Finding You

by Jo Watson

  “I don’t think you’re mad.”

  I tsked. “Well, I’m definitely not myself.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m here!” I slapped the sofa with my free hand. “Here, in this room, on your sofa, in Greece running around on a stupid whim. Trust me, it’s soooo unlike me to do something like this! I don’t run around chasing invisible ghosts on some kind of weird, barely there hunch and get drunk in bars and then throw drinks in people’s faces and run and fall and trip into the night and… Whoa… this coffee is really strong! Talk about sobering up in seconds. See, and I don’t even drink coffee. Just more proof that I am not myself.”

  I stopped my rant and looked up at Dimitri, who seemed to be smiling. That was not the reaction I was expecting. I was half expecting him to look at me as if I had just mutated into some strange alien creature.

  “No… no… I don’t think you quite grasp the severity of the situation here, Dimitri,” I continued. “Jane Smith, Dr. Jane Smith as you like to say, is logical, precise. Jane Smith doesn’t say things like she’s been saying all night tonight. She doesn’t speak her mind and say what she wants and do what she wants, she barely knows what she wants anymore and…” I paused. “Oh God, and now I’m speaking about myself in the third person.”

  Dimitri laughed out loud. It was the second time I’d heard him laugh, and it did something to his features that made him even sexier and more appealing. He was mesmerizing and hypnotizing and all of a sudden I was swept away again on a bubble of lusty thoughts where I imagined that the two of us were naked and having sex on the beach, except there wasn’t any sand there.

  “So if you do one thing right now that you really want to, what would it be?” he asked.

  “I want to sleep with you.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  I waited for the earth to open up and for gravity to pull me down into the lava-filled pits below. I waited for a bolt of lightning to strike, a gale-force wind to sweep through his place and carry me off. I would have welcomed bandits running in and kidnapping me at this point…

  I was so stunned by my own words that I was incapable of speaking, which made the whole thing about a million times worse. The deathly silence just seemed to highlight my words. I swear, I could almost hear them echoing around his cave-like room.

  Speak, Jane. Open your mouth and explain that it was a mistake, a joke. You were trying to be funny, ironic in a postmodern way…

  My brain swirled from one thought to the next, and my heart started pounding again. “I… I… it… I…” I stuttered like those bandits had stolen my tongue and inconveniently left the rest of my body behind. “I didn’t mean to say that. I don’t expect you to, you probably wouldn’t want to, either. I mean, you’re so, so, so hot and I really do want to sleep with you, but I don’t, because you are Dimitri the tour guide.”

  “What’s my name and profession got to do with it, Jane?”

  “Everything!” I spluttered. “It has everything to do with it and why I’m here and acting like a total moron and wanting to have sex with you when I shouldn’t.” I shook my head. “Oh God, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. I never do these kinds of things, never. And certainly not with men that look like you because… look at me.”

  “I am looking, Jane.” His words came out breathily.

  “You are?” His words stopped me dead in my rambling tracks.

  “I’ve been looking at you since I met you.”

  “Huh?” My legs turned to Jell-O, and despite all my better judgment I wanted to have sex with this man more than I’d ever wanted anything in my entire life. Besides, what was the harm? I’d already decided I was going to leave this stupid island tomorrow anyway. I was leaving and I’d never, ever see him again and how often does a girl get to say she’s had sex with the hottest guy on the planet?

  My head seemed to start nodding on its own. “Uh-huh. Okay, yes. Sure.” It continued its nod as Dimitri stood up and moved toward me. Anxious panic mixed with excitement and surged through my body, putting every one of my senses on high alert. Is this really happening?

  He shifted a little closer and suddenly I could see it, an intention in his eyes that was undeniable. A magnetic force that hadn’t existed a few moments ago started pulling us together slowly until in one swift movement he was sitting next to me, cupping my face, and kissing me.

  He was kissing me.

  My body reacted in a million different ways that it had never reacted before. I was so stunned that at first I didn’t kiss him back. The shock seemed to have paralyzed my mouth. But then as his kiss deepened and slowed, I was swept up in the moment and I kissed him back. God, I haven’t used my lips for kissing in so long, I hope they’re doing the right thing!

  My hands took on a mind of their own and suddenly they were wrapped around the back of his head, pulling him closer. Who is this girl that’s doing these things? He reacted by shifting even closer to me on the small sofa, until my back was pushing into the hard wooden arm. One of his hands left my face, trailed down my neck, and continued even farther until his fingertips grazed my breast through my shirt. I flinched at his touch and natural forces took over control of my body, making me squirm and tremble for more.

  It was pure, unadulterated lust, and it warmed my body from the inside out until I felt like I was on fire. Our lips tangled together and his hand slipped up under my top. He caressed my breast through my bra until I was an incoherent lump of blubber in his hands.

  I think I heard myself say his name in a breathy tone I didn’t recognize. Then we were up on our feet—I’m not sure how. He was pushing me toward his room, kissing me the whole time. Oh my God, he’s going to have sex with me! I was about to have sex with the hottest man on the planet. I needed a bikini wax! I needed to brush my teeth! I needed a quick crash course in how to do this!

  “I, I have to warn you,” I said breathily in between the kissing, “I’ve been told that I’m not very good at this. You know, sex.”

  “I doubt that.” His lips trailed down my neck and he started to nibble on my earlobe. I nearly died.

  “And I’ve only slept with two people in my entire life. I’m not very practiced in this department and I’m sure you’ve been with a million different models who are probably really beautiful and don’t have thigh cellulite and are probably really supple because they do a lot of yoga.”

  Dimitri stopped kissing me, smiled at me, and then silenced me with a finger to my lips. “Shhhh.”

  “I’m not supple,” I said through his finger, which was pressed down on my lips. “I don’t think I can even touch my toes.”

  “I don’t want supple, Jane. I want you.”

  Holy shit! He did not just say that to me! But it was the thing that seemed to give me the confidence to let go. To get lost…

  I’m not sure how I mustered the courage to do it, but I started pulling his shirt off over his head. The next thing I knew my hands were frantically trying to unzip his pants as he crushed me against the wall and kissed me deeply. We stumbled into his bedroom in a desperate frenzy of hands and lips and tongues and tumbled onto his bed. He pulled me onto his lap and ground me into him, which just seemed to be my cue to completely lose it. I had officially surrendered all control of my body to the mysterious forces of nature and there was no longer anything I could do to stop it.

  I pulled my top off over my head and tossed it enthusiastically across the room, where it hit the wall and landed on the floor with a soft thump. Dimitri reached up and undid my bra, tossing it against the wall as well. I let out a loud moan as my breasts tumbled free and straight into his hands and warm mouth.

  “Holy… crap! I mean, is this…” I moaned again as he moved his mouth to my other breast. “Um… are we really doing this? Is this actually happening?”

  “This is so fucking happening right now, Jane,” Dimitri said, pulling me off him and rolling me over onto my back until he was right on top of me. The weight of his body crushed me into t
he bed and I opened my legs and wrapped them around him. I closed my eyes again when his lips came crashing back down on mine.

  “Oh God,” I moaned and arched my body toward him. The sensations were almost too overwhelming to handle. I slid my hands between us and unzipped my pants and started trying to wiggle out of them while his body was crushing into me.

  “Let me help with those?” Dimitri sat up and grabbed the top of my pants. I lifted my hips off the bed to give better access and he pulled them down to where my shoes were keeping them from coming off. He grabbed my sneakers and pulled them both off simultaneously, tossing each one at the same spot on the wall. I burst out laughing, and he smiled down at me. Next my pants came off and he held them up to me for a second with a kind of questioning look. I nodded at him and the pants flew into the same wall. We both laughed as he collapsed back down onto me, but the laughter stopped in seconds and was replaced by the sounds of my moans as he ran a finger over me.

  “Wait!” I stopped him. “Do you have condoms?”

  Dimitri looked at me and smiled. “You do.”

  Shit! I hated to admit this, but my mother’s little gift might actually come in handy after all.

  “They’re in my bag.” I pointed to the living room. Dimitri looked at the living room and then shook his head as if it were too far away. He leaned over me, opened the drawer next to his bed, and pulled out a pack. He ripped the plastic off with his teeth and then seconds later had me pinned under him.

  I moaned loudly when he was finally inside me. The anticipation and buildup only made it feel even better. I couldn’t believe I was doing this! I wrapped my legs around him and ground up to meet him with every thrust. Our bodies moved faster and faster together in a desperate need for each other. There was nothing polite and restrained about this. This was lust. Pure and simple and fucking amazing.

  Our bodies slammed together over and over again. They were hot and sticky with sweat. Our breathing was loud and jagged and punctuated with moans and cries. I dug my fingernails into his back and closed my eyes as I felt the waves of pleasure building inside me.

  Dimitri thrust harder and faster and I clung on for dear life as the orgasm tore through me. Dimitri, too, moaned loudly; his body stiffened and then totally collapsed on top of me. We lay there panting together and dripping sweat all over each other until he finally rolled off me.

  I lay there on my back looking up at the ceiling in a state of shock. Could sex really be that good? I smiled happily to myself and closed my eyes and just before falling asleep a thought hit me. Whoa… well, happy birthday to me.

  I shot out of bed, and my brain thumped against the inside of my skull. Agony! I looked around and had no idea where the hell I was. For a moment the confusion was so overwhelming that I didn’t even remember my own name. Okay, I knew this wasn’t my hotel. And I knew this wasn’t my house. I was in Greece, that much I was sure of. I looked at the bedside table. Two aspirin and a glass of water with a small note that read:

  Take these.

  I grabbed the pills. I didn’t need any convincing; without further ado I popped them into my mouth and swallowed. But who had written the note…

  “Oh God no!” I hung my head as waves of unadulterated shame twisted my stomach into knots. Images from last night started ticking through my head, like an old black-and-white movie. I’d acted like a complete moron last night. Getting drunk, throwing drinks around like a lunatic, getting lost, calling Dimitri, drinking that evil coffee and making a total idiot of myself and…

  “Oh no!” I moaned loudly and clutched my head, not daring to look up. I’d asked him to sleep with me and, and…

  My heart jumped into my mouth and I looked down. Sure enough, I was completely naked. I’d had sex with him. I’d had sex! What the hell was wrong with me?

  “Jesus, Jane,” I hissed out loud. I felt disgusted. Despite vowing that I would never do it, I’d come to Greece and done the exact same thing as my mother—fallen for the charm of the Greek tour guide. I glanced around the room, looking for my clothes. I stood up quickly. The immediate head rush forced me to clutch the chair nearby. I held on until the horrific feeling passed. The nausea was so intense that I didn’t know if I would be able to fight it, or whether I was about to get sick all over his room. Classy!

  I saw that all my clothes had been folded neatly and piled on a chair; he’d brought my bag into the room and placed it on the floor next to my clothes. I went for my clothes and started putting them back on. Then I walked over to the mirror on the wall and looked at myself. I wished I hadn’t. My makeup was smudged, and I had grown a massive pimple in the middle of my forehead overnight. It was probably all the toxic sludge in my veins trying to come out. It was the kind of pimple that you might as well pencil an eyebrow above and accept that you have a third eye. But worst of all, there was something very wrong with my hair. I reached up and ran my fingers through it, and that’s when I realized that it looked like someone had taken a pair of scissors to it. What the hell had I done to myself?

  Chunks of hair stood up straight at the top of my forehead because they were substantially shorter than the rest. Had someone cut my hair last night? A blurry image of me ripping my hair out of a tangled bougainvillea and hearing snapping sounds flashed through my mind. I looked down at my leg, which was scratched and dotted with splotches of dried blood. I think this would go down in history as the night I made the biggest fool of myself. It would probably be something they write on my tombstone:

  HERE LIES JANE. SHE LED A NORMAL, BORING LIFE EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE NIGHT SHE GOT WILD AND CRAZY AND ENDED UP LOSING HER MIND AND HAVING A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH A TOTALLY HOT STRANGER!

  I wondered how many women had stood here in front of this mirror looking at themselves and wondering how the hell they had ended up doing this. Dimitri had a way of making you forget yourself in the moment. I was so inexperienced in situations like this. I needed help, I needed…

  I went for my bag, unzipped it, and pulled my phone out. There were various happy birthday messages on it, but I ignored them all and went straight to WhatsApp.

  WHATSAPP GROUP: Jane goes to Greece

  Jane: HELP! I just had sex with this guy and I’m in his room and I don’t know what to do.

  I typed faster than I’d ever typed before and it felt like hours before the first message came bouncing back.

  Lilly: WHAT?

  Annie: WTFH

  Val: Who?

  Jane: This guy. I got drunk last night and lost in the streets and he saved me and gave me coffee and brought me back to his place and he’s just so hot and I asked him to have sex with me.

  Lilly: You asked him to have sex with you???

  Annie: Who is this? What have you done with our friend Jane?

  Val: LMFAO! You asked him! You said, “please have sex with me?” hahaha Clearly you partied like it was your birthday.

  Lilly: haha! Sipped Bacardi like it was your birthday.

  Annie: Go Shawty it’s your birthday LOL

  Jane: Stop rapping. It’s not funny. I’m in his room.

  Annie: Where’s he?

  Jane: I don’t know.

  Lilly: Are you safe? Should we be worried, he’s not some ax murderer or something.

  Jane: No. He’s not. At least I don’t think so. So what should I do?

  Val: This is hysterical! Hahaha

  Lilly: Well, usually you might go and have a cup of coffee together or maybe breakfast or—

  Jane: No, you don’t get it. I don’t EVER want to see him again.

  Annie: Was the sex that bad?

  Lilly: Oh God! Awkward.

  Val: He couldn’t have been as bad as Mr. Klingon.

  Annie: What did he do… and don’t leave out the details.

  Val: Please don’t tell me he was one of those guys that just spanks your ass in the middle of it without asking?

  Annie: Tell me there were no nipple clamps at least.

  Val: LOL

  Jane: Guys!!! Stop.
It’s not that, the sex was…

  I stopped typing and stared down at the phone wondering if I could even say it to them.

  Jane: OK. Best sex ever. Best sex of my life. Amazing. Mind blowing. I literally passed out at the end. You happy?

  Val: LOL

  Lilly: So what’s the problem? Go and find him for seconds.

  Jane: No. I still don’t want to see him again.

  Annie: Why?

  Jane: It’s complicated. Really, really—

  Stormy: do Yuo see. A window?

  Annie: Stormy, it’s about time.

  Stormy: I once climb.ed out of Wimdow and dowN fire escapes !

  Val: Of course you did!!

  A noise coming from behind the door made me look up.

  Jane: Shit. I think he’s coming. Bye

  I froze to the spot and waited for the door to open and for Dimitri to walk in. But he didn’t. The noise continued, though, and I walked over to the door and peered out. Dimitri was standing in the doorway talking to another guy. They were both laughing at the top of their voices. Dimitri gestured in my direction, and the two men looked at each other with a smile. Oh my God, he was talking about me! He was telling this guy that he had a chick in his room that he had shagged the hell out of. I knew it would mean nothing to him, that I’d amount to nothing more than another notch on the old belt; believe me, I was under no illusions. But to have it confirmed, and in such a public manner, no words…

  And then he did something that made me want to puke. He began to hit his fist into his hand, over and over again. Harder. Faster. Oh my God, he was reenacting the sex! He and the other man laughed hysterically now and talked merrily. I could only imagine what was being said about me.

  Hahaha… yeah, I bent her over and showed her who was boss!

  Oh yeah, and she took it all!