She’d exited the door of the courtroom, her face a study in misery, walking right past Mary as if she didn’t see her. As soon as she reached the sidewalk, she bolted down the street like she ran from the devil himself. Mary yelled for Jake. He was fast, but Devlin had a head start
He caught up with her, calling her name as he reached her side, but she didn’t respond. Jake grabbed for her arm and slowed his pace, trying to stop her without pitching her face-first onto the sidewalk.
For a moment, Devlin didn’t seem to recognize him. She struggled, desperate to break away. Then she collapsed against him as all the fight drained from her. It was replaced by exhaustion and despair. Jake helped her into a nearby coffee shop, convincing her to eat something. An hour later, Devlin was calm and ready to return to the courthouse. Jake noticed a sadness in her eyes he hadn’t seen before.
Devlin looked up at him. “It doesn’t do me any good to run from him. Wherever I go, I take him with me. I’m not afraid of him, out here, in the real world.” Devlin tapped her chest with her index finger. “I’m afraid of him in here.”
Jake laid a hand against her cheek, wishing there was something he could do to make her feel better. Devlin closed her eyes, leaning her face into his rough palm, pressing a slender hand over his.
“I love you, Jake McKenna,” she whispered, her voice so soft Jake almost missed the words. She leaned close and brushed her lips over his. Then she turned and walked away, leaving him stunned.
Even thinking about her words now, her lips on his, warmed him in the cold air. When he’d heard them, his heart had skipped a beat. When he felt the light touch of her mouth on his, he wanted more. That’s what Mary meant. It was why he needed to back off.
Devlin thought she loved him, but Jake figured she was too young to know what she really wanted, what love really was. Hell, Jake wasn’t sure he knew what love was. What was worse, and what was hardest to admit, was that he had feelings for Devlin. That was a problem. Jake would be twenty-five next month. He couldn’t have a thing for a seventeen-year-old girl. What kind of disgusting excuse for a human being did that make him?
Then he sat up in the saddle with a jolt, startling Red. Today was April thirteenth, Devlin’s birthday. Today she turned eighteen. He’d promised he’d call on her birthday. He’d almost forgotten.
* * * *
Devlin spent her eighteenth birthday wallpapering. Mary looked about to pop, and according to her, she felt that way too. Kenneth arrived home in time to move the new furniture into the baby’s room—the crib, the changing table, the dresser. He’d already set a small cradle next to the bed in their bedroom for the baby to sleep in the first few months. Devlin thought that made sense. It occurred to her that, after spending nine months within its mother, it must be very traumatic to be separated.
Devlin and Mary’s mother, Delores, stood back, admiring their handiwork. Memories of her mother wallpapering her little brother’s room surfaced. Before she was able to thrust them back into her unconsciousness, she shivered. Devlin hugged her arms to her chest. She didn’t want anyone to notice.
No one had said a word about her birthday. Devlin hoped they’d all forgotten. This wasn’t where she’d expected to be on her eighteenth birthday. Devlin reminded herself that this was her life now. Lately, she’d been feeling like she needed to find another place to live. Devlin still wasn’t sure she could return to Iowa, but this wasn’t her home.
Delores put an arm around her. “A good day’s work, don’t you think?”
Devlin smiled a rare smile as she wrapped her arm around Delores’ waist. “Yes, a very good day’s work. Let’s hope little Workman appreciates it.”
“Speaking of little Workman,” interrupted Mary, an odd note in her voice, “my water just broke.” Delores and Devlin rushed to her side.
Kenneth, busy positioning the changing table, without even a glance in her direction, replied in typical doctor fashion. “Impossible. You’re not due for two weeks.”
“Really? In that case, would you care to get some towels? Something seems to be pooling around my feet.”
Kenneth let go of the changing table and came running. “I know I’m a doctor, but what the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing at all at this moment, darling,” laughed Mary. “Let’s just give Paul the heads-up and wait for the contractions to start.”
Mary got up and headed toward the bedroom, laughing all the way down the hall.
“Where are you going?” called Kenneth.
“To take a shower,” yelled Mary. “I figure it may be a while before I have the opportunity again. Mom and Dev, can you come pack for me?”
Delores gave the bemused Kenneth a pat on the head and hurried after Mary. Grinning, Devlin ran to the laundry room to grab some clean towels. Just as she passed Kenneth, still on the phone with the hospital, they heard a loud yelp from the bedroom.
Delores flew down the hall. “The baby’s coming! Now! Kenny, get in here!”
Kenneth dropped the phone onto the counter and ran like a man on fire. Devlin froze for a moment. Running to the retrieve the phone, she yelled, “The baby’s on the way.”
“Grab some clean sheets and throw a couple of baby blankets into the dryer to warm them up,” he instructed her. “Remind Ken to wash his hands; then you dial 911 and leave the front door unlocked. I’m on my way.”
Carrying the load of towels, Dev ran down the hall to Mary’s bedroom, grabbing sheets and baby blankets along the way. She found Mary, naked and dripping wet on the bed, any modesty long gone, panting like a dog. Ken hovered between Mary’s legs, a panic-stricken look on his face. Without hesitation, Devlin threw a big beach towel over Mary, and Delores covered her. Devlin asked Mary to lift her bottom and shoved a clean sheet beneath her. Devlin grabbed Ken, tugging him toward the bathroom, passing on Dr. Warden’s instructions to wash his hands. She tossed the baby blankets in the dryer on warm. Finally, she called the paramedics and unlocked the front door.
Kenneth’s voice came from the bedroom. “I can see the head.”
Devlin sprinted back down the hall. She had no intention of missing this child’s precipitous arrival. She skidded through the open bedroom door. Kenneth had himself under control now. He directed her to help Delores support Mary as she labored. Mary was groaning.
“It’s okay, love,” he said in a soothing voice. “The head’s already crowning. You can push.”
“My God. It hurts!”
“Just wait for the contractions and work with them. You know what to do, sweetie.” Kenneth leaned over Mary’s tight belly to give her a kiss.
At that moment, another contraction began, and Mary gave Devlin’s hand a painful squeeze.
“Push,” instructed Kenneth, keeping close eye contact with his wife. “Hold your breath, and push as hard as you can.”
Eyes locked on her husband’s face, Mary followed his instructions. Devlin could see a silver-dollar sized portion of the baby’s head with the push, but it vanished as soon as the contraction ended.
“It’s okay, love. You’re doing great. Rest between contractions. It’s a first baby. It takes time. You’re already way ahead of the curve.”
Devlin watched, fascinated, as the next contraction began, spreading from the top of Mary’s swollen abdomen, along her sides, and then angling down toward her pelvis. Her eyes open wide, holding her breath, Mary pushed harder than Devlin thought it was possible for anyone to push, especially a tiny thing like Mary. This effort exposed more of the baby’s head, and Devlin could see dark, curly hair.
“Doing good, Mary, doing good,” crooned Kenneth as he supported the head through the contraction.
At that moment, they all heard a commotion at the door. Dr. Warden strode into the room, followed by the paramedics.
“How’re thing’s going, Ken?” He took a quick look, then headed into the bathroom to wash his hands.
“Pretty good so far.”
Mary piped up. “If you all think you
’re moving me at this point,” she called in the direction of the bathroom, “you’re fucking nuts! I’m not going anywhere. Ken!”
Devlin watched, enthralled.
Dr. Warden walked to the foot of the bed and stood behind Ken, looking over his shoulder.
“Doing great, Ken. You want me to take over?” He opened a package of sterile gloves. “I need a delivery kit,” he said to the paramedics. “Just set it up right there.” He motioned to Devlin’s side of the bed.
“I’d like to deliver the baby,” Ken said, but he added, “Stay right here in case I mess up.”
They all watched, breaths held, as the head slid farther out with the next contraction.
“Somebody fetch the baby blankets,” ordered Dr. Warden.
Devlin disengaged her hand from Mary’s and hurried down the hall to the laundry room. She grabbed three baby blankets out of the dryer and returned just in time to witness the baby’s head pop out. She gasped in amazement. She’d never given a thought to exactly how a woman in labor could get such a big head out of such a small space, but apparently, it was possible.
Ken let out a whoop while Mary groaned in relief.
“Move over,” said Dr. Warden. He grabbed a blue bulb syringe and suctioned out the baby’s mouth and nose. “Mary, pant for a moment, please. Don’t push. We’ve got some pretty big shoulders here, thanks to your husband, I suspect. I’m going to have to wriggle them out. Just hang in there for a minute.”
As another contraction started, Devlin watched in fascination as Dr. Warden exerted gentle downward pressure on the baby’s head while reaching inside Mary to slip a finger under the baby’s arm. Out popped a shoulder. Then he maneuvered the baby’s head upward, and out popped the other shoulder.
“Okay, push.” He grinned. “Let’s see the rest of this kid. Hand me a blanket, will you, please?”
With shaking hands, Devlin reached for the pile of blankets and thrust one in his direction as the baby slid all the way out, squawking loudly. It was a girl. Devlin felt wet tears on her cheeks, though she didn’t remember crying. She glanced at Delores and Ken and saw that they were crying too. Mary, on the other hand, wore a grin that stretched from ear to ear.
She reached for her baby, and Dr. Warden obliged, wrapping the child in a warm blanket and settling her on Mary’s chest. Kenneth replaced Delores and slipped an arm around his wife. He and Mary studied their child, cooing as they touched her downy head, opened her tiny, perfect hands, and counted her fingers and toes, utterly entranced. Neither seemed to notice when the placenta was delivered.
Within a few moments, the baby latched onto Mary’s breast. Feeling like her presence was intrusive, Devlin slipped away to make coffee for the paramedics and Dr. Warden. Touching her cheeks, she felt more tears. She’d seen animals born, calves, puppies, kittens, goats, foals, but never had a birth been so personal. Mary and Kenneth were a real family now.
Though they made her feel welcome, the birth of this baby reminded her that she was not truly a member of it. She was eighteen. It was time to move on.
Although she’d never really thought about it, Devlin now knew she wanted children of her own. She thought about Ken’s whoop of joy at his first sight of the baby, and instead she heard Jake’s voice. She had a vision of Jake lying at her side, his arm around her, as they explored their child together. The vision seemed so real, Devlin’s legs began to tremble. She grabbed for the edge of the kitchen table to steady herself.
This is just because of everything that’s happened, Devlin told herself. The vision means nothing. It’s a figment of my overactive imagination.
Devlin had just spent nearly two years learning that there was a huge difference between wishing for something and actually getting it. In her experience, wishes seldom came true. Jake was a grown man. He didn’t need a girl by his side. He needed a woman.
The sooner I face that fact, Devlin told herself, the sooner I can move on with my life.
At the thought of leaving Jake behind, a deep ache started in her chest. In an instant, it spread through her entire body. She felt like she did back in the hospital, unable to catch her breath.
Devlin ran to the counter and grabbed Mary’s address book, knowing Mary had the number to Jake’s parents’ ranch. She thumbed through it, fingers clumsy, searching for the Ms, then stopped, forcing herself to set the book down. She couldn’t do it, ask him to save her once again. Save her from herself. He deserved better than that.
Devlin took a deep breath, focusing her attention on the present. She stood in Mary’s kitchen. She took in the countertops, the cabinets, the refrigerator. Moving mechanically, Devlin opened the shoebox full of homemade cookies Delores had brought with her. She got out a platter and filled it, then brewed some coffee and put out coffee mugs, cream, and sugar.
Devlin considered her options. The grand jury had delivered their indictments. Her uncle’s girlfriend had plea-bargained and would soon head to a federal prison for five years. Her uncle was unlikely to reappear, unless he wanted to walk straight into the hands of the police and federal authorities. Her aunt was dead.
Devlin could stay here, go to school here, get a job, but she had no real roots in Denver. Jake had kept her grounded for months, but being with him wasn’t an option. He’d accepted a job in Missoula. He’d be moving there in May. The last thing he needed was a frightened, helpless little girl tagging along. No, Devlin decided, as the paramedics and Dr. Warden made their way toward the kitchen, the time had come for her to return home.
* * * *
Jake had never been so frustrated. He’d been out of touch for a week. The blizzard had downed power lines, and phone service was spotty. Every day, from before sunrise until long after dark, he spent with the stock. The cows had begun to drop their calves. Shelter and warmth meant the difference between life and death. Jake, his father, and his brother worked themselves ragged, driving the herd to protected pastures, rounding up strays, and hauling feed through heavy snows to stranded cows. His mother practically lived in the barn, nursing several orphaned calves. The horses and the dogs worked as hard as the men. Jake made sure the horses were bedded down dry in the stable every night with plenty of water and an extra ration of oats.
Before he turned in each night, Jake was tempted to call Devlin, but he was dead on his feet. He knew he’d only have a few hours of sleep before it was time to check on the cows again. After he’d missed her that first night, the night of her birthday, he was worried she’d be hurt. He didn’t think he could deal with that. Devlin was a punch in the gut.
She’d turned eighteen. He could have her if he wanted and if she wanted. Jake wanted her, but not at the expense of her innocence and his self-respect. Despite the fact that he had genuine feelings for her, she depended upon him. He would be an asshole to take advantage of that. He only wished his brain knew that when he was asleep. Devlin was killing him in his dreams. He was afraid he’d revert to adolescence. A wet dream at this age would be humiliating.
He’d called the day after her birthday, only to find that she and Delores had gone out to a movie, giving Mary and Ken some time alone with their new baby. Ken sounded like he’d been asleep, so Jake kept the call short. He congratulated him and sent his love to Mary and little Catherine Abigail Workman. Ken said he’d tell Devlin about the call and then signed off. Jake expected her to call back, but she hadn’t. Sighing, Jake ran his hands through his hair. Maybe it was for the best.
“Thinking about her, are you?” his mother said.
“Who, Ma?” asked Jake as he turned around, a note of exasperation in his voice.
“The girl. You love her, don’t you?”
Jake had never been able to lie to his mother. Even when he was a little boy, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how good the story he made up, she always knew. He gave up trying long ago.
“I don’t know. Maybe. She’s young, Ma, too young for me.”
“How young?”
“Eighteen.”
His mother folded her arms. “It’s old enough. I married your father at eighteen.”
“I’m not talking about marriage, Ma. You know as well as I do that I’m not ready to settle down. And Dev shouldn’t even be thinking about it right now. She has her whole life ahead of her.”
“Is that her name then? Dev?”
“Eleanor Devlin Barre. She goes by Devlin.”
“You’ve been wrestling with this for months, Jake. I’ve heard it in your voice over the phone. I hear it in your voice now.” She gave him a wicked grin. “You’ve got it bad, Jake McKenna.”
“Ma!” Jake blurted out, surprised laughter in his voice.
Jake’s mother reached up and patted his cheek. “It will all work out in the end. Love always does, one way or another.”
“Oh,” laughed Jake. “And that cryptic remark is supposed to make it all better?”
“You have a great big heart, Jake. I’ve been waiting for the day you’d find someone to give it to. I suspect you’ve found her. You’re just not sure it’s the right time. And probably, it isn’t. You’re still figuring out what you want to do with your life. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You want her. It’s written all over your face. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it?”
Jake threw his arms around his mother. The top of her head barely reached the middle of his chest. He wondered how she did it, managed to survive with three very large, testosterone-laden men.
“How do you know these things?” He shook his head.
She looked up and winked at him. “Easy. I’m your mother. I know my boys and pay attention. Besides, you’ve been touchy, on edge, like a stallion who’s caught scent of a mare in season.”
“Jeez, Ma! Do you have to be so graphic?” Jake could feel his face turning beet red.
Barrett, Julia Rachel - Anytime Darlin' (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 11