“Hey, are you okay?” Grant was looking at her with worried eyes.
She took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Yeah. I was just thinking about all of the things I needed to do today. I should start with calling the realtors and the insurance company.”
“While you’re doing that, Gabe is welcome to come out and feed with me. I have to check on the windbreaks too and make sure they didn’t get destroyed during that storm.”
“What’s a windbreak?” Gabe wanted to know. Jyl focused her attention on him, trying to avoid eye contact with Sharla.
“They’re big portable panels that can be used to block the wind and keep the cattle just a little bit warmer. I also leave them a lot of bedding during the winter. We’ll shuck some more out while we’re out there today.”
“Your cows sleep in beds?” Gabe’s eyes were wide.
The adults laughed and Gabe looked confused until Grant said, “Not like our beds, buddy. I take a lot of straw out and build it up behind the windbreaks so hopefully they can stay warm during this awful weather.”
“Oh, cool. Can I go, Mom?”
“Sure, sweetie. I’ll see what I can do about getting us a house without a hole in the roof today.”
“Oh … can we have a new tree too?”
“Well, Christmas is less than a couple of weeks away, baby. I don’t know if we’ll have time for all that—”
“Grant will get us one.”
“It’s not polite to volunteer people to do things for you, buddy.”
Grant looked like he was struggling. He wasn’t sure if he should interrupt or not, so Sharla did.
“I haven’t bought you a present yet, Gabe. Aunt Sharla will get you a new tree.”
“Shar, you don’t have to do that—”
“Oh you hush. I can buy him whatever I want to for Christmas.”
Jyl reverted back to fourth grade and stuck her tongue out at her friend. Grant laughed. Gabe giggled and then, remembering his manners, said, “Thank you, Aunt Sharla.”
Grant stood up and said, “Go get bundled up, little man, and let’s go take care of these cows.” Gabe took off down the hall.
Jyl looked up at Grant and said, “Thank you for including him.”
His blue eyes were intense and he looked like he had something to say, but he didn’t say it. Instead, he winked at her and nodded his head at Sharla. Grabbing his hat off the hook by the back door he told her, “Tell him I’ll be waiting on the porch.”
The women watched him go out the door and Jyl got up to start clearing the breakfast dishes. Sharla kept sitting there and Jyl could feel her staring at her. Finally she looked at the other woman and said, “What?”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m cleaning the kitchen.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. That man is falling in love with you, if he hasn’t fallen already.”
“Shh … Gabe is going to hear you.”
“And so what if he does? He’s in love with Grant too.”
“What do you mean, ‘too’?”
“You know what I mean—too, also, as in, you are.”
“Mom! Where’s my boots?”
Jyl shot Sharla a warning look and said, “In here by the door, buddy.”
She gave Shar another look—just in case—when she heard Gabriel come bounding back into the kitchen. He was grinning from ear to ear. Her heart lurched every time she saw him so happy. “Here, buddy, I’ll help you.” She went over and put his boots on him and then she pulled his hat down lower around his ears. “Be good and help Grant, okay?”
“I will.”
When she pulled open the door, she saw Grant standing in the snow, looking around his property, probably assessing for damage. She had the tickle of a fantasy in the back of her mind that she and Gabe lived here and this would be what it was like all the time. He turned then and before he looked down at Gabe, his blue eyes locked on hers and she read something there. Was Sharla right? Was he falling in love with her?
His eyes moved down to Gabe then and he opened his arms to her boy. Gabe jumped up into them and Grant winked at her before trudging off into the snow. She stood there watching them until she heard Sharla say behind her, “It’s a little bit nippy!” She shook her head, came back inside, and closed the door. When she turned to look at her friend, Sharla had a smug look on her face.
“Oh stop it, please.”
“Stop what? Being honest with you? You’re obviously lying to yourself, so someone has to be the voice of reason here. Why you’re trying so hard not to like this guy?”
“I’m not trying to not like him. I do like him—a lot. It’s just … I can’t explain it. I’m just not ready for a relationship.”
“So don’t have a relationship. Just date him.”
“You don’t understand. At first I thought he was a player and that’s why I didn’t want anything to do with him. I figured that I didn’t need the headaches and neither did Gabe. Then, I got to know him and I realized that although he may have been a player in the past, he’s looking for more than that now.”
“That’s bad too, I suppose?”
“Well … yes, it is.”
Sharla shook her head. “Do tell.”
Jyl set down the cup towel and dropped down into the chair. “He already said that he thinks I’m ‘the one.’ I don’t want to be that—at least not right now. It’s too soon.”
Sharla sat down next to her and softly said, “Honey, Josh has been gone over a year.”
“A year, Shar! Three hundred and sixty-five days. That’s nothing! How can I have any respect for myself if I don’t have any more respect than that for my son’s father—for a soldier who was killed in combat?”
“Oh, honey. Anyone who knew you and Josh knows how much respect you have for him. I was so jealous of the two of you. You found your soulmate in high school and all these years later, I’m still looking for mine. You two lived a love story that most people would give their right arm to be a part of, but Josh is not coming back, no matter how much you shut yourself off from love.”
Jyl’s eyes filled with tears. “I know that he’s not coming back—believe me. I remind myself of that fact at least once a day. I will never see him again. I’ll never hear his voice or feel his touch. All I have left are memories, and since I left the home that we shared and packed up all of his things, they’re all just in my head. What if …” She wiped a stray tear away. “What if those memories start to fade and I eventually can’t remember him at all?”
“Oh Jyl! That won’t happen. You won’t forget him. You have a huge part of him still and you always will. Even I see Josh when I look at Gabe.”
“I’m not afraid of forgetting he existed—or what he looked like, Shar. But what about all the little things? All the things I treasured about him … then wouldn’t it be like he hadn’t even existed at all?”
“Things like what, hon?”
“Last night when Grant kissed me—”
“He kissed you?” Sharla’s eyebrows were going up and down.
Jyl laughed and shook her head and said, “If I’m being honest, I kissed him. That’s another issue. I’m sending him mixed signals all over the place. I have to make a firm decision and stick with it. But about Josh, I was thinking, what if I did get involved with Grant and what if he became the only man I ever wanted to touch? What if his touch became so important to me that I forgot what Josh’s felt like? What if Grant’s kiss made me forget what Josh’s lips felt like?” The tears were flowing again. “What if Grant is so good to my son that Gabriel has no interest in knowing who his father was at all?”
“Oh, Jyl! You’re torturing yourself. Widows remarry all the time and it’s in no way a disrespect to the man they loved before to fall in love again, especially when the widow is twenty-four years old. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a life beyond the three years you had with Josh.”
“Seven.”
Sharla smiled.
Jyl and Josh had been together since they were sixteen. They got married at twenty. He died when she was twenty-three. “Seven, but you still deserve to be happy, and so does Gabe. I don’t know Grant, but a guy who would come out in a blizzard to pick up a girl he doesn’t even know and then take us all in—and most of all, have that four-year-old boy completely enthralled with him—doesn’t seem like a guy who would object to you telling Gabe something new about Josh every day if you wanted to. I know you’re scared. You never really dated anyone. You and Josh just clicked right away and that was it. Dating is scary. I’m scared to death all the time and I don’t even have a kid. But you’re still alive and so is Gabe. You seem very fond of your ‘what ifs’ today, so here is a big one for you. What if you walk away now and realize later on that Grant was your second chance at happiness What if it’s too late?”
“He’s a really good guy.”
Sharla smiled. “And he’s gorgeous.”
“Yes, he is that.”
“So you’re going to stop beating yourself up?”
“I wish …” She stopped there.
“You wish what?”
“It doesn’t matter … it’s not possible now.”
“What is it, honey?”
“I wish that Josh could tell me what he wants me to do.”
“Josh would want what is best for you and his son. I know this.”
“You’re right, he would,” Jyl said. She wasn’t completely convinced though. She really did wish there was some way to know for sure. “I need to stop all this mooning over Grant and start looking for a new place to live. I’m going to go call the realtors.”
“This place is nice. …” Sharla had a mischievous grin on her face. Jyl just shook her head and went into Grant’s room to get her phone.
CHAPTER TWENTY
After Jyl talked to the realtors about what they had available—which was nothing for at least a couple of weeks—and she talked to the homeowner’s insurance company, she grudgingly called a motel in Piper and made a reservation for her and Gabe. The last place she wanted her son to have to spend Christmas was in a motel, but at this point she had no choice.
She got dressed and then called Grant. “Hey, I’m sorry to bother you. I need to go into town and get some of our things out of the house. I also need to get my car so I can go to Piper and check us into the motel—”
“Motel? Are you kidding? You’re not staying in a motel for Christmas, Jyl. It will break this kid’s heart.”
“The realtors don’t have anything available right now and it’s going to take weeks to fix the roof.”
“You can stay with me.”
“Oh, Grant. That’s too much. Sharla’s here too—”
“I don’t care. She can stay too. Please don’t take this little boy to a motel for Christmas because you’re afraid of what’s happening between you and me.”
“That’s not it at all.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s not an imposition. If it was, I wouldn’t have invited you.”
“I just don’t think you understand what it’s like to live with a four-year-old.”
Grant laughed.
“What are you laughing about?”
“Right now he’s buried himself in the pile of straw I’m trying to shuck off the trailer. I have to throw it off with my hands instead of using the fork. I have three nephews, Jyl. We’re having a blast.”
Jyl shook her head and smiled. “Okay, we’ll stay,” she said. She wasn’t sure it was the best idea still, but he was right about her not wanting Gabe to spend Christmas in a motel. Last year had already been so tough because it was their first year without Josh—and now this. Maybe Christmas was cursed.
“Fantastic. As soon as we finish out here, we’ll come back up to the house and either I can take you to town or you can take the truck. Actually the truck is there. The keys are on that ring by the fridge. Why don’t you just take it when you’re ready? It might be nice for you to have some time with your friend. The two of you can have lunch or something. Gabe and I can amuse ourselves around here.”
“Thank you, but you don’t have to babysit.”
“I’m offering to take the four-year-old off your hands for the afternoon and you’re going to argue with me? I’m starting to think you just like to argue.”
She laughed. “You’re right. That’s a silly argument right there.”
“You bet it is. He’s almost to the top of the tree now.”
“Grant!”
He laughed. “I’m kidding,” he said. “He’s fine. See you in a bit.”
* * *
Jyl and Sharla spent about an hour in Jyl’s cold house packing up what she and Gabe might need for the next couple of weeks or so. The roads had all been cleared after the storm, so Sharla was going to drive Jyl’s car out to the ranch so she’d have it there and not have to bother Grant for every little thing. She wasn’t sure what they would do beyond that, but she felt good knowing they had a plan for now.
After they had packed and closed things up as well as they could, she took Sharla into their little town to show her around. She took her by the community tree first and then they walked past the few little boutique stores and the grocery store down to the diner. As they were going in, a giant arm reached around them from behind and opened the door. The two women looked at each other before turning around to see where the arm came from. It was attached to a massive chest that was eye level to both of them.
“Afternoon, ladies.” They both looked up. The man had to be close to seven feet tall. He was the biggest man Jyl had ever seen in real life. He had dark olive skin and eyes that were almost black. His eyes were surrounded by eyelashes so long and thick that they didn’t look real. His hair was as black as his eyes and was such a sharp contrast to the white landscape behind them that she and Sharla were both mesmerized by him for a few seconds.
Jyl recovered first, clearing her throat and saying, “Good afternoon. Thank you.” She had to take hold of Sharla’s arm and pull her inside. The big man just grinned down at them and she got the distinct impression he was used to being stared at.
Sharla mumbled something that Jyl assumed was “good afternoon,” and then she giggled.
“My pleasure,” he said, giving them both a once-over before taking a seat at the counter. Jyl led her friend, who couldn’t seem to regain her wits, to a booth near the window.
“What is wrong with you?”
Sharla looked at her blankly for a few seconds before saying, “Did you see him?”
Jyl giggled. “I would have had to be blind not to.”
“That is the most … I mean he looks like … oh Jesus, it’s hot in here.”
Jyl was cracking up when Maggie came over with the coffee pot. “Hi, Jyl. I’m glad to see you survived that blizzard last night.”
“Barely,” she said with a smile. She told Maggie what happened and introduced Sharla to her as well.
“Oh my goodness! I’m so glad that boy of yours wasn’t hurt. Where is he today?”
“He’s hanging out with Grant today,” she told her. Maggie was kind enough not to react. Jyl was also thankful that she didn’t ask where they were staying. She poured their coffee and left them a menu and then she went over to pour coffee for the Hulk at the counter.
“Hi, King!” they heard her say. “How’s your Christmas vacation going?”
“I wouldn’t call it a vacation,” he said. “I got more people coming to me for dances and ceremonies than ever before. I’m hoping that it’s not a sign of what the world is coming to.”
“Well, you’ve always told me that the earth is only going to take so much abuse before she fights back. Maybe this is the big one.”
The big man glanced over at Jyl and Sharla and smiled. Sharla giggled. Jyl was amused. “I certainly hope not,” he said with his eyes still on Sharla. “My world was just beginning to look brighter.”
When Maggi
e came back over to take their order, Jyl, out of curiosity because of her blog and silent prodding by Sharla, said, “Hey Maggie who is that guy?”
“His name is Kusagra Black Elk. We all call him ‘King’ because that’s what his name means and that’s what his grandpa used to call him. He’s the wrestling coach over at the high school. I think he teaches English too.”
Jyl giggled. “He does not look like any English teacher I’ve ever had.”
Maggie laughed too. “No, he doesn’t. On the side—or I guess maybe the teaching is on the side—I never really thought about it, but anyways, he’s also a medicine man.”
“A medicine man? Like he heals people and mixes potions and stuff like that?” Sharla asked.
“Something like that. His people believe a lot of what plagues us comes from humans’ abuse of the earth. King is involved in a lot of healing ceremonies, but they’re not really about healing the person, if that makes sense.”
“Wow, I’d love to talk to him for my blog. He sounds really interesting.”
Maggie grinned. “He is extremely interesting, and there is nothing King loves to talk about more than himself, so you’re probably in luck there.”
Sharla and King continued to exchange looks off and on, and while they ate, Sharla asked Jyl, “Are you going to ask him about doing an interview?”
“Yeah, I think I might.”
“You’ll do it soon—while I’m still in town?”
Jyl laughed. “You haven’t left enough broken hearts strewn across New York?”
“Probably,” she said with a smile. “But look at him, Jyl! He looks like he was carved out of one of these mountains around here. He’s perfect. I’d be remiss in my single state if I didn’t at least try to get to know him while I’m here.”
“You’re so funny,” Jyl said.
“I’m not kidding.”
“I know. That’s why I think you’re so funny. I’ll talk to him before we leave.”
Sharla let out a quiet little squeal and reached over to squeeze her hand. “Thank you!”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I Saw Mommy Kissing A Cowboy (Cowboy Christmas Romance) Page 13