Meanwhile, Joanna felt terrified every day and humbled by her nudity. She desperately thought about ways to escape and as she sat staring at the wall, she began to imagine a prince charming finding her and saving her from her monstrous captor. She envisioned him beautiful, tall, dark, and well built. She conceptualized him to be the opposite of Miguel in every way except his dark hair and dark eyes. She envisioned him fighting Miguel and winning. She thought about the possibility of who a prince charming could be, and pictured the post man hearing her whine and then rescuing her. She visualized a pizza delivery man being as brave as a dragon fighter from a fantasy novel. She conceived, a bug guy saving the day against the villain Miguel. As she imagined all the different possibilities, her eyes would become filled with tears as she realized they were only fantasies.
As Joanna stared with tear filled eyes at the mattress, she thought of her mother, her brother, and her lost loved ones. She pictured her dreams of marriage, parenthood, and children fade in to the darkness. She conceived what it would feel like to have a son, or a daughter; and knowing that she would never have them, made her begin to cry. Her tears turned to sobs as her body heaved in desperation.
She then began to pray and proclaimed “God, if you exist. Please help me. I promise I will do whatever you want.”
As she sat in the cold empty silence she lost hope, and realized that she had to learn to accept her new life. So she decided to try and calm down. As a result, she began to do breathing exercises to take away her stress. She eventually calmed down and accepted her new life. She realized that she had to accept that she was a slave, and a human animal, instead of a human with dignity. She started feeling bored, and as she analyzed her nudity she decided to masturbate, and imagine making love to Miguel. Then she felt disgusted and decided to instead imagine making love to a prince charming and so she imagined the post man as a beautiful man; rescuing her, and then fornicating with her. Although she rubbed her vagina, the thought of her lost husband made her feel like crying and so she could not feel her body elevate in to pleasure.
Pagan Sheffield had replaced Joanna. She was dark, small and from India. She embodied everything the opposite of Joanna to Miguel and therefore had made Miguel often miss Joanna more, and therefore eagerly anticipate going home after work.
When Miguel came home from work he immediately went downstairs to look at his human pet and then asked her how she was.
She responded “I am sad, because you have stolen my life.”
Then Miguel, replied “Stop making me feel inadequate. I am trying the best I can.”
Then as Miguel ate a dinner of beans and rice alone in his kitchen, he decided that he had not entertained his guest well enough and so decided that he should play some board games with her. After feeding her black beans and rice and some water, he asked her if she wanted to play board games.
She replied “no. I want to go home.”
Then he responded, “you will never go home. You may as well make the best of your time here.”
Then she responded, “I guess you are right.” And in an effort to get along with her captor, Joanna played monopoly with Miguel.
After losing at monopoly, Joanna brushed her teeth and went to the bathroom in front of Miguel; as always. Miguel went to bed and at night under the moonlight, Joanna felt uncomfortable being unable to lie on her stomach as she wanted to. So she began fantasizing about escaping and as a result, looked at her towel rack and imagined pulling it off the wall. She then looked at the little screws, and wished she had a screw driver. So she began to pick at them with her nails, seeing if she could twist and turn them. Unfortunately her nails were too rounded and big to fit in to the little turn holes on the screws. So she decided to chew off the sides of her nails in order to make her nails smaller. After chewing one off, she tried it out, but she discovered that her nail was not strong enough to move the screw. Her nails and fingertips began to hurt. So she stopped trying. She then imagined pulling on the towel rack and loosening it with her weigh. So she started to pull. She then through all her weight on to the floor next to the mattress, and kept rolling as much as she could away from the mattress. She then through her body on the floor again, hoping that her weight would be stronger than the screws. She did it a few times, and then noticed that she had loosened the towel rack a little bit. Once she had loosened it, she realized she could turn the screws out by gripping them with her fingertips. She screwed them all out and then slid the chain off the towel rack. She became filled with happiness and pride as she realized she was getting closer to escaping. She then looked at the wooden bars on the window, and decided to do the same thing with them in order to loosen them. So she held on to one and clung her weight to it. As she clung to it the wooden bars began to loosen, and then all of a sudden the house alarm went off, and in her panic she screamed. Then Miguel appeared in the doorway with a gun and ordered her to sit. He then ordered her to handcuff herself to the bath tub handicap rack, and as she walked by him she hit him over the head with her chain and started to run. As she ran, he shot through her rib cage and her lungs. She then fell to the floor. He rushed to her side, as she slowly bled to death and her lungs struggled to get breath. As she breathed her last breath, he said “I love you, Joanna,” and then he began to cry.
Miguel could not believe that he had killed the love of his life, Joanna Bedding. He remembered the first day he saw her and how instantly he had fallen in love with her. He saw her big feminine hips and soft breasts lifeless on the floor and as he realized that he had lost the love of his life, he began to scream in agony. He then kissed her breasts, and her lips as she lay lifeless on the floor. The bullet had gone through her body, as if she had been nothing, even though she had been everything to Miguel. He then realized that the bullet had lodged itself in to one of his walls. He then picked the bullet up and put it in his pocket. He knew he would treasure the bullet forever, for it had gone through Joanna. He then went to his kitchen, drank a glass of wine and thought about how to discard of her body.
Miguel, loved Joanna even though he had often hated her. So he decided to photograph her corpse in memory of her. He planned to treasure the photographs forever, and so he took photographs of every little detail that had made Joanna his precious. He photographed her nipples, her vagina, her feet, her face, her lifeless eyes, her hands, and then turned her over and photographed her back, her buttocks and her shapely legs. He photographed the nape of her neck which he had so often admired when she would wear her hair in a ponytail. Once he had finished, he had taken almost twenty photographs, which he then downloaded on to his computer from the digital camera he had used.
He then went to his computer and downloaded them. After he had finished, he decided to experience Joanna’s body nude, without her rebellious mind present, and so he got undressed and stuck his penis in to her cold vagina. After fornicating with a corpse, Miguel felt empty, but satisfied that he had tried his best.
The following day Miguel bought an ax and chopped up Joanna’s body. He hacked until dismembered, she lay in a pile. He then through, each part of her in to his fire place, and watched as her body turned to nothing but ashes. After he had burned her, he put the ashes in to a container and kept them in a closet.
For several days after Joanna’s death, Miguel would often start crying, imagining what he had lost, and feeling guilty for having killed her. He blamed mostly her instead of his animal passions, and therefore felt satiated that he was not really the cause for the terrible event. As he watched television, he compared the women on television to Joanna, and began to love Joanna for having treated him as a friend. As he felt the cold dismissal of other women in the world he began to hate them. He felt that Joanna had to be celebrated by hating other women more, and so he decided he had to kill other women. He thought about his new secretary Pagan, and imagined killing her too. He imagined her dark skin and her blood flowing over it. He imagined as the light went from her eyes and he felt happy, because by killing her, he h
ad somehow elevated Joanna from her terrible fate and status as a victim. He imagined that he had somehow eradicated Joanna’s humiliation and had somehow again become the man who loved her; a role that gave him great pride. As a result, he often imagined killing women, but as time passed he knew the murders were mere fantasies and therefore would often feel the grudge of the humiliation of having killed Joanna once again. As a result he decided to start killing. He knew he had to find a victim first and so he decided to choose someone other than Pagan, his secretary, and therefore decided to think about the residents of the Twin Towers as animals that he wanted to hunt down.
Chapter 32
After breakfast on Saturday, Gabriel Strife decided to go bicycling with Sarah Pearl around the shore of Key Biscayne. They went and had lunch in one of the fish restaurants on the island like outlet. They watched the sea through their sun glasses, and felt happy to live in Miami, despite the dirty streets, and the gradual disappearance of the English language. They enjoyed the heat, it had always made them feel warm inside; cozy unlike the cold. They relished the flowers that grew on the highway, and realized that flowers did not grow without the tropical climate. They felt happy as they watched a crab cross the beach. Mostly they felt content in the security of each other; in a relationship they both believed to be going somewhere. Despite Gabriel’s love of Sarah, and the commitment he had made to her, he had promised to himself that he would always love other women, and women in general, and therefore he indulged in feelings not only for Celia, but also for his new neighbor from two doors down, Natasha. He had noticed her since she had first moved in, and enjoyed her beauty and her wardrobe. He felt proud in his sense of taste, and wished he could have an orgy with the three women he coveted most.
As time passed, Gabriel noticed how Natasha had gained weight, and although she had lost some of it, felt sad that such a beautiful woman had an addiction to food, that made her forget that she should covet her beauty as a great treasure. He felt sorry for her and wished he could help her. At times he wished he could see her nude with her excess weight, and therefore imagined her nude. Even though society had convinced him that he preferred thin women, he loved women so much that he secretly enjoyed overweight women too. At first, he had felt ashamed of his freakish taste and desires, but the older he got the more used to it he became. He also remembered history, as it told the story of the world and how men truly loved women, not just for being thin, but rather for their curves, pretty faces, and general health. So as he remembered the voluptuous curves of the nymphs of Europe, that he had seen in the European art class he had taken in college; he learned to accept his love of all women, even the rounder ones. Although he loved Natasha, he felt sorry for her and so decided to gain weight like her, in order to show her emotional support. So even though Sarah did not realize why thin beautiful Gabriel, had become an overweight, beautiful Gabriel; Gabriel knew that he bore public shame just for Natasha. As he thought of her slightly overweight, frame, he desperately desired to be overweight with her and so he gained several pounds and went up a few sizes.
At first Sarah did not complain about Gabriel Strife’s weight gain, but after several weeks she began to complain, not realizing how close she was to losing him.
She would ask things like “would you like me if I gained weight?” Or, “how much weight would it take before you broke up with me?”
As Gabriel answered her questions a sense of shame passed over him, because he realized that she had been hinting. So he began to jog around the Twin Towers daily, trying to beat down his sense of shame. Despite his sense of shame he loved Natasha, as he imagined touching her soft belly and kissing her vagina. He imagined falling asleep on her stomach. He imagined her breasts that seemed a little bigger than average and desperately wished he could suck on them. Although every fiber of him seemed to want her, he refrained from telling her, because he knew he might lose Sarah and her. So he merely accepted his plight of loving three women and enjoyed living at the Twin Towers all the more, because he felt close not only to Sarah but also to Natasha. From his window he could watch Natasha walk her yellow dog, drive her blue car, analyze her distinct fashion sense, and as a result constantly felt closer to her. His life felt fuller for it, like a ripe melon ready to enjoy and as a result he continually felt filled with happiness.
One day he noticed that Natasha had cut her hair, and he loved knowing little things like that about her. He watched as the nape of her neck intoxicated him under the pale fluorescent lights. He admired as her lips seemed more profound with all the lipstick she now wore, and as her eyes shone brighter because of all the mascara. As her hair had become shorter she had compensated for her lacking femininity with make-up, and he loved it. He loved it like an artist loves the fall, for all its colors, and he desperately wished he could have her, despite his commitment to Sarah. As a result, he imagined asking her out, or sneaking in to her room at three am, while Sarah slept. He imagined going in and making love to her under the pale moonlight that would shine in through the massive windows. He envisioned her pale body becoming one with his, and he felt happier to be alive at the Twin Towers than he had before, because of his dreams.
As time passed, Gabriel Strife noticed that Natasha had decided to start wearing a hat, or a scarf wrapped around her head. He analyzed why, and realized she wanted to grow her hair out. He felt sorry for her, as he realized that she did not love herself the way she should. He wondered, how, and why a woman as beautiful as Natasha would ever doubt her beauty. So he started imagining her world, and realized that men did not constantly tell her how beautiful she was, the way he would have expected, and therefore, he desperately wanted to save her, and elevate her to her rightful place as a beauty. So he started thinking about her all the time, wishing he could be her hero, and as he did he concluded that a woman of her beauty could not possibly feel bad, even if the world had ignored her. So he reasoned that she must have spent too much time looking at brunette men. She must have imagined herself with a brunette man and felt odd about the similarity in hair styles. That is the only way, thought Gabriel, that a woman as beautiful as Natasha would ever doubt her beauty. As he thought about her preference for brunette men, he began to feel ashamed and inadequate over the blonde curls he had created on his head, and therefore, decided to stop dying his hair blonde. Instead of waiting a few weeks for it to grow out, he dyed his hair brown immediately, telling his girlfriend that he merely felt curious. Although Sarah resented Gabriel dying his hair brown, she lied to him and told him he looked great. Sarah had dyed her hair blonde since high school and loved being part of a blonde couple, and now resented losing that. Blondeness to her represented uniqueness. In Miami, brunette felt too common for her and therefore even though she felt that Gabriel may have preferred her to be a brunette she stayed a blonde for the sake of uniqueness. She had grown up with constant comments saying that blondes were better, and so even though she loved Gabriel she decided to stay a blonde.
As Gabriel Strife looked in the mirror, he felt excited to see his blue green eyes shine back at him brighter than they had before through the looking glass. He anticipated Natasha’s love, and wanted to see what she would have to say about his new appearance. So he decided to buy a small white dog, in order to walk by her door more often. He also decided to park his car outside in the parking lot of a super market instead of by his door, the way he always had. By parking his car outside, he walked by Natasha’s door much more regularly and therefore anticipated seeing her much more frequently. As he jogged, to lose the little weight he had gained and walked by her door around ten times a day, he knew he would see her often and awaken the urge for men he had noticed in her, towards him. For he knew his eyes were one of the prettiest, and his nose a monument to beauty. As he lived his life with Sarah he felt committed to Natasha too, and felt happier as a man with more than one woman, hoping that Natasha would fulfill his fantasy of true love, by becoming his adulteress.
Chapter 33
At mi
dnight, Gabriel Hatfield knocked on Carl’s door and after several minutes, the dark skinned man opened it, in a towel.
Gabriel then became overwhelmed with shame and sadness, and walked away as he heard Carl ask “who is it Bruce?”
Then Bruce replied “I do not know. He ran away.”
That night, Carl had called Gabriel on his cell phone, and got no reply. After the knock he decided to call Gabriel again.
As Gabriel Hatfield watched his cell phone ring, he thought about answering it and telling Carl that he was going to come and visit, just to see what Carl would say; to see if he was more important than Bruce. As he thought about it, his curiosity became tamed by a fear of humiliation, and so he did not reply. Carl found it odd that Gabriel had not answered the phone. As he lay in bed, paranoia rushed through him, and he decided to call Gabriel again. He imagined Gabriel having died and he felt sad, and then he imagined Gabriel suffering somehow, and he decided to call again.
He kept calling, telling Bruce “I have to call, even though I like you, he is my official boyfriend.”
As the phone rang several times, interspersed by several minutes, at times even half an hour; Carl lost hope and realized he loved Gabriel even though he had cheated on him. He felt concerned and tried one more time. He thought about how he was Gabriel’s emergency contact, on the insurance information card. It calmed him down that he had not received a call from a hospital, but out of paranoia he called the hospitals and even called the police only to find out that there was no answer at Gabriel’s door.
Then he called Gabriel’s mother and she responded “He went to surprise you.”
As Carl heard the dreadful news he became filled with shock and placed the phone down, realizing that the knock had been from Gabriel. He ran to the receptionist, after putting on his pajamas, and asked for Gabriel’s room number.
Gabriel Page 17