“The one and only. Who did you think it was?”
In a panic, I sat up, pushing him off me so violently that he ended up falling to the floor with a thud. “Shit, Stephen. What was that? What the hell just happened?” I was confused, disorientated, and still highly turned on.
“I believe that was us about to get it on. I must say, I’m a little disappointed that you stopped.”
“What?” I was beyond bewildered. But then, all too soon, realisation kicked in. Michael was not here, Stephen was. And I was just about to have sex with him.
“Oh, god…oh, god…oh, god,” I said over and over again as I paced the floor.
“I thought I already told you that God had nothing to do with this.”
“This is not funny, Stephen. Why did you let this happen?”
Getting up from the floor, he sat back down on the bed. “I tried to pull away, but you’re very strong. I thought you wanted it. Who am I to say no to you? You know that I want you.”
I couldn’t seem to understand anything that was happening. I was obviously still dazed from my sleep. “But you didn’t stop me.”
“No. Why should I if it’s really what you want?”
“But you’re an angel,” I replied.
“I would say more of an…angel in remission.”
Even in the dark, I saw his smirk. “But why would you do that and then disappear? You’d take my virginity and then disappear.”
Rising from the bed, Stephen rushed over to me. In the shadows, I could still see that we were both half-naked. His broad shoulders and heaving chest was a distraction, to say the least. In an effort to look away, I concentrated on covering my chest as much as I could, but then Stephen grabbed my top.
“Here.” Holding out his hand, he motioned for me to retrieve it. “You know, I would never do that to you.”
“What?” I was feeling upset with myself. I had never been in a situation even remotely close to this before. I felt like a wench, lusting after two men at the same time.
“I’d never leave you. I would never take what you have knowing that I would end up leaving you. That isn’t right. What’s put this idea into your head?” He paused for a moment, then sighed heavily. “It would seem you have already had this conversation with Michael.”
I felt really ashamed then. Now Stephen knows Michael and I have been intimate after I just nearly had sex with him. How can I go from not having anyone in my life at all, to having two, that I can’t stop thinking about, throw themselves at me?
“I…I…” How could I explain myself?
“Don’t worry about it, Twinkles. You like Michael, I take it?” His voice sounded a little reserved.
“Yes,” I sighed. He stroked my cheek, picking up a tear along the way. I closed my eyes at his touch as he pulled me towards him.
“You don’t have to feel bad. I didn’t think Michael would feel that way about you enough to have that kind of conversation. I thought he would steer clear. When he forbid me to take advantage of you, I thought he was just trying to protect you. I was obviously wrong. I can tell you one thing, though. I feel the same way and, if you asked me, I would give you anything you wanted.”
“But I never would.” I felt so sad and remorseful knowing that he would give me what I wanted.
“I know you wouldn’t. That’s why Michael will end up making a grave mistake, and you will be left heartbroken. I don’t want to see that. I know some people think I’m a bad boy, but I still have feelings. I still care.”
This was too torturous for words. I had one man I had been dreaming of my whole life within arm’s reach. He was there, but not quite there. The man that I had dreamed and fantasised over for months on end was within my grasp. Then there was Stephen. A man who doesn’t care so much about the rules, a man who sets my heart alight. A man who would give it all up if I asked him to—not that there was anything to give up.
God, this was why it was so hard. I couldn’t even believe I was having this debate in my head. I chose Michael and now that I have Stephen with me, I’m confused about my feelings. When I was with him, I felt cherished. I felt loved. I felt wanted—but he’s not Michael.
I did something completely unexpected and caressed his cheek. He leaned his head into my hand and kissed my palm. “I’m sorry,” I said, trying hard not to cry.
“You don’t ever have to be sorry, Twinkles. I’m here for you. No matter what your choices are.”
“I was dreaming. I was confused.”
“I realise that now. I wish it wasn’t that way, but that’s the way it is, I suppose.”
Stephen sat down on the bed and I couldn’t help but feel really bad for him. What would Michael think of me if he knew what I just did? What would Stephen think of me?
My thoughts were conflicting. I had Michael, sort of, but I could have all of Stephen. He would give it all up in a heartbeat if I asked him to, but I could never do that to him. He was trying to be better and he wanted to go home. Who was I to ask him to give that up? It wouldn’t be right.
It was then that I realised it. I didn’t just love Michael. I loved Stephen, too. How messed up am I? How could I go from not wanting to know anyone, to loving two men at the same time? It was pure torture.
“Twinkles, don’t think about this too much. It’s okay, honestly.”
“I feel awful,” I answered.
“Well, there’s no need to be. Above all else, I am your friend first. Whatever you decide after that is up to you. No pressure from me.”
He came over to me and gave me a warm hug. I couldn’t help but relax in his arms and breathe in his beautiful scent. It was always a lovely smell.
We stayed like that for a while until we realised it was time to get back to bed. It was one o’clock in the morning so we still had a lot of hours of sleep to catch up on.
We reluctantly pulled away from each other and headed back to bed. Sleeping was going to come hard for me now.
Chapter 10
I was floating on that beautiful cloud again, Stephen with me. He began to caress and stroke my cheek as I lay there, feeling lighter than air. I immediately felt safe and protected wrapped up in his beautiful arms.
Soon, a figure appeared in the distance. As the figure came closer, my breath caught. She was the most beautiful figure I had ever seen. She was all dressed in white with very long, flowing golden hair. She smiled when she saw me and put her hands out. Instinctively, I reached out to her, knowing that I was safe. I seemed to recognise her, but couldn’t quite place exactly where I had seen her before.
“My child,” she spoke, caressing my cheek. “You need to make a choice.”
I woke up, gasping for air, sweat dripping down my back.
“Twinkles, are you okay?” Stephen’s tone was calm as he nudged me gently. “You were dreaming again.”
He sat on the bed next to me and pulled me to him. His grip felt familiar and it instantly relaxed me.
I felt a sudden sadness at the loss of the woman’s touch. I didn’t know who she was, but I felt a familiar peace with her. It was almost hypnotic.
“I keep having the same dream, but this one was different. A woman came to me.”
Stephen moved his head back to try and get a better look at me. “Hold up a sec. Start from the beginning.”
“I’m always on a cloud with light surrounding me. I feel safe and secure. This time, a woman came to me.”
“What did she look like?”
“She was dressed in white with the most beautiful flowing, golden hair. I’ve never seen hair like it.” It made me ache for her. I didn’t even know who she was, but something inside me was telling me different.
“Did she say anything to you?”
“Does it matter? It was only a dream.”
Stephen swept a strand of hair behind my ear and smiled. “It matters. You may have been given a message.”
“From who?”
“Charisma. From the way you describe her, it sounds very much like C
harisma.”
Charisma, I knew that name. “Hold on. Michael told me about her. She was the one who sent him to protect me.”
He nodded his head and sighed. “That sounds about right.”
“Why would she want to send me a message?”
“It’s how they do things when they want someone to take notice.”
I had to know more. Everything about angels fascinated me. “What do you mean?”
“Well, have you ever not seen anyone you know for months or even years, then you bump into them one day and you keep bumping into them?”
I had to pause for a moment to smile. I guess that had happened to me from time to time. “I suppose so, yes.”
“Most likely, that’s them telling you both to hook up, telling you that you need that person in your life for whatever reason. It’s the same if you see the same word over and over again, or a sign that pops out in front of you from nowhere and keeps popping up until you notice.” He pauses for a brief moment, smiles, then says, “Or a song perhaps.”
I saw his cheeky grin and knew exactly what he was talking about. “Like that song you told me about that day at the pub.”
“That’s correct. I still keep hearing it. In fact, I heard it this morning. Or, shall I say, yesterday morning…considering its six o’clock now.”
It fascinated me to think that angels were out there watching over us, sending us messages without us realising. “What do you think they’re trying to tell you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. All I know is I have been hearing it ever since the day we met. It can’t be a coincidence. I believe everything changed the day I laid eyes on you. Maybe they were just confirming the facts.
“Anyway, enough about me. I want to hear what the lovely Charisma said. She has always been a favourite of mine.”
Closing my eyes momentarily, I pictured her in my head. The way she had her hand out to me, willing me to listen. “She said, ‘My child, you need to make a choice’.”
He looked a little shocked. I was a little, too. I didn’t know whether she meant Stephen and Michael, or something else entirely.
Stephen frowned a little, but the smile soon appeared again. “She called you ‘my child’?”
“Yes.”
Stephen paused a moment as if debating whether he should speak whatever was on his mind. “Okay. Do you think she means Michael and me?”
Cringing a little, I understood why he paused for a moment before he said it. I didn’t want him knowing I was torn the way I was. I would be devastated if someone did this to me. In fact, I didn’t think I would be able to stick around long enough to see what choice they made. It’s not something I would want to put myself through.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. I didn’t want to lie to Stephen. He didn’t deserve that.
He took a deep breath and wrapped his arm around me. “Well, let’s not think about this too much. If it’s important, she will come again.”
“Do you think so?” I was excited at the prospect.
“Maybe.” His laughter filled the room. “Was it a good experience?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I felt wonderful around her.”
“She does that to you. She’s a wonderful lady.”
“Does she have a mate, or whatever you call it?”
He laughed again. “Yes. Archangel Gabriel.”
“Have you ever met him?” I knew I was asking twenty questions here, but it was almost as if my mind was willing me to soak it all in. I had to get as much knowledge as I could.
“On occasion. It’s been a number of years, as you know.”
“What’s he like?”
He cringed a little, putting me on edge a bit. Maybe this Gabriel was a sore subject for him. Pretty soon, though, he relaxed and smiled down at me. “Are you normally like this every morning?”
“Like what?” I asked, breathing in his sweet, familiar scent.
“Asking twenty questions and looking like sex on legs with your hair all tousled the way it is?”
Giggling like crazy, I slapped him playfully. “Stephen Faron, you are a very naughty boy.”
“I try my best,” he said with that impish grin.
I kind of gathered he didn’t like this Gabriel, but I still had to know. “Are you going to tell me?”
“Tell you what? Oh, right. Gabriel. You distracted me there for a moment.”
“Are you easily distracted, Stephen?” I was playing with fire, but I couldn’t help it.
“You easily distract me.”
We stared at each other for a moment, lost in each other eyes. I couldn’t seem to tear them away from him.
He looked at my lips for a few seconds, then cleared his throat. “He’s okay, I guess. I know he likes to play rugby from time to time. I don’t really know too much about him, to be honest.”
I couldn’t help the laughter. “What’s so funny?” Stephen’s hint of sadness suddenly switched to playful intrigue.
“I don’t know. I just can’t imagine angels doing such normal things, like playing rugby.”
He chuckled a little, too. “Yes. I suppose it does sound a little funny.”
“Can I ask you something else?” I didn’t know whether I wanted to know this or not. My mind just seemed to scramble for information. I couldn’t get my mouth to stop.
“Anything.” Stephen tightened his arm around me, giving me that beautiful smile.
“Did you meet anyone special where you’re from?”
He looked off into the distance a little with a terrible sadness. “There was a childhood playmate of mine. Her name was Arianne and she was the daughter of an Archangel. We used to play together and we became best friends. I loved her deeply, as I believe she did me.”
I felt awful for him all of a sudden. Whoever this angel was, she must miss him very much. I could tell just by looking at him that he missed her. “What happened?”
“She was taken away from me. Let’s just say that our relationship was frowned upon. She made me promise that I’d find her again one day if we were ever parted.”
That sounded terrible. Stephen must be heartbroken now that he hasn’t been able to fulfil his promise. “Oh, Stephen. I’m so sorry.”
Caressing my hair, he smiled sweetly. “It’s okay, Twinkles. I’ve found you now. You’re my best friend.”
Touching his hand gently, I smiled. “I feel that way about you, too.”
**********
I got myself ready for work a little earlier than normal. I made tea and toast for Stephen, which was a little too pleasant. I liked this domestic life a little too much. I didn’t know whether it was just Michael and Stephen, but both of them had a calming and unwelcome sexual presence. I felt things with them I have never felt before. It was both beautiful and scary. Very scary.
I was starting to feel that Stephen was right about Michael, though. I couldn’t help it, no matter how hard I tried. It was almost as if I was a glutton for punishment. I’d get my heart broken, then I’d be left with no one again. Something I really do not want to think about right now.
With a sigh, I reluctantly say goodbye to Stephen. He offered to walk me to work, but I told him not to be ridiculous. It was almost as though they both wanted to wrap me up in cotton wool—and oh, what wool to be wrapped up in.
On my way, I received a text from Michael. Hey, beautiful. How’s my girl this morning?
His text made my stomach flutter and my heart jump. He called me beautiful. Not only that, he called me his girl. I’m not his girl, but the thought still made me smile.
I thought back to what it was like to be with Stephen last night and what happened between us. It made me feel guilty about the whole thing. I wouldn’t kiss him like that again, but it still didn’t help me feel any better.
I gripped the phone tighter and decided to reply. I’m fine, thank you. Just on my way to work. How are you this morning?
I hit SEND and wondered whether
the text sounded a little formal. I didn’t have much time to mull it over as another text came through.
I’m fine. Just missing you. xx
I was just about to text back when another text came through, but from Stephen.
I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to sleep in your bed. It smells too good to resist. You always smell too good to resist.
Oh, double and triple shit. This wasn’t good at all. In fact, I was starting to panic, wondering if I should delete all these text messages straight away. If I did that, it would be like admitting I was doing something wrong. I wasn’t sure what to think about that. It made my head spin. I must be guilty, though, as I have to admit to myself that I want Michael and Stephen.
I text Michael back, telling him that I miss him, too, and will speak to him after work. I also text Stephen to let him know that it was fine to sleep on my bed. I’ll only get to smell him later which, I must admit, I was really looking forward to.
I somehow found myself with a headache already this morning. This was all too much to take.
I got into work a little earlier than normal, but it was a good thing. At least I could build up some flexible leave. I put my coat over my chair and my bag underneath my desk, getting right to work. I was halfway through reading an accident report when Kali walked in
“Hey.” She strolled in, bold as brass. “Are you feeling better now?”
At first, I didn’t know what she was talking about. “What? Oh yes, thanks. Sorry, I was miles away. Feeling a lot better now. How did Friday night go? Last time I saw you, you were smooching up to Hamish.”
Putting her bag down on her desk, she smirked at me. “Yes. I’m quite the naughty girl. However, I can get to Hamish in a minute. I want to know about you first. When I saw you leaving with Michael, I assumed you were in a hurry to finally lose that cherry of yours. Have we finally popped it?”
I shook my head with mild disgust. “Kali, you’re disgusting.”
“I know. What can I say? Are you going to tell me or what?”
Nodding my head, I smiled. “The cherry is still intact.”
Just, I thought. If I had had my way this weekend, I would have been saying something different.
Her Guardians: Her Guardians Trilogy Book 1 Page 12