He sighed. “I'm sorry Ashley... I'm just... I'm just not good enough...”
She turned over to him, feeling annoyed. “Charles, that's exactly your problem- you're too good! You think because you're one of the good guys that you have to be 'good' in sex too... But for sex to be good you have to get in and get a little bit...” She reached down and grabbed for his manhood beneath the covers. “Naughty... Oh, for crying out loud, you're limp already? It's been two seconds since you pulled your cock out of me!”
“I'm sorry...”
“Oh, for- Don't be sorry you idiot! Get mad! Fuck me like an animal! Use your superhuman strength to tear me in two! Plow me so hard I can't walk for two weeks, and then turn me around and plow me again until I can't sit for two weeks! Suck on me, pull me apart, rip me open, slap me across the fucking face! I want you to make me writhe in agony on top of your rock hard cock, then shove it down my throat so far I pass out short of breath. I want you to fuck me like the man you really are...”
She grabbed his hands and pressed them both against hear sweaty breasts, and he began to stroke them, caressing them up and down, feeling the nipples grow erect between his fingers. She tilted back her head and moaned, closing her eyes, taking in the sensation she'd so long been craving.
She reached down again for him in order to return the favor, in a hopeful attempt to get things moving again. She pumped and pumped and pumped for a few minutes, and she absolutely loved the sensation of him growing within her grasp- he really did have a superhuman cock when he ever managed to get it up, and she loved that she could barely keep holding onto it with just one hand by the time it grew fully ripened.
“Feed me,” she whispered in his ear, and she ran a series of kisses down along his muscular body, arriving finally at his groin in order to ingest her creation.
She heard him sigh through his nose as she took her first lick, then pumped him up and down a few more times before swallowing him wholesale. She used one hand to pull back her hair behind her ears, then began bobbing her head forcefully back and forth along his shaft, her tongue lapping him at all the right moments, both of them loving it every time his erection managed to slide halfway down her throat, gagging her. Every few minutes she pulled it out to catch her breath, her slick, beautiful fluids forming long gooey tendrils from her mouth to his cock, and then plunging back down in to happily continue with her work.
And then, at last, having gotten fully aroused, Captain Splendor took full initiative in their lovemaking.
“Get on your knees,” he said in a satisfyingly low voice, and his long-awaited assumption of authority made Ashley instantly moist between the legs.
He dominated her. Ashley completely lacked the mercy of her own self control, and when she would normally have come up for air to keep herself from gagging, her master kept going, slamming her head back and forth against him with her hair pulled back tight in his fist, fluids dribbling down the corners of her lips, her eyes filling with tears. And God, oh God how she loved it.
At last he pulled himself out from between her lips leaving a long sticky trail down her front, and before she could even finish coughing, he pushed her roughly over against the bed, then forced her face down into the blankets. Why couldn't they have just done it like this to begin with, she wondered?
He proved equally unscrupulous in plowing her from behind as he was in stuffing himself down her face. She melted in his arms when he let his true strength show through. He pummeled her exactly as the animal she'd requested him to, using his superhuman strength and speed to send her body sliding all the way up and all the way back down along his shaft, creating a God-almighty suction on exit and penetrating her deepest fortresses on re-entry. She could feel her sweaty body going numb under his forceful thrusting, the only sensation she felt being the just-so-wonderful explosion of sensation bursting out between her legs.
She didn't like to seem this shallow, but this, right here, was the one absolute greatest perk to dating a superhero. Not the greater good, not the fight for justice or the feeling that you were doing something that mattered in this world, but the sex. The hot, juicy, mind-numbing, skin-melting, bone-crushing sex.
She could hear her own moans echoing fiercely throughout the bedroom, could feel the pleasure of orgasm beginning to rear its head...
And then she felt the hot, almost burning sensation of Captain Splendor spilling over inside of her, and almost immediately pulling back out from between her legs. She watched as he slid past her, sulking onto the covers and stuffing his head beneath the pillow at the top of the bed.
He always cried after sex.
Sighing and unsatisfied, she reached into her bedside table, pulled out a vibrator, and made her way to the bathroom to complete New York's greatest superhero's halfway unfinished job in the shower.
Chapter 2
“Charles... Charles...”
No response.
“Ugggghhhhh... Captain Splendor?”
“What do you want?” he asked, his voice muffled by the pillow.
“Get your ass out of bed please. There's trouble going on, someone's flashing the Splendor Signal in the sky.”
“Fuck the Splendor Signal. I'll probably just mess things up like I always do...”
“Oh, shut up you goddamn crybaby. They wouldn't be sending you the signal if they thought you were going to mess things up, now would they?”
“What do they know? Leave me alone...”
“Ugh, just get your ass up and I'll dress you...”
He mumbled something under his breath but obeyed, rising naked from the bed like a zombie. It was infuriating to Ashley to have to gawk at his perfect body and know that he'd always be afraid to do anything useful to her with it.
“Lift your feet,” she commanded, and with hollow eyes he obeyed, lifting one leg at a time as she pulled his first pair of underwear onto him. “Christ, you're like a goddamn child...”
She hated trying to wrestle his limp, noodly self into the tights he wore as a superhero. They were hell to get on him to begin with, but even more so when he didn't care all that much about being helpful in getting them on.
“Ugh,” she grunted, finally getting them on him. “Now the second underwear,” she said, because all superheroes seemed to wear underwear overtop of their outfits, and he'd decided early on in his career that he should as well. He stepped into them, one leg at a time, and she pulled them up around his waist.
“Okay, and the cape...”
“I don't wanna wear the cape,” he whined. “It itches my neck...”
“You're wearing the damn cape! God, what kind of superhero are you, anyway? You call yourself Captain Splendor yet you can't even get a hard-on in the bedroom, you won't dress like a superhero, you don't even want to go when someone calls you for help!”
“I'm no help to anyone...”
“God, Charles, you're about as helpful to everyone as anyone is ever going to be, but you're not going to get any better if you just sitting around moping in our apartment all day! Now, are you going to sit around like a pussy while innocent people fight your battles for you, or are you going to act like a man and go fight back against the evil you've sworn yourself to hating so much?”
“Fine...” he sighed, and took the cape from her hands, tying it sloppily around his neck. “But I'm not flying there though... I don't feel like it now... I'm taking the subway.”
“Oh, for... You always end up getting lost on the subway, then you end up calling me and I have to come get you!”
“You come with me then,” he sulked, “And I won't have to get lost.”
“Alright, fine. But we're leaving right now! Just so you know you're pretty much the exact opposite of what a superhero should be in just about every way... If this is what being 'good' means, then I'm getting pretty damn tired of it...”
“Wake me up when we get there,” he said once they'd finally sat down on the subway, and fell asleep as soon as it started moving. Ashley rolled her eyes, buryi
ng her head in her hands, not wanting to acknowledge the looks they were drawing from the subway goers all around them.
Chapter 3
“The day of reckoning for this city is upon you!” shouted Blaq, because that is what evil villains shout, as his minions unloaded a series of gold bricks from a bank vault into their duffle bags, because that is what an evil villain does. He didn't actually believe in any sort of ideology or justifications for his actions, and he genuinely didn't have any higher motives for what he was doing with his life. Blaq was a villain because he had thought it would make him cool, like all villains do, and it had. Because all villains are cool, precisely because they are bad.
He casually debated with himself whether or not he should pick off an arbitrary hostage as an example to the others, but decided that this wouldn't be a cool thing to do. Picking off a hostage is only cool if your evil plan is crumbling apart and you need to release pent up frustration by making a grand display of your powers, or if the hostage you're picking off thinks he can resist you because he has the forces of justice on his side. Doing so under any other circumstances is just messy, and you pose the risk of getting blood all over the front of your cool uniform. This, of course, is not a cool thing to do.
“Not so fast!” said a voice behind him, because that is what voices such as this one say to cool supervillains. Blaq turned.
“Well, well, well,” he said, because that is what cool supervillains say when superheroes show up to foil their plans unannounced, “Captain Splendor, how nice of you to show up late to my party! Might I say, you're looking very well-rested...”
“I had a nap on the way over...” he responded intensely but with misplaced theatricality, and Ashley had to squeeze the bridge of her nose in order to prevent the coming on of a tension headache nearby.
“I suppose you foolishly think you're here to stop me now, don't you?”
“I suppose that you suppose the wrong one of us is the fool doing the supposing, I suppose...”
“I don't suppose you know what you're talking about, now do you?”
“I suppose you'll just have to find out...” said Captain Splendor, and lunged wildly forward to attack Blaq mid-sentence.
Blaq stepped casually out of the way to avoid his collision, and Captain Splendor missed, flying at full speed into the door of the bank vault, sending a reverberating metallic thud across the bank corridor, and landing hazily on the polished marble floor.
“That wasn't very cool of you,” said Blaq, shaking his head. Captain Splendor's limp body lay half-sprawled through the door of the vault, and Blaq used his foot to nudge him all the way inside, then closed the door shut behind him, sealing him inside. “I hadn't really planned on making any deposits while I was here, but that's okay with me.” He tapped on the door with his hand as though to wish him farewell. “Alright boys, let's roll out!”
“Charles!” screamed Ashley from the street, having caught the entire scene through the crumbling front wall of the bank. “You sick bastard!!”
Blaq turned suddenly, noticing Ashley for the first time. “Yes, that's me?” he said as though his name had been called and he was looking for the caller. “Well, hello there... What have we got here? I see ol' Cappy's found himself a pretty little face to carry around on his arm...”
“You stay away from me, you creep!” she said, as he floated over toward her.
He flashed her an evil, black-eyed grin, a little bit too seductive for her to want to admit, and she felt her knees weaken slightly beneath his smoldering gaze.
“Sweety, if I want someone, they eventually come to me. I don't have to lift a finger to try and coerce them... Unless they want me to...” and he licked his lips slightly.
She gasped instead of inhaling normally, shocked and taken aback by what she was suddenly somehow feeling, and spat at him as a knee-jerk reaction, “Go to hell!”
“Certainly,” said Blaq, as though he'd known for certain that this was exactly what she would say, and felt immensely satisfied for having predicted it so transparently. “But you're more than welcome to come along and see what all the fuss is about...”
Ashley's lip quivered. She didn't understand what was happening. Her boyfriend, the unquestionable good guy, had just crashed himself into a wall and lay passed out on the floor of a locked bank vault, and here she was checking out the man he'd been trying to stop with his heroics. This pure manifestation of evil, symbol of everything she opposed in this world. His black eyes, that malicious smile. That black, slicked-back hair... That muscular torso... Firm buttocks... The bulge in his costume...
Dammit, how the hell was she swooning for this man?
He hovered over to her, placing his head inches from her own. “If you ever decide you want to ditch that clown and come over to the dark side...” he whispered, and flicked a black business card over her quivering shoulder. “Feel free to give me a ring... I promise you you'll have a lot more fun...”
She hardly knew what she was doing as she took the card from him with trembling hands, barely discerning the word BLAQ written across it in all caps along with a phone number below, and placed it quakingly into her purse.
At the bottom of the bank vault, Captain Charles Splendor rose to his feet in a stupor, shaking off his concussion, and focusing with intensity on the metal door that contained him. He squinted and braced himself, and two hot red beams of light came blasting out of his eyes, penetrating the steel of the vault. He scissored out an imperfect ring of molten metal until it looked able to be kicked out, then charged forward at it at full speed.
WHAM.
It always took some degree of humiliation to get Captain Splendor out of his hopeless mindset, and impregnate him with the unwavering attitude of a victor.
“You get your filthy hands off her, you son of a bitch!”
He shot like a bullet through the broken facade of the bank, and collided fist-first with Blaq's thick chest, knocking him back several feet from his girlfriend.
Ashley shrieked, thinking she should feel relief that Charles was alright, but feeling even more guilty because she did not, and was afraid that he might have seriously injured Blaq with his blow.
“Minions, disperse!” Commanded Blaq as the two of them wrestled in midair, “I will deal with this fool on my own...” And his many masked goons fled the chaotic city street, retreating to safety with their bags full of treasure.
There was nothing Ashley could do but look on in stunned horror, wishing that neither party in this battle would win, but knowing that one of them must.
They zoomed back and forth between buildings. Splendor smashing Blaq into a window. Blaq smashing Splendor into a window washer, who fell but landed safely on a conveniently placed fabric awning. Splendor threw a punch at Blaq's eye, missing and barely grazing his ear instead. Blaq threw a punch back and gave Splendor a black eye. Splendor shot a laser across Blaq's front, searing a glowing diagonal line across his chest. Blaq placed his hands in front of him, gathering in a beam of light from nowhere, and blasted it forward toward Splendor. Splendor flew down several blocks, smashing through office building after office building, until finally landing with a loud slap between the faces of two witches on a Wicked billboard. With a gummy thud he landed face first on the ground, and Blaq saw that his worries were more or less over for the day. He floated serenely back down to Ashley, her chest heaving despite having had no direct participation in the battle, and presented her with the wickedest of smiles.
“You see, there is no true merit to being the good guy in life. 'Goodness' is something that the weak idolize because they think it will protect them. It is therefore impossible to ever achieve true power without one becoming a bit... Naughty, first...” He gave her a horrible, wonderful look, and she could almost feel him undressing her with his eyes, violating her in the most profane of ways... Or rather, she was imagining him standing naked in her bedroom, tearing off her clothes and then the two of them humping like rabbits, so she hoped and assumed in spi
te of herself that he was envisioning the exact same thing.
She shuttered.
“Give me a call sometime if you want to know exactly what it is I can offer you... I can promise you wholeheartedly that you will leave with more than just a smile on your face... If you decide to leave at all, that is...”
She tried to open her mouth to say something, but it occurred to her that there was absolutely nothing she could say to this most absurd and perfect offer.
“Just something to think about, love. Good day to you.”
And with that he was gone, soaring off into the sky, leaving Ashley stunned and in shock for a moment before coming to her senses, and running down the streets of Manhattan to go and scrape up the gummy mess of her boyfriend.
Chapter 4
Ashley's contemplation of infidelity was made much more defined by Charles' attitude over the course of the following week. Following his defeat at the hands of the man with whom she was half-intent upon making him a cuckold, Captain Splendor lay moping around his apartment for days, at first refusing to take off his uniform, and then lying around on the couch in nothing but his inner underwear, refusing to leave the living room, doing whatever the opposite of affirmation exercises are.
“I suck... I just totally and completely suck, and I always will...”
And of course, there was no sex whatsoever. Twice he'd asked Ashley to give him a handjob on the couch, and both times she'd done so for him out of sheer pity and guilt. But the only thing that she managed to get between her legs during that week-long dry spell was plastic and battery-operated, with the exception of a day when she'd happened to stop by a fresh produce stand and picked up a particularly well-endowed cucumber after work. She was both embarrassed and mildly turned on the next day when she found out Charles had ended up discovering the recently deflowered vegetable in the fridge, and eaten the end she'd used on herself in a BLT sandwich. It wasn't quite the same thing really as being eaten out, but at this point she would settle for whatever small titillation from this man that she could get.
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