by Joan Davis
Honor got up and did as she was told. She took a hot shower, put on a fresh pair of jeans and an old Frampton Live T-shirt and made her way into Mama Leone’s kitchen. Honor noticed her foster mother’s hair had grown grayer, but her skin remained beautifully smooth as always and the color of deep mahogany. Mama Leone still wore her hair either in a twisted bun, like today, or surrounded by a beautiful turban of colorful fabric.
Honor sat down on one of the small bar stools that lined the kitchen’s center island. Mama Leone put a plate of scramble eggs, bacon and toast down in front of her. “Eat up and then we will talk,” she ordered imperiously. Again Honor did as she was told, and after eating and cleaning up her dishes she followed Mama Leone into the comfortable living room and sat with her on the couch.
Mama Leone stared at Honor for a few moments before nodding. “I have been wondering how long it would take you to return to me. You’ve been gone a long time, my child. I was starting to wonder if I would ever see you again,” Mama Leone stated.
“I’m sorry I stayed away so long, but my work keeps me very busy.”
“That is not what I am referring to, Honor. I lost you long before that. You have buried your real self all these years because of what happened to you. I never faulted you for that. You had so many obstacles and fears to overcome and the world is not a kind place sometimes. You protected yourself the only way you could, but in the process you lost the real you. Maybe, if I had been a better parent I could have done more to help you,” Mama Leone said shaking her head in regret.
Honor’s brow furrowed in pain. “Mama Leone, you were the only thing that held me together back then. Never doubt that. Without you by my side I would have probably ended up in jail or dead in some alley,” Honor said sincerely.
Nodding in gratitude, Mama Leone said, “You became so good at hiding behind that mask, and you know I don’t mean the tattoo. You built up barriers so that no one could hurt you. I knew that you couldn’t live with that wall around you forever. I also knew my Honor was still in there and she would one day want her time in the sun. Eventually something or someone would break those barriers down. Tell me what happened child.”
She fought the urge to run, but it was no use. The time for running was long past. She had to face her demons head on and find out if she was strong enough to beat them. Honor told Mama Leone everything. She talked about her experiences from the time she arrived in Dalton, North Carolina until she arrived on her doorstep. The only things she glossed over were the more intimate moments between her and Gabriel.
“I always knew that you were hiding the truth about what you knew,” Mama Leone said.
Honor shuddered with guilt. “I was so afraid that if I said anything, he’d find me again; and I didn’t want anything to happen to you or any of the other kids. What else could I do? I’m still worried. Please don’t tell anyone.”
“No one is blaming you, my Honor. You did what you had to do to survive. You always have. I won’t say a word, but I just wish I had known. This whole time, you alone have carried such a heavy burden,” Mama Leone said and moved close to pull Honor into her arms.
“It hurts so bad,” Honor choked back a sob.
“You have to allow it to hurt, my Honor. Your soul has awakened from a long sleep and it will not be silenced again. These feelings you are having are good and normal.”
“What am I going to do? Gabriel . . . I can’t . . . why can’t I stop from caring? He thinks that I am helping that monster,” Honor whispered.
“Come now, that’s not what you told me, Honor. You said he told you he knows you aren’t involved with that awful man.”
“How can I believe that? He thought I was a danger to his niece, Lela.” Despair was in every word. “How could he think that?”
“Honor, please think about this from his side. A woman comes into his life after he suffers a great tragedy and he starts to care about her. Then he finds out there is a possible connection between that woman and his enemy. What would you have done? Wouldn’t you have done whatever it took to find out the truth? It was too big of a coincidence, you have to admit.”
“I know, but how can he ever look at me without suspicion? It’s like you said. It’s too big of a coincidence. How can I live with that mistrust?”
“But didn’t you run away before he had a chance to convince you?” Mama Leona asked with an arched brow.
Sighing in frustration, Honor said, “I had to get away, Mama Leone, it was just too much. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I had to get away before something really bad happened. So I came here. You have to understand. I couldn’t stay. It was just too much. I . . ., besides, he’s all wrong for me. He’s domineering and hardheaded, and he just sees this,” Honor waved a hand in front of her face in frustration. “Gabriel doesn’t know when to stop pushing me. He’s just all wrong,” Honor finished, frowning, she looked down and started picking at the seam of her jeans.
“He sounds like a real monster,” Mama Leone said, amused.
Contrarily, Honor couldn’t resist defending Gabriel. “He’s not a monster. He is just . . . He just overwhelms everything. When he’s around me, I can’t think straight. He gets close and all I can do is . . . , Mama Leone don’t laugh. He just gets too close, and then things just blow up,” Honor said, feeling unable to explain her reaction to Gabriel.
Mama Leone smothered her grin. “I think he is the one who found the real you, and you have fought him every step of the way, haven’t you? He doesn’t care about the mask or the tattoo. He is after the real Honor and that terrifies you,” Mama Leone said knowingly.
Honor pulled back and looked at Mama Leone with a frown, but then her face crumpled. “I can’t think straight when he’s near me. He’s going to hurt me so bad, Mama Leone. I can feel it. I want him so much, but I don’t know how to do this, to trust him. He just gets too close.”
“I don’t think you’re afraid of his hurting you. I think you’re afraid of being happy. I think you are afraid he will break down those walls you’ve built so high and he will see the real you, the Honor you have been hiding all this time.”
Honor’s buried her face against Mama Leone’s neck. “What if he doesn’t like what he finds? What if he decides he wants the other version of me? It’s so hard, Mama Leone. I’m so tired. I have been in survival mode for so long, I don’t know anything else. I just want . . . I don’t know what I want anymore.”
Laughing softly, Mama Leone said, “I think you know exactly what you want. I think you are afraid of being hurt, so you ran. You’re going to have to decide if taking a chance on this man is worth the pain it may or may not cause you. You’re going to have to fight back the fear you have lived with for so long, and stop looking over your shoulder, child. Live your life and stop watching it go by you.”
Mama Leone took Honor’s hands. “I will tell you what I would do. I would go back and find out if there is a chance for you and this man. If there is, I would grab him with both hands and go for the ride of my life. You already know what pain and suffering are like. Let them rest for a while and have some fun. Get to know him. Take it as slow or as fast as you want. If he is the man you have described to me, then I think he will not let you get away from him no matter what you do,” Mama Leone said passionately and hugged Honor tight. With a twinkle in her eyes she asked, “Is he good looking?”
Laughing tearfully and blushing, Honor said, “Yes, and he has a really nice body.”
“Well, now that just sweetens the pie,” Mama Leone said with a grin. “Tell me more about this beautiful man.”
Smiling, Honor said, “He is a silent partner in the company where I work. He also works in some kind of capacity for a security company, and he’s raising his niece Lela.”
“That’s all?”
“Well, he loves teasing me and arguing with me. We haven’t really had any in-depth personal conversations. Every time we’re together it’s just . . . I mean, we . . .” Honor groaned. “Please don’t make m
e explain.”
Laughing, Mama Leone said, “So, it is a passionate connection.”
“Yes,” Honor whispered, her face fiery red.
“That is a good thing, my Honor. You must give yourself permission to explore this. I know you find it hard to trust anyone, but you have to decide if this man is worth the risk,” Mama Leone said.
Honor nodded and said softly, “I know.”
Mama Leone suddenly slapped her thigh and said, “Well, I am going to take full advantage of you while you are licking your wounds and making decisions. I have a list of things that need fixing in this beautiful house you helped pay for, my dear. I also have been meaning to go to several new shops around town and need help to carry all the bags from all the purchases I am sure I’ll make. What do you say my Honor?” Mama Leone said, smiling.
Laughing, Honor said, “Of course, I thought you were going to make me leave once you knew I ran to you like a little coward.”
“Oh, there is no harm in going home every now and then when you need comfort. There is no harm in making this Gabriel sweat awhile. It will do him good. Stay as long as you want, but just don’t plan on making it permanent. At some point you will have to face this man of yours and make a decision about whether or not to take a chance with him,” Mama Leone said firmly. “Now let’s get busy. We have many things to do, and we are wasting time sitting here on our behinds.”
As always, where Mama Leone was concerned, Honor did what she was told.
*****
Honor drove back to Dalton that Sunday. She had stayed away for seven days. Mama Leone had not been lying. She had put Honor to work around her house fixing things like sticky door jams, loose handles on drawers, and changing out light fixtures. Though the tasks weren’t difficult, they gave Honor a chance to think about what she wanted in her life.
She knew she wanted to continue living in Dalton and to go on working for Buck at Knight Construction. Gabriel was still an open question. She wanted him, but wasn’t sure she could handle the emotional turmoil he stirred within her. First things first, Honor thought. She drove directly to Buck O’Leary’s house without even going home first. She needed to know if she still had a job.
After parking in Buck’s drive way, Honor walked up to his elegant single-story home. It always surprised Honor when she took in the well manicure lawn and the pristine brick home with its black and white trim. She knew from the many dinners she had shared with Buck and his wife, Evelyn O’Leary, that the inside of their home was just as beautiful.
Honor knocked on the door and waited. Evelyn answered and gave Honor a relieved smile. “Oh it is good to see you back, Honor. We’ve been so worried about you,” Evelyn O’Leary said with a sincere smile.
“I’m so sorry I made you worry. It wasn’t intentional, I promise,” Honor said, smiling at Evelyn. “Is it possible to speak with Buck? I’ll only take a few minutes of his time,” Honor asked politely.
“Of course, Honor. Buck will be so relieved to see you. Come on inside.” Evelyn stepped back to allow Honor to enter.
Honor stayed where she was. “Evelyn I appreciate your invitation, but I think I should just wait for Buck out here, if you don’t mind.”
Looking a little hurt and confused, Evelyn said, “If that’s what you want, let me just get him. I won’t be but just a moment.”
Honor stepped back from the closed front door and waited for Buck to appear. She didn’t feel comfortable just waltzing into his house after disappearing and not bothering to call for a solid week. Damn, it sounds really bad now that I’m thinking about it, Honor thought wincing. Well, I am the one who ran, and I am the one that has to face the consequences. This is going to suck.
Buck O’Leary opened the front door of his home and stepped outside to meet Honor. Looking her up and down for a few moments, Buck finally said, “So I guess I can stop worrying about you lying dead in some ditch along the side of the road somewhere.”
Damn, I was right, this is going to suck, Honor thought. “I’m sorry I took off like that Buck. I had a lot of things I needed to work out, and I couldn’t do it here.”
“So where did you go to work these things out?” Buck asked gruffly, as he crossed his arms over his massive chest in a defensive posture.
“I went home to Georgia.”
Nodding Buck said, “When I sat and thought about it, I figured if it were an emergency you wouldn’t let anyone near you but Mama Leone. How’s the old gal doing?”
Honor smiled. “She is real good, Buck. She lives in a nice little neighborhood in Atlanta and keeps busy with friends and her charity work.” Honor didn’t say that Mama Leone said to tell Buck that she insisted he give Honor her job back. Somehow that didn’t seem wise.
Buck smiled but then he got serious. “So is this going to be a regular thing with you? Are you going to start taking off on me and your job every time you get a hang nail?” Buck demanded.
“No sir, it won’t happen again,” Honor answered respectfully.
“You know I have to dock your pay for last week, don’t you?” Buck asked.
“Yes sir, I didn’t expect anything less.”
“I’m going to have to clear this with Sam. He isn’t happy that you just abandoned your job,” Buck said.
“I understand. I know it wasn’t professional on my part. If I’m given a second chance, I will try to make it up to you both,” Honor said sincerely.
“You may have issues with Paul. He’s had to cover for you,” Buck said, letting her know that her shoes weren’t too big to fill.
“I’ll try to smooth things over with him. I’m glad he was able to step in when you needed him to,” Honor said. If Paul thinks I’m going to just hand over my job to him he’s crazy, Honor thought, as her ego reared its ugly head.
“Monday morning, 7:00 a.m. and don’t make me regret this, little girl,” Buck said with a little humor.
Honor smiled at the old memory those words evoked. “No sir, I won’t let you down.” She turned to leave.
“Honor? You get everything worked out?” Buck asked in concern.
“Some things, Buck, but I’m working on the rest,” Honor said. “You and Evelyn have a good night, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” With that Honor headed home.
*****
Honor had been back to work for a week when Risa called her for a lunch date at Maybell’s. It was Saturday and Honor had to do a lot of running around to catch up on her errands, so it was a perfect day to have lunch with a friend. Honor smiled at the thought. She realized she did consider Risa a friend. It felt good.
Honor’s hair was down and its thick dark brown waves tumble down her back. She wore a sleeveless white button-down shirt that hugged her curves, a nice pair of dark blue jeans and a pair of white tennis shoes. She was hoping to convince Risa to do a little window shopping with her today. Who am I kidding? I’m after some retail therapy, Honor thought with her credit and debit cards vibrating happily in her little back pack.
When Honor walked into Maybell’s she spotted Risa sitting at one of the garden-view tables in the back of the restaurant. She also noticed two tall blond women standing over her, and Risa did not look happy. Honor approached slowly and listened.
“What is it with you, LuAnne? Do you lie in wait to attack all of Maybell’s customers, or do you just save it all for me?” Risa asked.
“Oh, I don’t know what you mean, Risa,” LuAnne said, trying to sound innocent. “I merely asked if you would be interested in coming over to my salon and spa and trying out one of our skin treatment regimens for your back. I know how sensitive you are about it. I’ll even give you a discount for the first visit; I do believe that charity starts at home,” LuAnne said and shared a smirk with her blond friend.
Honor saw Risa tense as she tried to hide her hurt with her words. “You mean like the charity you inflicted on poor Mrs. Widden? I hear she had to go all the way to Charlotte to correct the purple mess you made of her hair. LuAnne, believe me, your f
orm of kindness and caring are just about legendary in this town,” Risa said. Her tone was mocking.
“That was not the fault of my shop. It was an unfortunate error with the coloring manufacturer,” LuAnne said frowning.
“Whatever, LuAnne. Just give it up. I have no desire to step into your spider web. Go bother someone else for a while,” Risa said, exasperated.
LuAnne shook her head in mock distress. “I hope I haven’t offended you in some way. You’re so fragile. You won’t send Sam after me, I hope. I know how protective he is of you. You don’t think he’d hurt me do you? I’d hate to have to call the police for assault,” LuAnne said and snickered to her friend.
“Sam would never hit a woman but I wouldn’t have any trouble taking you out, Roxanne,” Honor said purposely getting LuAnne’s name wrong. She had come up to them and was standing directly behind the two blonds. Out of the corner of her eye, Honor saw the waitress who had been approaching their table make a perfect U-turn and head back to the counter upon hearing Honor’s statement.
Both blond women swung around in surprise. Honor topped them by a good three inches and stood looking down at them with an intimidating posture. She moved forward into their personal space and forced them both to back up a step. “Do we have a problem here, ladies?” Honor asked with an arched brow.
LuAnne tried for bravado. “My name is LuAnne, thank you very much, and this is none of your business,” she said haughtily.
Honor stared at her for a good five seconds before stepping forward until her face was only inches away from LuAnne. “Well, I’ll tell you what, Roxanne. I hear you and your little friends have been talking smack about me all around town, and now I find you harassing my good friend Risa. Now normally I wouldn’t care considering how little you really matter in the grand scheme of things, but for today I’m going to make a little exception,” Honor said. She gave LuAnne a rather wicked smile. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Risa sitting with her chin propped up on her hand, enjoying the show.