by Casey, Ryan
He was strong.
He was just… lost.
“Stop,” Zelda said.
Noah frowned. She had her arm out. That serious expression that always covered her face. “What is it?”
She stood there. The wind blowing against her dark hair. “I don’t like this.”
Noah looked around. He could see the buildings up ahead, just off the main road. It was hard to tell whether there was life inside them from this distance. Whether they were occupied. How many people were in there. Or even what kind of people they were.
Only that Curtis had eyes on this place.
He had visions of moving here, long-term.
And those people in there. They knew about Curtis’ group. Michael, who he’d run into on the road, sent Eddie’s way… he just had to hope he’d come clean about them.
But that was a long time ago.
The more time passed, the more complacency could set in.
The one thing Kelly’s people couldn’t afford—the one thing this community couldn’t afford—was complacency.
Same applied to Noah and Zelda.
“We keep walking,” Noah said. “No sign of anyone yet. Come on. We’re about ten minutes away. It’s just trepidation. Nerves. It’s natural.”
“Didn’t know you were a psychiatrist on the sly.”
“I’m just saying. We need to focus on the road ahead. We haven’t seen any evidence at all that Curtis or anyone’s out here. We keep going. It’s the only thing we can do. We get there. We finish this.”
Zelda looked back at Noah, then around at the road. She nodded. Just once. Clearly unconvinced.
They walked further. The little pup wriggled around in Noah’s arms. He held it close. He wanted to look after it. Protect it. It felt like something he could take into the future. A sign of life in a world where death prevailed.
“You actually gonna keep that thing, or?”
Noah frowned. “Thought dogs had grown on you.”
“Barney was a good one. Loyal. I wonder where he is every day.”
Noah thought back to that sad moment he’d tied Barney up. The way Barney had whined and barked, begging Noah to return.
“He’s a clever dog. He’ll have found his way in this world. Absolutely no doubt about it.”
“Is that honest?”
“What?”
“Are you being honest, or are you just trying to make me feel better?”
Noah scratched his head. “Maybe a bit of both.”
“That’s okay. I get it. But we…”
She stopped speaking. Stopped walking, too.
“What is it?”
She pointed to the road. “Footprints.”
Noah squinted at the road and saw them.
Muddy, dusty prints.
Lots of them, too.
And something else.
Something amid it all.
“Blood,” he said.
He stood there. Looked at these muddy prints. They seemed to stop right here. Like they’d not carried on down the road. Like they’d taken a right. Into the woods beside them.
He looked at the tall trees at their side. Blowing in the breeze. He thought he saw figures in there. Eyes watching them.
“Come on,” he said. “We need to keep moving.”
Zelda didn’t need any convincing this time.
They picked up their pace. Got a sweat on. Noah still felt weak. Zelda didn’t look too great herself. Beaten. Bruised.
And angry, too. That was the main thing that stood out. Angry. Fuelled by rage. By vengeance.
And by guilt.
“I feel it too,” Noah said.
“What?”
“The guilt. For what happened.”
“I don’t feel any guilt—”
“You’re lying. I know you’re lying ’cause I tried lying to myself too. But I know how it is. I know what it looks like. What it feels like. How all-consuming it is. I’ve felt it ever since… ever since Jasmine. Ever since I lost her. Since I had to kill her. It took me over when I was in the compound. Weirdly, if I’d been outside, it would probably have killed me. But I’m beginning to realise… guilt isn’t healthy. Not over things we can’t control. We can’t change the past. We can only do better in future. For ourselves. For each other.”
Zelda looked at him, then. And for a moment, it looked like his words had struck a chord.
A half-smile stretched across her face.
She nodded at him.
“You a motivational speaker now as well as a psychiatrist?”
Noah smiled back at her. “You’re not the first person who’s ever told me that. I—”
“Well, howdy!”
A voice.
A voice from the trees on the right.
Noah spun around. Dropped the pup in the process, who ran off into the nearby trees.
Noah wanted to go after the pup. To help him.
Then he saw them.
Figures emerging.
Armed men pointing weapons at them.
Noah lifted his rifle. Zelda lifted hers, too.
Curtis led the way.
Smile on his face.
Chest puffed out.
“Oh, ain’t that sweet,” he said. Pistol in hand. “Come on. No fun and games. No silly business. You’ve already had plenty of that.”
Zelda tightened her grip on her rifle. Stepped forward. “I’ll fucking kill you—”
“Zelda!” Noah said.
“Yeah,” Curtis said. “Yeah, shootin’ me would be a mighty bad idea right now, missy. Listen to your pal here. Sounds like he’s got some more sense than you.”
Noah held on to his rifle. Hands shaking. Surrounded.
He wanted to shoot Curtis too.
He wanted to gun him down.
But more than anything, he knew he needed to live.
Both of them needed to live.
They needed to get to the community and warn them.
But how the fuck were they going to do that now they were surrounded?
Curtis walked closer towards them. He was flanked by armed thugs. And behind them, Noah saw women in chains. Children, terrified. The air soured by the mere presence of this group, like a virus in itself.
“Now, I get why you’d run. And hell, I do not blame you. Not for a cotton-picking minute. Someone helped you. I get it. What were you supposed to do? Come runnin’ back home? No. Honestly, I get it. Really.”
Zelda kept her rifle pointed. “Get on your fucking knees.”
“Zelda,” Noah said.
Curtis smirked. “See, I think you’re different, you two. Noah here. I think he’s… well, he’s a cheeky bugger, but he’s compliant. I do truly, truly believe we can help him. We can mould him into one of us. Even if it takes a little… force.”
His smirk widened with that word.
“The people at the community,” Noah said. Rifle fully lowered now. “There are good people there. They don’t deserve this—”
“You’re a good person, Noah,” Curtis said. “You’re a goddamned lovely guy, to be honest. You grow on me. Every darned day. But the truth is… this world ain’t no place for lovely people. You need to have a bit of grit about you. A bit of backbone about you.”
His eyes flickered to Zelda then.
“But not too much.”
It all happened so fast that Noah could barely process it.
Zelda went to fire the rifle.
Curtis lifted his pistol and pulled the trigger.
A bullet slammed into Zelda’s chest.
She toppled over. Not quite to her knees, but she fell forward.
“Zelda!” Noah shouted.
He went to lift his rifle, but then out of nowhere, someone smacked him over the head.
Knocked him to the ground.
People behind him. Ambushing him.
To his knees.
No rifle.
Trapped.
Zelda gasped. Her jaw was clenched. Blood dripped from her chest.
>
Curtis walked closer towards her. Pistol still in hand. “Why don’t you get on your knees, Zelda?”
“Stop this,” a voice said.
It was a boy. A young boy. Dark hair. Skinny. Naked.
He looked at Zelda, tears in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry for what I did. But I was scared. But you don’t deserve this. I want to help you. Please. Don’t hurt her. Not anymore.”
Zelda looked at the boy. Struggled to breathe.
Then after what felt like forever passed, she nodded at him. “I forgive you, Finn.”
Curtis looked at Zelda, then at the boy. A look of panic in his eyes.
“Well,” he said. “I don’t.”
He lifted his pistol and shot Finn in the head.
“No!” Zelda cried.
“Kneel,” Curtis said. “Get on your goddamned knees.”
Zelda stared at Finn’s body. She spat out blood and went to lift her rifle with one hand. “I’ll never fucking kneel for—”
Another shot.
The bullet piercing her hand this time.
The rifle dropping from her grip.
Noah tried to kick his way free.
Tried to fight.
“Zelda!”
She looked at him. Looked right into his eyes. Pale-faced. Blood pooling from her chest. From her hand.
And she smiled the warmest smile she’d ever smiled.
“My name is Sarah,” she said. “And I want to thank you, Noah. I want to thank you and… and all of your people. For making me feel more at home than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.”
She spat out blood.
Turned to Curtis again.
Struggled to her feet.
Clenched her bleeding fist, her bloodied chest.
Curtis just stood there.
Smile on his face.
Pistol still in hand.
“Come on, Zelda. Get down on your knees. Maybe then, we can think about letting you off the hook. For now.”
Zelda—Sarah—spat out some more blood.
“My name…” she said. “Is Sarah. And I will not fucking kneel for y—”
Another gunshot.
One in her left shin.
And then another in her right thigh.
She toppled over. Onto her hands. Bleeding from both legs.
But still resisting kneeling.
Looking up at Curtis with such anger.
Such fury.
Curtis stepped over her.
He looked down into her eyes as she crouched there like she was in some kind of weird Twister position.
He looked angrier than Noah had ever seen him.
He put a hand on her back.
Pressed down. Heavy. Hard.
Looked right into her eyes and kept on pushing until finally, she was on her knees.
“See,” he said. “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”
And then Sarah looked up at Curtis, and she smiled.
“But I didn’t kneel for you. You made me kneel. And if you have to start making people kneel… it won’t be long before they decide they don’t want that anymore. Because a leader who has to ask his people to kneel is a leader on the fall.”
She looked up at him. Smiled. Laughed.
And then she spat a bloody blob in his face.
Curtis’ smile had dropped.
His eyes were wide.
His cheeks were flushed.
“Rot in hell,” she said. “You’ll be there in no time.”
Curtis looked around at Noah as he tried to break out, as he tried to wriggle free.
Then he looked back at Sarah, took a deep breath, and forced a smile.
“Then I guess I’ll see you there, my Warrior Princess.”
He put the pistol to her head and fired, right in the back of her skull.
Sarah fell to the road with a thump.
Curtis stood up then. Wiped the blood that’d splashed back onto his face.
And then he looked around at his people. For a moment, in his eyes, an uncertainty. A sense that Sarah’s words had got under his skin.
And then he smiled at them and looked back at Noah.
“Come on then,” he said. “It’s about time we paid a nice little visit to our new home!”
Noah was lifted to his feet.
Sarah lay there on the road, bleeding from her skull, from her chest, from her legs.
Even in death, her face was defiant.
A true hero.
A true warrior.
A true martyr.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Eddie walked until the sun started rising, when he finally stopped dead.
It was early. Thick grey clouds overhead. The only sounds he could hear were his own footsteps, banging against the concrete, time and time again.
He’d walked for miles. God knows how many. Made sure he got off the road as soon as he could and into the woods. He wanted to be away from people. He wanted to make sure he was far, far away from Kelly’s community if they sent someone out to look for him. But also out of the crosshairs of Curtis’ group, too.
He wanted to be far away from everyone.
He looked at the trees either side of him. Took deep breaths of that rich scent they gave off. Birds whistled and sang in the trees above. Peaceful as ever. Totally peaceful.
And as Eddie stood there, he smiled. He hadn’t felt this at peace in months. Away from Curtis’ group. Away from Kelly. Away from his son, Baby Edward.
He was where he belonged, after all.
On his own.
He took a deep breath. Felt his stomach churn, not through hunger but with anxiety. He felt his heart race. The anxiety gripped hold of him. His head felt clear. The clearest it’d ever felt. And as he stood there, staring up past the tops of the trees, he felt like he was seeing himself for the first time in a long, long time.
Seeing his true self, in all its ugly, horrible form.
He’d walked away from Kelly.
He’d killed Jane.
He’d stood by and watched as Curtis’ group took him in.
He’d let his best friend suffer.
And then he’d killed Sunil and Zelda all to get back to Kelly, only to walk away again.
He thought of the note he’d written. The letter. He’d told the truth, and then he’d torn it to shreds. They didn’t have a chance to help themselves. Not now.
And he wished he’d had the courage to stand up and admit his crimes himself. He wished he’d be able to face Kelly and apologise, once and for all.
But that wasn’t him.
He wasn’t strong enough for that.
He was far too ashamed for that.
So he’d walked, and he was going to keep walking and walking.
And maybe someday, he’d find a new group. He’d be able to settle down. Find his place, move on from his past. He’d never be able to look in the mirror again without being reminded of what he’d done. He’d never be able to sleep at night without the nightmares about his actions; about the depths he’d sank to.
But that was what he deserved.
He saw that now.
He deserved to be plagued with fear. With terror. With nightmares.
It was the least he deserved.
He went to take a step when he heard rustling up ahead.
He stopped. Froze.
Somebody was here.
His heart started to pick up. Wouldn’t it be typical? Come all this way only to be mauled by a pack of dogs in the woods. Would he deserve anything else? And what would he do to save himself? Kill them all? Fight them off? Gouge their eyes out?
Was there anything he wasn’t capable of?
Any depths he wouldn’t sink to?
He heard this rustling, and he started to back away, slowly. Because that’s what he did. And that’s who he was. He was the one who ran away. He was the one who turned his back and fled at the first sign of trouble. That was how he survived. And that’s how he would keep
surviving.
And if the dogs caught him, well, he could have no damned complaints.
Being torn to pieces by dogs was better than he deserved.
He went to turn away and run. He could hear the footsteps picking up right away, following him, chasing him.
He looked over his shoulder.
Saw a figure moving towards him.
A dog?
A bear?
Fuck. He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell.
Only that he had to keep on running.
Only that he—
He tripped.
Fell down.
Smacked his face against the bark of a tree.
Knocked a few teeth out in the process, and tasted blood.
He lay there. Head spinning. He turned over. He didn’t want to look. He wasn’t strong enough to look.
Especially when he heard the blood-curdling growl.
He squeezed his eyes shut. Tasted the blood. Cried.
“Just get it done with,” he shouted. “Just—just get it done with.”
He clenched his jaw.
Waited for the sharp teeth to sink into his skin.
Waited for them to tear him apart.
And then he felt something else.
Something wet and slobbery, right against his face.
A rotten smell.
Panting.
He squeezed open an eye.
It was a dog.
A Rottweiler.
Standing there.
Tongue out.
Wagging his tail.
And that’s when it clicked.
He was slimmer. Much slimmer.
Bonier.
But there was no denying who this was.
“B… Barney?” Eddie said.
Barney barked playfully. Wagged his tail, nudged his head against Eddie.
“Barney! Oh boy. I’m glad to see you. I didn’t know where you were. Come here. Come here.”
He held on to Barney, and he laughed and cried. He laughed because he was so happy to see his old friend. He cried because his old friend didn’t judge him for what he’d done. He didn’t hate him. Perhaps the only damned being left in the world that didn’t.
“Where have you been?” he asked. “How have you been keeping?”
Barney answered with a bark and another wag of the tail.
“Soft lad,” he said. “Big, soft lad.”
He rubbed his hands against Barney’s body, and he had visions of a new life paving its way before him. Maybe they could go off in the woods together. Survive together. Find a new life for themselves, just the two of them.