“Miss Rose, this is Emma McGlinchey-Beaulieu,” Wendy says enthusiastically, no sooner do we enter the classroom.
“Emma, hi,” Ms. Rose says, standing up behind her desk.
“Hi,” I say, shaking Ms. Rose’s silky soft hand, which clearly belongs to someone who does not fuck around in the moisturizing department.
“Emma wants to talk to you about writing for the The Green Pages,” Wendy says, bouncing up and down on her toes. I’ve never seen someone so full of pep. Well, except for that time we went to that party and January tried cocaine. She sure was talkative after that. Which reminds me: she read our minds at the sleepover that night. That’s how she knew about our little masturbation game. So, I have to wonder if she’s still reading our minds or listening to us talk telepathically when she shouldn’t be. I just figured she did it that night because she was high as a kite and we still hadn’t fully accepted her into the group. So, she was just trying to find out what we liked so that she could find common ground with us. I still think those were her reasons.
Reading someone’s telepathic messages is different from reading their minds. With telepathic messages, you’re just hearing a conversation. But reading someone’s mind is just that. You get inside their head and learn all of their secrets. We practiced doing it before we went after J. We also practiced erasing people’s memories. We all got pretty good at that.
Fortunately, we all agreed not to read each other’s minds more recently since most of us can do it now. What a nightmare it’d be if we all had a free for all, peeling behind our red curtains, uncovering each other’s secrets, which no good could come of. I’d like to think that I could sense it if someone was reading my mind, but I’m not sure about that. I had no clue January was doing it that night.
“Emma.” I hear my name and look over at Ms. Rose, who’s waving her hand in front of my face.
“Sorry,” I say. “It’s been a crazy day.”
“I heard. Why don’t you have a seat and we can talk? Wendy, could you excuse us?”
I remain standing as Wendy reluctantly says bye and grimaces as she hurries out of the room. “I don’t have time to sit. My friends and my ride are waiting.”
“Oh,” Ms. Rose says, sounding disappointed. “We meet at lunch most of the time, but Thursdays we do meet after school. Would that be a problem for you?”
“Oh, no,” I say. “I can make other arrangements for that. It’s just that I have a very busy afternoon today and my ride’s already waiting.”
“As you said.” She stands in front of her desk, leaning against it. “So, how long have you been writing?”
“For a while now. My friends and I did a zine when we were 11 or so and I guess that’s when I caught the bug.”
“What was the zine called?”
“Three Sisters of Suburbia.”
“Nice. What was the content like?”
“Sometimes we went and interviewed people we’d seen in the newspaper or on the news on TV. Plus, we did little reviews of our favorite TV shows and beauty products and stuff. And collages. We loved to make collages about various issues or in tribute to our favorite celebs.”
“Sounds cute,” she says and smiles. “But a high school paper is slightly more sophisticated. Do you have any writing samples that we could check out?”
“I’m sure I could put something together. Do journal entries count? Also, what about fiction? I guess I write both.” Please tell me I don’t need to spend the next few afternoons glued to the computer, writing essays of some sort. I’d rather change the names and give her something from my book of shadows.
“Well, why don’t we say you’ll bring me three writing samples between 500 and 1000 words each by Thursday. Then the editors can review them at our meeting after school. And we’ll let you know our decision on Friday.”
“I didn’t realize it was such a process,” I admit and swallow hard, my mouth now dry with intimidation.
“Actually, you know what? Were you in the biology lab when the frogs supposedly rose from the dead today?”
“As a matter of fact, I was,” I say matter-of-factly.
“Perfect. Just write me a thousand words on what happened. I’ll present that to the editors and give it my highest recommendation if I like it.”
“You sure?” I ask. I don’t want to volunteer to do any more work than I have to, but I don’t need her breaking policy for me.
She nods. “I hope you don’t mind my saying, but you’ve been through so much. You deserve a break.”
“Thanks,” I say. “Speaking of which, I do have one question. Wendy said she’s one of our fans and –”
“– Poor Wendy gets bullied a lot. So, I’m sure that’s why.”
“Well, she really wants to interview me and... I’m not sure how I feel about that. Plus, my friends and I had made a pact not to talk to the press. Not that our parents would’ve allowed us to anyway, but even if they did.”
“I get it. You girls went through something horrible and had to depend on each other to survive. Nobody can know what that’s like except the three of you.”
“Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe it would help humanize us if I did it? I hate that everyone’s already formulated opinions without even knowing us.”
“Well, if you want to do it, by all means ask your friends and family. But I think I’d decide either way first. No point in upsetting people if you’re just going to decide against it anyway, right?”
“That’s what I was thinking,” I say. I like how she’s not pressuring me. Here I was afraid she’d make doing the interview a condition of my being able to write for the paper. “Guess I’ll talk to you when I drop off the frog legs Thursday morning.”
She cracks a wide smile. “Sounds good, Emma.”
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to shake her hand again or not, but I figure it would be weird for me to offer mine if I’m not meant to, so I just turn and head out. I wish I wouldn’t have made that frog legs comment, though. I’m sure she knew what I was talking about, but it was just lame. [Why do you have to be such a stupid idiot half the time, Emma? Could you be any denser?] No, I’m not stupid. Just stressed. Comme d’habitude. As usual.
Sometimes I wish I could just trade places with someone else. That we could switch places for a day. There’s a spell for that in the newly decoded pages of the Book of Shadows. Of course, the person has to consent to trading with you. But even if I traded bodies with someone, it would be just that. Bodies. I’d still be me. In here with my racing thoughts. [My stupid fucking racing thoughts!] I’d just be in a different meat suit, as they’d put it on Supernatural. And what if the person ate meat? Guess their ass would just have to go vegetarian for the day! But I’d still feel the dead flesh they ate yesterday rotting away inside of me. No thanks.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
LIA
January and I arrive at the car first. I tell her to sit in front so Shar and I can sit together in back. Juliana isn’t happy about Shar being late because after she drops us off at Happy Accidents she has to jet home for an online meeting or conference. Or something like that. Sounds awfully boring to me, but she loves her job and she’s around to give me and my friends rides more often than not so I’m not complaining. She’s actually pretty great, so far as moms go.
“So, you’re really a witch?” January asks Juliana.
Juliana nods. “Haven’t you seen me do magick?”
“Yeah, but some people do magick without embracing the religious part.”
“Well, I pray to the Lord and Lady so I guess I’m down with the religion, too. What about you? I know fairies can only do the magick they’re given by the fairy depot, but who do you pray to?”
January shrugs. “Mostly, I pray to Hannashurie.”
“Who’s that?” Juliana looks completely baffled.
Before January can answer, I say, “Geez, mom, she’s the Goddess who turned her into a fairy and sent her to protect us. We must have told you her name a few times
by now.”
Juliana looks at January.
January hesitates for a second before she speaks. “What she said.” Then she turns and gives me a weird look. Guess she’s pissed because I went off on my mother instead of just letting her answer.
I didn’t mean to be rude. It just bugged me that Juliana couldn’t remember that. Why? Because if Hannshurie hadn’t sent January to us then I would’ve died at the shooting. I’m only alive because she healed me. She’s healed pretty much all of us at some point. Sometimes I get sarcastic with her, but she’s like a sister to me now. Maybe I was a little mean-spirited toward her at first because I didn’t like the way she inserted herself into our group. That was pretty manipulative of her. But I do get that she needed to get to know us so she could help us. So, I’m cool with her now.
Shar just got in the car.
“How’d it go?” I ask, trying to sound upbeat.
She gives me a proud smile. “I have to try out tomorrow afternoon, but I’m optimistic.”
“Well, congrats on getting an audition.” I give her a quick kiss on the lips as Juliana starts the car.
“Happy Accidents, right?” Juliana asks.
“Yes,” Shar and I say at once, which makes January smirk at us and giggle.
We just sat down at Happy Accidents after getting our drinks. Shar and I sit side-by-side, January across from me. I’m drinking a pumpkin spice latte, which I only get at this café because they make it with real pumpkin pie filling and it’s to die for. Oddly enough, Shar hates everything pumpkin. She’s drinking an iced smores latte, which has Monin brand toasted marshmallow flavored syrup and Ghiradelli chocolate with whipped cream covered in graham cracker crumbs. She loves that one, but I find it to be too sweet. Suffice to say, we won’t be sipping each other’s drinks today.
January has the exact same thing as Shar. When it was her turn in line she just turned to Shar then told the barista, “I’ll have what she’s having.” She did this even though she wasn’t paying attention when Shar ordered. She was too busy looking at one of decoupaged tables. She does weird things like copying our order sometimes. Usually, because she’s trying extra hard to fit in. To prove that she belongs in the group.
I’m trying to remember when January won me over. Maybe the night of the sleep-over when she brought up the game and tried to get us to play it. It was totally random for this girl we barely knew to bring up a game that Shar, Emma and I made up. Especially considering that it was a masturbation game. Basically, everyone does it at the same time and whoever comes first wins. Silly, but we started it when we were 13. Or maybe we were still 12? I’m not sure. But we didn’t know January was a fairy or anything psychic or supernatural at the time. So, it was like she was reading our minds except that we thought she was normal, which meant that she couldn’t have read them. Then we had to wonder if this was a game that other girls played, too. Because they’d have to for January to know about it. I just figured she’d played it with friends at another sleep-over. Now I grin whenever I think about her bringing it up. I admired her audacity. I guess that is when she started to grow on me. That said, Shar and I did not play the game with her. Emma, however, most certainly did. It was hard for Shar and I to hold back our laughter as they were doing it. I also thought it was funny that two supposedly straight girls were getting off on the fact that they were doing it together, lying side-by-side on the my air mattress. Even if they were wearing their pajamas.
Speaking of January, she burps and says, “Can I ask you guys something?”
“Sure,” Shar says.
January opens her mouth and eyes us nervously but nothing comes out.
I smile at her. “Just ask already.”
She takes a deep breath, holds it in for a few seconds then exhales before she speaks. “Goddess, this is so awkward.”
I shake my head. “Only because you refuse to spit it out.” Then I glare at her and make my best angry face. And I hold it until she realizes I’m fucking with her and starts laughing. Shar laughs, too.
“Seriously, you’re among friends. Ask whatever you want,” Shar says.
“OK. Well. Do you think Emma has a crush on me?” Her face turns beat red and I can feel the vibrations caused by her legs trembling under the table.
Shar and I look at each other for a moment, unsure what to say.
January looks like a rabbit about to be devoured by a lawnmower. “C’mon, the suspense is fucking me with a chainsaw.”
Shar grimaces. “That sounds painful.”
“So, spill. Just tell me already.”
Now it’s my turn to inhale and exhale hard. The truth is that Shar and I have suspected that they have crushes on each other for a while now. But they both have boyfriends they seem to adore so we haven’t said anything to either of them, less we encourage them to cheat and screw up the whole group. I’m tempted to say, “And what if she does?” But I don’t.
I give Shar the evil eye, hoping I’ll prompt her to answer.
Shar takes a sip of her drink before she answers. “She’s never talked about it.”
January is so anxious it’s kind of adorable. “There’s a but there, though, isn’t there? What else were you gonna say?”
I look at Shar and nod my head. I don’t know what else she was going to say, but she might as well say it.
“But I think she does.” Shar brings her hand to her face and covers her mouth. Oops!
Now it’s time for January to tell us why she’s asking us this. Just to get it out in the open. I try to sound casual, like this is no big deal. “Do you have a crush on her?”
I’ve never seen January’s face as red as it is now. You’d think we were publicly humiliating her.
She grabs our hands and holds them tightly. “Promise you won’t say anything?”
We can’t do that. We just can’t. Emma is our sister. January is our friend, but we can’t keep a secret from our sister. I wrap my index finger around my hair with my free hand then tug it. “We’ve known Emma much longer than you. So, we can’t exactly keep secrets from her.”
She lets go of our hands, folds her arms in front of her on the table and buries her face in them.
A look of guilt forms on Shar’s face, her forehead wrinkling so much that she looks like an old lady for a second. “We won’t say anything unless she brings it up.” Then she looks at me. “Right, Lia?”
I hesitate, but I don’t want to give January a panic attack, so I finally say, “OK. Not unless she asks.”
January sits up and blurts out, “Fine. OK. I admit it. I have a crush on Em.” Now her face turns purple. Not purple-ish. Actual purple. And I see people noticing this.
“Do you love Pete?” Shar asks her.
“I do. I really do. And the sex is great. I guess I’m just bi-curious. Is that what you call it?”
I shake my head. “Sorry, but if you’re fantasizing about boys and girls then you’re bisexual. Bi-curious is just what people say when they’re afraid to admit they’re bi.”
January looks at Shar, who just gives her a smile.
“Oh. Wow.” The realization would seem to have hit her like a ton of bricks.
“Would you ever cheat on Pete?” Shar asks, making it sound like doing so would be nasty.
The purple is fading from January’s face. I wish these assholes who’ve been eyeballing us since she said the word sex would quit looking at us now. I’m tempted to hypnotize them and make them spill their drinks on their laps. That would be fucking hilarious.
January bites her bottom lip. “No. I mean, I don’t think so. But if Em ever kissed me I think I’d lose all self-control.”
Shar and I laugh.
“Do you think she’d ever kiss me?” January makes sad eyes, like she’s preparing for us to say no.
“Well, she does love Jim,” Shar says, sounding quite serious. Like she’s trying to scare January.
“I know. And I love Pete. It’s so damn complicated.” Now she looks like she might st
art crying, tiny tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
I’m going to get myself in trouble but I have to be honest. And maybe I want to give her a little hope. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but if you kissed her first I think she’d kiss back.”
January’s eyes light up and I swear the tears just disappear. “Really?”
I nod then January looks at Shar and she nods, too.
I can’t believe you encouraged her, Shar says to me telepathically.
I take a sip of my drink. Hey, I’m just being honest like you.
Shar looks frustrated, wrinkles aplenty on her forehead. It stinks that she’d go for January, who she just met a few months ago, and not us.
“Does that hurt your feelings?” January asks, having been listening in. “Because if you guys want to propose that to her again then I’ll totally try to put her out of my head.”
“It’s no big deal,” I say to January. “I mean, once upon a time it would’ve been nice if the three of us were all in love and all that jazz, but after we talked to her and she said she wanted a boyfriend I stopped letting myself think of her that way.”
January looks at Shar. “Do you still think of her that way?”
Shar just shrugs and stares at her drink, which she takes a few sips of.
My jaw drops a little. Her silence is hitting me like a smack across the face. I’m about to go off on January for listening to us, when she stands up.
OK, she says. I’m gonna to go the restroom so you girls can talk privately for a few. And off she goes.
Shar and I sit in awkward silence for a moment. I don’t know what to say to her because I thought she and I were happy with each other. That we only wanted each other now. But it kind of seems like she’s been longing for Emma. That’s a big secret to have been keeping behind my back. And I thought the best thing about our relationship was that we’re always honest with each other.
In Memoriam Page 17