arms round his neck to draw him down to her.
‘You mean—that I love you too? Oh, darling, if you only knew how many times I’ve wanted to tell you.’
‘I do know,’ he said softly. ‘None better.’
He kissed her, his mouth a tender affirmation on hers, and Louise responded, her heart on her lips.
‘There is still one matter we haven’t mentioned,’ Alex murmured after a while. He gave her a wry look. ‘You could still be pregnant.’
‘Perhaps.’ She smiled at him. ‘But I doubt it. I think we need far more practice than that.’
‘Then I suggest a swift return to London after lunch,’ he said promptly. ‘And an incredibly early night.’
As they turned to walk back to the house, Louise saw a movement on the water, and halted. ‘Alex—look. The swans. Aren’t they lovely? They’ve come to say goodbye.’
‘Yes.’ He put his arms round her as they watched the graceful birds swim majestically past them.
He said softly, ‘Did you know that they mate for life?’
‘How very wise of them,’ Louise said, ‘my dearest love.’ And lifted her mouth for his kiss.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-7718-6
THE TOKEN WIFE
First North American Publication 2004.
Copyright © 2003 by Sara Craven.
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