After graduation, Natasha went to college, but always remembered her senior high school English teacher, the man of her dreams as an angel beyond her grasp. He had a girlfriend by the end of the year, and so she never told him how she felt, even though she had spent hours drawing him, masturbating about him, and studying for him. As a result, as the autumn leaves would fall, she would feel embraced by him, kissed by him; caught up in a world of sexuality, art, and literature.
Then in college, she had three dreams and felt that she had a destiny to love an English teacher, and so when she met Prof. Aragon, she fell instantly in love, as she observed his crisp, cold sensuality of professionalism, her dreams made sense. As she would watch him, she admired everything about him; the shape of his thighs, buttocks, and his tall and lean frame. He embodied everything she wanted. His face embodied beauty despite his thin lips, and ordinary features. His face contained an unusual grace.
Natasha felt a love for Prof. Aragon, partially, because he represented everything the opposite of her step mother. He was English, while she was South American, he was blonde while she was a brunette, he was a tall man, while she was a short woman. She knew from knowing him that her step mother was insignificant. His straight Anglo features beautifully contrasted with his pale skin in a way that made Juliet’s hatred and personality inconsequential. Juliet’s rounded nose, and prominent round lips seemed meaningless, as in her memory they only always symbolized hate. Juliet’s brown eyes seemed to float away to nothingness next to the bright blue of her professor’s. His hair seemed to contain a variety of color and at times his pale skin seemed to be made of flower petals, melting from lilies to roses depending on his mood. He wore glasses, but they only made him seem more sophisticated, but at the same time vulnerable; and therefore, a love grew in her towards him. He taught English, and therefore seemed even more intoxicating because of the interesting subject matter which he seemed to embody. As she watched him teach, her love grew for him constantly.
Despite having a normal love and lust for men, Natasha, also felt a desire for sadism, and enjoyed a strong masochism. Her masochism had started when her puberty began. She had discovered the word masturbation through a movie, and after being taught to hate herself for sex, images of violence crossed her mind together with her sexuality. She would masturbate to quench a hunger in her groin, and instead of being able to imagine young men, she imagined subjugation, humiliation, and punishment; because that was the only way that her body would allow her to enjoy the gift of sexual pleasure that nature had bestowed upon her. She would imagine being whipped, imprisoned, and humiliated through public exposure, and eventually became a masochist who could only enjoy sex with such terrible images in her mind. She eventually became aroused, merely at the thought of being spanked, and would need to masturbate if she heard or read about spankings or whippings. The concept of being whipped, would intoxicate her, and make her desire more sex.
As a result of her obsession with shame and pain; Natasha felt a strong bond of excitement to nudity, for the vulnerability it seemed to possess and for the role it constantly played in her fantasies. Therefore, stories of nudity also greatly aroused her. In high school she dated a boy she had considered ugly, called Donald, and liked him at times merely because he would want to go skinny dipping, or had an obsession with her vagina. She never let him touch it because of her age. Although she liked him, her family resented him, and therefore gradually turned her against him. Paulina, Natasha’s sister resented Donald, because of his poverty. He lived in a tiny trailer with an incredibly obese mother. She would sit in a night gown without any underwear on, and at times open her legs in a drunken state. Although Natasha hated it, she forgave Donald because of all the things he had made her feel. He had made her feel beautiful, excited and happy, until her sister began to consistently chide him, and reproach Natasha for dating such a low status boy. So Natasha broke up with Donald, seeking instead, a boy she could be proud of.
In high school when she lost her virginity, she realized she could not orgasm without images of punishment, and so she would have to imagine being spanked. As she kissed her boyfriend at the time, called Nobie, she realized that she desperately needed him to tie her up, and therefore imagined herself tied up to poles when she made love to him. Then she realized she wanted to tell him what she had imagined and therefore began to tell him all her sadomasochistic fantasies, and eventually asked him to spank her. So he began to spank her routinely. Despite her perversion, she loved him, and enjoyed sex with him. Although he never called her a freak, she felt like one, and therefore desperately wanted to change. She felt remorse over embodying sexual imperfection. She felt that she had trained him to hate her, instead of love her and care for her. Although their relationship eventually fell apart because of her infatuation with Mr. Carter, she still felt inadequate about her masochism, and so decided to do research about her condition. As she searched, she discovered the term sadism stemmed from Marquis de Sade, a man who wanted to torture people for their sex. She felt ashamed to feel a strange attraction for him. Then she realized she resembled a man called Masoch, a famous masochist. She felt that people loosely translated the word masochism to mean taking pleasure in pain, but she did not enjoy pain, she just could not orgasm without it. So she searched more, and discovered that religious hate for sexuality had made her feel too terrible to enjoy sex, and so decided to try and love herself despite religion. So she strove to love sex, and see religion as evil, for the cruel tragedy it had created in her life.
In order to cure herself of her affliction, she began to masturbate regularly about all types of men, and made an effort to focus on the act of fornication, instead of punishment, as she came to orgasm. Despite her efforts, she could not completely overcome her sexual perversion, and therefore kept it a secret that no longer controlled her life.
While living with her father, she enjoyed her life and gradually learned to hate Massimiliano Ferrone for the way he had treated her. The more she had thought about him, she realized he had seduced her out of cruelty, or merely a desire for sex, and that he was a man incapable of love. She had given herself completely, and felt terrible for the way he had used her and discarded her love, and eventually her. So she decided to hate him, not only for his coldness, but also his carelessness. He had tried to fornicate with her without a condom; and the thought that he had tried to impregnate her, made her furious. How could someone take life so lightly? How could a man want a child with a woman he had treated as badly as he had treated her? She wondered. She then realized that behind a façade of sweetness lived a monster, and she felt disgusted in herself for having known him intimately, and therefore decided to never talk to him again, for she felt that he tainted her humanness in a way that she could not handle.
Her love for Massimiliano had been replaced with a love for Prof. Aragon, who not only taught her how to love without needing sadism, but also further adjusted her mind to needing only sexuality to orgasm, by building a deeper hate for religion. His strict notions of atheism, and hatred of religion moved her to question her faith. For example, he made his students read a book called “Candide: or, Optimism” by Voltaire, and taught that only cruel people believe in and loved God, for the book mocked anyone with faith, by making the characters suffer tremendous hurdles and obstacles of suffering. As a result, Prof. Aragon, had healed some of the corruption religion had caused in Natasha’s mind.
Chapter 19
During work on Friday, Gabriel Strife received a text from Sarah asking him to pick her up on his way home from work. Gabriel smiled and felt filled with joy as he read it and then wrote back that he would love to. He then worked hard all day forgetting that Celia Rose stood nude in his bedroom through a print out. He had thought about the possibility of Sarah seeing it, but had felt too overwhelmed with longing instead of fear; and therefore never removed the printout. He thought he would remove it before she came over without anticipating her Friday eagerness. He also felt comfortable with the
photo because he knew she seemed to lack jealousy about stars and therefore felt very little fear. Although she had made him jealous, the men were never nude, and therefore he did feel some trepidation of being seen as a cheater. Despite his fear and longing over the photo of Celia, he forgot all about her in his eagerness over Sarah that Friday afternoon.
As they drove through the streets of Miami, Gabriel and Sarah eventually became entrenched in traffic, and felt comfortable only because of the radio. The Bruno Mars song “Treasure,” came on and they began to sing along with it. Sarah said “I love this song because it celebrates love, and sexuality, like most of his songs.” Then Gabriel put his hand on her thigh and felt happy to be living in Miami, despite the dirty streets, the extreme heat and the multiracial culture which had forced him to learn many languages. He had learned Spanish and decided to learn French too. He believed one could not function in Miami without speaking Spanish because often people only spoke Spanish. At first it had annoyed him but then he decided to learn it. He felt French to be a good language since people also often spoke only French.
After arriving home, Sarah sat down on the couch and they both began to watch television while he prepared dinner. They ate a vegetable pasta dish. He could cook reasonably well and she always enjoyed everything he cooked. She especially enjoyed it because he had cooked it, and therefore it always tasted sweeter or extra tasty. She eventually began to feel full and as he got up to remove the plates she began to help him. Then they both washed the dishes. After having washed and dried the dishes together, he walked in to his bedroom and she followed.
He asked “want to watch me get naked?”
She responded “totally.”
Then he began to undress and as he walked to his closet nude he noticed the printout of Celia. He immediately tore it off the door, hoping Sarah did not notice and hid it in his underwear.
Then Sarah, asked “what are you hiding?” As he walked by, she began to tickle him, and shoved her hand in to his underwear, and tore out the paper accidently giving him a few paper cuts. She looked at the paper and asked “who is this? Was she on your closet door?”
Gabriel then responded “Yes, baby she was, but. . .”
Then Sarah cut him off saying “don’t baby me. I am going to start putting up pictures of nude men too.”
Then he felt angry, and said “what difference does it make? You were already lusting over men before I put her up. I constantly have to watch you talk about the different men you like. Such as David Luiz, and the Supernatural stars. How do you think that makes me feel?”
Then she responded “I did not realize that I cannot be human if I date you.”
Gabriel felt terrible, and quickly apologized. He felt like a freak and so as she walked out, he only sat down in shame. He then discarded the picture of Celia Rose, and decided to call Sarah saying “I will never put her up again. Please call me.” Sarah did not call him, until several days had passed, and he had sent her flowers with a note that wrote “you could never compare to her.” After the note, Sarah felt better, but began to feel very insecure about other women and Gabriel.
Gabriel refrained from placing the photo of Celia Rose up again. Even in secret, he refrained from following his natural inclination out of a fear of losing Sarah. Although he loved Sarah, he loved Celia Rose too and felt bad that he could not look at her as often as he wanted to. He felt bad, and asked Rickey what he should do. His friend advised him to ask Sarah to move in, because then, at night Gabriel would always have a woman in bed with him. So that evening Gabriel invited Sarah over for dinner, and after dinner, while drinking wine, he asked her if she would move in with him.
She asked “will Rickey move out?”
Then he responded “if you want.”
Then Sarah replied “I think it is for the best since I do not want you to get jealous.”
That night they slept together and as Gabriel felt the curves of Sarah, and her soft skin caress his, he felt happy to be alive, knowing that the true purpose of his life had been and always will be the love and touch of a beautiful woman. They then fornicated, and satisfied, they fell asleep together.
Chapter 20
Sadly, Miguel Sanchez continued to fantasize about imprisoning Joanna, and imagined kidnapping her routinely. He at times would become filled with sadness because he would realize how difficult a kidnapping situation would be to accomplish. He would imagine, her telling people if she came over, and he would imagine getting caught if he tried to kidnap her. He imagined struggling against her and losing, to her female strength. So he decided, it would be hopeless, but despite the difficulties, quietly dreamed about situations that could lead to her captivity. For example, he imagined buying a shack in the woods, and keeping her a prisoner there. A shack that perhaps nobody knew about. As usual, he would imagine her nude body tied to a wall and feeding her like his pet. Then he would become aroused over her vulnerability and imagine comforting her in her state of tears. He imagined her falling in love with him, as she gradually grew to depend on him completely. He believed humans were animals and therefore, imagined that a women, like a dog, would love the hand that fed her and soothed her. So he would fall asleep at night masturbating about her captivity, or dreaming about her loving and doting eyes in a shed. He knew he could never find a shed secluded enough, so when he again began to think clearly after the fantasy he had entered in to, he would become filled with sadness over never being able to possess her. He realized he was a mad man who needed help, but the passion for Joanna drove him to see himself as sane and therefore never sought the help he should have. The memory of Joanna’s eyes and face, made him feel like anyone who did not want her as much as him, were the people who needed help. So he reasoned that he should trust himself more than others.
Besides imagining Joanna in a cabin, Miguel imagined her in a cage, in a bedroom in his apartment. He would desperately wish her to be there, and then imagine feeding her and watching her go to the bathroom in front of him. After imagining her in a bedroom, he would realize that he would never have his dream of capturing her, for fear of being found out. Most likely, he thought, she will be discovered because she would have told someone where she went and then they would search his house and find her.
After realizing he could not have Joanna, he decided he would settle for the next best thing, her friendship. So at work he continued to be very friendly to her with the hope of one day attaining his goal.
At the office he would routinely try to get closer to her, by asking her personal questions and talking about himself as much as possible. He would tell her his favorite television shows, and even created a fictional woman who he would say he liked in order to take the shame of his love away from the situation. If he had any notion, religious, philosophical or plain, he then told her about it. Joanna eventually started doing the same thing, and Miguel would be surprised at the idea that Joanna never seemed to date anyone.
So he asked her one day and she responded “I do not like anyone at the moment.”
Miguel felt happy but offended, for he felt even more worthless as a man. Her apparently strict standards made him feel more flawed.
Friday, Miguel asked Joanna if she wanted to come over for dinner again.
She responded “yes.”
He felt happy and prepared dinner for her as usual. He cooked a pasta dish and bought Italian ice cream for her. Then he eagerly waited for her arrival. Although he felt happy, he felt angry that she would leave after dinner, and imagined her telling people that she was coming.
So when she arrived he asked her “Did you tell anyone you came.”
She responded “yes, my mother.” Then she asked “why?”
Then he responded “I was just wondering, because I was going to tell you that you should always tell people because you never know who might be a villain.”
She smiled and said “thank you for your concern. Should I be concerned about you.”
“No.” he responded, paused,
and then said “I hope you always tell people though, because if you do not, someone will kidnap you, especially since you are so beautiful.”
He smiled and then she smiled and said “thank you.”
They then ate, drank some wine, and watched a movie together.
Once Joanna had returned home she thought about the possibility of liking Miguel more than a friend, and imagined dating him. As usual her overly strict guidelines for men, won over and she decided against it, but out of pity forgave him his flaws and continued to stay his friend.
Miguel continued as before, and dreamed about possessing Joanna. He secretly hoped that she would grow a love for him, and eventually fall in love completely like he had. He imagined again keeping her prisoner, and feeding her and wished he had the courage to try and ensnare her, despite the risks. He decided to continue asking her if she had told anyone that she was visiting, with the hope of one day finding out she had not. Then he imagined her reaction to such a question repeated and knew that she would probably grow suspicious. Then he imagined her walking out, and never coming back in again, and he decided against such an inquisition.
Next Friday, Miguel asked, Joanna out again, and she felt very happy to say yes. As usual she came over wearing a skirt, ate dinner, and watched a movie. While she waited for the desert, Miguel could not resist but ask if she had told anyone.
Then her eyes opened up wider as did her mouth, and she asked “why do you want to know?”
Then he said, “I just want to make sure that you remember to always tell everyone. Last night, I heard of a woman getting abducted and nobody knows where she has gone. She was beautiful like you.”
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