“I’m really not feeling too well.” I found myself trying to explain my sudden anxiety.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
“No, that’s fine.” I shook my head. “Thank you. Maybe I will see you tomorrow.”
I raced out of the door, unable to find meaning to that vision. I would never consider kissing Paul. I was too involved with Michael and Stephen for that. How on earth could I turn either of them down for Paul? It just didn’t make any sense.
I tried to shake it off, hoping that what I was seeing was just a figment of Paul’s imagination. I sometimes thought that I had imaginary visions. I was never known to be wrong, but I couldn’t rule out the fact. I knew I would never put myself in a position like that with Paul. It must be wrong. It must just be a fantasy in his head and I picked it up.
Walking back into the office, I saw no sign of Kali, but a concerned Fiona is glancing my way. “You look very pale, Cassie. I think you may have come into work too soon. Why don’t you go home? I value your input here, but I’d much rather you were healthy.”
“Thank you, Fiona. My head has been hurting me a little today. I can’t seem to shake it off.”
“Well, if it’s not gone by later this afternoon, I would suggest you see a doctor.”
“Okay, I’ll do that.” I thanked her and walked over to my desk to gather my things. I told everyone else that I wasn’t feeling too well, and they all told me to get better soon. I take the flowers, and the card I just noticed that was slipped behind it, and headed for the door.
As I get down the first flight of stairs, I noticed Stephen down the hall. He looked lost and somehow afraid. In a sense, it was torture to look at. At first, I couldn’t look away, but then the thought that he might see me made me get out of there.
Racing outside as fast as I could, I make my way home. I needed to lie down and get some sleep. I hadn’t been sleeping very well, but the thought of my bed right now filled me with exhaustion.
Once I got in the door, that was exactly what I did. The minute I changed into something more comfortable, I practically dove under the sheets.
Getting settled, I buried my head in the pillow and sighed, feeling the exhaustion kicking in. I felt devastated beyond words. I hadn’t lost anyone, but why did it feel like I had?
I curled up into a ball and stared vacantly at the walls. I let my mind go blank and, eventually, I felt my eyes begin to close as the immense pressure weighed down on me. Before I knew it, I was blissfully asleep.
Chapter 15
I was woken by incessant banging on my door. Sitting up a little groggily, I yawned and wiped my eyes. I looked around the room and spotted the time on my bedside table. It was only just after two.
Getting up, I noticed how much effort it took, but I managed it even though my bones cried in protest. Without putting anything over me, I looked out the window. Michael was standing there, looking worried. I kind of had a feeling it was him. He would have just finished work.
Upon opening the door, Michael immediately spotted my tank top and boxer shorts. “Um…can I come in? I don’t want you standing here for the world to see you like that.”
“Why? What is wrong with people seeing me like this?” In an effort to show him who was boss, I deliberately stepped out into the cold.
What he did next shocked me. Picking me up, Michael practically threw me over his shoulder, as if I weighed absolutely nothing, and carried me to my room.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I suddenly felt flustered as he put me down.
“Look. I know you’re a little pissed with me at the moment.”
“A little pissed.” I interrupted him. “You lied to me.”
“Now, Cassie, that’s not true. I just didn’t tell you.”
“But why?”
“Is it relevant?”
I laughed. This was farcical. “Of course it’s relevant, Michael. You and Stephen are brothers. Don’t you think that’s the kind of detail that shouldn’t be left out? Why did you never tell me what he did to you?”
Michael looked down. “Would it have made a difference?”
I felt an immediate pang of guilt wash over me. It would have made a difference, but him now knowing I have feelings for Stephen made it all seem tainted somehow. Whatever I say to Michael would never take that away.
Surprising him, I walked up and stroked his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand. “You’ve been through so much and you couldn’t trust me to share your pain with me.”
His breathing became laboured as he looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Smiling, I trailed my hand down from his cheek to his chest. “I know you are.”
“Do you forgive me?”
“There was never anything to forgive. I was just hurt that you couldn’t confide in me something that was a big part of your life. I would like you to tell me what happened, but I don’t want to push you.”
“I’ll tell you.” He reached out, grabbed my hand, and led me to the edge of the bed.
We sat down and I watched as Michael took a deep breath. It would seem that the pain of it was still fresh in his mind even after all this time.
“As you know, her name was Elizabeth.”
“Was?”
“Yes. It won’t be the same now.”
“Where is she?”
“Placed somewhere far away from Stephen, doomed to wander the earth as punishment for her crimes.”
“For being with Stephen?”
“Yes,” he answered. “Elizabeth and I were in love—or so I thought. We were mated together and angels mate for life. Stephen kept telling me she was all wrong and that I didn’t realise of what she was capable. I didn’t believe him. I told him that he was just jealous of our relationship as he hadn’t found his mate yet. He told me that he was going to prove it to me. And, boy, did he. It tore me apart. The Archangels were disgusted by what they had done. What made it worse was that Stephen and Elizabeth didn’t even care for one another. She said that she fell for his cheeky charms.”
Looking away for a moment, I felt ashamed of myself. Lord knows what Michael thinks of me now.
“If you’re thinking you’re just like Elizabeth, don’t. You are nothing like her.”
“Aren’t I?” It seemed apparent to me that I was exactly like her.
“Elizabeth never showed any real remorse for what she did. Of course, she went through the motions, and I believed she still wanted to be with me after what happened, but I could never believe that she wouldn’t do it to me again. Whether it be with Stephen or someone else.
“She was a little like Stephen, you see. A bit of a free spirit, not wanting to stick to the rules. The big difference was that Stephen seemed to show some signs of guilt. He did seem like he was sorry for what he did. I asked the Archangels to take pity on them once punishment was handed down. They were both banished. Elizabeth was to live a human life from the very beginning. Her memory was erased forever, but she will always feel like there’s something missing.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“I know it does. They didn’t listen to my pleas for Elizabeth, but they listened to them for Stephen. They, too, could see remorse. He was given a less harsh sentence. He still has his memories and he also has a chance to redeem himself. He can earn his place back with the angels, if he makes that choice once handed to him. He does want to go back home. He misses it.”
“I bet you do, too.” I reached out to comfort him.
“I did…until I laid eyes on you. You took that homesickness away so that it was just a dull ache rather than a gripping one. You make it seem like life on earth could be pretty cool.” He smiled a little, making my heart skip a beat.
Stroking my cheek with his finger, I shuddered underneath his touch. He pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed each one of my fingers. The fire came then. I wanted those lips on mine.
As if sensing my urgency, he leaned forward to kiss me. He was right there
until another knock at the door made me jump.
Quickly grabbing a blanket, I pulled it over me before I answered the door. It was Stephen. I knew he wouldn’t let this lie as much as Michael would.
“Twinkles,” he said, when I opened up. He spied my expression and winced. “Sorry, Cassie. Old habits and everything. I just wanted to see you—to explain.”
“There is no need to explain, Stephen. I kind of got the gist of what happened.”
“You don’t understand. She was really bad for him. I thought I was doing him a favour, but I just went about it the wrong way. Michael said some not very nice things to me before I went with Elizabeth. I was angry and my anger made me make the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I never meant to hurt him.”
“That’s exactly what you meant to do and you know it. You knew what you’re intentions were before you sought Elizabeth out. I can’t believe you could have done such a thing.”
“Please, listen to me.” His voice was pleading and it made my heart ache a little, despite what I knew he had done.
Repositioning myself by the door, my blanket opens a little, revealing my tank top and boxer shorts. Stephen looked over me and once his eyes came back up, he spotted something over my shoulder. I looked up and could see Michael behind me.
“Of course.” Stephen looked away a moment, then his eyes found mine again. “I’m sorry, Cassie. You don’t know how many times I wished I could have done something different on that day to save all this pain. I can’t say I’m sorry now.”
I stared at him, frowning. I thought him saying that was cruel to Michael. He was angry at him again and was lashing out like the little child he behaved like at times. It didn’t surprise me that much, considering what he had done. What did surprise me was what he said next.
“Because I never would have found you.”
I gazed into his sincere eyes and it almost had the tears brimming. He looked like a little lost boy again and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him. I immediately felt guilty for assuming the worst in him.
Stephen turned and made his way down the stairs. I was going to call to him, until I realised how bad it would look in front of Michael. My heart ached for him, though. I kept thinking how sure I was about Michael until Stephen came along. It made sense that I wanted to be with Michael. He was gentle, kind, and wanted nothing more than to make me happy—with the exception of being with me forever, of course. I sometimes wondered if that was exactly what was holding me back. I couldn’t deny it to myself, though. It wasn’t that at all. It was Stephen. It was always Stephen.
As if feeling my pain, Michael wrapped his arms around me from behind. I let the peacefulness of it take over as he led me back into the flat.
“He’s hurting.” Michael sat back down and sighed.
“And so are you,” I protested. “No one should ever endure what you went through.”
“He’s in love with you, though. I can see it now. I don’t blame him. You’re an easy person with whom to fall in love. Everyone sees it in you. Everyone wants you to be theirs. I want you to be mine.”
For a moment, I lost my head. I grabbed Michael, pulling him to my lips. His words and his pain were forcing me to take action. Forcing me to try and relieve the agony he felt. I wanted to do that much for him. I needed to do that much for him.
Growling into my mouth, Michael pulled me into his body. It made me gasp a little, pulling my head away to get some air.
With his gentle kisses, he explored my neck as he placed his hand upon my heart. I knew he could feel just how powerful it was beating.
Finding his lips again, I raked my fingers through his hair. Having him so close to me was doing all the right things. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. It was pointless, though. It always was.
Sensing we had come as far as we possibly could, Michael pulled away, leaving us both breathless and frustrated.
“I want you to leave.” My voice surprised me a little, making my heart beat ten times faster.
Michael eyes widened in shock as he looked at me.
“I can’t keep doing this, Michael. I can’t keep going on like everything’s okay. I’m not going to give myself to you knowing you’re going to leave me.”
In a sudden look of panic, he grabbed my arms. “I don’t want to leave you, Cassie. Despite what I said in the beginning, I chose you. I will always choose you.”
I shook my head and closed my eyes. “I’m not going to be the one responsible for you losing everything for which you have worked so hard. Don’t ask me to ask that of you.”
“But I’m not. It’s my choice.”
I didn’t want to hear anymore. “Michael, no.” I was begging now, but I desperately needed space. “Can you just go? Please.”
He looked in my eyes one last time, but I didn’t falter. I was determined not to give into him. I needed time away. I knew that just as much now as I knew it earlier. I asked them both to give me time and, within hours, they were both here, determined to give me answers.
Turning, Michael headed for the door, picking up his bag along the way. He hesitated for a moment, then reached for the door and left.
I slumped down on the bed and buried my head in my hands. I was in such a huge mess right now and felt I needed a distraction.
I called my uncle and asked if I could come over for a visit. I needed someone to talk to and he was the closest person I had to family. I knew Billy would never judge me and I needed that right now.
With his eager acceptance of me coming for dinner, I jumped in the shower and got ready. It wasn’t long before I was out the door.
All the way there, I had this distinct impression that someone was watching me, but it didn’t feel intimidating. I had a suspicion that it may have been Michael or Stephen. I tried looking around, but I couldn’t spot them. Along with their many other talents, they were also able to hide extremely well.
When I got to Billy’s door, he answered straight away. “Cassie, so nice to see you. I’ve been worried about you.” He pulled me in for a hug and it instantly relaxed me. He was like a father to me and, right now, I needed that more than anything.
A lump formed in my throat as I desperately tried to hold back the tears. I was quickly becoming an emotional wreck.
“Cassie, what’s the matter?” His face was full of concern as he led me into his front room.
“It’s all one big mess, Uncle Billy. I don’t know what else to do.”
“Okay, okay. Start from the beginning.” He quickly got up and handed me a tissue.
I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m in love.” It seemed to just spill out, but the relief of someone else now knowing was instantaneous.
My uncle started laughing. “And you’re crying about it? I wouldn’t say that was a bad thing, Cassie. It’s about time you found someone.”
“With two men.” I looked at him sheepishly, waiting for his reaction.
He looked off, frowning a little. “Oh.”
“See? Now it’s complicated. How screwed up am I?”
“Don’t be saying such crazy things. You’re not screwed up. You can’t help how you feel and with whom you fall in love.” He paused for a moment, as if deep in thought. “I take it you’re talking about Michael and Stephen?” I nodded. “Well, I can see why. They’re both very attractive men.”
“That’s not helping, Billy.”
“I’m sorry dear. Just pointing out the obvious. So you’re in love with both of them. That’s a little tricky.”
I rolled my eyes. “Tell me about it.”
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”
“Sort of, but I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. If there were two men in your life and you knew you couldn’t have either of them, what would you do?”
Billy looked at me with a confused expression. “Why can’t you have either of them? Do they not return your feelings? After the way I saw them both with you, I doubt that very m
uch. If I were a betting man, I would say that they feel exactly the same.”
“It’s complicated. I can’t explain it. Let’s just say that there were two men in your life and, for some reason, you knew there could never be a future with them. What would you do?”
He looked away, frowning for a moment. “That’s a very difficult one. I’m your uncle and your welfare is my main concern. I think if it were me, though, I would cut them out of my life completely.”
I felt defeated as I hung my head. “I thought so.”
“You’re in pain,” he observed.
I couldn’t lie to him. “Yes, I am.”
“Well, I don’t want to see that amplified.”
I smiled and thanked him for just being there. I knew I could talk to him without him judging me or making it complicated.
“Can I ask why neither of them can be in your life?”
I suddenly found myself laughing. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“And this is coming from someone who can see people’s futures when she touches their hands? Come on, Cassie. I think I can believe there are things going on in this world that would probably make the average person’s head spin. But I’m not an average person.”
“Well, you got that right.” I raised my eyebrow, teasing him a little.
He smiled back. “Hey, don’t mock your uncle.”
“Sorry. What I know is beyond any reasoning. What I know is beyond this world.”
Billy eyes were filled with excitement. “Are they vampires or werewolves?” He paused a moment, frowning. “After all the myths, are they actually real?”
“No, but I think people would believe more in them than they would in Michael and Stephen. That’s quite frightening, to be honest.”
“What are they then?”
Knowing this was my moment to let someone other than myself know, I inhaled. “They’re angels.” I exhaled slowly, thankful that I was able to share this with my uncle.
“Angels?” Chris walked through the door, making both of us jump.
Her Guardians: Her Guardians Trilogy Book 1 Page 21