Jim takes my hand and Pete takes January’s and we start walking toward chez George, which used to be chez Kat, too. None of us says anything as we walk. Well, Jim tries to make small talk, asking if anyone has plans for the weekend, but when nobody replies he gets it and doesn’t say anything else. It kind of seems like he isn’t feeling guilty about what happened with Kat at all. I’m sure he is, though. He’s probably just acting calm, cool and collected to be strong for the rest of us.
January and I keep glancing at each other and I’m tempted to talk to her telepathically, but I’m too petrified to try for fear of Jim or Pete or both overhearing me. [Although that would kill two birds with one stone and make it all the more likely that January and I will wind up together.] Still, too scared.
It takes us five minutes to reach the house where Juliana, Lia and Shar are already standing out front on the sidewalk. Jim and Pete let go of me and January’s hands. I want to reach for January’s but she’d probably just flinch and pull away. Besides, if I actually did that the cat would be out of the bag and January would probably hate me and resent me even if we wind up together. So, that would probably be dumber than trying to talk to her telepathically. [Which I’m still fucking tempted to do.]
“Everyone ready?” Jim asks.
“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Shar says. She seems to be coping better than the rest of us girls today.
“Let’s do this then,” I say. I glance over at January and she gives me a little smile. For like a second.
“Who’s gonna knock?” Pete asks as we approach the front door.
I feel like that’s my responsibility. “I’ll do it,” I say, forcing myself to sound confident. This wouldn’t even be happening if I hadn’t convinced Lia and Shar to form a coven and brought them to Salem to buy supplies at George’s. So, the least I could do is be the one to knock on the door. It has a metal dragon knocker below the peek hole with a big hoop going through its nose, which is what you use to knock. I knock once and am about to do it again when the door opens, courtesy of George.
“Hi George,” I say.
“Don’t you ladies look lovely this evening,” he says. “Come on in. I’ll lead you out to the deck. We’re all out back. I just came in because I sensed you all arriving.”
As we file into the house, I’m impressed by George’s psychic abilities. I’m even more impressed by the living room we walk into. It has a huge oriental rug with an infinity symbol in the center and there’s a black pentacle tapestry hanging on the wall above a full Wiccan altar with several God and Goddess statues surrounding it. He also has two gigantic bookcases full of everything from Steven King and Willow Rose horror novels to books about the Gods and Goddesses and a great many spell books. The walls are white and the one wall with nothing hanging on it, or leaning against it, has various Wiccan symbols painted on it. The protection one is the same as the one in our Book of Shadows, but the others are unfamiliar. Probably a mix of talismans and sigils. Of course, we’re just starting to learn about that stuff from the new material that appeared in the Book of Shadows shortly before we took on J. Shortly before Kat passed away.
“Let’s head out back and you can grab drinks,” George says.
Everyone looks confused.
“Witches usually make their funeral intentions known before they pass. In Kat’s case, she wanted a traditional Wiccan ceremony but she also wanted it to be a celebration of her life with lots of snacks and booze. You kids are 21, right?” he asks and winks at us.
“Yes we are,” Jim says.
“Excellent,” George says, “But no drinking if you’re driving.” He motions for people to follow him with his arm.
As everyone’s heading out of the room, I suddenly have to pee really bad and, worse, I think my period is starting. “George, could I use the bathroom, please?”
“Sure, it’s upstairs to the right. You’ll see it as soon as you get up there. Kat’s room is across the hall. I’m sure she’d want you to see it.”
“Thanks,” I say and head for the stairs.
The stairs squeak a lot as I walk up them. There’s a gray carpet going down the middle of the staircase and a matching gray banister, which I need to use because I feel slightly dizzy, probably because I didn’t eat anything at Lia’s when everyone was having popcorn during Netflix and pizza before we left. I just felt like I wouldn’t be able to hold anything down and I didn’t want to get here and puke. [I didn’t deserve to fucking eat anyway. I need to become an anorexic and suffer until I’m 90 pounds. Only then will I have begun to make penance for getting Kat killed.] Maybe that’s a dumb thought, but I do have a point. I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace over that unless I torture myself first. [I deserve to fucking suffer.] For what I did to January, too. [In fact, I’m going to punch myself in the eye as hard as I can when I get home. An eye for an eye, right? Or, with the Wiccan rule that the evil you do comes back to you threefold, I deserve to punch myself in the eye trois fois!] I wonder if that’s why all Lia’s beta fish died; I did evil by bringing the raven back so her three fish had to die? Fuck if I know. But I don’t see how bringing the raven back could be evil when Shar bringing the frogs back – with an assist from me – wasn’t.
I reach the top of the stairs and find both the bathroom door and Kat’s bedroom door wide open. I really want to check out Kat’s room, but I hurry into the bathroom to take care of business first. It turns out I was right about both things: I needed to pee something fierce and my period has indeed started, getting on my fancy underwear in the process. Thank Goddess, I always keep extra tampons in my purse.
Once everything is taken care of and I’ve washed my hands, I head out of the bathroom and stand outside Kat’s room. I place my hand on the door frame and a warm sensation races from my palm through the rest of me. It reminds me of how I feel when January eases my mind.
One thing is for certain: purple was Kat’s favorite color. Two of the walls are dark purple and another is a light purple, almost like a pastel you’d see at Eastertime. There are lots of pentacles made out of everything from gold to twine on the walls along with other witchcraft symbols and talismans. Speaking of which, there’s a huge talisman painted on the ceiling in, you guessed it, purple paint. I’m tempted to enter the room, but I don’t think that would be right. I don’t deserve to learn more about her.
“Are you going to come in or what?” a female voice says from inside the room.
I stick my head in the room and much to my amazement, Kat is sitting on the bed! She looks like her normal self, too. Not ghostly or anything. She looks like she’s the one seeing a spirit, though.
“Should I be the one who’s startled?” I force a little laugh.
“I’m not. I just thought you looked like someone else for a sec. Anyway, never mind that. How are you?”
“Better now. But how is this possible?” I ask. “Did they resurrect you?”
“Nah, I think I’m here since the veil is thin with Samhain next week.”
I scratch my head. “Did you do a spell to get here? Wait, can you do spells from the other side?”
“Not spells, but I prayed to be here and the next thing I knew, I woke up on my bed. Guess someone heard my prayer.”
“Were you in the Summerland?”
“Indeed. I’m kind of a big deal over there for my part in defeating that evil bitch. Anyway, get over here and give me a hug.”
She stands and I go to her and we hug. She’s nice and warm and her hair smells like almond shampoo. The fabric of her dress feels real, too. It’s black and sleeveless, similar to Lia’s.
We embrace for what seems like ages. I don’t want to let go and find out she’s not really here, fearful that she’ll disappear if I release her. After a good minute and a half has passed I realize she isn’t going to let me go first so I have to let her go. Reluctantly, I do so and take a couple steps back. She’s still here. Whew.
“Take a look around my room,” Kat says. “You can take whateve
r you’d like. George already took what he wanted. Ditto for the rest of the coven.”
I am curious to look around, but first I have to say something. “I’m so, so sorry about what happened to you. I should’ve checked for that damn trap myself.”
“Girl, you need to stop beating yourself up for that. You don’t need to be forgiven for anything, but if you need to hear me say it, you’re forgiven and I don’t blame you for anything. Same goes for your friends.”
“Really?” I guess I’m in disbelief. I never expected to see her again, much less be absolved for my part in her demise. [If I was her, I’d be smacking me in the face right now.]
“Of course,” she says and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Besides, I’m quite happy in Summerland.”
“Well, that’s a big relief,” I say. “My friends and I have been riddled with guilt since that day.”
“That stops right now. We’re good. In fact, there’s something special that I want to give you.” She goes into the closet and crouches down. She does something, but I can’t see what from where I’m standing, a bureau in the way. When she stands up she’s holding four notebooks. She walks over and offers them to me so I take them in my hands.
“What are these?” I ask.
“My book of shadows. Well, my books of shadows. They’re more like journals but all my spells are in them, too. I think you’ll enjoy learning many of them.”
“I really shouldn’t,” I say.
She smirks at me. “Why not? You and your friends fight the good fight. I can’t think of any better people to give them to.”
I don’t fucking deserve them. I really don’t. “What if I use them for bad things?”
She makes eye contact with me and holds it. I don’t look away as she looks deep into my eyes. “You have a lot of darkness in you and need to fight it, but you’re a good person and I trust you won’t misuse them.”
“You’re sure?” I ask.
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” she says.
“Well, thank you so much.”
“Let me get you a bag,” she says and goes back into the closet. She comes out with a purple Heysport backpack. “Will this do?”
“I don’t know. That must have been expensive. Maybe you should leave it for George?”
She laughs. “George hates purple. And, like I said, my coven already took some momentos.”
“I’m glad to see you found her,” George says from behind me. I turn and see he’s in the doorway.
“I did, thank you,” I say to him. I’m relieved to find that he sees Kat, too, because part of me was worried that I might be hallucinating.
“Well, the coven has just started the ceremony, you two should come outside,” he says.
Kat lets out a sigh. “I told you, I don’t want everyone to see me. I think it would freak people out. Or make them miss me more when I return to the Summerland.”
He rubs her arm. “Kat, they would love to see you.”
“I’m sure he’s right,” I say.
“And I think they need to see you since we don’t have your body or ashes for the ceremony,” George adds.
Kat shakes her head no. “They tell us when we’re able to come back that we’re supposed to come into contact with as few people as possible and not change the outcome of anything. I’d be breaking both those rules if I went out and talked to everyone.” Sounds like her mind is made up.
“OK,” George says. “But I think your presence would only make people feel better. And I don’t think making people happy at a memorial constitutes changing the outcome of anything.”
Kat turns to the window behind her and pushes the curtain aside, looking out at the backyard. “I’ll be here watching. Maybe I’ll change my mind at some point, but please don’t tell anyone I’m here.”
“Can I say I felt your spirit?”
“That and only that.” She gives him a look that says she means business. If he can’t convince her to go out then I doubt I could.
“Is it OK if I tell my friends I saw you and you said we’re not to feel guilty?” I ask.
She nods. “Definitely. But wait until tomorrow, K?”
“Sure,” I say. Although I wish I could tell them now because I know they’re all feeling terribly guilty tonight.
“You should come along, Emma,” George says.
I put the notebooks in the backpack.
“I’m sure we’ll meet again sometime,” Kat says. “If not before, when you come to the Summerland.”
“What’s it like there?” I ask.
She gives me one of the nicest smiles I’ve ever seen. “Beautiful. Peaceful. The flowers bloom all year. The water is always 80 degrees. The air is clean. You feel happy all the time.”
“Sounds nice, “ I say, zipping the backpack shut.
“Well, don’t be in any hurry to come see for yourself,” Kat says and laughs.
I find myself laughing, too. When we’re done, I say, “Thank you,” and hug her.
She rubs my back. “Remember, no beating yourself up about anything, OK?”
“OK, OK,” I say.
We stop hugging and she kisses me on the cheek. “Salut.”
I give her a peck on the cheek. “Ciao.”
George and Kat share a hug and say goodbye then I follow him out of Kat’s room.
When I reach the bottom of the stairs behind George I look back and see Kat at the top. She smiles and winks at me. I grin, wave and follow George through the living room.
“I can’t believe I hugged her,” I say. “Totally not something I expected to happen tonight. Can all spirits hug you?”
“No, not all. But, yes, some of my best hugs have been with the deceased.”
I let out a loud laugh, thinking he was joking.
George looks at me like I’m crazy for a second as we continue walking. “It usually happens around this time of year,” he explains. “During the weeks before, during and just after Samhain when the veil between this world and the next is thin.”
I smile and nod. “Good to know.” That’s what Kat said but he explained it a little better. I wonder if Ruth will finally be able to contact me now that the veil is doing its thing? Wouldn’t it be crazy if she just showed up at the front door? Although mom might faint and possibly hurt the baby when she hits the floor. I just hope evil spirits can’t crossover while the veil is thin. I wouldn’t want to see J or any of the bullies from Noah’s Catholic who tried to kill us. [Yet we’re with you always.] What the hell am I thinking? I guess they really are with me, though, considering how they continue to haunt me, thanks to the PTSD.
We pass through the kitchen and head out onto the deck where my friends are sitting at a circular table. They’re munching on shrimp, cheese, crackers, and purple grapes. They’re also having drinks with a few members of Kat’s coven; I assume they’re part of the coven because its members all seem to be wearing black robes with large gold pentacle necklaces atop them. [They just need to turn those pentacles upside down and we can do some real magick.] Now, I’m sure that thought comes from the black magick. I wouldn’t think like that normally. [Or would I?]
The high priest and priestess, who are standing by an altar, stick out because they’re wearing crowns made out of deer horns, gems and what I guess is some kind of animal skin. They’re also wearing several talismans each in addition to the big pentacles. The altar is the fanciest one I’ve ever seen, sitting atop a rectangular stone slab, which appears to have a black onyx counter top on it. Several candles are burning, giving the illusion that the Lord and Lady statues are dancing in the moonlight. To the left side of the altar is a posterboard with a collage of photos that must be of Kat, but I can’t see them from here.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” George says and gives me a quick kiss on the forehead. It’s unexpected, but not awkward.
“See you later then,” I say and off he goes to join a group chatting over by the altar. I take a seat between Jim and January, who both say hey and smile at
me. How fitting. As if I wasn’t already aware of the fact that I’m going to have to choose. I wish the universe would give me a fucking sign and make it obvious who I should be with. I’m starting to think it’s January. I don’t know, there’s just something about Jim, like he seems too perfect sometimes.
“What’s that?” Jim asks, motioning towards Kat’s purple backpack, which I guess is now my backpack. I wonder when it will start to feel like it belongs to me. Right now I feel like it’s still Kat’s property, perhaps because I just saw her in the house.
“It was Kat’s. Her journals are in it. They’re her book of shadows, too. George said she’d want me to have them.”
Jim’s face lights up. “That’s so cool. Congrats.” He looks so happy for me, just as one would want their ideal mate to be. [Sometimes I wonder if he’s still under the soulmate spell we cast when we first started doing magick. If the reason why he seems flawless is because he’s being forced to be exactly who I want him to be.] No, that’s ridiculous. Obviously, he wasn’t being the perfect boyfriend when I first met him and he didn’t tell me he was a witch all that time. Soulmates shouldn’t lie to you.
The high priestess rings the triangle altar bell three times. It’s not a very big one, but it sure sounds like it is. I wonder if it’s a magickal object like our Book of Shadows?
Almost everyone in the coven is already near the high priest and priestess, but those who aren’t get up and gather around them. I’d like to join them, but one of the women says, “you can watch from here,” as she passes our table to go to the others so we remain seated. Right now it looks like they’re all engaged in a casual conversation, but they’re handing out light purple candles.
“You were gone for a long time,” Jim says. “Everything OK?”
All of my friends look at me. Unfortunately, I can’t tell them I just saw Kat. Not until tomorrow. I must honor her wishes. So, I tell them a half truth. “I was talking to George. He showed me Kat’s room.”
Jim’s forehead wrinkles. “That’s all?”
Why the hell is he asking me that? Is he in my head? Reading my mind? If he’s doing that, then I’ll definitely dump his ass for January. “Well, I also have my period.” I pretend to zip my mouth shut with my fingers as Jim’s face turns as red as a macintosh apple and us girls laugh. Pete’s face reddens as well. This makes Juliana laugh.
In Memoriam Page 38