by Jamie Zakian
“Is that a threat?” Sasha asked, unable to stop the sneer that carried her words. Dez tensed up, but she didn’t look at him. This time, her gaze reflected one of guilt, but she was better at hiding it than Otis.
“No,” Otis said, matching her short tone. “You’re my family. I don’t throw family under the bus when things get rough.”
The words struck a chord, a loud grating tune that plucked at Sasha’s soul. She’d had her fair share of fuckups. In the old days, she wasted years tormenting her mother, and never once was she thrown out of her home.
“She’ll come back,” Sasha said, mostly to soothe her own heavy mind. “Then I can apologize.”
“Apologize!” Dez yelled. “She was gonna let us get killed. All of us.”
“You’re wrong,” Otis said with a low growl that disrupted the air around them. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Do you?” Dez said.
“Guys!” Sasha held out her hand, but it did little to ease the rise of tension in the cab. “Give it a rest. My fucking head is killing me.”
She turned onto the compound, never happier to see the dented front gate. In a minute, she could park this truck then walk away. These two jokers could spend all night beating each other’s faces in, but she’d had enough bloodshed.
Vinny walked down the clubhouse steps as she parked, Kev not far behind. Their eyes were fixed on her, seeking answers, directions, guidance. She never had those things to spare, not for herself or others.
When Otis got out, Dez moved away and Sasha grabbed his hand. “Stay with me tonight?” she asked, recognizing but ignoring the desperation in her question.
Dez smiled, warm and genuine, a sight as rare as a blue moon and just as stunning.
“I’ll stay with you every night,” he said without hesitation.
Every night. The thought was both tempting and terrifying. “We’ll just start with this one,” Sasha said, and Dez’s glower swept back in.
***
Vinny
Vinny turned his back as Sasha walked toward the garage with Dez. She said three words to him before strolling off with his brother, and they weren’t the ones he wanted to hear. No, “I love you,” “Thank you, Vinny,” not even a, “Let’s burn one.”
All she said was, “Mom back yet?” Then she nodded and away she went. Not that he expected different, only hoped.
A zippo clicked, the porch steps creaked, and floorboards shifted beneath Vinny’s boots. He peeked over his shoulder, groaning. The crew of eyes hovering at his back wanted something, and they wanted it from him.
“Where’s Ellen?” Kev asked, shooing the prospects back.
“Good question,” Otis said with a glare that matched his harsh sneer.
Vinny looked at the road far below their rolling hillside. It would’ve been great to see headlights. Then he could point his finger to Ellen, wander off, and wallow while she barked orders, which always seemed to flow easily.
“Ah…” Vinny shrunk down under Otis’s glare, then puffed his chest up. He was VP of Ashby Trucking. These men answered to him, not the other way around. At least that’s what Ellen would tell him.
“Ellen’s out on business,” Vinny said, nearly convincing himself. “She’ll be back soon. Otis, can you crash here again tonight? You know, just in case.”
“Sure, kid.” Otis nodded, easing off enough for cool air to rush in.
“I can stay too,” Kev said, cringing from his own eagerness. “I mean, if you need me to.”
Vinny smirked. It was either that or cry. His friends were as sad and lonely as he was, lugging around their own loads. They should be together. No one else would have them.
“Yeah, man. You can have my room for the night. I’ll sleep in Sasha’s old room, but those two,” Vinny pointed at the prospects who lingered nearby, “they’re bunking in the clubhouse.”
Tingles coursed through Vinny’s veins, turning his blood to steel. He propped his head high and strolled off the porch, toward the big house. Tonight, he was the ultimate authority. It shouldn’t feel so good. His rise came from Ellen’s fall and Sasha’s weaknesses. He could keep a level head, no problem. After all, this power was fleeting. Ellen would be back, and, like always, Sasha would spin the situation into gold. Everyone’ll soak it up, and then it was business as usual, the blissful state of ignorance at Ashby Trucking. Not for him, though. He knew too many ugly truths and hadn’t heard enough of the right words.
A giggle spilled from Sasha’s open window as Vinny passed the garage. He looked up, stopping his stare before it reached her room. A glimpse of his brother’s hands on Sasha’s body was not a visual he wanted trapped in the ole noggin. The images already circling around in his mind, where Sasha ran her fingers through his hair, licked every inch of his flesh, were far better. It wouldn’t be long now. When Dez fucked up and Sasha flipped out, he’d be standing by, her trusty friend on standby, the man who always held her heart in the end.
***
Sasha
Sasha drew the arm that circled her waist close to her chest. Minutes dwindled into hours while she lay adrift in Dez’s warm clutch. He took to snoring a while ago and she’d kill for a few puffs of a joint, but her soft bed kept her shackled in its chains of refuge.
She nestled closer, floating on the cusp of a dream when an engine’s rumble jolted her eyelids open. That sound disturbed her sleep so many nights. The smooth chops of a big block motor, deep bass of exhaust. Mother’s home.
Electric vibes stirred Sasha’s body. Sleep would never come now, not until she said everything she could to return things to some semblance of peace. She lifted Dez’s arm, slinking away. Her shoulder pulsed, more so than her head, but this couldn’t wait. If she didn’t beg her mother to stay, she’d spend months tracking the bitch down just to plea for her return.
In near darkness, Sasha fumbled for her clothes. A heavy metal belt buckle clinked as she squirmed into her pants, echoing louder than it should in the thick silence. She grabbed the end of her belt, glancing at the bed. Dez grunted and rolled over. She inched backward. His arm flopped over the side of the bed, and a steady snore rang out. Sasha hurried to the door, snatching a leather coat from the floor along the way.
Frosty air shocked Sasha’s skin when she stepped outside, filling her lungs with its wintery chill. She crept down the stairs, slinging the coat around her arms. The sleeves ran far past her wrists, and a musky scent tickled her nose.
“Dez,” Sasha whispered, pulling the flap closer and taking a deep breath. A hard edge dug into her ribcage, knocking her chest with every step. She reached into the inside pocket, her fingers grazing the snub-nosed barrel of a revolver. A smile spanned her lips. Dez probably had a mini arsenal tucked away in these pockets, a thought that turned Sasha on too much.
She looked at the big house looming atop the hill and its many windows cloaked in black. Her loosely tied boots thumped as her foot tapped gravel. One apology. After losing so much, trampling on her self-respect should be a cinch. Her legs should carry her punk-ass right to her mother’s feet, but they weren’t budging. Instead, a call summoned her back to Dez’s warm arms.
Sasha turned away from the big house, catching a beam of light in the woods. She headed up the hill, taking light steps. Muffled voices rose above the symphony of crickets, and she pulled the gun from her pocket.
Branches scratched her face, snagging her hair as she climbed the gentle slope into dense trees. A man shouted, stopping her short. She crouched low, glancing back at the compound far below. In the dead of night, through tight-packed trees, Sasha only glimpsed more trees. Twigs snapped behind her. She turned, lifting the gun when she heard the screech of metal hinges. The cellar, she must be near the cellar.
“Fuck that,” her mother’s voice rang out, cracking in fear.
Sasha jumped to her feet. Her mother’s fright echoed in her ears, tuning out the inklings of danger and drawing her forward. She burst from the web of branches, her g
un raised high. A flashlight shot to her face, blinding her in white, but she kept her finger on the trigger.
“Sasha?” her mother said. “What the fuck?”
The light dropped, but its glare stayed strong in Sasha’s eyes. She blinked, moving toward her mother’s voice. Blue dots cleared from her vision, and Dante’s grin filtered in. She froze in place, swinging the gun to him.
“I was hoping you’d show up,” Sasha said, clicking the hammer back.
“Your mother brought me here, to take you again.”
“What?” Sasha lowered the gun, looking at her mother.
“He’s lying,” Ellen yelled, reaching for the gun in Sasha’s hand.
Sasha backed away as Dante and her mother closed in.
“She wanted me to keep you locked up for nine months,” Dante said, his eyes fixed on Ellen’s face. “Apparently you’re having a kid and your mother wants it, but not you, little girl.”
“Don’t listen to him, Sasha. He’s insane.”
They kept moving closer, like a magnet drawn to her pull yet repelled by each other. Sasha scurried backward. The gun rattled against her palm, and the ability to control her arm became iffy at best.
“When I told Ellen to go fuck herself, she pulled this gun on me.” Dante lifted his hand, flashing a handgun. “Marched me up the hill. I think she was gonna toss me in the cellar. That’s why I elbowed her in the gut and took this bad boy.” He waved the gun before lowering his arm.
Sasha closed her eyes. She didn’t know Dante. If he was a pathological liar like everyone else, she didn’t have a clue, but this seemed like something her mother would do. She opened her eyes, finding her gun aimed at her mother’s chest.
“You’re not buying this shit, are you?” Ellen shouted, moving closer to Sasha.
“Stay back,” Sasha yelled. “Both of you.” She swung her gun back and forth, legs hurrying away. The whirl in her mind grew into a cyclone. She couldn’t separate truth from lie. Still, they both slithered closer. “Just stop. Please, stop.”
“It’s okay, little girl,” Dante’s voice trickled in so smooth, silky, darker than night. “I couldn’t do it before, but I’m ready now. I’ll set you free.”
Dante lifted the gun, and Ellen cried out, rushing to Sasha’s side. Sasha staggered backward as her mother ripped the gun from her grasp. An elbow hit her chest, driving her even farther back.
Roots snared Sasha’s heel, and she fell as shots blasted through the air. She braced for hard ground, but the fall didn’t break. Stars drifted away, stone walls zoomed beside her, and a darkness swallowed her whole. The cellar. She fell into the—
Ash spouted up in pillars as Sasha slammed onto concrete. Blood spewed from her mouth, showering her face in its warmth. She gasped for air, finding none. No oxygen, no light, just a churn of shattered glass in every inch of her body and a red-tinged sky so far above.
A velvety haze settled over her, bringing the aroma of lavender to her oxygen-stripped lungs. Pain left her body as quick as it struck. The intense fear of dying atop piles of burnt bones melted away next, leaving only cold. Her fingers twitched, every tiny breath held fire, yet her skin hardened in a frosty layer of ice.
Shapes swirled against the faint glow of stars. A person? Sasha tried to reach out, strained to kick, cry, move, but only a cold shell remained.
Her head rolled to the side without consent, and a set of bright teeth grinned behind chunks of flesh. The flaps of skin swayed, peeling. For a second, Sasha thought the skull was laughing at her, mocking her for meeting the fate she dished out to so many others. Then a swarm of maggots oozed through the cracks of rotted meat and spilled onto her face.
A blanket of white washed over Sasha’s numb body. In the blinding fog, she glimpsed bright green eyes. She couldn’t see a face. No sound penetrated this barrier of pure bliss, just soft arms lifting her into a tunnel of rainbow light.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Sasha clawed at the speck of white, which beamed through the cold blackness that surrounded her. A deep voice drove her, his voice. He spoke in tones of love, louder than ever before. This time, Sasha could trace it. The more she scratched at the dark, the clearer his words echoed. Vinny. His desperation fueled her fight, bringing a strength to her mind she’d long forgotten.
Fingers slid between her own, and she squeezed. Vinny called her name. His lips brushed her cheek, and warm breath sparked electric tingles along the back of her neck.
“Vinny,” Sasha mumbled, leaning toward his touch.
“I’m here,” Vinny said, gripping Sasha’s hand tightly. “Open your eyes! Come on, Sasha, I know you can do it.”
A rush of strange sounds filled Sasha’s ears. High-pitched beeps, the low static of a television, laughter in the distance, but most importantly, Vinny. Her eyelids fluttered. The sting of bright light burned her eyes, cutting straight into her brain, but she wouldn’t stop staring into the glare. Not until she glimpsed Vinny’s face.
“Vinny.” First, his eyes faded in then his smile. “Am I…?”
“You came back.” Vinny collapsed against Sasha’s chest, sprinkling her face with kisses laced in tears. “I knew you’d come back. They said it was impossible, but they don’t know you.”
“Who…? What…?” Sasha stuttered. Her throat seared with every word. She reached out, and her arm flopped back down to a soft mattress.
“Don’t try to speak,” Vinny said in a rush. “I’ll get a doctor.”
“No.” Sasha swatted at the air, snagging Vinny’s shirt. “Water.”
“Right! Hold up.”
Wires tangled around Sasha’s arm, and she looked over. An IV? She followed the tubes to a metal pole, sitting beside a blinking monitor. The hospital. She was in a hospital.
“You ready?”
Sasha rolled her head to the side, looking right into Vinny’s smile. It wasn’t a dream. He was there with her. The back of her mattress raised, and she pushed to keep herself upright. It wasn’t easy. Her arms were like jelly.
“Slow sips,” Vinny said. He lifted a cup to Sasha’s lips, and cold water rushed in, shocking her body with its chill. Her throat sealed shut, and she gagged, coughing water in a spray onto her lap.
“Oh fuck,” Vinny cried out, slamming down the cup and patting Sasha on the back. “Are you okay?”
“What happened?” Her voice came out so raspy she hardly recognized it. After clearing the lumps from her throat, she signaled for more water. This time, she managed to hold her own cup, a feat that seemed to amaze Vinny. “Where’s my mom?”
“What do you remember?” Vinny asked, sitting in the chair stationed beside the bed.
Sasha tried to think back, but memories jumbled in flashes. Dez’s arms, holding her tight. Her mother and Dante, creeping toward her in dark woods. The cellar.
“I fell into the cellar.” Sasha cringed. That was one memory she wished had never returned. She could still feel bones digging into her back, flesh of rotted skulls peeling beneath her fingernails.
Vinny kept one hand firmly planted on Sasha’s waist, leaning closer to brush stands of hair from her forehead. “What were you doing up there?”
It took Sasha a minute to sort through her thoughts, which streamed into her mind all at once and in no particular order. So many cruel glares had been flung her way, and she relived them now in a blur. The image of Candy’s sweet face bursting into bits of pink clumps stopped every other thought, forcing the horror story that was Sasha’s life back into her brain.
“I saw a light, heard voices. My mom and Dante were by the cellar, arguing. The door was open. Dante said…” Sasha squeezed her lips closed. What Dante said to her on that mountain, how he was there to lock her up and steal her baby at her mother’s request, would never leave her mouth. Ever. “I don’t know. Dante said some shit, and my mom grabbed the gun from my hand. I think I tripped and fell into the cellar.”
Sasha sat up, pushing Vinny’s hand off her cheek. “Where’s my mom? Dez?”
She gripped onto her stomach. It felt different. Empty. “My baby.”
“Sasha.” Vinny took her hand, holding so tight Sasha couldn’t jerk away. She didn’t want to hear what was about to flow from Vinny’s mouth. His face said it all.
“Your mother didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.”
“No.” Sasha finally twisted her wrist free, sagging down. Her spine tingled, shooting prickles into her toes. It would’ve been the worst pain she ever experienced, but her splintered heart dulled it to a petty ache. Her mother was dead. That was why the world looked so dark, why a hollow void carved a hole through the center of her chest. Her mother’s light wasn’t around to fill the cracks of Sasha’s soul with warmth. She could never be warm again.
“How?” was the only word Sasha could force from her mouth.
“Ellen took three bullets. By the time we got there, she was dead and you were in the cellar. Dez jumped in, broke his fuckin’ ankle, but we hoisted you out.”
“Am I broken?” Sasha flung the blanket aside and wiggled her toes, sighing as they waved in what might be the most beautiful sight of her life.
“No,” Vinny said, sounding just as surprised as Sasha felt. “Nothing permanent, now that you’re awake.”
Vinny said the last part like it was a miracle. In fact, he looked at her as if she’d risen from the dead.
“I lost my baby.” Sasha wrapped her arms around her stomach, as though she could hug the lost child she’d failed to protect. She’d been able to keep from breaking down, barely, but tears were pushing for release.
“The baby’s fine,” Vinny said, his voice raised as if to pose a question. “He’s, umm—”
Sasha leaned away from Vinny’s nervous stare, her side hitting the bed’s metal rail. “He’s?”
Again, Vinny went straight for Sasha’s hand. The situation was turning creepy and starting to piss her off.
“This is gonna be really weird,” Vinny said, nearly crushing Sasha’s hand with his tight grip. “So just try to stay cool.”