by Jamie Zakian
A smile spread across her mother’s lips but not the happy kind. More like a lost-to-destitution simper.
“I don’t give much thought to what if’s and should have’s.” Ellen hit the joint, handing it to Sasha. “We gotta live in the now and what’s to come.”
“Dante wasn’t in that fire, was he? You wouldn’t burn him alive.”
A far-off gaze gripped her mother’s stare, one Sasha had never seen before, one that scared the shit out of her.
“No, he wasn’t. But you’re wrong. I would burn him alive, if I had to.” Her mother rose, the typical cool glare breezing in to blow away the hint of sadness. “Come on, we’re missing your big party.”
Sasha smiled when her mother’s hand slipped into her own. A small tug and she was on her feet, moving toward the door.
***
Dez
Dez scanned the crowd, looking for Vinny or Kev. He’d even settle for one of those weird lookalikes right now, but all he got was more freeloading rednecks.
A hand ran up his back, rough and sloppy. Not Sasha. Dez turned, latching onto a soft wrist without bothering to look at its owner.
“Ooh. Feisty,” a silky voice all but breathed on his neck. The first thing Dez saw was tits. Huge, overflowing, way too tight halter-top tits. Right, the brunette with blue eyes.
“So, Dez,” she said, sliding her finger down his chest. “Why don’t we duck out of here real quick, while you’re still single?”
The chick rubbed on him like a cat in heat, and he inched away. “I’m not single.”
Candy stepped beside Dez, crossing her arms. “You better back off, Nancy, or you’ll be picking your crooked teeth off the floor.”
Nancy waved her hand and stomped into the crowd, stopping to throw a wink Dez’s way.
“Sorry, Dez. That bitch is going for the grand slam,” Candy said with a cute little huff.
“What’s that?”
“You know. When you ball all the club members? I’ll scalp the bitch if she gets near Otis. Word is, she’s only gotten Vinny and Kev so far.”
Dez nodded. A grand slam, it seemed like a noble accomplishment for a woman. That’s when he remembered one of his clubmates was a woman. “How’s that gonna work with Sasha? She’s a runner.”
“If you want a real grand slam, you gotta get her too,” Candy said, as if Dez were dense. “I guess I’m closer to a grand slam than Nancy.”
“What?” Dez said with a bark that made Candy flinch. “You were with Sasha?”
Her jaw dropped, but those green eyes grew wide. “Oh shit. You didn’t know? I’m not a giant slut or anything. We were together for years, but she broke up with me a long time ago, like two whole weeks.”
“What!”
“Oh shit. I gotta run, Dez. Congratulations?” Candy shrugged, scurrying toward Otis.
Broke up, dated. Dez understood a little fun here and there, but for Sasha to date a chick for years. That meant something.
A rush of voices erupted from all sides, laughter stinging his ears. Too tight, too many people. He staggered, lost in a flock of eyes, when an icy breeze grazed his cheek. The sliver of crisp air promised a chance at escape, and Dez barreled toward it. His legs didn’t stop once outside the front door. He kept going, down the porch, across the lot, and toward his truck.
“Dez! Wait up,” Otis called out, jogging after him.
“No. No more pep talks.”
Dez opened the door to his truck, and Otis slammed it shut.
“You don’t know Candy,” Otis said, blocking Dez’s reach from the pickup’s door handle. “She over-exaggerates. What she calls dating, a normal person would call the occasional screw.”
“You’re lying to yourself.” Dez took a step back, waving his arm toward the clubhouse. “You’re all lying to yourselves, especially Sasha.”
“Dez, listen—”
“Two weeks ago, that’s when Sasha decides no more women. Out of the blue and when I just happen to come around. She’s using me as a cover, to keep her mother happy, to get my spot at the table. Probably planned this whole pregnancy shit.”
“You’re wrong.” Otis grabbed Dez’s arm, holding tight. “She did change when you came around. You changed her. You can’t see it, but you clear up all the confusion in her mind.”
Dez yanked himself from Otis’s grasp, backing away. “No. I’m confusing her more. Why do you think she’s picking up chicks at rest stops?”
“That bitch targeted Sasha.”
Otis dropped his head, and Dez glimpsed Sasha on the porch steps. Their gaze met, her lips curved up, and a pang shot through Dez’s chest.
The view of a dark angel fell behind Otis as his stare raised. “When you look in her eyes, you see love. Nothing else should matter.”
Sasha stepped beside Dez, peering up at him.
“Is everything cool?” she asked.
Dez saw the shimmer in her eyes. More intense than concern, yet softer than lust. True love.
“Yeah.” Dez looked away, hiding the bit of rage that still lingered in his stare. “Just getting some fresh air.”
“Wanna sneak off with me?” Sasha took Dez by the hand, a sly smile crossing her lips. “Get into some trouble.”
Sasha inched closer to Dez, her chest gliding along his own. It felt right. Heat still surged with her slightest touch, and his hands still wanted to grip her ass.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Weird.” Sasha wiggled her shoulders. “I just got a chill.” Her grip on Dez’s hand tightened, and she led him toward the garage.
Chapter Thirty-One
Vinny
Leaves crunched, and Vinny raised his shotgun. High up on the hillside and tucked between dense trees, he could see the entire compound. The people who traipsed in and out of the clubhouse, a wide stretch of gravel where their big rigs rested, the porch of Ellen’s house, but not the woods around him. Under a moonless sky, so far from the lights of the compound, Vinny stood blind in the darkness. Just him and his twelve-gauge.
Branches cracked behind him, and he spun, lifting his gun. A hand seized his barrel, pushing it down.
“Yo, man! It’s me,” Kev said, creeping closer.
“Fuck, dude. I almost shot you.”
“No, you didn’t,” Kev snickered. “I totally had the jump on you.”
Vinny shook his head, turning back to stare at the compound below. “You’re supposed to be on the east side.”
“How many times have we had to stake out the woods during a party?” Kev asked, nudging Vinny’s arm. “Never. What’s going on, man?”
“What makes you think I know?”
“‘Cause you’re our VP.”
“Shit,” Vinny muttered beneath his breath, “that’s right.” He’d forgotten he was supposed to be the man with the answers, except he never thought to ask any questions. Otis said watch so he watched. Probably not the makings of a great leader. All the right stuff for a perfect bitch-boy, though. In times like these, there was only one thing he could do: fake it.
“There was an article in the paper this morning, about a bar fire in Tennessee. Said eight members of a local biker gang were killed, along with eleven other men and women.”
“Only eight,” Kev said, crashing the butt of his gun on the rocky path. “That leaves what, five, six douchebags? That’s enough to regroup and do some damage.”
“I think that’s what Ellen’s afraid of.”
“Please.” Kev waved the notion off. “Ellen ain’t afraid of shit.”
Vinny chuckled. Truer words had never been spoken. “Okay, well. On the lookout then. Hold up.” Two figures walked up the hill, and Vinny slanted forward.
“What is it?” Kev whispered, lifting his gun a hair.
The garage light shined on wavy black hair, and Vinny stepped back. “It’s just Sasha and Dez.”
“Umm. I guess I’ll head back now. Go be on the lookout.”
“People are already starting to leave.” Vinny smirked. He was ab
out to give his first order as vice president of Ashby Trucking, and it stirred every part of his body. “After everyone’s gone, we’ll head down.”
“Yes, sir,” Kev said, slipping back into the night with barely a sound.
“Sir,” Vinny mumbled. It sounded stupid. He stared down at the little outlines that buzzed around his clubhouse, adjusting his belt. Tight. His pants were suddenly too tight. He had the position, respect of his peers. If only he’d gotten the girl. Could have been the trifecta. No worries, his patience held no bounds. Knowing Dez, and he did, dude would fuck it up in no time. Sasha, the Rubik cube of his life, might never be his, but at least she wouldn’t belong to his brother.
***
Sasha
Sasha sat on the edge of her bed, watching Dez study the pictures that lined her mirror. After the interruption in the shower, he should be all over her.
“You looking for something?”
“This redhead, Candy.” Dez pulled a photo of Candy kissing Sasha’s cheek off the mirror, staring at it. “She’s in every picture.”
“Yeah. I’ve known Candy a long time. She’s the girl, the one my mom caught me with, that day.”
Dez sat on the opposite end of the bed, far from grasp. “And you kept hanging with her, in front of your mom?”
“We dyed her hair from blonde to red, changed her makeup and name. My mom didn’t even know, just another girl running in and out of the club.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I love her.” Sasha drew back. She was more shocked at her own words than Dez looked. That thought should’ve stayed in the brain, but the air around Dez vibrated in passion, creating a type of truth serum. She couldn’t lie to him. What was worse, she didn’t want to.
“You love her?” Dez asked, as if he just stumbled onto the impossible.
“Candy is…special to me. I treated her like shit, always. I was angry for a long time, took most of it out on her, and she’s still so sweet to me. I love her for that.”
A sour looked scrunched the bridge of Dez’s nose, much like he’d been chewing on lemons. Sasha could tell harsh words lingered on the tip of his tongue, and she had a good guess as to what they might be.
“Did Candy say something to you?” Sasha asked, regretting the question before it even left her mouth.
“She said you guys dated for years, and you just broke it off with her two weeks ago.”
The groan that broke loose carried Sasha’s eyes to the ceiling. “There was no dating. We messed around. That’s it.”
“Are you…are you a…?”
Sasha took a deep breath. Any minute now, the word dyke would fall out of Dez’s mouth, and she’d have no control over her fist. Not how she imagined the night’s end.
“I’ve been with a bunch of women and men,” Sasha said, hoping a little preemptive strike would end the conversation.
“That’s not normal, Sasha.”
“Is anything we do normal?”
“I want some things to be.” Dez tossed the picture onto the nightstand, finally looking at Sasha’s face. “Do you plan on fucking other people after we’re married?”
“Do you?” For the first time in a long time, Sasha felt lost. She’d never set terms of a relationship before. In hindsight, it might have been a good idea to get this out of the way before the engagement.
“No, I don’t,” Dez said firmly.
His hard stare cut straight through her. If the right hands caressed her in the right way, would she be able to say no?
“I don’t plan on it either.” The gold band on her finger grew tighter, the diamond heavier. Sasha twisted the ring, tugged, but it didn’t relieve the pressure. “We don’t have to do this, so soon.” Thanks to the gallon of sweat that coated her palm, the ring slid off with ease. She ran her thumb over the sharp ridges of the pointed stone, then held the ring out. “You can give it back to me when you’re ready. I’m not going anywhere.”
Dez reached out, his fingers drifting toward the ring. His hand closed around hers, pressing the rock into her skin. He scooted closer, holding her arm to his chest.
“I’m ready now,” he said, his lips brushing her cheek.
Warm breath flowed over Sasha’s skin, and every emotion spiked. Love mixed with hate, desire and disgust blended, and they all tore at the seams of the flesh that kept them contained.
Dez pried open Sasha’s fist, took the ring, and slipped it back onto her finger. It might’ve been the tingles that stemmed from his touch or the cool metal that hugged her skin, but her restraint shattered. She crashed into his arms, driving his back into the mattress. His kiss was rough yet gentle, hurling a wave of white fuzz over her mind. This wasn’t her. She wasn’t a vulnerable, frightened little girl who quivered inside strong arms. Unless she was and never knew it.
Lips skated along Sasha’s neck as Dez pulled at her shirt. She could feel the affection in his fingertips, the hunger, even when he manhandled her. Such a force could only be one thing, love. She could sacrifice a bit of herself, be that scared girl for love.
“Dez,” Sasha called out before her mouth could stop the word from slinking loose.
The grip on her body tightened, and he spun her, laying her back against the mattress. A kiss snuck in, intoxicating, bringing an ache. His hands slid up her arms, guiding them over her head. Their fingers laced, and he squeezed while rubbing harder between her legs.
“Too much clothes,” Dez said, releasing his clutch to fumble with her belt.
Sasha stared up, into the frosty eyes that shined behind thick strands of wavy hair. The words I love you almost slipped out. She wanted to say it, let Dez know how badly her body craved his, but the declaration refused to leave her cowardly grasp.
Dez stopped battling with Sasha’s pants, a half-grin striking his face. That gleam caught behind his stare; it was as though he could hear her thoughts. He leaned down, and she felt his kiss before it landed on her lips.
***
Vinny
Vinny cringed as he walked past the garage. The sounds that spilled from Sasha’s room, especially with her window open, hit his gut like a sucker punch.
“That’s beat, man,” Kev said, looking at Vinny and then to his feet. “Losing your girl to your brother.”
“She wasn’t my girl.” Vinny picked up the pace, but he couldn’t outrun the sting of the truth. Sasha never really was his girl.
“Yeah, but you guys were fucking.”
“No,” Vinny said casually. “We weren’t like that.”
“Bullshit. You lived in the same house with her, steps from her bedroom. I know you guys fucked around. I would’ve.”
“She’s like my sister, my clubmate. Sex would just make things weird.” The words sounded alien to Vinny, but they came out so natural he almost believed them.
“I guess,” Kev said with a shrug. “You got some willpower. Must be why you’re VP and not me.”
Vinny snorted. He’d have to work on the whole discipline thing, since everyone thought he’s the responsible one. It should be easy, as long as Sasha’s not in reach.
“What’s this?” Otis asked, walking down the clubhouse steps.
Kev hung back with the prospects, leaving Vinny alone to stare into Otis’s hard eyes.
“Everyone split,” Vinny said, straining to keep his spine stiff under the weight of Otis’s stare. “So I thought we’d do a perimeter check.”
Otis hardened his glare, and Vinny fought the urge to scurry back up the hill. He made a call and technically, he outranked Otis. It felt kind of cool and totally sucked.
“Yeah.” Otis nodded, slow. “Good idea. You can send Kev and the prospects home when y’all are done. I’m gonna crash at the big house tonight, in the spare room. I hope you’re a light sleeper.”
After a hard whack on the arm, Otis brushed by, but the gravity of his face hung in the air.
“Hey, Otis!” Vinny cut around Kev and trailed Otis up the hill. “What’s going down?”
/>
“What do you mean?” Otis glanced at Vinny but didn’t stop his stroll toward Ellen’s house.
“You never sleep here unless there’s trouble. And the whole guarding the house during the party shit. Did something happen last night?”
Otis stopped, turning on his heels to stare bullets. “Did you hear something last night?”
“I thought I saw Ellen in my room.” Vinny inched closer to Otis. If his voice could manage to project a fraction of the command his position stood for, he might get some answers from his road captain. “If you tell me what’s up, I can help. Don’t keep me in the dark. This is my family.”
A twinge of compassion shone in the porch light. It almost worked, but the softness drained from Otis’s face the instant it appeared.
“Someone’s always waiting to storm in here and take what we got. Bikers, street thugs, the feds. It’ll just get worse the bigger we get.” Otis gestured to the clubhouse below the gentle slope to the three men who stood just outside, shooting the shit. “It’ll get quiet again then all hell will break loose. That’s the life we signed up for. From now on out, shoot everyone first and sort details later. Colors, badges, patches, all of ‘em.”
Vinny shook his head. What Otis said, the way the man’s voice slightly trembled, left a bad taste in Vinny’s mouth. The taste of bullshit. “Otis—”
“We have a run scheduled for tomorrow afternoon,” Otis said, holding a blank glare. “The club needs to vote on whether to restock or lay low. You should call a meeting before Sasha heads out, don’t you think?”
Vinny smirked. He’d gotten all he could from Otis, a big fat nothing. “Yeah,” he said, easing backward down the hill. “Ten a.m.”
“Sounds good. I’ll tell Ellen; you let the others know.”
Vinny turned, trudging down the hill. His eyes flew to Sasha’s room. Everything he wanted dwelled within that room, and this time it wasn’t her body he desired. It was the information stuffed inside her brain he needed.