By the time I looked back over to Dex, his fist connected with my jaw, and I tumbled backward but quickly steadied myself. I lifted the gun at Dex, and he backed away as the sound of another gun cocking echoed to my side.
Smith.
My eyes slid to him, and he stood off to the side with his pistol pointed at me.
“You don’t want to fuck with me!” I screamed, my hand shaking and tears streaming down my face. “I’ll fucking kill you!”
A single gunshot cried out, ripping through my side. My eyes bulged. Tears stopped. The impact jolted me back and knocked the air from my lungs. I fell back against the wall, the gun heavier in my hand and gravity dragging me down.
Mia, my baby … I grasped at every ounce of strength to pull myself up against the wall and waved the gun in Smith’s direction, refusing to stop until they were all dead.
Desperate, I pulled the stiff trigger, and a thunder sliced through the air as a bullet tore through the center of Smith’s forehead, blood painting the wall behind him.
A second wind jolted a rush inside me like a shot of adrenaline. Despite the burning, the heart-wrenching pain materializing, and the warm blood seeping from the bullet hole at my side, I stormed over to Dex.
He slowly shook his head, panic invading his senses, and before he could get a word out, I slammed the base of the gun into the side of his head.
Dex fell back into the couch, and I gripped his black hair, yanked his head back, and dug the tip of the barrel under his chin.
“Alright, I get it,” Dex’s voice shook with his palms in the air. “I get it, Oliver.”
Flashes of Mia and I went off like fireworks in my head. The first time our eyes met in the mess hall, her small smile in the bathroom when we first talked, the late-night rendezvous’, chasing her in the library, reading to her, the lovemaking, the fighting for each other, the tears, her golden eyes, the paper roses, the dancing, the stars, the sunrises, proposing, our drunken nights, the wedding … Falling into this maddening love that stayed forever and ever …
“No,” I wiped my face into my sleeve and cocked my head, “you don’t fucking get it.”
Then I pulled the trigger.
“Oliver!” Adrian shouted, my eyes weighing heavier and heavier. He’d taken off my black hoodie, and I had it pressed against my side, but it wasn’t helping. My white tee soaked in blood. It was everywhere. The color of rage. The color of love. How is it possible? “Hang in there, mate. We’re almost to the hospital.”
“No,” I croaked, shaking my head. With the gun still in my grip, I clenched both my eyes from the white blistering pain, my body begging to pass out. But, I knew Mia. She was waiting up for me. “Take me home.”
“You’ll never make it,” Adrian nervously explained, whipping the car to the right, and my head dropped over the passenger side window.
I lifted the gun over my thigh and pointed it at him. “Take me the fuck home,” I seethed through gritted teeth. We couldn’t be more than ten minutes out. I could make it to her.
“Fuck, Oliver!” Adrian slammed his palm against the steering wheel once before he shook out his hands and released a drawn-out breath. “I’ll take you home, but I know you, and you won’t fucking shoot me,” his voice shook, and his hand came down over the gun as he took it from my clenched fist, “You have to trust me, mate. Blindly. It’s your turn to trust me blindly, Oliver. You hear me?”
Nodding, my hand relaxed over my thigh as Adrian drove with his knees, wiping down the gun with his shirt. Going well over a hundred miles per hour, he dropped the gun inside the door pocket and snatched his mobile phone from the cup holder, punching in numbers before bringing it to his ear. Adrian’s wide eyes flicked over to me. “Yeah. This is Officer Adrian Taylor,” he turned his frightened gaze back to the road, “I’m undercover with SC and O ten. I have a twenty-three-year-old male in critical condition. Gunshot wound to the abdomen. I need an air ambulance right away …”
My brows pinched together. “A?” It hardly came out against the pain.
Adrian cocked his head back to me as he continued into the phone, “My location?” his breathing was heavy and voice shaken as he looked over my condition, and I squeezed my eyes closed as we hit a turn. “The Masters cottage in Surrey …”
The rest drifted as I shifted to my side, cringing from the pain, and with two fingers, I pulled out Mia’s Christmas gift and clutched it into the palm of my hand. My head rocked against the window, and I turned my gaze to the sky, pinning it on the iridescent moon for the rest of the way.
In record time, Adrian pulled outside my cottage. My insides were on fire. The pain was unbearable, and every slow and short step toward our front door felt like a mile as our Christmas tree glowed through the window. Adrian shouted from behind me before the car door slammed, but I kept going with her gift clutched inside my fist, probably ruined. But she had to know.
Once I reached the front steps, I shoved my bloody hand into my pocket and pulled out my keys. After a few attempts, the door opened, and I collapsed against the door frame.
Then there she was, coming from our bedroom and appearing before me in her red pajamas and her hair a wild mess.
Her presence, it was overwhelming.
I dropped my arm to my side.
Mia.
I only saw her, and she saw me.
Horror flashed in her eyes, but I couldn’t wipe the smile from mine.
I made it home.
“We’re having a baby, love?” I whispered, and Mia’s hand flew over her mouth, tears slipping down her cheeks as she nodded.
A relieved breath escaped me as I sank down the door frame. Mia ran toward me, catching my fall as a scream sliced through her lovely lips and pierced the cold winter night. Together we slid to the floor, and she clutched my head against her chest as my numbed body laid out in a pool of warm blood. Desperate cries echoed through the black night as her trembling hands ran through my hair over and over.
Mia was right. There was something peaceful about death, especially in her arms. I could stay right here forever, listening to her heart beating. I’d memorized that sound. I could pick her heartbeat out in a lineup. But just as much as I’d known the sound, I felt it hard and steady inside my chest.
Because her heartbeat mirrored my mine.
Adrian tried to calm her and laid his hand over her shoulder, but Mia jerked and screamed out against him, shaking her head. The ends of her soft hair grazed my neck like the times she’d rolled her hips over me when we made love. I glanced up to see her cheeks soaked, eyes bloodshot, and snow flurries dancing wildly in her hair when my eyes became heavier.
“Ollie, please,” she cried, sobs sputtering through her trembling lips. “Open your eyes. Keep them on me.”
The pain was dissolving. I wasn’t scared anymore.
With the little strength I had left, my eyes blinked open, seeing the snow fall toward me under the same moon I’d talked to as a kid. My clenched fist opened at my side, and Mia’s gift laid in my palm. The only gift I could give her on our last Christmas—freedom.
The paper airplane fell from my fingers, and I looked up to see her screaming out, but her cries didn’t make it to my ears this time. Mia beat against my chest, but I didn’t feel it. Bright blue and red lights flashed all around, and I blinked once more to embed her golden-brown eyes into my soul.
And, finally, we were free …
I’m a dreamer, but I’m not afraid.
Not anymore.
For my entire life, I’d lived in a fantasy. I’d created my own world and got lost in it because I couldn’t believe in the reality around me. I was certain there was light and good out there. People who were kinder. Places that were warmer. Genuine smiles, honest laughs, and selfless love. It couldn’t all be a lie, because they were in stories. And inside every story, there was truth. Anything real was once imagined, and I found comfort in that, and until I could either find this world I’d believed in whole-heartedly or face my reality
, I’d bring myself to the one I’d imaged because it was easier—safer.
I let Mia into my world, taking her away from the dark.
Together we danced, kissed, and made love behind the gates of our heaven.
And it was beautiful, poetic even.
I’m a man, but I’m not afraid anymore.
I’m not afraid to cry.
I’m not afraid to dream.
And I’m not afraid to pour my entire heart into her.
I wear my heart on my sleeve because I’m not afraid to get it broken. It was never mine anyway, it was everyone else’s. It was my mum’s when she made foolish mistakes, but she did the best she could under her circumstances. Perhaps she hasn’t always done the right thing, but she loved me the only way she understood how.
It was my brother’s because, despite the sickness inside his head, I couldn’t blame him. He was raised by a prostitute, with a brother who constantly escaped the harsh reality, and numerous punters with loads of advice on how to make it through in life. Perhaps he hasn’t always done the right thing, but he loved me the only way he knew how.
My heart was with Ethan because he loved Mia enough when I couldn’t. He protected her when I couldn’t. When the cruel world failed him, failed his sister, he did the only thing a person in his position would only think of. I see that now more than ever. And I admire his strength, his loyalty, and his devotion. Perhaps he hasn’t always done the right thing, but he loved Mia the only way he knew how, and I hope one day he’d be able to find love again …
My heart was with the father I never knew because he brought me into this world. Perhaps he decided not to be in my life, or maybe he never knew I existed, either way, it still lead me to her.
No, my heart was never mine. It was everyone else’s to mend, shape, slice, and stitch, all making me the man I am today. And for that, I love myself. Because whatever condition my heart is now in, Mia still treasures it all the same.
I’m still a dreamer, but I’m not afraid anymore.
Because I found her.
All I had to do was open my eyes.
I would never forget the day he’d almost slipped away.
Surrounded by blood and snow, sobs had broken through my desperate pleas as I held his head against my chest. His gaze had locked on mine, a wistful freedom collided with wonder in those green eyes, grasping on to the belief of forever. I’d never seen his shade so vibrant. It had caused my entire being to fall into a somber eclipse, spiraling faster and faster with no end, no walls, only darkness.
And then he blinked his eyes once more before they closed.
The flesh from my bones, the blood in my veins, the oxygen in my lungs, all of it had crumbled, breaking into small pieces yet still holding on by a thread—the thread was my heart. It had pumped on auto-pilot as if it couldn’t associate with the rest of my body. It’s thumping sounded in my ears, and I’d wished it would stop, but my heart was not ready to let go. It had continued with the same steady beat, refusing to give up what was right in front of me. Open your eyes, I’d thought—well, desperately begged.
And I’d waited.
Two seconds had passed—waiting as my body weakened from his disconnection, and my heart continued to pump.
Three.
Then the paramedics had ripped him from my arms …
A soft pink glow spilled down the hall, and I followed the light, stopping just before I reached the door with a coffee mug in hand. The soft giggles coming from her room was music to my ears, and I turned the corner and leaned into the door frame of her bedroom. Origami roses and paper airplanes hung from her sky painted ceiling. Jake had her room set up while we were traveling, and had it ready just before returning home for Christmas.
Under the constellations and origami shapes dancing above, my eyes found hers.
They were beautiful. Rare, yet duplicated. A color so familiar. It was the color of the reflection of palm trees across a shoreline when the sun was at its highest point in the day. The color was the perfect timing when three of God’s creations collided: the sun, trees, and water. The color was Ollie’s.
She smiled that innocent smile from her bed when her dimple kissed her cheek, then curled inside his arms.
Ollie’s gaze flicked up at me from the book, and he froze with that daydream spark in his green eyes. A matching smile spread from her face to his. “Uh-oh,” Ollie snapped his head to our little girl. “I’m in trouble.”
“Big trouble. You,” my eyes narrowed at the brown-headed green-eyed wild child, “are supposed to be asleep by now. And you,” I slid my gaze to Ollie, “are supposed to be … Well … Do I really have to finish that sentence?” I nudged my head to young ears.
Grinning, Ollie closed the book. “Yup, she’s angry. Daddy’s in trouble.” He sat up in her bed and pointed out the door with panicked eyes and a smile. “Run, Ever. It’s too late for me, but you still have time!”
In a faux frantic, Evermore turned, slid off the edge of the bed until her little toes touched the wooden planks, then ran toward me, giggling. I scooped her up with one arm and nuzzled my face in her neck as I carried her back to the bed. Ollie pressed his lips together to hold in his chuckles. After Ever was born, we haven’t been able to get pregnant again. Yet, I couldn’t be happier. All we ever needed was our Evermore, anyway. “One more, then it’s Mummy and Daddy time.”
Ollie raised his brows. “Oh, yeah?”
Blushing, I laid next to Ollie with Ever settled between the two of us. Ollie opened his book, and I rested my head over his shoulder as he turned the pages to her lullaby. His enchanting and elegant voice arrested my heart. And I blinked up to catch his lips move and eyes blink slowly as he read to our daughter, never taking advantage of a single beat.
“Lay your head, Evermore,
for there is nothing to fear.
Love will slay the monsters;
velvet skies are warm and clear.
Drift to sleep, Evermore,
you’re free to touch the moon.
Soar and dance with stars;
Mum and dad will see you through.
Get lost in adventure, Evermore,
but never stray too far.
Stay with me in my arms,
even while you’re gone.
Sleep with angels, Evermore.
Soon the sun will rise,
But only when morning whispers,
Now open your eyes.”
And we were together,
and it was beautiful …
ETHAN
COMING 2021
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It’s January 24th, 2020, and I finally wrote the epilogue after sitting on it for so long. Yes, two weeks until the release day. Which, if you are reading this, the date has come or passed. I’m telling you this because I want to admit to you how scared I was to finish this story. I was TERRIFIED. I could hardly get through edits and beta reads without turning into an emotional mess. I was so close to not adding the epilogue simply because I never thought I’d be able to say goodbye.
But I did it.
Wherever you are sitting right now, I want you to do me a favor.
I want you to close your eyes and find what your heart beats for.
Once you find it, or if you have known all along, give it your everything. Cut yourself open and pour your heart into it. Don’t just chase it, become it. Breathe it. Live it. Never allow fear, uncertainty, or insecurities, or any soul or thing take it away from you. It’s right there, and it’s yours. The rejection you may face will never amount to the regret. You can learn to overcome rejection, but regret will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Six months. My entire life changed within six months, and I have so many people to be thankful for. I’ve been blessed with the best team at my side, book-lovers who adore these characters, life-long friends, new opportunities, and the list goes on …
To the READERS — Every morning, I wake up unsure what I ever did to deserve any of you. Ever
y day, I see all your messages, and though it takes me a while to respond to contain my emotions (yes, I’m Ollie in a nutshell), they touch my fucking heart. It may sound so simple, but thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for understanding the story and the characters. Thank you for your tears, for your laughs, for your frustration, for your patience, for relating, for learning, for finding pieces of yourself inside these books and sharing it with me … Thank you!
To the ladies on the STREET TEAM — Each one of you have a piece of my heart, and though we only started this team within the last two months, I couldn’t have asked for a better group of ladies. Your constant enthusiasm, excitement, and passion fuels me every fucking day. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for believing in me, wanting to spread the word, and always on your A game. I love you all!
To the ARC ARMY —The talent, passion, and drive stirring within this community is unfathomable. By far, the favorite part of my day is when I get a message from you all. Thank you for your beautiful graphics, for sharing and spreading the word, for the hilarious meme’s, and trusting me with this story. I hope you find that I’ve done it justice because it was you all in the back of my mind as I wrote the epilogue. Here’s to a happy ever after, forevermore. Oh, and Christy L. … I told you I’d take you to Gibraltar ;)
To the LOVELIES — During the most stressful days, you all keep a smile on my face. I know I haven’t been as active lately, but I still see the way you ladies interact with each other, and it warms my heart. Thank you for staying so positive and accepting of each other. Thank you for always celebrating with me and becoming the one place I can escape to. You all are my safe haven.
To my KASSY — Dude, I fucking love you. Like, that’s it. And I’ll say it over and over. And thank you for beta reading SWM, EWIG, then NOYE. And thank you for being understanding and patient when I know deep down you wanted to strangle me these past couple of weeks while dissecting NOYE. Thank you for not just holding on, but carrying me through this, giving your complete honesty, and never holding back. In one year, we made it together. There is no other way I’d rather have it. Always and forever … (PS: There are 7 “ands” because I know that’s your favorite word and lucky number.)
Now Open Your Eyes (Stay With Me series Book 3) Page 34