Lover Eternal

by J. R. Ward

Chapter Thirty-four

  The following evening, just before nightfall, Rhage went to the gym as a matter of public service. When he finished with the weights, he got on the treadmill and started running. The first five miles flew by. By mile six, he'd polished off his water. When mile nine arrived, the ass-kicking started.

  He increased the incline and fell back into his stride. His thighs were screaming, clenching, burning. His lungs were on fire. His feet and knees were aching.

  Grabbing the shirt he'd taken off and hung on the console, he used the thing to wipe the sweat out of his eyes. He figured he was dehydrated as shit by now, but he wasn't getting off for water. He had every intention of going until he fell over.

  To keep up the bruising pace, he lost himself in the music pounding through the speakers. Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana. The stuff was loud enough to drown out the hum of the treadmill, the songs screeching through the weight room, vile, aggressive, deranged. Same as his frame of mind.

  When the sound got cut off, he didn't bother looking around. He figured the stereo had kicked it or someone wanted to talk to him, and he wasn't interested in dealing with either.

  Tohr stepped in front of the machine. The brother's expression had Rhage off the belt and punching the STOP release.

  "What. " He was breathing hard and did another scrub job on his face with the shirt.

  "She's gone. Mary. She's gone. "

  Rhage froze with the wet wad under his chin. "What do you mean, gone?"

  "Fritz waited for her in front of the hospital for three hours during her appointment. When he went inside, the clinic she hit was closed. He drove to her house. When she wasn't there, he went back and searched the whole medical center. "

  Temples pounding from fear instead of exertion, Rhage bit out, "Any signs of forced entry or violence at her house?"

  "No. "

  "Was her car in the garage?"

  "Yes. "

  "When did he last see her?"

  "It was three o'clock when she went to the appointment. FYI, Fritz called you repeatedly, but kept getting voice mail on your cell. "

  Rhage looked at his watch. It was just after six. Assuming sixty minutes or so for the doctor's appointment, she'd been missing for two hours.

  He found it hard to imagine that the lessers could have picked her up off the street. A far more likely scenario was that she went home and the slayers found her there. But, with no sign of a struggle at her house, there was a chance she wasn't hurt.

  Or maybe that was just blind hope talking.

  Rhage leaped off the machine. "I need to get armed. "

  Tohr shoved a bottle of water into his hand. "Drink this now. Phury's bringing your gear. Meet him in the locker room. "

  Rhage took off at a jog,

  "The Brotherhood will help you find her," Tohr called out.

  Bella came upstairs at the break of night, throwing open the door to her kitchen with triumph. Now that the days were getting shorter, she had so much more time to be out and about. It was only six o'clock, but it was pitch-black. Lovely.

  She was debating whether to have toast or fire up some pancakes when she saw lights on at the far edge of the meadow. Someone was in Mary's house. Probably the warriors installing the security system.

  Which meant that if she went over she might be able to see that scarred male again.

  Zsadist had been on her mind since she'd met him, to the point where her diary entries were filled with speculations about the male. He was just so. . . raw. And after having been cosseted for years by her brother, she was dying to get out and experience something wild.

  And God knew, Zsadist's brute sexuality fit that bill.

  She put on a coat and traded her slippers for a pair of running shoes. Jogging through the field grass, she slowed down as she approached Mary's backyard. The last thing she needed was to run into a lesser¡ª

  "Mary! What are you doing here?"

  The human seemed dazed as she looked up from the lounge chair she was lying on. Even though it was cold, she was wearing only a sweater and jeans.

  "Oh. . . hey, there. How are you?"

  Bella sank down on her haunches beside the female. "Has Vishous finished?"

  "With what?" Mary moved stiffly as she sat up. "Oh, the alarm. I don't think so. Or at least, no one's mentioned anything to me, and it all looks the same inside. "

  "How long have you been out here?"

  "Not long. " She rubbed her arms, then blew into her hands. "I was just watching the sunset. "

  Bella glanced at the house, dread stirring. "Is Rhage picking you up soon?"

  "Rhage isn't coming for me. "

  "Then one of the doggen?"

  Mary winced as she got to her feet. "Jeez, it's really cold. "

  As she walked into her home like a zombie, Bella followed. "Mary, ah. . . you really shouldn't stay here by yourself. "

  "I know. I figured I was safe because it was daylight. "

  "Did Rhage or one of the brothers tell you that lessers couldn't be out in the sun? Because I'm not sure, but I think they can be. "

  Mary shrugged. "They haven't bothered me so far, but I'm not stupid. I'm heading to a hotel. I just have to pack a few things. "

  Except instead of going upstairs, she wandered around the first floor of her house with an odd kind of dislocation.

  She was in some kind of shock, Bella thought. But whatever the problem was, the two of them really needed to get the hell out of here.

  "Mary, why don't you come have dinner with me?" She eyed the back door. "And, you know, you could stay with me until Vishous finishes up here. My brother had my place all wired and everything. It even has an underground escape route. I'm very safe there, and it's far enough away so that if the lessers come looking for you, they won't assume you're with me. "

  She got ready for an argument, lining up counterpoints in her head.

  "Okay, thanks," Mary said. "Give me a minute. "

  The female went upstairs and Bella paced around, wishing she had a weapon and knew how to use it.

  When the human came down with a canvas tote bag five minutes later, Bella took a deep breath.

  "How about a coat?" she said, when Mary went for the door without one.

  "Yes, A coat. " Mary dropped the bag, walked over to a closet, and drew on a red parka.

  As they crossed the meadow together, Bella tried to rush their pace.

  "Moon's almost full," Mary said as they rustled through the grass.

  "Yes, it is. "

  "Listen, when we get to your place, I don't want you calling Rhage or anything. He and I. . . we've gone our separate ways. So don't bother him about me. "

  Bella swallowed her surprise. "Doesn't he know you're gone?"

  "No. And he'll find out on his own. Okay?"

  Bella agreed only to keep Mary's feet moving. "Can I ask you one thing, though?"

  "Of course. "

  "Did he break it off or did you?"

  Mary walked along in silence for a moment. "I did. "

  "Um, did you, by any chance. . . Were the two of you intimate?"

  "Did we have sex?" Mary shifted the L. L. Bean bag to her other hand. "Yes, we did. "

  "When you made love, did you notice a kind of fragrance coming from his skin? Something like dark spices and¡ª"

  "Why are you asking me this?"

  "I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. "

  They were almost at the farmhouse when Mary murmured, "It was the most beautiful thing I've ever smelled. "

  Bella kept her curse to herself. No matter what Mary thought, the blond warrior would be coming for her. A bonded male did not let his mate go. Ever. And that was based on her experience with civilians.

  She could only guess what a warrior would do if his female took off.

  Rhage walked through each room in Mary's house. In her bath upstairs, he found the cabinet under the sin
k open. Lined up inside there were extra toiletries, like bars of soap, tubes of toothpaste, deodorant. There were gaps in the neat rows, as if she'd taken some.

  She was staying somewhere else, he thought, glancing out the window. If it was a hotel he was probably screwed, because she'd be smart enough to register under a different name. Maybe he could try her work¡ª

  He focused on the farmhouse way across the meadow. Lights twinkled inside.

  Would she have gone to Bella's?

  Rhage went downstairs and locked up. A split second later he materialized on Bella's front porch and pounded on the door. When Bella answered, the female just stepped aside as if she'd expected him.

  "She's upstairs. "

  "Where?"

  "Front bedroom. "

  Rhage took the stairs two at a time. Only one door was closed, and he didn't knock, just opened it wide. Light from the hall spilled into the room.

  Mary was sound asleep on an enormous brass bed, wearing a sweater and a pair of blue jeans he recognized. A patchwork quilt had been pulled over her legs, and she was half on her stomach, half on her side. She looked utterly exhausted.

  His first instinct was to take her into his arms.

  He stayed right where he was.

  "Mary. " He kept his voice impersonal. "Mary. Wake up. "

  Her eyelashes fluttered, but then she only sighed and moved her head a little.

  "Mary. "

  Oh, for fuck's sake.

  He went over to the bed and bounced on the mattress with his hands. That got her attention. She shot up, eyes petrified until she saw him.

  And then she just looked confused.

  "What are you doing here?" She pushed her hair out of her face.

  "Yeah, maybe you want to answer that first?"

  "I'm not at home. "

  "No, you aren't. You're not where you need to be, either. "

  She settled back against the pillows, and he became acutely aware of the dark circles under her eyes, the pale line of her lips. . . and the fact that she wasn't fighting with him.

  Don't ask, he told himself.

  Ah, hell. "What happened this afternoon?"

  "I just needed some time alone. "

  "I'm not talking about how you ditched Fritz. We'll get to that later. I want to know about the doc's. "

  "Oh, yeah. That. "

  He stared at her while she fiddled with the edge of the quilt. As she stayed silent, he wanted to scream. Throw things. Burn something down.

  "Well?" he forced out.

  "It wasn't that I thought you were unworthy. "

  What the hell was she talking about? Oh, yeah, that lovely little attending-her-when-she-was-ill conversation. Man, she was in full avoidance mode.

  "How bad is it, Mary. And don't even think about lying to me. "

  Her eyes met his. "They want me to start chemo next week. "

  Rhage exhaled slowly. Well, if that didn't just peel the skin right off him.

  He sat on the far edge of the bed and shut the door with his mind. "Will it work?"

  "I think so. My doctor and I are going to meet again in a couple of days after she talks to some of her colleagues. The biggest question is how much more of the treatment I can handle, so they took blood to check my liver and kidneys. I told them I'll take as much as they can give me. "

  He rubbed his face with his palm. "Jesus Christ. "

  "I watched my mother die," she said softly. "It was awful. Seeing her lose her faculties and be in such pain. By the end she didn't look like herself, she didn't act like herself. She was gone except for the body that refused to quit its basic functions. I'm not saying that's where I'm headed, but it's going to be rough. "

  Goddamn, his chest hurt. "And you don't want me going through that?"

  "No, I don't. I don't want that for either of us. I'd rather you remember me the way I am now. And I'd rather remember us the way we've been. I'm going to need some happy places to go. "

  "I want to be there for you. "

  "And I don't need that. I'm not going to have the energy to put up a front. And pain. . . pain makes people change. "

  It sure the hell did. He felt like he'd aged about a century since he'd met her.

  "Oh, Rhage. . . " When her voice wavered, she cleared it sharply. And he despised her for needing to be in control. "I'm going to. . . miss you. "

  He glanced at her over his shoulder. He knew if he tried to hold her she'd bolt from the room, so he grabbed on to the edge of the mattress. And squeezed.

  "What am I doing?" She laughed awkwardly. "I'm sorry to burden you with all this. I know you've moved on and everything. "

  "Moved on?" he ground out. "How you figure that?"

  "The woman last night. Anyway¡ª"

  "What female?"

  When she shook her head, he lost his temper. "God damn you, can you just answer my question without a fucking fight? Consider it a pity throw, a novelty. I'm leaving in a few minutes anyway, so you won't have to worry about doing it again. "

  As her shoulders sagged he felt like hell for yelling at her.

  But before he could apologize, she said, "I'm talking about the woman you took to bed last night. I. . . I waited for you. I wanted to tell you I was sorry. . . I saw you go into your room with her. Look, I didn't bring this up to guilt you or something. "

  No, of course not. She didn't want anything from him. Not his love. Not his support. Not his guilt. Not even the sex.

  He shook his head, his voice going flat. He was so tired of explaining himself to her, but he did it out of reflex. "That was the Directrix of the Chosen. We were talking about my feeding, Mary. I wasn't having sex with her. "

  He looked down at the floor. Then let go of the bed and put his head in his hands.

  There was a silence. "I'm sorry, Rhage. "

  "Yeah. So am I. "

  He heard a hiccupping noise and shuffled his fingers so he could see her face through a hole. But she wasn't crying. No, not Mary. She was too strong for that.

  He wasn't, though. He had tears in his eyes.

  Rhage cleared his throat and blinked a lot. When he glanced over at her again, she was staring at him with a tenderness and sorrow that made him violent.

  Oh, great. Now she was pitying him because he was all sloppy and shit. Man, if he didn't love her as much as he did, he would have hated her at this moment.

  He stood up. And made damn sure his voice was as tough as she was when he spoke. "That alarm system in your house will be wired to us. If it gets triggered, I'll"¡ªhe corrected himself¡ª"one of us will come running. Vishous will contact you here when it's up and rolling. "

  As the silence stretched, he shrugged. "So. . . bye. "

  He walked out the door and did not allow himself to look back.

  When he got downstairs, he found Bella in the living room. The instant the female saw his face, her eyes popped wide. Clearly he looked as god-awful as he felt.

  "Thanks," he said, though he wasn't sure what he was thanking her for. "And just so you know, the Brotherhood is going to do drive-bys on your house. Even after she leaves. "

  "That's very kind of you. "

  He nodded and didn't dawdle. At this point it was all he could do to get himself out the door without splitting wide-open and howling like a baby.

  As he walked away from the house and down the lawn a little, he had no idea what to do or where to go. He probably should call Tohr, find out where the other brothers were, link up with them.

  Instead he stopped dead in his tracks. Ahead, the moon was rising just above the tree line, and it was full, a fat, luminescent disk in the cold, cloudless night. He extended his arm toward it and squeezed one eye shut. Angling his line of sight, he positioned the lunar glow in the cradle of his palm and held the apparition with care.

  Dimly, he heard a pounding noise coming from inside of Bella's. Some kind of rhythmic beat.

>   Rhage glanced behind him as it got louder.

  The front door flew open, and Mary shot out of the house, jumping off the porch, not even bothering with the steps to the ground. She ran over the frost-laden grass in her bare feet and threw herself at him, grabbing on to his neck with both arms. She held him so tightly his spine cracked.

  She was sobbing. Bawling. Crying so hard her whole body was shaking.

  He didn't ask any questions, just wrapped himself around her.

  "I'm not okay," she said hoarsely between breaths. "Rhage. . . I'm not okay. "

  He closed his eyes and held on tight.