I really don’t want to tell them. They’re going to be so pissed at me. “Remember how Arja found out I was a witch?”
“You hypnotized her, right?” Em asks.
“Well, I did. Except the night before last she had a dream about finding me during the seizure... And how I used magick when she was calling 911.” I look at my hands on my lap as my face becomes red. Probably as red as people picture the devil. I just can’t look at them right now.
“She just thinks it’s a dream, though?” Li asks.
I shake my head. “It triggered her memory. Now she remembers everything. She even knows I hypnotized her.”
Em seems slightly more upset than Li, but I can tell they’re both livid, which is confirmed when I look at each of them for a second. “That doesn’t make any sense. With how much power we have now, the hypnosis should’ve been permanent.”
“Well, I must suck because it wore off. Feel free to hate me forever now.” I wish I wasn’t, but I find myself sulking.
“I don’t hate you,” Li and Em say at once.
It sounds like they mean it, but I haven’t told them what Arja wants yet. I suppose there’s no time like the present. “She said she’d keep our secret. That’s the one good thing. But she wants something in return.”
“So, spill already,” Em says.
“She wants us to do a love spell. To make this guy she works with fall for her.”
Em grimaces. “Did you tell her we only have a soulmate spell?”
I nod. “But she insists we make this particular guy go for her. She even gave me his hairbrush, figuring it might help.”
Li sighs. “What’s she think we do? Voodoo?”
I start cracking my knuckles. “No, but she thinks we can find a love spell to make a specific person fall for someone. She wants us to acquire one and use it on the guy.”
Li and Em share a look. Neither wants to say anything.
I continue cracking my knuckles, anxiously. “So, do you think we should do it?”
Li says, “Yeah.”
Em says, “No.”
I figured it might go that way, but I need to change Em’s mind since it’s in our best interest to keep Arja happy. “Why not? She’s a good person. It’s not like we’d be spelling some sweet boy to go out with someone nasty.”
“Yeah, but we’d be meddling with the guy’s free will,” Em says.
Is she kidding me? “How many times have we interfered with someone’s free will by hypnotizing them? That’s exactly what I did to Arja and look at the mess we’re in now.”
“We’re not forcing someone to date someone,” Em says. “That has to be black magick.”
I am beyond flustered. “C’mon, we’ve all been using magick for things we shouldn’t be lately.”
Em frowns. “I don’t know.”
I guess I need to give them an ultimatum. “Shouldn’t we try to please her? If she gets pissed at us she could tell my parents about me. About all of us. Besides, I don’t think we’d be doing black magick. We might be in a gray area, but I think we can live with that.”
Em and Li look at each other again. For all I know, they’re talking telepathically and not including me.
“You probably should do it,” Juliana says, finally chiming in. “We already know Arja can be impatient and you don’t want to set her off.”
“She’s right,” Li says. “If all else fails, I’m sure we can Google up a spell.”
Em bites her lip before she speaks. “I think we should consult the books we’ve bought from George’s before we go looking online, but, yeah, fine, let’s do it. You told her we can’ t do it today, though, right?”
“Yes, I’m not stupid,” I say.
“You know I don’t think you’re stupid,” Em says. “Now I have to ask you guys about something.”
“Uh oh.” Li laughs for second.
I hope this isn’t anything worse than what I just asked of them. “What’s up?”
Em smiles, looking at us. “You know how the school paper wants to interview me?”
Li and I nod.
“Well, I’ve decided I’d like to do it. If it’s OK with you guys. And you can do it with me if you want. I’ll tell them I won’t do it otherwise.”
I look at Li, who shrugs. “It’s fine. I don’t want in on it, but it’s OK with me if you go for it.”
I’m skeptical. “Yeah, I don’t want to do it either... But if you really want to do it, I guess it’s cool. Just remember the news and the tabloids will probably wind up quoting it at some point.”
“I know,” Em says. “I’m going to stop and think before I answer and choose my words carefully. You have nothing to worry about.”
Why did she have to say that? I hope she didn’t jinx us. “Now, see, telling us not to worry is going to make me worry.”
Em smiles. “I’m sure I didn’t jinx anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“That’s cool. I bet Wendy will just ask fangirl questions anyway,” Li says. I’m sure she’s right. That girl looks at Em like she’s her Goddess. Perhaps January isn’t the only one with a crush on her.
We spend the rest of the ride talking about Krystal and Priscilla. Em seems really devoted to helping them, and I want to, too, but I think we need to remind ourselves that we’re not responsible for them.
I don’t buy that business about how you’re responsible for someone if you save their life. Em is freaking out, worrying about Priscilla’s DNA possibly being on the knife that Jenna used to kill their parents. She’s also freaking out about Krystal coming home from the hospital too soon. I’m stressed enough about the memorial tonight that I really don’t want to hear it, but, of course, Li and I let her vent and say that we share her concerns. Although Li looks pretty distracted. So, then we talk about her and she’s feeling quite down on herself. We have to pry it out of her, but yeah.
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
JANUARY
My parents have been harping on me about Jim driving me to school. Even though he has a license, they still consider him a “student driver” since he’s still in high school. They’ve actually asked me to have him come in and show them his license. I haven’t done that yet and I don’t intend to. It would be pretty embarrassing to ask him. Um, yeah, Jim, so, my parents, they kind of, sort of want to see your license... So, how about you come in and meet them and they can interrogate you while they scrutinize it.
It would be so weird to introduce Jim to them. It was awkward enough when they met Pete and my father told him sex was out of the question until I’m eighteen. I don’t think my face ever turned as red as it did when he said that. It actually felt so hot it was like I was standing inches away from a fire. For a second there, I wished that I’d just died when I was stabbed to death instead of coming back as a fairy. They did let him hang out in my room after they were done interrogating him, but the door had to stay open two feet at all times so he was afraid to even kiss me. I mean, he wouldn’t even give me a quick, closed mouth kiss on the lips because he was so scared of my father, who isn’t even a big guy. Thank Goddess, I was able to persuade my parents to let me go out with Pete driving his mother’s car, but, of course, they had to see his license first. My father kept looking back and forth from the license to Pete, like he thought it was a fake and he was waiting for Pete to admit it. Thankfully, Pete held it together and told him it was legit. Then my father laughed and said, “I know. I just wanted to see how you’d react.” I suppose that’s about all he’d do if he looked at Jim’s license, but Jim isn’t even my boyfriend so I don’t see why I should have to subject him to that and feel humiliated again. It would be bad for both of us.
Sometimes I wish I could tell my parents how I died and came back. How I’m a fairy now. Maybe I would have right after it happened, but my father watches Supernatural with my sisters Maddy and Pear sometimes and I don’t think fairies have ever been the good guys on there. In most fiction, we’re portrayed as dangerous pests. Obvio
usly, it’s not that I fear my parents wouldn’t believe me. After all, I could simply switch to fairy mode and they wouldn’t doubt me after that. My concern is that they would be afraid of me. That the whole way they look at me would change. As it is, sometimes I think they see me differently because I’m adopted. That’s probably just paranoia on my part, but how they view me would never be the same if they knew what I was.
I’m standing at the window, watching for Jim. Maddy and Pear have both left for school already. Maddy goes to Westford High School. They had open enrollment and my parents were able to get her in. The only trouble is that they have to drive her back and forth because the Westford buses don’t come to Lowell. Fortunately, where my parents are both travel agents, who own their own business, it’s not difficult for one of them to step out in the afternoon to go drive her home.
Even though Maddy is a year younger than me at 15, I tend to look up to her like she’s my older sister. She’s a straight A student and she’s already talking about ivy league schools. Harvard is her top choice; she wants to be a lawyer. I don’t think I’m ivy league material, but I’m an A-B student so I suppose I could get into a decent college. If I ever figure out what I want to do. I’m not going to college unless there’s something I’m genuinely interested in. That’s because I’m a fairy and could just teleport into a bank vault if I needed money. Why go to college and take a bunch of business shit and wind up managing a collection agency or something awful like that when you can get cash so easily? That said, I haven’t used my fairy abilities to steal money yet. I often think about it, though! I guess the main reason I haven’t is that Hannashurie would probably get upset with me if I did. And I don’t want to upset my fairy Godmother.
BEEP! Jim’s here. Nobody else is home now, so there’s no need to say bye to anyone, and I’m out the door in seconds.
Pete is sitting in front with Jim, which is always the case because Pete lives closer to Jim so he picks him up first. I always wish Pete could get in the backseat with me so we could make out on the way to school, but then Jim would be alone up front and he’d look like our chauffeur. I don’t want to do that to him. Besides, I don’t think he wants to look in the rearview mirror and see me and Pete sharing tongues.
I get in the car, dropping my backpack between my legs. Then I hang my black dress beside me. (Fortunately, nobody noticed that I was bringing a dress with me today so I wasn’t interrogated about that.) When we get to school, Juliana will be waiting in the parking lot so she can bring the dress back to her place since her, Emma, Lia, Shar and I will be getting dressed there. Pete and I will be driving to the memorial with Jim and Emma since there’s no point in Pete and I going in his mother’s car when Jim and Emma have room for us. Lia and Shar will be going with Juliana.
CHAPTER THIRTY
SHAR
We don’t see Jim, January and Pete so they must not be here yet. Juliana is waiting for them so she can take January’s dress back. I’m dying to see Jan so she can heal my muscles, which are beyond wicked sore. It’s to the point that I don’t think I could even try out today without her working her magick on me. I definitely over did it last night. It just felt so good, being back in the water, that I couldn’t help myself. I would’ve made magickal healing tea this morning but I don’t have the ingredients at home, since my parents would freak out if they found a bunch of herbs in my room. Not that they should be going through my room, but I think my mother does once in a while. That’s why I don’t keep any Wicca books at home.
“How long do you think your try out will take?” Juliana asks me.
“I don’t think it’ll take too long.” She’ll be waiting for me in the car with January, Li and Em, hence her asking. “I feel awful about making you wait, but I told them I have a memorial to go to, that I can’t stay for practice after.”
“I’m sure they’ll be so impressed with your breast stroke that they’ll say you’re on the team in no time,” Li says.
I force a smile. “I hope so.” Even though I only got back in the water last night, I’m confident about my swimming. I just hope my nerves about the memorial don’t dampen me. Pun intended. Then again, January’s healing prowess should squash my anxiety.
I look across the parking lot just as Jim pulls in with January and Pete.
“Here comes Doctor Feelgood,” Em says to me.
“Doctor Feelgood?” Li asks.
I open my mouth to answer, but Em is quicker. “January.”
“Ah,” Li says. She looks frazzled right now, as she has since her and Juliana picked me up this morning. When we managed to get her to open up in the car she fessed up to blaming herself for Kat’s death, which I can kind of understand but at the same time I’m not beating myself up about it. Not too much anyway. I mean, I’m anxious about tonight, but it’s more so just nerves than guilt. Of course, I feel awful about what happened to Kat, too, but it was her choice to show up at the mountain, not mine. In any case, hopefully January can reset Li’s anxiety button like she’s done for Em before. Although, I don’t think she can stop her from feeling guilty. Even when Em told her not to blame herself, that it was her fault for telling Kat what was going on, Li insisted that it was also her fault because she could’ve checked for the trap but didn’t. It’s like she wishes she could trade places with her, which is pretty morbid if you ask me.
Jim parks a few spots down from us. That’s the closest one that was empty. January, Pete and him get out of the car. Jim heads in our direction, but January and Pete take a moment to suck face first. Em sees this and frowns.
“Hey,” Jim says, arriving beside us. Li, Juliana and I say hi to him, but he doesn’t exactly notice since Em plants her lips on his and they kiss. Closed mouth, mind you.
I give Li a quick kiss on the cheek, hoping to snap her out of it for a minute, but the wrinkles fail to leave her forehead.
I rub Li’s back. “You have to stop this right now.”
She smiles at me, but still looks downtrodden.
“Are you gonna be all right?” Juliana asks Li.
Li shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess.”
Naturally, Juliana looks worried about her. “You can come home with me if you’re that upset.”
January and Pete reach us. We all say hi and January gives her dress to Juliana. “I know the memorial is tonight, but why is everyone looking so glum exactly?”
Em and I look at Li, but she just looks at the ground and doesn’t say anything.
“Li needs you to stomp on her anxiety,” I say to January.
January looks at Li, but Li doesn’t look up.
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” January says.
“Actually,” Li says and looks at Juliana. “Can I just come home? I think I just need to take something and lie down.”
“That’s fine,” Juliana says. “But you should probably have January relax you first.”
Now Li looks agitated. “Can we just go?”
I can’t stand the thought of Li sitting in her room all day with her guilty thoughts brewing. “Please let January settle your nerves first. If not for yourself then for me.”
“It’s guilt more than anxiety,” Li says.
“I still might be able to help with that,” January offers.
Li shakes her head no, her eyes still fixed on the ground.
“You said you didn’t sleep well last night. Maybe you won’t feel so tired if she helps you,” I say.
“No thanks,” Li says, finally looking at January, then she looks at Juliana. “Can we go? Now?”
Juliana looks even more concerned. “Sure, I guess.”
Em puts her hands on Li’s shoulders and tries to look her in the eye. “You’re really just gonna go home and sulk like this?”
“Look, it’s great that January can stop your panic attacks, but I’m not looking for a quick fix.,” Li says without looking at January.
Em bites her lip. “I don’t understand why you’re so down on yourself today. I get that yo
u feel guilty, but everyone in the group let her check for that trap. Not just you.”
“Just because everyone else is fine with it I’m supposed to be?” Li asks. “Well, I’m not.”
“O....kay,” Em says, taking her hands off of her.
Li gives me a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, OK?”
I shrug. “Fine.”
Li says “bye” to everyone, waves her arm and gets in the car. Funny how the first time she makes eye contact with January is when she’s saying goodbye. I guess she didn’t want to look at her because she knew January could talk her into it. And it’s hard to refuse January anything, she’s such a sweetheart. So, she probably would’ve let her help her if she really had looked at her and talked to her.
January sighs heavily. “I really think I could help her.”
“I know,” Juliana says. “Maybe this afternoon. In the meantime, I’ll see if I can spell her some happy tea.”
“Make sure she takes her Ativan, too,” Em says. “Maybe she’ll take a nap and feel better when she wakes up?”
“I’ll try,” Juliana says to me then she gives us all a “bye” and gets in the car.
We all watch in silence as they drive off.
“That was fucking weird,” Em says.
I’m a bit shocked. Em is usually more compassionate than that. Especially since she’s the one who has panic attacks the most often. “I’m sure you can relate.”
Em looks at all of us and nobody looks happy with her. “Yeah. Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“So, January, my muscles need you,” I say, rubbing my sore arms.
“Where does it hurt?” January asks.
“Everywhere,” I say. “Arms, legs, chest, et cetera.”
“You do realize I have to touch the places where it hurts or put my hand on your head if I’m healing you all over?”
I wasn’t thinking of that. “I think your hand on my head would be best.”
She giggles for a second. “Or I could go into fairy mode and sit on your head.”
In Memoriam Page 24