“Michael, please.” I didn’t know what I wanted him to do, but I needed him to do something to relieve this enormous pressure building up inside me.
I tried taking his shirt off, needing to feel his skin on mine. I was so overcome with need that my body seemed to be taking control. I felt like I was finally breaking down his walls…until his hand reached down to stop me.
He broke away from my kiss, breathing erratically as he rested his forehead on mine.
“I’m sorry.” I gripped my eyes shut, feeling guilty for pushing him.
He pushed himself up, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. Closing his eyes, I wonder if he was angry with me for pushing him so hard. My eyes filled as the feeling turned from hot and heavy to devastating rejection within seconds.
Trying to calm his breathing, he turned to face me, eyes wide. “Please don’t be upset, Cassie. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? I’m sorry. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. You have to understand I want you, too. More than you know. There is nothing more in this world that I would want than to make you happy, believe me. I just want you to give me some time to make this right for you. I want you to know that if I kiss you and break away, it’s not because I don’t want you. It’s because I’m trying to control myself. I want it to be perfect, just like you.”
I smile as a single tear dropped down my cheek. Michael reached up and gently wiped it away.
“I hope that’s a happy tear.” His face was filled with warmth, and it took my breath away.
Nodding, I took his hand and kissed his soft skin. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“For what?” His face crinkled into a slight frown.
“For finding me.”
Chapter 8
I was a little unsure of what Michael’s plans were for today so I broached the subject of him taking me home.
“I would like you to stay with me again tonight. That’s if you don’t mind?”
“I don’t, but I need more clothes.” I was suddenly giddy at the prospect.
“Well, I can run you home on the bike to grab a few things, we can go for a little ride, then we can order some dinner from a local takeaway. How does that sound?”
I couldn’t think of anything better. “Sounds great.”
“Good. I want you with me as much as I can have you.” He sighed, looking a little sad all of a sudden. “I’m going away next week.”
My shoulders slumped at the news and I felt a pout forming. “Where are you going, and for how long?”
“Until Friday. I’m going to a firearms course. I wish I never applied now.” Pausing for a moment, he turned towards me. “Hey, will you take Friday off so we can spend a long weekend together? It would be something to look forward to.”
“Of course. I would love to.” I smiled, then realised his face has dropped again.
“I guess I’m going to have to leave you in the hands of Stephen until then.”
I frown, not understanding what he meant. “I don’t understand.”
“Stephen can look after you whilst I’m away. I don’t like it, but it’s better than leaving you on your own.”
This was just mind-boggling. I was twenty-five, but I suddenly felt like I was five. “Michael, what are you talking about? I live on my own and have been for a while now without anyone’s help, support, or protection. I think I can cope.”
“I know. I would just feel better knowing he was around, watching you, keeping you safe.” He suddenly laughed.
“What?” I was feeling somewhat confused at his sudden personality change.
“Just last night, I was telling you to keep away from him and now I’m contemplating having him watch out for you. How contradictory is that? I guess I can’t help feeling jealous. I know he likes you and, I must admit, I don’t like it.”
“Then there’s no need for it.” I take his hand to gain his attention. He turns to me and I smiled. “I’m a big girl. I don’t need Stephen to look after me.”
He smiled, gripping my hand tighter. “I know, but I don’t think I can leave you knowing that you were left all on your own, vulnerable to anyone who wants to take advantage.”
I shook my head, sighing. “You act like I’m a bull and the matador is coming.”
He chuckled. “Do you always have this way with words? What a strange analogy.”
“Yes, but you knew what I meant, didn’t you? Listen, I really don’t see how you going away for a few days is going to affect anything. I’ve gone this far without any problems. What makes you think that anything will happen now?”
“I don’t know.” Michael frowned for a moment. “All I do know is that I worried about you even before I knew who you were. Now that I know you’re the one I’ve been searching for all this time, it just makes it that much harder to leave you. Maybe I should cancel.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be silly. You signed up for this ages ago. What will they think of you if you cancelled so suddenly?”
He stroked my cheek and I leaned into this touch. “Okay.” He smiled brightly. “On one condition. You let Stephen take care of you. Otherwise, I won’t go.”
I sighed, giving in. I didn’t like it, but if it made him feel better, who was I to complain. “Okay, sure thing.”
“Come on. Let’s get going to your place so we can hurry back.” He rose from the bed, then turned around to face me. “By the way, I’ve already spoken to Stephen about next week. Surprisingly, he’s more than willing to be your guardian while I’m away.”
I shook my head again, but do not argue with him. Instead, I stand and gather all my belongings from last night.
**********
After packing some clothes for the rest of the weekend, we head back to Michael’s and order some Indian food. He lit the fire and set two candles on the coffee table in front of the sofa. It was the most romantic setting I had ever been in. We sat on the floor and took turns feeding each other, which resulted in a lot of giggling. We had to giggle; otherwise, it would have gotten way too serious. No matter how much I wanted to get serious, I knew he would break away. It wasn’t worth getting all pent up over.
“You know how fascinating you are to me?” We had just finished our meal and I had been watching him the whole time.
Shocked, he looked at me. “Why?”
“You know, it’s a funny thing. If I wasn’t the way I am, I think you telling me that you come from some heavenly universe would have made me think you were bonkers. For some reason, I just believed you straight away. Isn’t that funny?”
He looked off into the fireplace for a moment, pausing. “I think you’ve known for quite some time that you’re different,” he finally said. “Wouldn’t you say you always felt that about yourself?”
I laughed a little. “You know, I always thought I was cursed.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t know. I think it was just because I could see things I really didn’t want to see. I never started a relationship with anyone because I already knew about them before we could even start to date. It was the most off-putting thing ever. I can’t stand it at times—getting inside people’s heads. I don’t want to know about who they were with last night, or what fight they’re going to have tomorrow night. I just don’t want to see it. At the same time, I want to do good. I want to be able to help with what I have if I can. Something has always held me back, though. I’ve always had that feeling. I don’t know where it comes from.”
Taking my hand, he gently rubbed it with his finger. It instantly sent goose bumps rising and the burn started again. He only had to touch me slightly and it sent me into overdrive.
“I think there may have been a reason why your instinct has been telling you that. What about now? Do you still feel that way now?”
“A little, I suppose. Although, if there was some way of doing it in secret, that would be good.”
Michael, lost in thought for a moment, sucked in some air, released it, then said, “Mark Richards. You s
aw it all, didn’t you? You went out and touched his hand on purpose. That was dangerous, Cassie.”
I winced a little, knowing I had been caught. “I know it was, but I just wanted to help. I saw him do it. I saw it in his head. He wanted revenge. The little boy’s parents owed him money for drugs and they wouldn’t pay. He wanted to show them he meant business. His intention was never to kill the boy. He just wanted to send a message. The problem I had next, though, is I knew he wanted to follow me. In fact, if you hadn’t come along, that’s exactly what he would have done.”
“That’s why it’s so important for you to be careful with your gift. If it was a matter of just feeling an object someone owns, that would be perfect. For you, it’s a lot more... hands on.”
I started laughing. “Yes, you could say that.” In my haze, I suddenly had this funny thought, and I couldn’t help but ask. “This is going to sound really weird, but you don’t have wings, do you?” His laughter shocked me. It was almost as though I had told the funniest joke.
“No, we don’t have wings.” I nodded my head and look into the fire. “Not down here anyway.” He smiled widely, letting me know he was joking.
I still couldn’t hide the look of shock as my mouth hung open. He laughed again, getting up to take our plates. I offered to help, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Tell me,” I said, once he was back. “What is it like where you’re from?”
Michael scratched his head for a second and smiled. “It’s beautiful. Everywhere you look, there is beauty and kindness. It tends to fill you with an appreciative sense of hope and fulfilment.”
“Wow! Why on earth would you want to come here then?”
“Someone had to, Cassie. I was only too keen to do it. The angels work extremely hard to make everyone happy, and to make the world a safer place. I was only too willing to offer them something in return. Any of us would.”
It was hard to imagine any of this. I always believed in the afterlife, simply because I had to have been given what I have from somewhere. Deep down, I always knew that angels existed, and now I had my very own guardian angel. The thought of it made me smile.
“So how do they decide on who you protect? How do they know with whom to pair you up? I take it you were chosen to search for me for a reason.”
“Yes, that’s right. I don’t know why they chose me for you. I’m considered the best they have. I think you must hold something more than what the others have. I don’t know.”
The thought that they chose their very best frightened me a little. What could I possibly have that the others don’t? Why did I deserve the special treatment?
“Who chose you for me?” I had to ask. I was more than intrigued.
“A very dear and close Archangel called Charisma. She was very specific about my mission. She seemed very adamant that I find you and take care of you.”
“Did she say anything about falling in love?” I had to blush a little. I never thought I would say that in a million years.
Michael took my hand, smiling. Placing his hand on my cheek, I close my eyes in sweet surrender. His touch was nothing I had ever felt before…well, except for Stephen’s.
That really does sound bad!
“No, she didn’t, Cassie. It was not something I thought would happen. I don’t feel that way about many people. As you know, there has only ever been one and she broke my heart. It is very rare that I would let anyone in. You’re the first mortal that this has happened with, so the subject would never have been brought up.”
This new piece of information shocked me a little. “So you’re saying that no angel has ever fallen in love with a mortal before?”
“No, I don’t think so. Not in any history I know.”
I shook my head, trying to wrap my brain around it. “That’s insane. How can that possibly be?”
“Well, we normally find our mates where I’m from. Once we do, it’s for life. Obviously, my story is the exception to the rule. Sometimes, some angels don’t like sticking to the rules…as you already know by now.” He smiled brightly and patted my hand.
“So you’re an angel?”
“Yes.”
“And the people who rule your world are, like, Archangels and are higher than you?”
“Yes, that’s correct. There is a certain amount of hierarchy.”
“So, can you become an Archangel then?”
Michael sighed, looking up to the beautiful painting on his wall before replying, “Yes. I’ve actually been offered the position.”
“Really?” This was getting more and more interesting.
“Yes, but I turned it down.”
“Why?”
“Because I like serving too much. I like to take the orders and be in control. Besides, a lot of the other angels have mates and it would hurt me to think that they were sent on a mission I could easily go on. I have no one there to go back to in that sense. It would seem pointless to me to put someone else through that.”
Could he be any more perfect? He was too good to be true. Every time he opened his mouth, I kept thinking there wasn’t anything else he could say that would make him more swoon-worthy.
Thinking about what he said, though, I suddenly started to worry a little. “What happens when your mission is complete, Michael?”
He looked away, pained. I suddenly wished I had never asked. What if I don’t like the answer?
“I go home,” he whispered.
That was it. That was the answer I didn’t want to hear.
“But what if I wanted you to stay? Can’t you stay?” I sounded like a whiney child. I had to know, though. What was the point in carrying on what we had if he was going to end up leaving me once his mission was complete?
“It’s complicated, Cassie. If I chose to stay—.”
“So you could stay?”
“Yes, but I would never be able to go back. It would mean sacrificing the thousands of years of hard work that has gone into where I am now.”
Thousands of years? This was too much. It was making my head spin. I’m with someone who’s thousands of years old? Worse than that was the fact that he could never be with me.
“So you’re saying that if you refused to go back, you would lose everything? You would lose your angel status?”
He nodded his head and it rapidly made my anger rise. “Why didn’t you tell me this yesterday?!”
“I didn’t want to upset you. Besides, I was too busy debating my own feelings for you. It’s hard for me. I didn’t realise I would feel this way about you. I just can’t help it.”
“So this is why you won’t touch me.” I sighed. I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t believe I had finally fallen for someone, only to have it ripped away from me again.
“Please don’t be sad.” He pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around me. “I just don’t know what to do. I need time to figure things out.”
I shook my head, realising there could only be one outcome in all this. “No, you don’t. I won’t let you. How can I ask you to be with me knowing that I took you away from something you have spent thousands of years achieving? How could I possibly live with myself for that? There is nothing to think about, Michael. It is what it is.”
He leaned his forehead against mine, and I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut in agony. I reached my hand up to stroke his hair a little. He soon opened his eyes and I smiled. I wanted to try and be brave, try and show him it was okay—even though I was dying inside.
Leaning down a little bit more, my breathing caught. He gently grabbed my hand and slid his fingers down my arm. I closed my eyes and moaned a little. Just that one tiny touch sent the sparks flying again. He leaned in a little bit further until our lips were gently brushing one another’s. Michael’s breathing became laboured and the sound of it hit straight between my legs. He kissed me lightly, at first, then the heat began to surface. His kisses became more frantic and it made my adrenaline kick in. I didn’t know how, but my body seemed to be the one in
control.
I climbed on top of him and forced my body into his, squeezing our lips together. I was desperate, I was hurried, I was wanton. I slid my hands up his jumper, stroking and squeezing him all over. He felt so good. He did the same, gently running his fingers across my back. I arched up, crying out in pure bliss.
Breathing into his mouth, I slid myself on top of his crotch, causing him to moan. “Michael,” I whispered, unable to hold back my urgency. The news that he will leave once he was done here should have me running to the hills, but I couldn’t help what I felt. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything in my life before. He was like an addiction. His touch, the way he slightly stroked me, sent me to a place from which I never wanted to come back. I could, quite happily, spend the rest of my days there, soaking up every tender caress, every tender kiss he had to offer.
“Cassie.” His voice was a whisper, sending my heart into overdrive.
I tried to fight against the inevitable. I knew he would stop, but I just couldn’t seem to stop pushing it that little bit further. I wanted him and that was never going to change.
I tried pulling his shirt off. I wanted to feel his skin on mine. I tried hard to lift it, but it was no use. Michael stops me.
Pulling away from him, I slid off his lap. Quite frankly, I felt a little pissed off. The thought amazed me. I was being told I couldn’t have something he didn’t want to give me and, yet, I acted like a child. I wanted him and I was getting pissed off that I couldn’t have him.
Sensing my anger, Michael apologised. That just made me feel even worse. I shook my head and closed my eyes. “It’s okay. Please don’t apologise,” I finally answer. “I need to use the bathroom.”
Getting up, I walked off. I needed some time away. I didn’t really need to use the bathroom. I just needed to get away and calm down. I knew I should make a pact with myself not to touch him, kiss him, even go near him. It would be for my own good. I couldn’t have him and I just had to live with that. Soon, he would leave me and I’d have nothing left. Why would I do that to myself? I just couldn’t. No matter how hard I find it.
Her Guardians: Her Guardians Trilogy Book 1 Page 10