by Delisa Lynn
Hearing her say ‘I love you’ to me felt so damn good. Although she’s drunk off her ass, I know she means it, but there is something going on with her, and I don’t think she has been completely honest with me about the Ian situation. I want to kill that bastard. He better hope I never run into him because he’s going to regret everything he has done.
The cab ride home is silent. Audrey passed out next to me moments after we got into the cab. When we make it back to our building, I try to wake her, but she won’t budge, so I carry her in and lay her in her bed. She’s so beautiful.
I push her hair away from her face and take her shoes off. I find her a shirt to sleep in and slide her dress above her head. Then I slide the shirt over her head.
“Zander, I’m cold. Please hold me,” she says as she reaches for the blanket.
“Okay, give me a few minutes to change and I’ll be back.” I kiss her forehead.
“No, sleep in your panties. Don’t leave me.”
“Panties? Really?” I laugh.
I slide my boots and jeans off and pull my shirt off. I crawl in bed next to her. She snuggles into my chest. As I lay there and hold her, I try to think of a way to stay away from her. As Tatum said, I’ll just hurt her. I never want to hurt her. She’s the only girl I’ve ever, and I mean ever, had feelings for.
As I lay there holding her, I know tonight will be the last night I lay in bed with her. I can’t continue having these feelings for her. The night we shared together will be a night I will never forget. If Tatum hadn’t reminded me, I would have asked Audrey to be mine tonight, and God only knows how that would have played out. I will just continue going to work and my classes and hope that we won’t see each other as much.
When I drift off to sleep, I find myself dreaming of Audrey.
Chapter Eleven
Audrey
I awake with a splitting headache. I’ve been in the bathroom throwing up everything that’s inside of me. Tatum texts me and says she’s going home. I hope nothing happened with her and Evan.
I could have sworn Zander slept in my bed, but he wasn’t here this morning when I woke up. He left aspirin and water on my sink along with a Post-It note that said to take the medicine and drink the water. I started the shower and felt that same sharp pain in my stomach. I’m going to urgent care.
I shower and get dressed. It’s May and it’s kind of warm, so I put on a pair of yoga capris and a tank top with a thin hoodie and I pull my hair up on top of my head. I Google the address for the nearest urgent care facility and call to see if they take my insurance. I call a cab and leave Zander a note so he’ll know I stepped out for a bit when he gets back.
I’m hungry, but I don’t want to eat anything. I damn sure don’t want to be back in the bathroom. I make a cup of Café Mocha coffee. It’s my favorite, but it doesn’t taste so great today, so I just grab a bottle of water.
When I arrive at urgent care, I pay the cab driver and walk inside. It’s small and busy. I sign in and the receptionist takes my ID and insurance card. I fill out a few papers and sit and wait. One of the questions on the paper asks if I could be pregnant, but there’s no way. I’m on the pill and I haven’t slept with anyone in months except…Oh my God, Zander didn’t use a fucking condom.
That motherfucker knocked me up. Oh my God, I can’t be pregnant! There’s no fucking way. My dad will kill me. Just the thought of it is making me even more nauseous. I stand up to run to the bathroom and find a trash can instead.
“Audrey Ridge,” a short lady calls from the door.
“That’s me. I’m sorry, I just got sick in this,” I say, holding the trash can.
“Bring it in with you. My name is Jamie and I’ll be your nurse today,” she says as she motions me to a small room.
“Thank you. I think I have food poisoning.”
“Okay, let’s get your vitals. I’ll also give you a pregnancy test to make sure it’s not that. Your last menstrual cycle was in March? You didn’t have one in April?”
“That’s correct. I take birth control…Well, sometimes. I don’t get my period every month.” I wring my hands together. I do that when I’m nervous and right now, I’m nervous as fuck. I love kids, I do, but I still have almost three years of college left and I’m single. How can I raise a kid and go to school?
“Sweetie, it’s not effective if you don’t take it daily. I’ll need you to give me a urine sample. The bathroom is right around the corner. Just leave this,” she says, referring to the sample cup in her hands, “above the sink and I’ll test it. You can come back in here once you are finished.”
I take the sample cup and walk to the bathroom. I feel like I’m going to faint. I do my business and leave the cup in the cubby hole. I walk back into the room and the doctor comes in. Of course it would be an old man. I’m not a fan of male doctors. They always make me uncomfortable.
“Miss. Ridge, I’m Dr. Lee. Jamie tells me you may have eaten something bad?”
“Yes, sir. I ate some hot dogs and I’ve been throwing up for two days and I keep getting a sharp pain in my stomach.” I point to where the pain is.
“Well, my dear, I don’t think it’s the hot dogs. You’re pregnant, sweetie.”
“I’m what?” I say as I look at him like he just killed my dog.
“You are about four to five weeks along. I will refer you to an OB/GYN. In the meantime, I’ll give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. I’ll also give you a pamphlet with information about adoption and abortion.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll be keeping my child, sir,” I say as I feel tears streaming down my cheek.
“Okay, dear. I’ll meet you out front with the prescription and referral.”
“Thank you, sir.”
I call a cab and walk out to get my information. I’m fucking pregnant. There is a little Zander growing inside of me. Oh dear God, Zander. How the hell do I tell him? All of a sudden, I feel like I can’t breathe. My palms are sweaty and my knees are shaking. I gather all the information from the receptionist and leave.
As I stand outside of urgent care, waiting for my cab, I think about how this will affect everything. What if I tell Zander and he leaves me, just like his dad did to my mother? He’s not the settling down type. My thoughts are interrupted when I get into the cab and the stench of cheap ass cologne hits my nostrils. I manage to throw up outside of the car.
“Sir, I am so sorry to have wasted your time. Here, this should cover the expense.” I hand him fifty dollars. Walking to Walgreens and then home would be better. The walk to the drugstore is about three blocks away. I could use the fresh air.
I can’t stop thinking about the night Zander and I made love. We created a baby that night. I will never forget that night, even if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. I’ve never been with anyone like him. He’s amazing. He says he loves me, but I just can’t let him in.
Chapter Twelve
Zander
Audrey has been acting so goddamn strange lately. I brought a friend home last Friday and I swear I saw tears in Audrey’s eyes. We didn’t even do anything.
I can’t be with anyone. She is all I think about. One of the girls from my physics class wanted me to sleep with her. I turned that shit down. Yeah, I have it bad, real fucking bad.
I notice she’s been taking some sort of medicine. I hope she’s okay. I just don’t fucking get it. She keeps shooting me down.
I’m taking a week off of classes and flying home for a few days. I need to see my parents. You would think, after living in the same area for twenty years that I would be happy to stay away. That’s what I thought, until I started missing everything that I normally saw every day. My momma will be so happy to see me. I’m sure my father will too. He, of course, will put my ass to work.
It’s early, but my flight leaves at nine o’clock, so I cook breakfast and ask Audrey to eat with me. I made eggs, sausage, and toast. She loves Tropicana’s Orange Strawberry Banana juice. I made sure I picked a gallon of tha
t up as well.
I knock on her door. She’s probably still asleep.
“Audrey, darlin,’ I made breakfast. Would you like to join me?”
“Umm, sure. Give me a second and I’ll be out.”
“Okay, I’ll make our plates.”
I head back into the kitchen and prepare our plates. I also know that she likes hot sauce on her eggs, so I pour a little on them. She walks into the kitchen dressed in a pair of yellow sleep shorts and a white tank top. I can see her pink bra through the tank top. My dick salutes instantly. I stand behind the counter because I know she’ll be able to see it.
I need to think of something to get my mind off of her looking good enough to eat. Computers. What the hell? I thought of computers. That should take my mind off her beautiful body. Ahh, yes it did. Down, Milo. Good job.
Yes, I named my Johnson Milo.
“Morning. Sorry I look awful. I didn’t sleep well last night. Thank you for this. It looks amazing.”
“My plane leaves in a few hours, and I thought I would make us breakfast. I’ll be gone for a week. Will you be okay? Evan and Brody are both home if you need anything.” I take a bite of my eggs.
“I’ll be fine. I have a busy week, actually. We just got several new clients at work and I’m in charge of a few new projects. These eggs are so good. You remembered the hot sauce. Thank you.”
“Yeah, Evan was saying that Harrington and Bissell is expanding. Of course I remembered the hot sauce.”
“Fuck, damn it. I’ll be right back.” She takes off running to her room.
“Audrey, are you okay,” I say as I follow her.
“I-I’m fine. Oh fuck, this shit is getting annoying. Oh God, please make it stop.”
I find her kneeling in front of the toilet with her face buried in it. I grab her hair with both hands and kneel down behind her. She’s trembling and crying.
“Princess, are you okay?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl, but thank you. Shouldn’t you get ready for your trip?”
“I don’t want to leave you alone while you’re sick. How long has this been going on?”
“I’m good, it’s just a stomach bug. Go on. Thank you, though.” She stands up and washes her face. I kiss the top of her head and get dressed. I feel bad for leaving her like this, but if she insists she’s okay with being alone, I don’t want to push it.
I walk out of my room and see Audrey cleaning the kitchen. She looks like she’s feeling better. I grab my keys and tell her good-bye.
Before I leave, I bang on Evan’s front door. “Dude, open the door.”
“Do you know what time it is? What the hell do you want?”
“Good to see you too, man.” I pat Evan on the back. “I’m leaving. Can you keep an eye on Audrey for me?”
“Dude, just ask her to be your woman already. I can’t keep tabs on her. She is an adult, you know.”
“She isn’t feeling good, you dick. So just make sure she is okay and doesn’t need anything.”
“Okay, I’m going back to bed. Have a safe trip, brother.”
“Thanks, I’ll try.”
I catch a cab to the airport. This just doesn’t feel right. I feel like I should cancel my trip and stay with her, but she pushes me away no matter how hard I try. I just can’t shake this fucking feeling, though.
Chapter Thirteen
Audrey
All I feel is regret when Zander leaves. I’ve been wanting to tell Zander that I’m pregnant. I just don’t have the fucking balls. I still can’t be with him. I have no doubts he would be great to me and the baby, but my heart just can’t take it if he walks away. Not allowing him in is saving me the heartache.
Today will be the first time in months that I’ve been alone. The cleaning lady is scheduled to arrive any minute. I love that she cleans every inch of the loft. This place gets really dusty. She makes sure it’s dust-free every week.
I take a shower before she arrives. As I stand there, reminiscing about the night Zander and I made love, Sylvia interrupts my thoughts and scares the crap out of me.
“Oh, Miss Audrey, I am so sorry. I thought you would be gone by now.”
“Oh hell, I should be. I lost track of the time. Clean my room last so I can get ready.” I jump out of the shower and run to my closet. While getting ready, I try to think of a way to tell him everything. Maybe I should write a letter or just flat out spill the beans.
***
Audrey
He’s been gone a few days and I can’t stop throwing up. This child hates everything I eat or drink. I swear he or she is going to be as picky as me. Poor kid.
I’m starting to feel a little movement. Last night I was watching music videos and could feel movement in my stomach. I don’t know, maybe it was just indigestion. Evan and Brody comes over and checks on me regularly. I know Zander put them up to it.
Today I’m going shopping. I need to find some pants that fit. All of mine are getting tight. Soon, I’ll have to let everyone know that I’m having a baby. Right now I like the idea of keeping it to myself.
Fucking Ian has been calling again. I swear I should have blown his nuts off before I left home. Hell that probably still wouldn’t have stopped him from calling me. I haven’t told my father or Zander that he’s calling again. I hate to be such a pain in everyone’s ass.
At the mall, I venture into Victoria’s Secret. Fuck, I won’t be fitting into any of these panties in a few months. I get the biggest size they have and then walk over to the PINK section. I get every color of boyfriend sweats and stretchy capris they have. I grab a few new bras too. My boobs are starting to pop out of my current ones. I noticed this morning that my fucking nipples are very tender.
While eating a pretzel at the mall’s food court, I see a young couple holding hands and kissing. When they face me, I see her small baby bump. She’s gorgeous. They look so happy. I rub my small, almost round bump and whisper to my Blossom, “I think I will tell your daddy about you.” I know it’s probably the hormones talking, but fuck…I know I can do this alone, but I don’t want to. I text Zander.
Me: We should talk when you get home. You need anything from the mall?
Zander: Okay, what, you kicking me out? Not that I know of, unless you want to get yourself some sexy lingerie and wear it for me.
Me: No, I’m not kicking you out. In your dreams, playboy. You aren’t coming anywhere near this body.
Zander: We will see about that.
Me: See ya, twatface.
He doesn’t respond. I know he’s laughing at me.
I buy him a Yankees baseball hat. He’s always loved the ‘Yankees.’
After spending the last two hours at the mall, I head home. I’m ready to take a bubble bath. It’s Friday night and I should be going out, but since I can’t drink, my night will consist of a bubble bath followed by my favorite Channing Tatum movies. I also have a pint of gelato.
Evan and Brody are both out. They told me this morning to call them if I needed anything. I almost drop all of my bags while unlocking my door. Finally, I get inside and walk into my bedroom. As soon as I throw the bags on my bed, I hear a knock. Who the hell could it be? Normally people have to be buzzed in.
I walk back into the living room and look through the peep hole, but it’s covered. Fucking men, I tell ya. It has to be one of the guys playing a trick. So, without thinking, I swing the door open. Boy, did I get the surprise of my life.
“Ian? What the fuck do you want?” I ask. I try to close the door back. The harder I push, the harder he pushes forward. Just my damn luck. This fucker would show up and ruin my night.
“Well, I’m happy to see you too, baby. Now, now, don’t shut me out. I told you you couldn’t run too far. I’ve been watching you, baby. I know you miss me.”
“I have a fucking butcher knife and trust me, I’m not afraid to use it on your dumb ass. Now get out before I chop your fucking dick off.” I tremble as I step backward, trying to get the knife. Of c
ourse it’s farther away than I thought.
“Come on, beautiful. Don’t treat me like that. I miss you, baby. I miss us.”
Here we go with this crazy jibber jab. This dude is seriously a few marbles short of a brain.
“There is no us. Are you fucking psycho? How many times do I have to tell you that?” I yell, hoping someone will hear me.
“You are mine, always have been and always will be. So, I hear you have that farm boy living here with you. I know he isn’t here now, though. I knew that would give me a chance to come reclaim what’s mine. You let him fuck my tight pussy?”
He slowly gets closer to me. I grab the knife. I thought I had my phone, but it’s in my purse on my fucking bed. Smart Audrey, real smart.
“Nothing of mine is yours, Ian. I would really hate to kill you, but if you come any closer, I will.” The knife is shaking in my hand. Just as I step back, he lunges at me, making me drop my fucking knife. I fall to the floor, and the pain that shoots through my abdomen is horrific. I hold my stomach and say a silent prayer.
“Stop, don’t make me hurt you. I need you, Audrey. Mmm, I’ve missed that scent of yours. I’ve missed all of this. You gained some weight, haven’t you?” he says, pushing me against the cold, hardwood floor.
“Get off of me! I swear to God and all things good or fucking bad, I will slit your goddamn throat.” Then a light bulb clicks in my head. “Ian, let me up and I’ll show you how much I’ve missed you, baby.” God, please let him believe me.
“Promise me.” He runs his hand over my face. The look in his eyes is scary. He’s a monster.
“I promise I’ll show you exactly how much I missed you.” I slide my hands over the front of his jeans. Ugh, I hate touching him, but to protect myself and Blossom, I have to.
He lets me up and I keep pretending I want him. I push him against the counter and wrap my hands in his hair as I crash my lips into his. Holy fucking yuck, I hate this dirty bastard.