“I know we haven’t talked about him in forever, but—”
“Of course I remember him!” Miranda sat up straight. “I remember every extraordinarily hot dude.”
“He was extraordinarily hot,” I replied wistfully.
“Not as hot as Idris Elba.”
“True,” I laughed.
“Back to this officer. He looked like Cole? Wasn’t Cole a cop?” Miranda refocused.
“He was a deputy, but it obviously wasn’t Cole. The officer was way too young, but there was an uncanny resemblance. At least to me. Mom didn’t say anything, but maybe she didn’t see it.” I shifted in the chair, knowing I probably shouldn’t ask what I was getting ready to. “Do you . . . do you know if he’s still around?”
“He stayed in college, but I didn’t have any classes with him after econ. And he did ask about you often and was pretty persistent, but . . . you also know how that went down.” Miranda knocked a braid off her cheek. “I haven’t seen him in years. I’m pretty sure he’s not a deputy any longer, at least not around here.”
“Oh.” A weird twisting motion lit up my chest. It felt like disappointment. Which made no freaking sense. Not like I came home expecting to rekindle a decade-old romance. Cole was probably long gone from here, married with a boatload of kids. At least he deserved that, a happily ever after. He was a good guy; the best kind.
Miranda eyed me intently like she’d done a hundred times, seeing right through me. “Do you still have his number? Probably the same. People don’t change their numbers.”
“I don’t have his number. When I changed mine, I dumped all the contacts,” I admitted, a little bit ashamed by that little factoid. “And even if I did, I so would not call him.”
“Chicken.”
I chuckled. “Come on, calling him after ten years would be super weird.”
“You could just check out Facebook and see if he has an account.” Miranda paused, lips curling up at the corners. “You so have checked it out to see if he has an account, haven’t you?”
Heat splashed across my cheeks. “Maybe I have.”
Miranda waited.
“Okay. Fine. Whatever. I did a while ago. Never could find one.”
“Interesting,” Miranda murmured.
Not really. Kind of just sad and a bit pathetic.
Miranda stayed for a little while longer, leaving when dinner service was about to get started. I had just enough time to change into a pair of denim jeans. The flip-flops and sweater remained, and I’d taken a few extra minutes to let my hair down, run a brush through the waves and slather some lipstick on.
All the guests were in attendance for dinner, so we were constantly on the move. When the last guest packed up, it was close to eight, and all I could think about was face-planting onto my bed. Hopefully I’d actually sleep for longer than four hours.
With all the dishes cleared from the tables and the linens changed, I was replacing the tea candles on the table with new unlit ones when Mom returned to the dining room.
“Did you get a chance to grab something to eat?” she asked.
“Yes,” I answered with a soft laugh. Mom. Always mothering. “I grabbed some chicken. Sort of feared for my life when James caught me.”
“He’s a little rough around the edges. You remember that.” Taking two of the small candles from me, she placed them in the glass holder. “But he’s a damn good cook and I love when . . .”
When she trailed off, I looked over at her as I placed the last candle on the table near the fireplace. The expression on Mom’s face was odd. Like she was caught between wanting to pass out and do a happy dance. And I’d seen her do a happy dance before. Knees up. Arms out. It was something else.
Her gaze was fixed on something beyond my shoulders as she said, “Oh my word . . .”
Brows snapping together, I turned around and everything—everything—stopped. The entire world ground to a halt. My heart skipped a beat, possibly even stopped. For real. I lifted a hand, pressing the heel of my palm into the center of my chest.
A ghost from my past stood in front of me.
It was Cole Landis.
Chapter 5
There was a good chance I might be hallucinating. Perhaps I’d tripped over a chair leg, fallen and hit my head on the river-stone fireplace. That seemed more possible than Cole actually standing in front of me.
But I hadn’t smacked my head off of anything.
He really was there, and it was unbelievable, and oh my sweet Jesus, the years had been extraordinarily kind to him.
I was struck by his rugged attractiveness.
Gone was the boyish handsomeness that had clung to his face the last time I’d seen him. In its place were sharper cheekbones and blue eyes even more piercing behind thick lashes. The proud, arrogant line of his nose was slightly crooked now, as if it had been broken at some point. Those lips of his . . . oh sweet Lord, those lips were still full. The hard line of his jaw was covered with stubble, adding to the roughness of his striking face. His light brown hair was buzzed into a messy fade, a little longer than I remembered.
He was . . . more, uh, defined.
His biceps stretched the worn cotton of the red flannel shirt he wore. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing powerful forearms. The flannel was unbuttoned and underneath was a crisp white shirt. His waist was trim and it took no leap of imagination to know that underneath the plain shirt was anything other than plain.
“It’s really you,” he stated.
My world stopped for a second time. His voice. Oh my God, his voice had deepened and it was rougher, raspier, but it was his voice.
“I didn’t believe it.” Cole stepped forward, and every muscle in my body locked up. “Part of me didn’t even want to believe it in case he was wrong, but he wasn’t. It’s you.”
All I could do was stare as my heart slammed in my chest as if it was trying to beat its way out of me. I knew I needed to get my tongue to work, but I was shocked into silence.
Unfortunately, Mom wasn’t.
“Well, this is a surprise,” she said, announcing the obvious. “Isn’t it, Sasha?”
I nodded slowly as Cole stared at me with those pale eyes. My throat dried. I really needed to say something, but I was thinking of my nightmare the night before, of the last time I saw him.
“I would’ve called the inn first.” Cole’s gaze flickered to Mom briefly before settling on me with an intensity that caused my entire body to flush hot. It had always been like that. He had such power in a single stare. Could send you running in the opposite direction or draw you right in like a magnet. “But I figured not calling was a better avenue to take.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, I got what he was saying. He’d thought that if I knew he was coming, I wouldn’t have been here, and the sad thing was, I couldn’t say if that was the truth or not. Realizing that snapped me out of my stupor. “How did you know I was back?”
Cole’s eyes widened slightly and those full, expressive lips parted, and it appeared he was the one now struck quiet.
“Well.” Mom cleared her throat. “I’m going to go . . . do stuff,” she said, and then pivoted around, hastily slipping through the pocket door.
Neither of us moved.
Alone and together for the first time in a decade, we stared at one another. The last time we’d seen each other, he’d kissed me. He’d called me babe and said he would be waiting for me. I never called. Never made it home to do so.
It was Cole who spoke first. “Derek told me you were home.”
Derek? It took me a moment to recall who that was. “The cop from this morning?”
“Yeah.” He was staring at me like he’d never expected to see me again—like he’d hoped that he would but hadn’t placed a lot of faith in that hope. “He’s my cousin.”
Well, that explained why I’d thought of him when I saw Derek this morning. Their family was rocking some powerful genes. But I didn’t know why he’d immediately called C
ole.
Or why he was here.
“And he called you about . . . about me?” I asked, folding my arms across my waist. It was that moment when I remembered I was wearing a sweater that most likely added twenty pounds to me. Nice. At least I’d brushed my hair earlier.
Cole nodded, started to step forward again, but stopped. “Do you have time to talk?”
Opening my mouth, I stopped myself a half a second before I said no. That was my first instinct. To shut down communication with him, because that was what I’d done before, what I always did when I felt even the littlest bit confronted by my past.
But Cole wasn’t the bad guy.
He had never been the bad guy.
I drew in a shaky breath and then ran the tip of my tongue along my bottom lip. “Okay. I mean, yes. I have time.” I gestured toward the opening with a trembling hand. “We can sit in there.”
“Perfect.” His gaze remained on me for a few moments, long enough to cause my cheeks to flush, and then he turned.
So many questions rose to the surface as we walked out in the sitting area. Did he still live here or had he driven in? Was he still a cop or had he made it to federal level, like he had planned in college? Did he get married and have kids?
My heart was still racing as I made my way to the wingback chair near the fireplace. As he sat across from me, my gaze dropped to his left hand. I didn’t mean to. I had no control over it. I zeroed in on his ring finger. No wedding band or indentation indicating one was recently removed.
My stupid heart did Mom’s version of a happy dance.
Okay. I really needed to not be concerned with any of that, because that was an extreme case of putting the cart before the horse.
Cole checked out the sitting room. “This place has really changed.” His gaze settled on me. “I haven’t been back here since . . . well, since you left.”
“Me either.” I mentally cursed. Of course I hadn’t been here. He knew that. I was frazzled. Sitting across from one another was almost too overwhelming. Part of me wanted to get up and run. The other half was curious . . . and excited. My stomach dipped again.
Way too excited.
“You didn’t come back, not even once?” he asked, rubbing the heel of his palm across his sternum.
Inhaling deeply, I shook my head. “No. My mother visited me. So did Miranda.”
“Miranda.” The corners of his lips tipped up and then quickly straightened out. “I remember her. It’s good to know you did keep in touch with her.”
He actually sounded like he meant that, and I found that strange considering I’d disappeared on him. I couldn’t blame him if he harbored resentment. He’d done nothing wrong and I—well, I had been a mess.
I started to respond, but I couldn’t believe he was actually sitting here in front of me. Those thick lashes lifted, and our gazes collided. I quickly averted my eyes, focusing on his shoulder as I clasped my hands together. “So, um, why did Derek contact you?”
He dropped his hand to the arm of the chair as he laughed or coughed under his breath. I wasn’t sure. “Derek was young back then, but he knew you and I were seeing each other. He remembered who you were.”
“Oh,” I whispered, shifting my attention to the fireplace. Looking at him was . . . God, it was hard, too hard. He represented a future that never came to fruition.
“He remembered how much I was into you,” he continued. “Everyone in my family knew it.”
Whoa.
Wow.
He just put that right out there.
The gas-created flames rippled behind the glass as I tried to figure out how to respond to him. Guessing it wouldn’t be cool for me to admit I tried to Facebook stalk him one or twenty times with no success over the years, I decided it was time to change the subject. “So, he’s a cop like you?” I peeked at Cole, finding him watching me intently. I wasn’t sure he’d taken his gaze off me for longer than a few moments. “Or are you not a cop anymore?”
“I work for the FBI now,” he explained.
My smile wasn’t forced as it raced across my face. “That’s what you wanted to do. Congratulations.”
“Back at you.” He slid a long-fingered hand along the teal arm of the couch. “You’re finally doing what you always planned.”
I blinked, jolted by the fact he remembered this piece of information about me. “Yes. I . . . I am.” Our eyes met again, and I coughed out a laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m just—I didn’t expect you.”
“That’s understandable. I probably could’ve waited a day, but when Derek told me you were here . . .” He trailed off, dipping his chin as he looked up at me through his lashes. “I didn’t want to wait. I had to see you. After so long, I had to see that you were really . . . okay.”
See if I was okay.
Oh man, my heart swelled and deflated at the same time, and I didn’t even know what to make of those conflicting emotions. His concern was as sweet as a warm spring day and it was as suffocating as an itchy blanket.
“You look amazing,” he said, and then he laughed as my eyes widened. “That was awkward, wasn’t it? I don’t care. It’s the truth. You’re as beautiful—no, more beautiful than I remembered.”
My entire face burned as my lips parted.
“Are you involved with anyone?” he asked, catching me off guard. “That also came out of nowhere, huh?”
“No,” I answered without thinking. “I mean, I’m not seeing anyone.”
His answering smile was slow, and damn it, it caused my chest to pitch in the most delightful way. “Me neither.”
I’d guessed that earlier when I’d been checking out his ring finger. “Thank you—for the compliment.” My fingers ached from how tightly I was clenching my hands together. “You look amazing too. Better than before.” I winced. “I mean, you looked good then too, but now . . . I’m just going to stop.”
That half grin appeared and his blue eyes warmed. “Don’t stop on my account.”
I needed to stop, so I refocused. “Um, so do you still live around here?”
He nodded. “Yep. In Falling Waters. Have a home there.”
“That’s nice.” And I meant it, but a second later, I stalled out on what to say. Talking to Cole had never been hard, not in the past, but now I found my words stilted and cautious. I just didn’t know what to say or do.
Cole didn’t appear to notice. “Is everything all right with your car? Derek told me your windows were busted out.”
“I called the insurance company and they’re sending someone out. They’re going to cover everything.” I paused, looking down at my hands. My knuckles were bleached white. “It was so strange. They broke out the windows, but didn’t take my laptop, which was right on the backseat.”
“Sounds like a few kids with too much time on their hands,” he replied.
“That’s what your cousin said,” I murmured, lifting my gaze.
His chest rose with a deep breath. Several seconds passed. “Are you okay, Sasha? Really okay?”
Oh God, there it was again. That question. The question everyone who knew who I was always ended up asking, and hearing that question come from Cole was what I had been avoiding for the last ten years. That was obviously why he was here. My spine stiffened. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
Those eyes moved over my face as if he were memorizing every inch. Another stretch of tense silence rolled out between us, and I wondered if he even believed my answer. How could I be okay? I knew that some people couldn’t understand how I could be okay after what had happened and they treated me like I was some kind of broken creature. It was why no one I met outside of this state ever knew about my past.
“I thought about that night.” His voice carried a heavy weight. “A lot.”
“Cole—”
“Should’ve walked you to your car that night,” he continued, gaze unwavering. “Biggest damn regret of my life right there.”
Oh God.
Leaning away, I pressed into the back of the
chair. I wanted to run from the room, from what he was saying, but it was too late.
Till Death Page 5