Ollie got out of the car, and my gaze blurred as my eyes glossed over from the disconnection, and I watched him round the car to the passenger side and opened my door. He crouched down beside the seat and grabbed my hands from my lap. “Listen to me. It’s you and I, evermore. Remember?” I nodded. Ollie squeezed my hand, sucked in a breath, and let it out slowly. “Being with you is more than enough. You will always be more than enough. And if it’s just you and I at the end of all this, we’ll just have to keep our youth ‘til we’re seventy and put all the youngins to shame. We’ll make out in public, dance in streets, and play footsie under the table at the book club meetings like two geezers in love. You and I, forever.”
I smiled. “Evermore.”
“Come here.” He lifted me out of the car and pulled me into a tight hug.
“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone,” Ollie asked, then sipped his wine as we sat outside with my feet in his lap. His thumb kneaded my sock-covered heel. “Something you’ve never told me.”
“You know all my secrets,” I said through a forced smile, guilt teasing me and my murderous thoughts. Perhaps Ollie really did know me, and I, him, but maybe there was something he wanted to get off his chest, and I leaned in, resting my elbow over the arm of the chair and dangling my wine glass in the air. He opened a door, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Okay, I’ll bite. When I shot my uncle and watched the lights go out, I liked it. There was something about being there for his last breath, having control whether or not he lived or died. All the pain and shame he brought me for years just … slipped away, and I wanted to lay there in his blood and fall asleep in the peace of death from many nights of torment.” Ollie stared at me from the other end, and I hadn’t noticed the way his hand stopped moving over my feet. “His life was in my hands, and I took it, and I liked it. And I’d thought about doing it again.” I leaned back and took another sip of my wine, waiting to hear a reaction out of him. It was my darkest truth, something that had taken so long to admit to myself. “Your turn.”
Ollie moved his hand again, pressing his thumb in the center of my foot. He took another sip before clearing his throat, averting his gaze to my feet in his lap. “When I fingered that girl, Leigh, I struggled to not imagine doing other things to her, you know. I wondered if she tastes like you. If my dick would respond to her the way it responds to you. If it would feel the same way.” He quickly glanced at me before downing the rest of his wine. “But then the drugs wore off, and I feel sick about it. Because there is no me without you. It would never be the same.”
I laughed. “So, you’re a guy?”
“Hey, I didn’t laugh about your thing. That took a lot for me to say out loud.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. But, Ollie, that sounds completely normal to me.”
“It’s not. I have self-control. No woman can turn me on the way you can. But when I’m high on something, it’s like this savage beast takes over my thoughts. I’m so scared something’s going to happen with this whole Dex and Leigh situation, and you’ll leave me for good. That I’ll dig myself a deep fucking grave and have to lie in it without you.”
“I’ll bury you next to George Eliot,” I stated simply. “Tombstone etched with, “Here lies Oliver Masters, surrendered to the savage beast inside and killed off by his blood-thirsty wife … Hyphen, poet.”
Ollie lifted his finger in the air. “Can’t forget the poet part.”
“Never, and I’d never leave you, Ollie,” I added, settling his worries. “This life is full of making mistakes and growing from them. And I want to make mistakes and grow with you.”
Ollie lifted his wine glass in the air. “Here’s to spilling secrets, making mistakes, and kissing with wine-stained lips.”
And we cheered, kissed, and sat back like the conversation we’d just had was completely normal.
But after many seconds passed, Ollie lifted his head and returned his compassionate gaze to me. “Mia?” he whispered, calling my attention as his hands massaged my foot again. “I know, love. I’ve always known, and you never have to be afraid to talk to me about the things that go through your mind. No matter how dark, I’m here for it.”
The hours carried through the night. Ollie flipped the pancakes over, singing to The Beatles and wearing his black torn jeans with the button undone and his faded tattoos on full display. We’d switched out wine for coffee as the night played on, and he, finally, made this moment real for me. I held out a plate as he dropped two stacks over it. “You know what time it is, love?”
“It’s three A.M.”
He winked and pointed the spatula at me. “I told you we’d be here, didn’t I?”
I had very little obsessions, and the history of bookstores was one of them. When I’d received the phone call from Foyles, which was once the largest bookstore in the world, and they had invited me to do a signing, I’d jumped from the bed, waking Mia in the process. It had been at ten in the morning when I’d received their call, and we celebrated, jumping over the bed for an hour before rushing to get dressed so I could show off Foyles and bombard her with facts of their history the entire way to the store. The signing wouldn’t have been for a few weeks, but she had to see the place.
That was two weeks ago, and the memory of Mia and I walking across the brick storefront faded, and the long line of eagerly waiting readers took its place, clutching my book in their arms under canopies of umbrellas, hiding from the rain. “Foyles,” Travis stated, pulling up to the curb and shifting the gear into park. “This place is legit.”
“Thirty miles of shelf space. Used to be the largest bookstore in the world,” I went on, going over the same information I’d told Mia. I couldn’t help it. “Two brothers back in 1903, and now look. Over an entire century later, look at what it became. You know, William Foyles supposedly covered the roof with copies of Mein Kampf to ward off bombs during the world war. It means my fight, and a bomb dropped right across the street, left a big crater. While they were fixing it, William fed the sappers to sandwiches and ginger beer while they worked, and when the bridge was completed, they named it Foyle Bridge after him. Cool, right? Human kindness can go a long way, making and marking a dent in history.” I pried my eyes away from the brick storefront and crowd to see Travis’s mouth pressed together and brows twisted. “What? It’s interesting.”
“It’s annoying. Tell me, when you swallowed the encyclopedia, was it before or after your collection of history books?”
I’d forgotten my audience and opened the car door, wiggling my brows. “Whatever, man. Mia eats that shite up like it’s candy.”
The atmosphere inside Foyles was the opposite of Daunt Books. With four floors, clean and modern lines, crisp white walls, and glass railings, books became the main focus and only color inside the large building, which expanded over 37,000 square feet. My table rested on the bottom floor under words that read, “Welcome book lovers, you are among friends,” and after Laurie, Travis, and I set up, a Foyles’ employer allowed the line of people in from the rain outside.
My second book signing and Mia couldn’t be here to experience it with me. It pained her not to be here, but Cora’s mum had a bad day yesterday and was in the hospital. Mia had been there all night and had messaged me this morning, saying she was bringing Cora back to the house so the two could get some shut-eye. I’d told her there would be plenty of other opportunities with events.
For hours, I’d signed, smiled, and took photos as Travis kept the line moving along, and about halfway through, I’d felt myself slipping.
I pushed my fingers through my hair when Laurie placed a tea in front of me, one from the café located inside the bookstore, knowing I was slowly losing it. She fixed the black-rimmed glasses covering her eyes and leaned down to my ear. “You only have an hour left, then you’re done.”
Nodding, I forced a smile as another girl approached the table.
Though I was utterly grateful for their support and presence, the excitement overload
tested my nerves and stole my energy. It had been enough to cause my hairline to sweat and my vision to defy me. I sipped the tea before signing the next book, pushing my forehead over the sleeve of my shirt.
The next person tossed my book over the table, and two large hands gripped the edge as he leaned over. “We need to talk,” he said.
I glanced up from my tea until my gaze settled on Ethan Scott.
My jaw clenched as he and his red hair violated my space.
It was the anger I’d felt first. A searing white heat rolled over my skin in waves, and I had no control over my next actions. Ethan was the reason I was in this bloody mess with the Links, to begin with. The Leigh Situation. Dex Sullivan. The death of my brother. All to get Mia back from him. He was the reason Mia had once questioned me, our relationship, and even herself. She’d been through Hell’s fire and came back with even more internal injuries than before, and his sinister eyes caused my fingers to twitch and my mind to blackout.
The table flipped up, tea spilling, and hands grabbed my shirt, attempting to yank me back as I launched at him. “I’m going to fucking kill you,” I seethed, balling the neckline of his shirt into my fists and walking him backward against the line of people.
Gasping, the crowd parted, and shrieks came from somewhere, but my only focus was on Ethan as he tried pushing against me. We both toppled to the ground, and the painful memories washed over me. The waiting for her, the searching, the drinking, the crying, the agonizing ache inside my chest burned, reminding me of what life would have been like without her, and my fist pounded into his cheekbone, but I couldn’t stop myself. Blood splashed up into my face, and Travis grabbed both my arms and pulled me against his chest.
A cold gust of wind hit me, and Scott and I stared at one another in an alleyway. I nursed my knuckles, holding them out against the rain and pulling the wound between my lips. Scott dropped his head back, raining falling over his bruised and bloody face, neither one of us saying anything.
“I’m sorry,” Scott finally declared, lowering his head to look at me.
It was blatant I wouldn’t be welcomed back at Foyles, a place I’d fantasized about since I was a kid. I dropped my head until it hit the brick, more upset with myself for letting my emotions win this time.
“I didn’t mean for it to all go down the way it did,” he continued. “I reacted. And yeah, I bloody took the girl, alright? I never hurt her. I got fucking scared, and I took her. That’s it. When I realized what I’d done, I returned her.”
A humorless laugh rolled off my tongue. “You returned her,” I shook my head, “Thanks, mate, but she’s not a fucking object, and the only reason you’re breathing right now is because I’d promised Mia I would let you live.”
My hands shook, ready to break the promise, and Ethan averted his eyes when he asked, “She’s back with you?”
I raised my arms at my sides. “Where else would Mia be?” It wasn’t supposed to come off arrogant, but Mia and I belonged together. I didn’t understand why the entire world couldn’t see and accept it already. I wanted my scream to shake this earth, shouting that love had and would always win. That nothing could tear us apart. If Scott had returned to rip her away, it would be the last mistake he’d ever make.
“Forget it, you’re right.”
“What are you doing here, Scott?”
“I went back to Bruce’s, and she wasn’t there. I had to make sure she was okay. When I didn’t see Mia sitting next to you, I thought … Actually, I didn’t know what I thought. Maybe she’d chosen me. That maybe I was wrong in letting her go. It was fucked up the way I left her. I don’t know, I just wanted to see her one last time and to tell you—”
“I’ll never trust you,” I quickly said.
Travis’s car pulled up at the end of the alley, and a few honks bounced off the narrow walls.
Glancing back, Scott climbed to his feet, his clothes heavy and soaked. “I thought you should know, I’m breaking Tommy out,” he announced, and I turned my entire body back in his direction. “I know the promise you made to Zeke before he died, that you’d do whatever you could to free Tommy. Well, I’m breaking the bloke out. For Livy. For Zeke. For redemption …” he continued. I swiped my palm down my wet face and dropped my hands over my hip bones, unsure of what he was asking of me or where this was going. “And I don’t want your help. Just take care of her, Masters. Mia deserves so much more than the horrors of this world, and you’re the only person who can give her that. I’ll take care of the promise you made to Zeke and free Tommy.”
“It still doesn’t change anything.”
Scott laughed, pressing his hand against his bruised face. “I wasn’t expecting it would.”
Besides, it had.
As I walked back to the car, with Ethan Scott behind me, a burden I hadn’t known was there, lifted. No longer did I want to kill him, knowing he’d take care of the last thing weighing me down since Zeke had died, and I dragged in a long breath as the rain slammed against my cheeks.
The air was thick with a nightly rainfall on the horizon. The taunting threat of a storm simmered an eerie scent of destruction. An intuition, if you will? Or maybe the universe was revealing a fortune no one should endure, especially Mia.
Both of my helpless eyes peered through the window of their home. Mia played over the piano, a familiar tune floating through space between us. Brown hair twisted lazily over her head, wearing only a white tee and plaid pajama shorts. Ollie walked through the living space sipping from a mug in one hand, holding a book in the other. The fool’s eyes glued to Mia before he dropped over their large couch and flipped open a book.
I should have left days ago, but had to make sure she was okay. It wasn’t like I was obsessed with the girl, but Masters was too delicate to satisfy and entertain her fierce mind from spiraling to the pits of boredom. I knew because Mia and I were the same. We weren’t designed for contentment or a life consisting of marriage, babies, work, and routine. And even though I was the only one who could free her wild mind and feed the desires burning inside her, she chose Masters.
Ollie spoke, but I couldn’t hear from here, and Mia turned to face him, a smile dazzling her features. She stood, walked over to Masters, and took his hand. The two disappeared from my view. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed with me watching like a creep until the lights went out, and a chill ran down my spine.
I bet he couldn’t fuck her like I could, and a laugh fell from my lips and onto the empty street, their mailbox my audience. Laughing, because all I could picture was Masters struggling to maneuver her parts during a lousy game of foreplay. Laughing, because he was inside with her this very moment, having the chance, and I was still standing out here in the cold.
My laughter died, and I made the half-mile journey back to my car. Mia was okay, and it was all I needed to make sure of. It took every bit of strength not to burst through their front door and tell her I was sorry for leaving her the way I did, but I’d already made my decision, and she made hers.
When I got into my car, my reflection in the rearview mirror greeted me.
Masters took me by surprise back at Foyles. I had been under the impression Foyles was a safe territory with his fans surrounding him. The last thing I’d expected was for him to launch at me in public and on display. Perhaps I underestimated the pussy all along, but that was the second, and last time I’d let him paint my face with his impressive fists. If he had taken what was mine, I’d probably attempt to kill him too, not even bothering with a fucking needle or hanging. I’d chop him up into pieces and spread them over New Forest National Park, where the wild animals could eat away the rest of him.
But Mia chose him, and I had to respect that.
She was never mine.
So, Masters was safe.
Dean, my best mate with connections, called on my way to the motel. Over the last few weeks, the two of us had been making arrangements for Tommy’s escape. There was no way I could move on without freeing hi
m. I’d tried that already. As soon as I’d dropped Mia off at Bruce’s and made it halfway across the states, a calling nagged from above. I’d never forgotten the way Zeke used to look at me back at Dolor, and I’ve been feeling that tormenting gaze deep within my dark soul ever since. He never had to ask or say the words, but he and Tommy both had known I was their only chance. And because Tommy was the man my sister fell in love with, freeing him was the last thing I needed to do before the monster inside dissolved to nothing.
I’d be free too.
“You should see this town, man. I’m positive this is where they snatched up the cast for the movie The Hills Have Eyes,” Dean said into the phone.
“Haven’t seen it,” I clipped out. I never watched the telly. It bored me.
“In any case, of all places, this is where Luke brings us. My brother has lost his fucking mind.”
Dean was still vague about who they were and what they did, but I had always rolled with the conversations and the little bits of information he fed me. He needed to vent, and I needed the distraction. “Sorry, man. How are we looking on time?” Dean needed to be here for Tommy’s escape, and I was going stir crazy being in the same town as Mia and Masters, itching to change my mind and take her back against her will. Seeing her only made me miss the chaos and challenge. My puppet. The warm side of my bed.
A heavy sigh came through the other end of the phone. “Depends on Luke.” Family came first. Dean’s one and only rule. If he weren’t doing me favors to make this mission a whole lot smoother, I’d do it myself. I needed Dean, and the lifespan of my monster were in the hands of his brother. Cheers. “Give me six months. I know it seems long, but trust me, man. Six months, and I’ll be on the red-eye coming your way. Keep yourself busy ‘til then.”
Suppressing a groan, I nodded as if he could see. “Six months. I’m counting on you, mate. If you’re not here in six months, you’ll be freeing two chaps from prison.”
Now Open Your Eyes (Stay With Me series Book 3) Page 25