Disillusioned

by J. S. Cooper

  My fingers trembled on the keys, their grip tight but unwilling. I took a deep breath and shook my head, annoyed at myself for being so silly. Nothing was going to happen to me. Nothing at all. I opened the door and stepped inside quickly, shutting it behind me. Only two seconds later did I feel the hand on my mouth.

  “Be quiet, Bianca,” he whispered in my ear, and I froze, my body relaxing against my will, melting back into him and letting him know how much I’d missed him.

  “Jakob?” I said finally as I turned around to face him.

  His blue eyes were angry as he stared at me. “Why did you have dinner with David?”

  “So much for the pleasantries,” I grumbled. “ ‘How are you, Bianca?’ ‘I’m fine. How are you, Jakob?’ ‘I’ve been better.’ ‘Oh, me too.’ ”

  “Stop muttering to yourself.” He grunted, but I could see a hint of a smile on his face.

  “What are you doing in my apartment? How did you get in here?” I glared at him. “And is this the first time you’ve been in here?”

  “Tell me why you had dinner with David.” He glared back at me and his eyes dropped to my lips. I couldn’t stop myself from taking him in wholly. It hadn’t been so long since I’d last seen him, but it felt like months and months.

  “And you look so sexy,” he growled. “Why?”

  “Why do I look sexy?” I frowned at him, secretly thrilled that he’d called me sexy. I felt that my body was a traitor to the rest of me.

  “Why did you go to dinner with David looking sexy?”

  “You know I used to date him,” I said childishly, looking for a reaction.

  “And you said that was for a reason. You said you never had sex with him—or did you lie?”

  “We didn’t have sex, not that it’s your business, but we also did more than nothing.”

  “Oh?” His eyes narrowed and he grabbed my wrists and pulled me toward him. “Did you do more than nothing tonight as well?”

  “That’s none of your business.”

  “Goddamnit, Bianca.” His arms circled my waist and he peered down at me. “Why do you make this so fucking hard?” He pulled me into him as his lips came dangerously close to mine. His eyes were dark with desire.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I gasped, my heart beating fast as my hands clutched his shoulders, not wanting to let go.

  “What I should have done as soon as I saw you.” His lips crashed down onto mine, taking possession and dominating as his tongue forced its way into my mouth. His lips took control of my tongue and sucked on it hard. My brain became mush as he filled my senses, completely overwhelming every internal protest trying to escape.

  “Oh, Bianca,” he muttered against my lips as his fingers played in my hair. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind.”

  “Been thinking about me stopping the merger?” I responded churlishly as he sucked on my lower lip.

  “No.” His eyes met mine and his teeth bit down on my lip.

  “Ouch! That hurt.”

  “You deserve to be punished. You didn’t listen to me.”

  “Listen to you? About what?”

  “I told you not to trust David.”

  “You mean your brother?” I snapped.

  “Bianca, it’s a long story.”

  “Isn’t it always?”

  “Stop being so . . .”

  “So what?”

  “Obstinate. Annoying. Childish.” He glared. “And sexy.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t stop that part.” I winked at him.

  He groaned, smiling at me for the first time. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered, and sighed.

  “I haven’t missed you.”

  “Oh, Bianca, you always were a poor liar.” He laughed as he held my face in his hands. “We need to talk.”

  “No, you need to tell me what you’re doing here and how you got in.”

  “Like I said, we need to talk.”

  “I don’t need to talk. I need you to talk and then leave.”

  “I’m not leaving.” He glared at me.

  “You’re not staying.”

  “I want you.”

  “Is that meant to make me feel good?” I ignored the soft glow in my stomach that said if that was his intent, it had worked.

  “It’s not meant to make you feel any way. It’s just a statement of fact.”

  “Okay, so you want me. And?”

  “You want me too.” He grinned as he looked down at my breasts, where I knew my nipples were poking out of my top.

  “No, I don’t.” I glared at him, stopping myself from crossing my arms over my chest. “You have two minutes to talk and then I’m calling the cops.”

  “What did David say to you over dinner?”

  “What?” I sighed, confused. “At what point? The point you were texting me or . . . ?”

  “Bianca, this is important.” He pursed his lips into a thin line; a nerve throbbing in his forehead told me he was serious.

  “I don’t get the two of you.” I glared at him. “Why do you want to know what he said? Why did he want to know if I’d heard from you? If you guys are in on this together, why do you both act as if you don’t trust each other? Is this all part of the game?”

  “What did you say?” Jakob’s eyes narrowed into slits as he gazed at me. He looked like a predator deciding whether he should eat his prey or wait for later.

  “I said, why did he want to know if—”

  “No, no, no—what did you say when he asked if you’d heard from me?”

  “I said no.” I frowned. “I’m not sure why, though. Why did he ask me that, and why do you care? Aren’t the two of you in on this together?”

  “Bianca, there’s so much you need to know.” He sighed. “But not now, not yet.”

  “Why won’t you just tell me what’s going on? You’re killing me, Jakob!”

  “Why do you still call me Jakob if you think I’m Mattias?” He smiled at me as his fingers ran down the side of my face.

  “I don’t know.” I nibbled on my lower lip as his lips moved toward mine. “It would feel weird to call you Mattias.”

  “What do you know about Mattias, Bianca?”

  “You mean, what do I know about you?” I made a face.

  “Yes.” He nodded and sighed. “Aside from what I told you on the island, what do you know?”

  “I know that you’re David’s brother. I know that you’re the CEO of Bradley Inc. I know you respect your privacy. I know that you never wanted to meet me for dinner when I was dating David. I know that you don’t like to attend shareholders’ meetings. I know that you have a great security team because there’s nothing about you on the Web, not even a photo.” I gazed at his handsome face. “Let me guess: You’re scared that if people knew how rich you are and saw how hot you are, you’d have even more gold diggers than you have now?”

  “And what you know about Mattias, you think that adds up to me? To who I am as a person? To the man you knew on the island? The man you made love to? The man who opened up to you? All of that adds up?”

  “I don’t know you, period.” I shrugged. “I don’t really know who you are. Everything you did and said was a lie.”

  “I want to take you in my arms and hold you and just stare at you until you realize that you do know me,” he said with an intensity that I found both frightening and thrilling.

  “We’re strangers, Jakob. And I don’t trust you. You don’t know me either. If you did, you would know that—”

  “It doesn’t feel like we just met,” he muttered against my lips. “It doesn’t feel like I barely know you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve missed you.” He kissed me softly, his eyes never leaving mine. “I’ve missed your taste.”

  “You can’t just come into my apartment and . . .” I stepped back at his words, my face burning in shame. That was the second time tonight a Bradley brother had told me that he missed my taste. It made me feel slightly powe
rful, but, if I was honest with myself, a little cheap as well. I stared at his face and my stomach flipped as I studied his handsome features. I wanted to be with him. In fact, part of me believed that it would be helpful to give myself to him in every way. I’d have to be smart about it. I’d have to think with my head and not let my heart get in the way. At the end of the day, sex was just sex. Yes, I wanted him. Yes, there was a chemistry between us that took my breath away. However, I needed to control it. By sleeping with him, I would be telling him I trusted him again. If he thought I trusted him, he might let his guard down a bit more. And the more his guard was down, the more helpful he would be to me. I just had to make sure that I didn’t let the sex take over everything. I had to make sure that I didn’t let my body win. I knew that it would be hard to sleep with him without feeling like a bit of a slut, but I knew that I had to try and hide my disbelief as much as possible and make him believe that I still trusted him in a way. He’d played me, I had no problems or qualms in playing him now.

  “Please, Bianca, don’t you feel the need flowing between us? Don’t you feel the heat and power?”

  “It’s just lust.” I tried to pull away from him, but I couldn’t. And I wasn’t going to. Let him think that all I needed was his heat and hardness.

  “I would never hurt you, Bianca.” He bit down on my lower lip and sucked. “I didn’t lie to you on the island.”

  “You told me you didn’t know Mattias. You said you’d never met him. You didn’t let on that David was your brother either. Wouldn’t that have been a fun fact?” I said and sucked on his lower lip, playing my role well. “ ‘Ooh, guess what, Bianca? That guy you dated, well, he’s my brother.’ ”

  “How could I have told you David was my brother? When would have been the right time for that?” Jakob kissed me hard, making it impossible for me to respond. Mentally I knew that there would have been no good time. If I’d known whom I was with, I would have panicked, perhaps run into the jungle. Maybe I’d still be stuck on the island, lost somewhere. “There are so many things you don’t know, Bianca. When we arrived on the island, I had one thought in my mind, and that was to find out the truth about you and your family. I wanted to exact revenge for—”

  “You wanted to ‘exact revenge’ on me?” My jaw dropped. “Is this a bad joke? You think you can come and tell me you wanted revenge on me while you try and seduce me on the side? How stupid do you think I am?” My voice was loud and I tried to control it. I didn’t want him to see just how disdainful I was of his responses.

  “Bianca, there are things in our parents’ pasts. There are things that your mother did and your father did that cannot be changed. Things that ruined people’s lives. I just wanted to get to the bottom of it all.”

  “And you think I should pay for that?” I froze as I remembered something he’d once told me. “Was that why you said something about children paying for the sins of their fathers?”

  “That’s how life goes, Bianca.” He grabbed my shoulders. “But I was wrong to play God. I was wrong to just believe—”

  “Believe what?” I cut him off angrily. “What do you believe?”

  “I believe that I want to touch you.” He fingers pressed into my skin. “I believe that every night since we’ve been apart, I’ve craved your touch. I’ve gone crazy thinking about what I did to you. You have to believe that I . . .” He grabbed my face. “Look at me, Bianca. I need you to look at me.”

  “Why? Why should I believe you? What have you done for me that should make me trust you? You’re in my fucking apartment, Jakob. How did you get in here? You’re still sending me freaking messages trying to scare me.”

  “What?” He shook his head and his eyes narrowed. “I haven’t sent you any messages.”

  “And you changed your name on your letter from Jakob to Mattias.”

  “What?” He froze, his blue eyes taking on a fiery light. “I didn’t change anything.”

  “Then who?” I shrugged. “You’re the only one who seems to be watching me and breaking into my apartment like some sort of stalker.”

  “I’m trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me from what? I don’t need protection from anyone but you.” I pushed him away from me. “I want you to leave. Now.”

  “You don’t want me to leave.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Do you still not trust me, Bianca? After everything? After I let you go?”

  “Why did you let me go? After all that? Why?” I implored him. “I just want to understand.” My entire body was tense as I waited for a response. Calm down, Bianca, I lectured myself inwardly. Be cool, sexy, intriguing. Don’t be that girl. I can’t be that girl, if I want my plan to work.

  “I promise I will tell you everything soon.” He walked toward the window and looked out. “You should close your curtains. Anyone can look in here.” He turned toward me, his brows furrowed. “You look very sexy. Did you dress up for David?”

  “I dressed up for me.”

  “Not a look I’m used to seeing on you.” He smiled. “I miss the messy hair and dirt-streaked face.”

  “Whatever.”

  “I miss watching you walking around in my shirt, your cute little ass playing hide-and-seek with me.” He took a step toward me. “I miss you sleeping curled up next to me, playing with my cock in your sleep.”

  “Jakob.” I stared at him, mesmerized by the look in his eyes as he stopped in front of me. “No.” I said it softly, my hand touching his and then falling to the side.

  “I miss the feel of your skin against mine.” His hand dropped to my leg and I felt his fingers running up the inside of my trembling thigh. He took another step toward me and kissed me lightly. “I miss every part of you, Bianca. Every single part of you.” He kissed me gently at first and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back. Oh, how I’d missed the feel of his lips against mine. How I’d missed the gentle roughness of his fingers as he caressed my skin. Focus, Bianca, I commanded myself. Have some fun, but remember the ulterior motive and goal. You want him to think you’re putty in his hands. You want him to think the sex is so good that you just can’t resist him. You want him to think all he has to do is touch you and everything will be okay. That’s how you’ll get some power and information. A part of me felt dirty for playing the game, but the other part of me felt high on life. Why shouldn’t I be pleasured while I played him? Men did it to women all the time.

  “Oh,” I moaned as his hands cupped my breasts through my dress.

  “I need you,” he groaned, and I felt his fingers gently sliding my dress straps off my shoulders. I couldn’t resist him, I didn’t want to. My fingers found their way to his shirt and I unbuttoned it quickly, pulling it open so that I could touch his chest. He groaned as my fingers made contact with his skin and I stood still as he pulled my dress off. “So beautiful,” he muttered as he gazed at me in my bra and panties. I felt his fingers undoing my bra, and before I knew it, that too was on the ground. I closed my eyes as his fingers played with my nipples roughly, his hands cupping and caressing my breasts. Lowering his head, he took my right nipple in his mouth and sucked hard, and a spasm of ecstasy ran through my body. All I could think about was the feelings of pleasure dancing around in the pit of my stomach as he took my hands and guided me to my bedroom. We said nothing as we stood next to the bed, just staring at each other. All of the fears I’d felt on the balcony were gone. All I could think about was that I was here with this man. This man that I craved so badly that I wanted to dismiss all of my doubts.

  “Don’t think,” he whispered as he picked me up and placed me on the bed before jumping up himself. His fingers ran down my stomach lightly, teasing me as they inched toward my panties. My body anxiously awaited the moment that he would touch me there and reawaken the flower. He didn’t leave me waiting long. His fingers slipped inside my panties eagerly, rubbing my wetness as he sucked on my earlobe. My toes curled as my body shifted slightly to give him more access. He slippe
d my panties off quickly and my fingers found my way to his hardness within seconds of his leaning back onto the bed next to me. I moaned as my fingers moved up and down on his girth, teasing and taunting him. The tip of his cock was wet with anticipation and he grunted as my fingers gripped him firmly. He pushed me back down and lowered himself onto me, his eyes never leaving my face as he guided his hardness inside me. I cried out as he entered me slowly, allowing me to feel every inch of him as he filled me up. My walls closed in on him, welcoming him home, and his body shook as he increased his pace. He grabbed my hands and moved them up next to my head as he increased his pace, his cock entering me quickly and urgently. My breasts bounced against his chest as he entered me and the hairs on his chest tickled my nipples and teased them even more.

  “Oh, Bianca,” he grunted as I wrapped my legs around his waist and he leaned down to kiss me, his tongue entering my mouth in rhythm with his cock. I sucked on his tongue as I felt my body quivering beneath him; my fingers scratched his back and played with his hair, and his smell drove me crazy. Pulling back slightly, he grabbed my legs and put them over his shoulders as he increased his pace even faster. I closed my eyes, unable to stop myself from screaming as my orgasm built up.

  “Look at me,” he commanded as his fingers rubbed my clit roughly while he continued to enter me. “I want to see you when you come for me.”

  “Jakob,” I moaned, feeling feverish. “Oh!” I screamed as I found myself coming hard. “Oh,” I cried out again as his finger continued to rub me.

  “Oh, Bianca.” He slammed into me one last time and pulled out quickly as he exploded onto my stomach. “Oh, Bianca.” He leaned back down and kissed me hard. “How I’ve missed you. I never should have let you go,” he muttered in my ear as his fingers played with my nipples.