Ted came out of the bedroom, towel slung round his waist. When he dried himself he’d put on a clean T-shirt. No longer did they sleep naked together, bodies entwined, as they had in the early days of their love.
‘Hey,’ he said softly. ‘How are my best girls?’
‘One of us is nearly asleep in her supper,’ Chantal said and nodded towards Lana, who was struggling to keep her eyes open.
He sat on the bed next to them both. His daughter clutched at his proffered little finger, grasping it with her fist.
‘Lucy asked me to go on a trip to Bruges with her on Friday,’ she said. ‘A chocolate festival and the Christmas market.’
‘That sounds like your version of heaven,’ Ted noted. ‘I take it you said yes.’
‘I’d love to go,’ she said. ‘But only if you’re happy looking after Lana for a few days.’
‘Won’t you be taking her food supply with you?’
Chantal laughed. ‘She’ll be fine on formula milk for a few days. She takes it quite happily. I’ll express some milk, too.’
‘We’ll manage, won’t we, Lana?’ Ted glanced away from her. ‘I’m sure Stacey will help.’
‘Yes,’ Chantal said, feeling a nip of unease.
Ted frowned at her. ‘What’s wrong? I thought you two were getting on great.’
‘We are,’ she said, pushing down any doubts. Stacey was a nice woman. They’d be fine here on their own. What could they really get up to with two demanding little girls in tow? After all, he usually spent one day of the weekend with them anyway.
‘It would be good for you to have a break,’ he added.
‘Lucy really needs me there.’
‘It’s fine by me.’
Had he agreed to her absence too readily? Was there any subtext there? This would be a good time to talk, but she was tired after the party. Chantal put a hand on Ted’s arm. His skin was damp, warm from the shower. Once, something as simple as that would have sent a thrill through her. Now there was nothing more than affection for this man. Would that come back in time?
‘I love you,’ she said. ‘Are we going to be OK?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Ted said with a shrug. ‘We’re fine, aren’t we?’
‘Yes. I hope we go on being fine.’
‘I want to be here for you and Lana. I told you that.’
‘But being here for us means that Stacey and Elsie have to struggle.’
‘No one said that this would be easy.’ He let out a tired sigh. ‘We’re managing quite well, though. All things considered. I don’t think Stacey feels quite so alone now that you’ve taken her under your wing. Thank you for that, Chantal.’
‘She’s a lovely woman.’ Too lovely? In trying to be kind, understanding, grown up, modern, had she simply stirred the hornet’s nest? ‘I didn’t know if you wanted to keep the two parts of your life separate.’
Ted ran his hand through his hair. ‘I don’t know what the best way is to deal with our situation,’ he admitted. ‘There’s no manual on fatherhood and certainly not one that has a chapter on our set-up.’
‘No.’ She smiled wearily at that. ‘We can only do our best. But we’re in for a lifetime of this, Ted, and we both deserve to be happy.’
‘You’re not happy with me?’
‘I didn’t say that.’ Chantal bit the bullet. It might as well be out in the open. ‘But if you felt that you needed to be with her, you would tell me?’
Ted tutted. ‘You’re being ridiculous. I’m here and this is where I’m staying.’
He stood up and crossed to the wardrobe. He pulled out clean underwear and slipped the boxer shorts on beneath his towel – as you would if you were getting changed on a beach in public. Only when he was covered again did he peel off his towel. Was this normal behaviour between a man and his wife?
‘I’m not trying to push you away, Ted,’ she assured him. ‘I really want this marriage to work. For our sake and for Lana’s sake. I’m trying to be practical. I want to consider what’s going to be best in the long term for all of us.’
The truth of the matter, too, was that she couldn’t stop thinking about Jacob. She liked being with him. They shared the same interests, the same sense of humour. And, of course, Jacob was always easy on the eye. The only glimmer of sexual frisson that she experienced these days was when she was thinking about Jacob or was with him. She loved his strong, straight nose, the way he laughed, the sparkle of mischief that was always in his eyes when he talked to her. Oh, there was a lot that she liked about Jacob Lawson. Too much. She had to stop thinking about him, stop seeing him. It was the only way. He should be with Nadia. It was clear that he liked her and, no doubt, he adored Lewis. He’d make a great dad, too. They’d had their time together and it had passed. It was history.
Lana was asleep in her arms now and Chantal pulled down her top. A few more minutes and she’d take her through into the nursery. She smiled down at her sleeping child and kissed the silky down on her forehead. Just a few minutes more.
Ted slipped into the bed next to her. ‘We’re fine,’ he said, decisively. ‘Everything’s fine.’
Chantal wasn’t so sure, but neither was she prepared to argue. Whatever happened though, it had to be the best for Lana.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Crush and I are curled up together in bed, watching Davina’s High Energy Five fitness DVD on my tiny telly and we have a bowl of Maltesers between us. I’ve done this DVD a hundred times before and it’s brilliant. But tonight it’s going past my eyes without even registering as my brain is trying, in vain, to pull together the scrambled thoughts of my conversation about the uncertain future of Chocolate Heaven.
‘I’m not sure that lying in bed watching a fitness DVD with a bowl of Maltesers is the way that God intended exercise to work,’ Crush says.
‘When do I have time to exercise? I’m too tired to jump up and down,’ I say grumpily. ‘I’m hoping to absorb it by osmosis or something.’
‘Good luck with that one.’
‘I have to do something otherwise I’ll be as fat as an elephant by Christmas.’ I have another Malteser for comfort and watch Davina leap about more intently.
‘Cheer up, Gorgeous. It’s not like you to be down in the dumps.’ He chucks me under the chin. ‘We’ve had a great day. The party was a resounding success.’
‘I know, but it was a big shocker from Clive and Tristan. I didn’t see that one coming.’
‘They might not sell it. You never know.’
I feel sick just talking about it. ‘I’m so worried. I have the best job in the world,’ I remind him. ‘The entire world. And I might lose it. Very soon. What can I do?’
‘I don’t know, Gorgeous,’ he says with a frown. ‘You’ll have to wait and see what happens. Fretting about it won’t make any difference. Perhaps the new owner will keep you on as the manager. You’re an asset to any business. Why wouldn’t they?’
Clearly, he has forgotten my time at Targa.
‘But he or she could close it down and turn it into a shop that cuts keys or sells wellingtons,’ I point out. ‘Or make it a bog-standard café with only a modicum of chocolate.’ I can hear my voice wavering and I feel like weeping.
Crush puts his arm round me and pulls me closer. He pops a Malteser in my mouth. ‘We’ll work something out.’
But it’s only a platitude. ‘Isn’t there something more proactive I can do? How much money would I need to raise to try to buy it?’
‘I’ve no idea,’ Crush says. ‘Though I think it’s safe to assume that it’s beyond our reach. It’s in a prime area of London. Property doesn’t come cheap anywhere in the capital.’
‘You should see how much cash Chocolate Heaven pulls in during a week. It’s a little goldmine and I have so many more plans for it.’ That does actually make me have a weep.
Crush kisses my forehead, tender butterfly kisses to try to ease my pain.
‘Let’s see how much Clive and Tristan want
for the business,’ he says. ‘We can do nothing until we know that.’
‘Everything was so lovely for a brief while,’ I simper in a way that sounds ridiculously pathetic, even to me. But I’ve found the one thing in my life that I’m good at and now it’s going to end. ‘Why does it always have to change?’
‘You’ve got your trip to Bruges to look forward to,’ Crush says. ‘That might bring some opportunities.’
‘Without you.’
‘I know. I’m sorry. It can’t be helped this time. My meeting’s shaping up nicely and if I get this deal it will be a big feather in my cap. I promise that I’ll make it up to you at Christmas. We can do whatever you like. Long walks in the snow, toasting marshmallows by the fire, any gushy romantic stuff that you can dream up.’
‘Sounds lovely. I can’t wait.’ I wrap my arms round him and lay my head on his chest. ‘This will be our first proper Christmas together. But I’ll still miss you in Bruges.’
‘You did ask Chantal to go with you?’
‘Yes.’ I sniff back my tears. ‘She’s going to come.’
‘There.’ He gently thumbs my damp cheek. ‘You’ll have a fabulous time. It’s a shame that you can’t all go together. I’d like to be a fly on the wall with the Chocolate Lovers’ Club let loose in Bruges.’
I sigh. ‘Things are so complicated now.’ There are jobs and babies to consider, tricky relationships to negotiate, tensions that have never been there before. ‘It’s not as simple as it used to be. The days of us all being able to rock up and eat chocolate at a moment’s notice have gone.’
‘It’s part of growing up,’ Crush says, as if I’m still a child. ‘I hate to see you sad, Gorgeous.’ He flicks the remote and turns off Davina. ‘What can I do to take your mind off things?’
That makes me smile. ‘I can’t possibly think.’
He moves the bowl of Maltesers and then eases me down in the bed, so that I’m lying beneath him. ‘I think we should have a Malteser treasure hunt. That would burn off some calories.’
‘Would it?’
‘I have no idea, but it would be fun finding out.’
Crush eases down my pyjama bottoms and I kick them away. He slides up my top and I wrestle the rest of it off. When I’m naked and a bit squirmy, he places a Malteser in my belly button, which makes me giggle. He kisses all round it before he eats it.
The next one goes between my breasts. ‘Don’t move,’ he instructs, ‘or you’ll make it roll away and then what will we do?’
I stay as still as I can while he inches his way up my stomach, nibbling and kissing as he goes.
‘What happens when all the Maltesers are gone?’
‘Ah,’ Crush says, popping another one in my mouth. ‘You’ll have to wait and see.’
And indulging in this little bit of chocolate heaven manages to take my mind completely off what’s going to become of the other one.
Chapter Forty
It was Autumn’s first shift back at the Stolford Centre since she’d rowed with Addison, and, for the first time since she’d started there, she was dreading going to work. To prove that she could be every bit as stubborn as he was, she hadn’t phoned Addison. Her head was so messed up that she needed to find time to discuss the situation with the girls. They’d know what to do. She didn’t know whether he was serious about ending it all between them or whether he’d simply been blowing off steam. Well, she’d find out soon enough. Whatever happened in their personal life she had no intention of handing in her resignation. She loved this job; if he wanted her gone from here as well as from his life, then he’d have to fire her.
Nevertheless, despite her fighting talk, she made her way timidly down the corridor, taking off her woollen hat and unbuttoning her coat. It was freezing out today, too cold for the park. She was picking up Lewis from his nursery later for Nadia and she’d arranged to take him to the cinema with Miles and Florence to see something made by Pixar. She was looking forward to that infinitely more.
Both she and Nadia were going to work in Chocolate Heaven over the weekend to cover for Lucy. Lewis would have to be juggled between them but, somehow, they’d work it out. Lucy so seldom asked for help that Autumn felt they needed to step up to the plate when she did. Not that it would exactly be a hardship working at Chocolate Heaven. In fact, she was really looking forward to it.
Addison, thankfully, was out of his office as she passed it and she walked more purposefully to the art studio. Any confrontation would wait until later. She wondered if it was really over between them and there was a numb feeling in her heart whenever she tried to think about it. It was sad as, at the beginning, they’d been good together.
The studio was sweltering hot this morning. There might be cutbacks looming, but it never seemed to occur to anyone to turn down the ancient, chugging central heating. Even in the height of summer it was often blazing out. A few days ago she’d brought in a jazzy white artificial tree and had decorated it with some of the stained-glass bits and bobs that students had left behind over the years – colourful Santas, snowmen, snowflakes and a sprinkling of stars. It was a bit of a token effort, but it brightened it up a little and, sadly, this was the only glimpse of Christmas that some of the visitors here would get. Autumn turned on the Christmas lights and brought a bit of festive cheer to the room. While she waited for her students to arrive, Autumn warmed her hands on one of the radiators for a few minutes and then tore herself away from the comforting heat to prepare the room for the session.
They were making Christmas decorations again – the schedule never varied much. Valentine’s hearts, Mother’s Day flowers, Easter eggs, summer suncatchers, Halloween ghosts and Christmas baubles. It was best to keep it simple. Plus she never saw the same students for a whole year round, so they didn’t mind. It depended how long they were clients of the Stolford Centre as to how long they stayed with her. Sometimes they only came along to one class and decided that stained glass was something they could live without.
She laid out boxes of coloured glass in festive shades of green, red and white. At the moment, there were only six students taking the stained-glass classes and that was also part of the problem. The numbers for her course were dwindling as their clients chose the sexier options of music production, film editing and street dance that had been newly introduced into the programme during the winter months. And who could blame them? It gave them much more street cred to be involved in those activities. Yet were they any more likely to be able to get a job with such skills?
‘Hey.’ The door opened and a girl with pink hair and coal-black eyeliner tentatively stuck her head inside. ‘Thought I’d try to catch you before class.’
This was one of her success stories. The best one. A dream outcome. And the one thing that kept Autumn’s hopes high that she wasn’t simply wasting her time here.
‘Tasmin.’ Autumn went to hug her warmly. ‘What a lovely surprise. I didn’t expect to see you here.’
‘I dropped by to bring you a little Christmas pressie.’ She looked awkward, shy and pulled at her worn, oversized coat. A least she now had a coat, Autumn thought; only a short time ago it had been so very different for Tasmin.
The girl offered her a small, beautifully wrapped box.
‘That’s so kind of you.’ Autumn felt her throat tighten. ‘I didn’t expect a gift.’
‘It’s nothing. Really. You turned my life around, Autumn,’ she said. ‘How can I ever repay that?’
Tasmin had been living on the streets, using heroin for years and it had broken Autumn’s heart to see her malnourished frame, scarred with needle marks, as she laboured over her glass work. Autumn discovered, after many painful weeks of trying to draw her in, that the girl possessed a real talent for jewellery-making and had done her very best to nurture it. It had all been worthwhile. Autumn had given her a helping hand to get her started and now Tasmin had a successful stall on Camden Market selling her own jewellery and was settled with her partner, Fraser. Autumn smiled to herself
as she remembered Fraser, too. He was a love-lorn young man who only used to come to the classes so that he could gaze adoringly at Tasmin. He was clean now too and, historically not the most reliable of characters, was managing to hold down a regular job as a courier. They had a council flat together and were doing well. A happy ending and so deserved. Autumn found it touching that they wanted to remain close to her.
‘Is Fraser well?’
The girl nodded. ‘He’s fine. Working hard.’
‘That’s good to hear.’
‘We’re both looking forward to our first Christmas together. You’ll have to come up to the flat and see us.’ Tasmin scuffed the floor with her Doc Martin. ‘We’ve got it nice. We could have a Christmas drink or something. Get a pizza in.’
‘I’d really like that. My treat.’
Tasmin shrugged. ‘OK.’
Autumn opened the box and inside was a ruby glass droplet contained by a twist of silver wire. ‘Oh, Tasmin, it’s beautiful. Very festive too. I’ll swear that you’re getting more and more talented. I’ll wear it with pride.’
Tasmin grinned at her, cheeks pink, bashful.
Autumn’s eyes welled with tears. ‘You’ve no idea how much I need this today.’ She kissed Tasmin and held her again.
The girl frowned. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Yes, yes,’ Autumn assured her. ‘Don’t mind me. Just feeling a bit weepy. Hormones. The time of the year. Not enough chocolate.’ It was so good to see that Tasmin had turned out all right. All she’d needed was someone to care about her. She was older than Willow would be, but she hoped that her daughter hadn’t needed to go through some of the pain and trials that Tasmin had in her young life. She’d seen too much, experienced too much. Autumn could only hope that Willow had been taken in by a family who adored her and cared for her, and that she hadn’t had to struggle for her place in society.
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