by Kim Krizan
Screw Him Over
For braver souls, Fatales have the example of Kitty, played by Ava Gardner in “The Killers.” Kitty appears to be the perfect gangster’s moll: in on the action, up on her Scary Mafioso Friend’s plans, willing to aid and abet. The reality, though, is that she bides her time until she can get her paws on the loot, at which point she will surprise everyone by splitting the scene and disappearing into the ether, alone. She was no mere partner, no sidekick. Kitty’s genius was in convincing all of the players in her world (including the Scary Mafiosos) that she was allied with them, while in fact she was playing solo.
Accidents Will Happen
It might be surprising that a wildly successful, famous, beautiful, and wealthy movie star like Lana Turner would become involved with a two-bit Scary Mafioso Boyfriend. It shouldn’t be, though, for in spite of the Hollywood trappings, Lana was a true Fatale, a girl who walked on the dark side.
In the spring of ’57, Lana Turner was finally rid of her gorgeous fourth husband who (not so gorgeously) had abused Lana’s daughter Cheryl and left the star with a ravenous need for some distraction, Fatale-style. When Lana met handsome, charming John Steele, he seemed to fit the bill. How he made a living she could only guess. His weird little gift shop didn’t seem substantial enough to keep anyone afloat, let alone a charmer who liked to wine and dine the ladies.
Lana soon discovered that her new boyfriend was actually Johnny Stompanato, a man who not only had underworld ties but one who was an associate of the powerful gangster Mickey Cohen. What’s more, Lana found that Johnny was jealous, gun-wielding, frightening, and even showed up on her film sets ready to make trouble. By the spring of ’58 Lana desperately wanted to rid herself of her Scary Mafioso Boyfriend and thoroughly dissed the guy by not inviting him to accompany her to that year’s Oscar ceremony. Instead, she went with daughter Cheryl and confided in her after the ceremony that she was about to dump uncle Johnny.
Shortly thereafter, Lana attempted to extract her Scary Mafioso Boyfriend from her life and a violent argument ensued. From Cheryl’s position outside of her mother’s bedroom she could hear Johnny threatening to cut her mother’s beautiful face, kill her grandmother, and “get your daughter too.” Fourteen-year-old Cheryl, having enough of her mother’s Fatale DNA to know how to handle these situations, ran down to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. She then stood outside her mother’s bedroom door and asked to be allowed in. Her mother told her to leave, but Johnny swung open the door and, in the blink of a well-mascaraed eye, walked directly into Cheryl’s knife. Lana and Cheryl reported later that Johnny said, “My God, Cheryl, what have you done?,” fell on the floor, and died. The killing of Johnny Stompanato was deemed a justifiable homicide and another Scary Mafioso Boyfriend bit the dust.
The Indispensable Private Detective
In the course of events, The Fatale will find that she needs a private detective. Detectives always teeter-totter on a fence that separates right from wrong. They are morally ambiguous, even amoral, and that appeals mightily to the femme fatale.
The Fatale will play a game with her Indispensable Private Detective in which she pretends she is good woman in a bad situation and in need of help. The detective will take pity and fall in love with her. Then, in spite of the detective’s worldly wisdom and hard-earned experience, he will become helplessly caught in the web in which she attempts to manipulate him to do her bidding. The proceedings will resemble a chess game, perhaps even a tango dance, and will involve gunplay and require a wardrobe of fancy lingerie. (Advice to the Fatale: Just keep the tears coming and the sad stories flowing.) And just when the Fatale has got her Indispensable Private Detective feeling like a big strong man, she must ease him into her real plan, the bad thing she needs him to do so they can be together forever. (Hint: The “bad thing” she needs him to do probably involves getting her current husband or boyfriend out of the way.) Once the deed is done it’s Paradise City for the Fatale and her detective. But after the deed is done and the Fatale’s plate is free and clear of all nuisance husbands and/or boyfriends, she has one last task on her list—the one that involves getting the hell rid of her Indispensable Private Detective.
Her scheme may work—or it may not. Whatever the case, it’s worth a try. No one ever said the Fatale isn’t a high roller. (See Ruth/Brigid in “The Maltese Falcon,” Helen/Velma in “Murder, My Sweet,” and Evelyn in “Chinatown.”)
Appropriate Ensembles for Every Occasion
Confronting a Detective in His Office
Greige (gray/beige) suit over white blouse.
Fedora hat dipping low over one side of the face. Large brooch.
(As worn by Evelyn Mulray, played by Faye Dunaway
in “Chinatown.”)
Receiving Her Detective in Her Hotel Room
Dapper, man-styled striped bathrobe. Distressed manner.
Extra points: Open suitcase with delicate, feminine lingerie draped over it.
(As worn by Ruth/Brigid O’Shaughnessy, played by Mary Astor
in “The Maltese Falcon.”)
Meeting Her Detective at His Apartment
Long black evening gown with sequins and a large broach.
Hair is swept up in a pompadour with jeweled stars along the back of the head.
A huge, fluffy black muff.
(As worn by Helen/Velma, played by Claire Trevor
in “Murder, My Sweet.”)
Meeting a Detective in a Nightclub
Gold metallic minidress with draped neckline and extremely low back.
Dangling gold earrings, gold cuff bracelet and gold ring,
tousled hair pinned to head.
(As worn by Catherine Tramell,
played by Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct.”)
Typical Male Ruses for Getting Into
a Woman’s Pants, Manipulating Her Into Being His Personal Servant,
and Generally Ruining Her Life
At this point it might be tempting to feel sorry for men, but don’t. Think of all the nefarious tactics they’ve used against women:
•The “Prince Charming” Act (Two seconds after crossing over the threshold upon returning home from the honeymoon he will turn into the biggest jerk the world has ever known.)
•The “White Knight” Ruse (This is generally used by men who do not have a suit of armor, a white horse, a sword, a lance, or any ability to save anyone, least of all themselves.)
•Expressing Keen Interest in Her Ideas (He most likely wants to take advantage of her hard work, steal her ideas, and take credit for them—and get in her pants.)
•Giving Unsolicited Advice, Correcting Her, Lecturing Her, “Explaining” Things to Her, “Enlightening” Her, and Otherwise Trying to Convince Her That He is Superior and She is in Need of His Help (Honey, he isn’t interested in helping her with anything; he’s interested in helping himself.)
•Making Unflattering Observations About Her Life (This is an effort to disguise the fact that he’s not doing so well in his.)
•Chopping Her Down (He wants her bad.)
•Apropos of Nothing, Indicating That She Isn’t That Great (He thinks she’s great.)
•Playing the Hurt Little Boy Routine (He wants to be mommied.)
•Manipulative, Controlling Behavior (This man is a bully—and weak, insecure, and neurotic.)
•Casually Throwing into the Conversation His Shoe Size (As if she’s a brood mare hoping to be serviced)
•Adopting a Super-Studly Pose (This man is devoid of real confidence.)
•Putting Down Her Man (He’s insanely jealous.)
•Grabbing His Crotch in Public (This means it’s small.)
•Talking About His Sexual Prowess (He has none.)
•Questioning Her Sexual Orientation (He’s hurt that she doesn’t flirt with him.)
•Ascribing to Her Dark Perversions (He’s a deviant with a sick and dirty mind but thinks it’s women’s fault.)
•Putting Down Women in General (This ma
n has failed to find romance and is bitter about it.)
These ruses all deserve the same response: This man must be symbolically—if not literally—smooshed beneath the heel of the Fatale’s black boot. At the very least she must brush him off and go find a nice gangster or detective with whom to spend her precious time.
“ There’s a Name For You Ladies … ”
Other Women and Why the Femme Fatale Hates Them
“Well girls, looks like it’s back to the perfume counter for me. And by the way, there’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society … outside of a kennel.”
—Crystal Allen, played by Joan Crawford in the original
version of “The Women”
Any femme fatale will have her detractors—female detractors. Historically, vamps have little to do with other women, at least if they can help it. They wisely know that sisterhood doesn’t exist and any supposed rainbow of love and cozy camaraderie between females is rare, if not a sham altogether.
If an attractive or charming woman appears on the scene she will throw off the balance of power in the tribe. The jungle drums will beat, every woman will be on notice that a threatening interloper has entered their midst, and the tribeswomen will do their best to extract the new chick—but quick. They’ll use any means necessary, but gossip, rumor, smear campaigns, and character assassination are the tried-and-true methods, a sort of social stoning. And a Fatale must be ready.
No one—that is no one—will whack a Fatale like another woman. No one will destroy her trust, throw away her loyalty, show disregard for her generosity, or mangle her heart more than another female. And no matter how genuinely good a girl might be and how normal her life appears, her “friends” will despise her victories and relish her defeats more than anyone. And that is why the femme fatale must fight fire with fire.
Debbie and Grandma
Growing up the femme fatale had no female role model that was worth a damn. She was a kind of Cinderella, relegated to a childhood of toiling midst the cinders—minus the glass slipper and the prince who was to come to her rescue.
Take for example cute little teenaged Debbie, played by Rose McGowan in “Devil in the Flesh.” The lady from Social Services drops Debbie off at her grandmother’s house after Debbie’s mother dies in a fire. Going to live with Granny doesn’t sound so bad, except that Granny is a cruel religious fanatic who verbally abuses Debbie and uses her as an uncompensated maid. Granny even refuses to buy Debbie school clothes, forcing her to attend class in her mother’s old outfits left over from the Australophithecine era. This, of course, forces Debbie to shoplift appropriate school attire (such as midriff tops and miniskirts). Finally Granny enters Debbie’s room and reads her diary. What choice does Debbie have but to kill Granny with her own cane?
Mother Gin Sling and Poppy
Take also the complicated relationship in “Shanghai Gesture” between Mother Gin Sling and the refined Poppy. Having been raised in a Swiss finishing school, Poppy visits her fancy aristocratic father, Sir Charteris, in Shanghai where he is “conducting business.” On a lark, Poppy is taken to Mother Gin Sling’s gambling casino—the sort of decadent place to which she has never been exposed. Poppy quickly begins gambling away her costly diamond jewelry and, with what seems to be tacit encouragement from Mother Gin Sling (who advances her just enough money to keep her in the game), Poppy becomes hopelessly addicted to both gambling and alcohol.
Fortunately, Poppy’s father finds out what Poppy’s up to and, to save what remains of her virtue, puts her on a plane out of town. Mother Gin Sling (who seeks revenge on Charteris for trying to take away her casino) thwarts Charteris by bringing Poppy back to Shanghai and presenting her to Charteris in a state of total disillusion, thoroughly corrupted and ruined. Mother describes how, after Charteris abandoned her years before, she pulled herself up from poverty to buy her casino and become a kick ass dragon lady. But Sir Charteris, claiming he had believed she was dead, then tells Mother Gin Sling that Poppy is her daughter. Poppy screams that she would never have a mother like Gin Sling so Mother finishes what she started and shoots Poppy dead.
Miriam and Sarah
Granted, female blood relatives may be an unmitigated disaster, but what of friends? Surely a femme fatale can find a bosom buddy who has the right stuff?
Take Miriam, Catherine Deneuve’s character in “The Hunger.” Miriam has a new gal pal, Dr. Sarah Roberts. What does Miriam do with her? Being a vampire, she does the friendliest thing she can by initiating a lesbian love scene and then sucking the blood right out of Sarah’s veins. This sounds perfectly horrific, except that by sucking Sarah’s blood, Miriam gives Sarah eternal life. This would seem absolutely marvelous, except that by giving Sarah eternal life, Miriam dooms her to a life of killing to survive. See how complicated friendships with women are? Somehow Sarah turns the tables and brings Miriam down, though in doing so Sarah becomes the new queen bee proprietress of a crew of vampire acolytes bent on killing for survival. And this is how female relationships go: a veritable merry-go-‘round of power grabs and baiting-and-switching that leave the femme fatale as alone as a tigress.
Mary and Crystal
Nowhere is this better illustrated than in the original film “The Women,” in which the angelic wife (Mary Haines, played to dewy-eyed perfection by Norma Shearer) is beset by enemies in her own territory. Sweet Mary learns of her husband’s affair while having her nails done by a gossiping manicurist. Such is the nature of a woman’s life: her misery is entertainment for the feminine masses. Meanwhile, the vicious man-eater who stole her man (Crystal, played by a simmering Joan Crawford) was never under the illusion that she had real friends. She knows that any female with whom she associates will turn on her on a dime. Neither does Crystal believe that she will ever have anything approaching “real” love with a man. She considers that “sob stuff.” Her life is one of man-hopping for the purpose of material and social advancement, thank you very much.
Yes, the femme fatale learns over time not to trust women. She knows that, according to the big invisible sisterly scoreboard in the sky, loyal female friendships are less important than the acquisition of power. Other women are for venting upon and with. They are not the holders of trust and, ultimately, could care less about another woman’s wellbeing. She knows that life is a game that must be played strategically and that, while a Fatale may develop temporary alliances, those alliances will fall by the wayside when it comes time to go “all in” and bet everything she has for the big win.
Shanghai Lily and Hui Fei
The only female friend a femme fatale can hope for is a temporary ally whose agenda momentarily intersects hers. Shanghai Lily had such a friendship—if that’s what it could be called—with the slitheringly cool character with whom she shares a train compartment in “Shanghai Express”: Hui Fei. An acquaintance said of them, “One of them is yellow and the other one is white, but both their souls are rotten.” Together they created double-strength Fatalism when, between listening to phonograph songs and smoking cigarettes, Hui Fei calmly murdered the heinous warlord Henry Chang, thereby freeing Lily and herself of his dictatorial sadism. And that’s what real friendship is made of.
In real life Dietrich was said to have only one friend at Paramount: Mae West (though they never once socialized off the lot). Yes, the femme fatale is a solitary lady, a creature who ultimately prowls alone, without true friends or real understanding. She knows that life is a big existential void in which we bob around together for a short while, but that we never really have pals upon whom we can wholly trust. The femme fatale can probably count females who were genuine “friends” on two or three fingers and they probably include a relative she hasn’t seen in ages, her hairdresser or maid, and a former schoolmate or co-worker who now lives in another part of the country.
Madame de Merteuil and Cecile
Young, inexperienced female associates must be shown the ways of the world. They were put on this earth to be man
ipulated for the older, more experienced woman’s purposes, wrung out like sweet, juicy fruit that will turn hurt and disillusioned, bitter and poisonous, jaded and enraged. And then the whole cycle will begin again.
Take, for example, the case of Madame de Merteuil and her little cousin Cecile. Sweet, innocent, trusting Cecile looked up to her gorgeous, worldly mentor, so when Madame discovered that little Cecile was engaged to be married to Madame’s secret lover, Madame saw to it that the bride-to-be would get a proper education—and so would Madame’s secret lover.
“Girlfriends”
The femme fatale also eventually learns that having a platonic male friend (a.k.a. “girlfriend”) rarely works. If he is heterosexual he waits patiently in the wings, hoping she’ll slip and land on his male accoutrement. He can’t imagine that she will never like him “that way” because she sees him as a “girlfriend” and that’s that. When he at long last becomes cognizant of the truth of her yawning disinterest in a romantic alliance he is furious and, to assuage his wounded pride, becomes as snaky an enemy as she’ll ever have. And so, friends? For the femme fatale? Nyet. Nein. Non. No in forty languages.
Mastering the Catty Come-back
When one is a female living in a world of females there are generally three modes of interaction: the socially acceptable nicey-nice (which is used most often), the vent-complain-and-cry (which is reserved for those one temporarily calls “friends”), and the catty comeback. The catty comeback is not employed every day (that is, unless one is French).