by Tasha Fawkes
I couldn't believe how good we were together, especially for the first time, as if we were meant to be. It was as if he could sense what I needed, and what he needed slipped through my pores and into my blood.
I pressed my hands against his buttocks, urging him deeper, closer. He obliged and in seconds the heat in my core bloomed and burned hot as I reached the crescendo. I came like a tide coming in, unstoppable, reaching new heights. He rocked his hips harder. One wave crashed over the other, each one filled with a greater sensation that took my breath and filled me with warmth. White lights flashed behind my eyelids, my lips parted on a loud cry as I rode the waves. Joel plunged deep and held himself there as he groaned long and low, the contractions of his shaft and the shortened, abbreviated rocks of his own hips telling me he'd found his release, and another wave washed over me.
He collapsed on top of me and I relished his weight — the solid feel of him on top of me, inside me. I felt safe wrapped so tightly in his arms. I let my hands drift softly upward from his buttocks, letting my fingers say what I felt as I entwined my arms around his waist, reveling in the moment. My heartbeat slowly returned to normal, but my head still spun. I'd never experienced such intense feelings before. Not with anyone.
Breathing hard, he lifted his weight off me and rolled to the side, pulling me up against him until we were spooned, my back to his chest. So safe and secure. As our breathing slowed, I thought about what I was doing, then pushed that from my head and instead pressed my ass against his groin.
He chuckled and shifted, then lay on his back, pulling me on top of him. "Let's go to my room."
I shook my head. I didn't want to go there, where Kelli slept. "Let's stay here," I whispered and he nodded. He smiled as I passed my gaze over his body, his dick wiggling under my attention, still encased in its wrapper. "Got another one?"
He grinned and pointed to his wallet, laying on the side of the bed. I lifted an eyebrow. "I follow the Boy Scout motto. Always be prepared."
I laughed as he removed the used condom, carefully wrapped it in a Kleenex from the box on my bedside table, and then retrieved a fresh one from his wallet. In seconds, he had unrolled it along his still erect length.
"Ready for round two?"
I grinned as he pulled me on top of him. Emboldened, I straddled him, placing my hands on his broad shoulders, a surge of power rising in me as his gaze devoured my breasts. Slowly, drawing out exquisite sensations that made me wet with desire again, I lowered myself onto his cock. My head tilted back, reveling in the way he filled me, and my back arched, thrusting my breasts forward.
When he was hilted, I leaned forward, my breasts pressed against his chest. I took his lips with mine in a kiss that was long and hard, impatient, like the cock pulsating inside me. My blood surged with renewed passion.
As my hips began to rock, he urged me up slightly and took one of my nipples in his mouth. I groaned with pleasure as he circled his tongue around first one nipple and then the other. Our hips rocked together, a perfect rhythm, as he filled me completely, every thrust sending shocking waves of pleasure through me. It was so intense that without warning we climaxed at the same time. My muscles tightened around his shaft as they rippled with the strength of my second orgasm, his engorged cock pumping fast in his release.
As the intensity gradually ebbed, I leaned onto his chest, my breath coming in ragged gasps. After a few moments, he pulled out of me and quickly removed his condom.
As I lay next to Joel, our chests rising and falling with exertion, to say that I was conflicted would be an understatement. I felt guilty enough about this ploy that Kelli had undertaken, and about my own part in it. Now I'd slept with him.
Looking for an excuse, I wondered, could it still be considered cheating after Joel confessed that he wasn't committed to Kelli? That he didn't think that things were going to work out between them. That inviting her to move back had been a mistake.
And even more importantly, where did that leave me and Ethan?
Fourteen
Joel
I'd left Sarah's room several hours ago for mine, but I couldn't settle down, couldn't stop my mind from running back over having Sarah beneath me, and above me. I shifted under the covers that were suddenly too hot.
I’d come to a conclusion about my relationship with Kelli.
After being with Sarah, I’d made my decision. It wasn't just the sex, though that had forced me to this decision. With her, I felt so… I wasn't even sure how to put it. Natural? Comfortable? In tune with my partner?
It was all of those things. Sarah's personality continued to attract me to her. Being intimate with her had just emphasized those feelings and the certainty that Kelli was just not the one for me. I should've realized sooner. Should have thought twice about reestablishing my relationship with her, which I’d done because I wanted to believe that just because she'd had a baby everything would change.
And there was my problem. What would happen when I told Kelli that things were not going to work out between us? Would she take Ethan away? I scowled. Married or not, I would fight her for custody of my son if it came to that. In just a short amount of time, the boy had become extremely important to me. My heart clenched at the thought of him not being under my roof every day. I loved Ethan.
Not only that, but I was beginning to wonder if I'd fallen in love with Sarah as well. Inadvertently, in increments, day by day. It didn't matter to me that I didn't know much about her background other than what she’d told me about her parents. What I did understand was that she was different. Much more mature than Kelli, more grounded, more… motherly toward Ethan. I’d tried not to be too critical of Kelli in that regard. Still, seeing Sarah with my son gave me the impression that she would always do the right thing, by him and by me. Plain truth, I trusted her. Completely. And even though it'd only been hours since I'd had her in my arms, had her completely, I couldn't get her out of my head.
The only issue was how I was going to—
A soft knock on my bedroom door interrupted my thoughts. I threw the covers back, pulled on my jeans, and opened the bedroom door.
Sarah was standing there, looking timid and worried, all which disappeared as she stared at my chest.
I grinned. Was she back for more?
Her gaze remained fixed on my chest, but she blinked clear of the lust that apparently took over whenever we were within feet of each other now. "Joel…"
No. She wasn't here for more sex. She looked exhausted, not physically, but emotionally. "What's wrong? Is Ethan all right?"
She nodded. "He's fine, sleeping."
"What is it, Sarah?" I had a sinking feeling I already knew what she was going to say. Her quick glances up at my face presaged something I didn't want to hear.
"Joel, what we did…" She swallowed. "What we did was a mistake. We can't let it happen again."
"Sarah, I already told you that I wasn't, that Kelli and I weren't going to work out."
She looked up at me, a stern expression on her face. "Be that as it may, she still lives here. I still officially work for her. I don't want to be that woman, the woman that is blamed for breaking up a relationship."
"Sarah, I understand what you're saying, but—"
"Joel, please don't make this any more difficult than it already is." Her voice wavered. "Don't get me wrong. I am attracted to you, and I love the way you are with my—with Ethan. But I need this job more than you can imagine. I know things haven't always been the best between you and Kelli, but that's something that you two have to work out together." She offered a slight shrug, her hazel green eyes huge.
As I gazed at her heart-shaped face, a surge of disappointment rocked me, but I understood. And she was right. I had no right to pursue another woman while Kelli remained under my roof. I would take care of that when she got home.
"I respect your decision, Sarah, I really do," I said, letting my tone convey my emotion. "I won't forget what we did. And I don't think it was a mistake, but I r
espect your decision. I will tell you one thing though."
She glanced up at me again. "What's that?"
"Kelli and I will have a conversation about our future when she gets back. I'm going to ask her to move out. But I also… I know this might be a bit awkward for you, but I hope that you'll still be Ethan's nanny. You can still live here, if it works out that way." I paused, knowing that a separation from Kelli would not be so easy. "I'm going to insist on partial custody at the minimum. We'll work something out, if not, I’ll fight for custody. What I mean is, if you want to, and she's agreeable… I know you've grown increasingly fond of Ethan, and I don't want you to feel—" I was surprised by the sudden frightened expression that appeared on her face. Her mouth dropped open and her face drained of color. "Are you all right? I'm sorry. I shouldn't put you in the middle of this. It's just that I know—"
"Fight for custody?" she asked, her voice strangled, expression horrified. A hand lifted to her mouth as her lips began to tremble and tears filled her eyes.
I instinctively stepped forward to wrap my arms around her, but she backed away, hands still covering her mouth, eyes wide, a tear spilling from the corner of one while she backed slowly away.
"I'm sorry," she stammered. "I just… I didn't realize…" She quickly turned and walked down the hallway and there was the sound of the door to her room closing softly a moment later.
I wanted to go after her, talk to her, comfort her. I could've kicked myself for getting her so upset. I felt bad, but if there was one thing I was going to be with Sarah, it was completely honest. Just as I knew I could count on her honesty with me.
I wouldn't push. I'd give her space. It was the least I could do.
Fifteen
Sarah
I woke in the morning with my heart pounding, limbs shaking at the sound of Kelli’s voice in the hall.
Breathe. I’d slept with Joel, yes, but in the end, I’d done the right thing. Telling him we couldn’t be together again had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. It went against my true feelings, as I very much enjoyed my time spent with Joel. But I couldn't neglect the truth. This job was more important to me than my own happiness. I couldn't risk Ethan's future.
It was early, and I wondered what Kelli was doing back so soon when I knew she hated to get up before mid-morning. I laid there, listening, waiting for all hell to break loose.
But it didn’t. He wouldn’t tell her. Of course, he wouldn’t.
Even so, the situation would be more than a little awkward now, worse than before. Now I had a secret to keep from Kelli too. I wasn’t a secretive person, had always worn my heart on my sleeve. If I could just keep the secret hidden from Joel for another few months, I might have enough money saved up to start a new life with my son.
But along with that realization came the fact that I was destined to break Joel's heart. He had fallen in love with Ethan, was prepared to fight Kelli for custody.
Now what was I going to do?
I couldn't tell Kelli. Who could I go to for advice?
No one. Not even Joel.
This situation had gone from bad to worse. Not only was I desperate for the money, but I was selling out myself, selling out Joel to get it. Selling out my own baby.
Sleeping with Joel had been a mistake. One that I didn't truly regret, but a mistake nevertheless. Not because I didn't feel something for him, or as I had told him, I didn't want to be "the other woman." It was because if I slept with Joel again, there was no way I would be able to hide it for long from Kelli's sharp eyes. Ever since that morning in the kitchen, she had watched me, watched Joel, ever so carefully. It wouldn't take much to reignite her suspicions. Or her jealousy.
Ethan woke fussing in his crib and I quietly turned, opened the door, and peeked out. I didn't want to run into Joel or Kelli. Not now. I needed time to collect myself.
Everything in the house was silent and dim in the dawn light so I quickly hurried to the nursery and slipped through the half-open door, the nightlight plugged in near his crib casting him in shadow. I made soft, cooing noises as I approached the crib, then placed my hand on Ethan's chest. He settled immediately. I checked to make sure his diaper was dry and wondered if I should warm him up some milk, but in moments, he fell back asleep.
With a sigh, I remained standing at the crib for several moments, then left the room and headed for the kitchen. Maybe a cup of hot coffee would spur my brain into coming up with a solution I desperately needed.
When I entered the kitchen, I gasped at the sight of Kelli leaning against the counter, frowning down at the granite, lost in thought.
She glanced up, an ice I’d never seen in her eyes before quickly being covered with a brittle smile. Did she know? She couldn’t.
“Good morning,” I managed to choke out.
“Morning, Sarah. Rough night? Ethan not sleep through it?” Her eyes never left my face as she waited for an answer.
I chose the truth, but kept my gaze on the coffee machine. “Ethan slept fine, it was me who didn’t.” I’d have to scoot past Kelli to get to the machine, but I needed caffeine if I had any hope of keeping my ever-increasing lies straight. “Do you mind if I get some coffee?”
“Oh, I have something better. You’re never going to want coffee again after you try this tea.”
“Tea? I never drink tea in the morning. Really, I’d prefer—”
“I insist. It’s the least I can do since you give so much of your time to Ethan for me.” She smiled, and I wondered why she was keeping up the farce when we were alone, unless she was afraid Joel might walk in.
I was too caffeine-deprived to care. “Sure.”
Kelli went to the coffee machine and turned it on with plain water, and then reached into a cloth sack that was apparently from a shopping spree in San Luis Obispo. The dark green surface of the small can shimmered in the low light from the hood over the oven. She unscrewed the lid to the canister, and the exotic and soothing scent of the raw tea wafted through the room.
“I picked this up especially for you.”
“That was nice of you.” Now I felt even more guilty for what I had just done hours earlier.
It was something I couldn't undo, but I could prevent it from happening again. It was imperative that it never happened again.
I waited several moments while the water heated and then Kelli poured the hot water into a mug with about two tablespoons of the raw tea stuffed into its own strainer. She passed it to me and I stared at it for several moments, watching the water slowly darken as the tea infused, some of the tea escaping the strainer and settling toward the bottom of the mug. Tiny little bits of what looked to be powder rose to the surface of the mug, and I stirred the brew with the strainer and sat it in the sink.
It smelled delicious, and after I carefully took a sip, I marveled at its flavor. Light and delicate, although with a hint of bitterness.
“This is wonderful, Kelli, thanks. Where did you get it?”
A wide smile stretched her lips. “Oh, just a little shop. Don’t waste a drop. It was expensive, but you’re worth it.”
I nodded, the mug of tea cupped between my hands, warming them while my insides stayed cold with regret. I made my way back to the nursery. Leaving the door slightly open, I sat in the rocking chair, slowly sipping the tea, my mind spinning with uncertainties.
After draining the mug, I considered getting up and making another because it tasted so good and had me feeling so relaxed, but I didn't want to move. I felt sleepy, my legs and arms heavy and leaden, supremely relaxed, almost rubbery. It grew increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open as I gazed at Ethan sleeping in his crib. One of my arms slipped off the rocking chair, the mug dangling from my fingers. I almost smiled, thinking that despite my emotional turmoil, I had rarely, if ever, felt so relaxed.
Half asleep in that world between true wakefulness and dream state, I heard voices. Whispery voices. Kelli was in my dream, and so was the Joel's best friend, Eric. In the recesses of m
y mind, I remembered meeting him at the announcement party just a few weeks ago. I dreamed of Joel, corporate takeovers, and oddly enough, there was a cop in my dream too. At least I thought he was a cop. I struggled to open my eyes and wake myself up, drag my lazy ass to bed, but my body refused. Oddly enough, I felt myself being lifted, wrapped in a blanket. Was I sick? Finally, I succumbed, relishing the fact that I could slip into sleep, where I would no longer have to think, process, or feel. I sank down into the black darkness, welcoming it, hoping that when I woke up, I would know what to do.
Sixteen
Joel
I stared at Kelli, dumbfounded. "What do you mean Sarah left?" I clutched Ethan against my shoulder, rocking slightly back-and-forth, my hand cradling his head as my chest tightened with the stunning news. "Left?"
She nodded.
Kelli had arrived home early this morning, much earlier than expected. Forgetting to be quiet, she’d slammed the front door, waking Ethan and starting him crying. I’d been in my office, blearily staring at paperwork and not getting much done. I hadn't slept well last night, had not really fallen asleep until the wee hours of the morning. Probably because of emotional turmoil, not only due to the stress with my company, but my guilt over sleeping with Sarah. Plus waiting for Kelli to get home so I could break the news to her.
A few moments after hearing Kelli's keys plop onto the side table in the foyer, I had expected her to knock on my office door. Or to go in to settle Ethan, but she didn't. Perhaps she was waiting for Sarah to do it, but Ethan kept crying. After a solid minute of this, the baby's cries growing louder, I rose from my desk and opened the office door.