by Eoin Colfer
CHAPTER 4
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
The Bellini Theatre, Catania, Southern Sicily
Artemis Fowl and his bodyguard, Butler, relaxed in a private box at the stage-left side of Sicily’s world-famous Bellini Theatre. Perhaps it is not altogether accurate to say Butler relaxed. Rather, he appeared to relax, as a tiger appears to relax in the moment before it strikes.
Butler was even less happy here than he had been in Barcelona. At least for the Spain trip he’d had a few days to prepare, but for this jaunt he barely had time to catch up on his martial arts routines.
As soon as the Fowl Bentley had pulled up at Fowl Manor, Artemis had disappeared into his study, firing up his computers. Butler took the opportunity to work out, freshen up, and prepare dinner: onion marmalade tartlets, rack of lamb with garlic gratin, and a red berries crepe to inish.
Artemis broke the news over coffee.
“We need to go to Sicily,” he said, toying with the biscotti on his saucer. “I made a breakthrough on the time spell figures.”
“How soon?” asked the bodyguard, mentally listing his contacts on the Mediterranean island.
Artemis looked at his Rado watch and Butler moaned.
“Don’t check your watch, Artemis. Check the calendar.”
“Sorry, old friend. But you know time is limited. I can’t risk missing a materialization.”
“But on the jet you said that there wasn’t another materialization due for six weeks.”
“I was wrong, or rather, Foaly was wrong. He missed a few new factors in the temporal equation.”
Artemis had filled Butler in on the 8th Family details as the jet soared over the English Channel.
“Allow me to demonstrate,” said Artemis. He put a silver salt shaker on his plate “Let us say that this salt shaker is Hybras. My plate is where it is: our dimension. And your plate is where it wants to go: Limbo. With me so far?”
Butler nodded reluctantly. He knew that the more he understood, the more Artemis would tell him, and there wasn’t much space in a bodyguard’s head for quantum physics.
“So, the demon warlocks wanted to move the island from plate A to plate B, but not through space, through time.”
“How do you know all this?”
“It’s all in the fairy Book,” replied the Irish teenager. “Quite a detailed description, if a bit flowery.”
The Book was the fairy bible, containing their history and commandments. Artemis had managed to obtain a copy from a drunken sprite in Ho Chi Minh City years earlier. It was proving to be an invaluable source of information.
“I doubt the Book has too many charts and graphs,” noted Butler.
Artemis smiled. “No, I got the specifics from Foaly, not that he knows he’s sharing information.”
Butler rubbed his temples. “Artemis, I warned you not to mess with Foaly. The decoy thing is bad enough.”
Artemis was fully aware that Foaly was tracking him and any decoys he sent out. In fact, he only sent out the decoys to make Foaly dip into his funds. It was his idea of a joke.
“I didn’t initiate the surveillance,” objected Artemis. “Foaly did. I found more than a dozen devices on my computers alone. All I did was reverse the spike to get into some of his shared files. Nothing classified. Well, maybe a few. Foaly’s been busy since he left the LEP.”
“So what did Foaly’s files tell you?” said Butler resignedly.
“They told me about magic. Basically, magic is energy, and the ability to manipulate energy. To move Hybras from A to B, the demon warlocks harnessed the power of their volcano to create a time rent, or tunnel.” Artemis rolled his napkin into a tube, popped the salt shaker into it, and deposited the shaker on Butler’s plate.
“Simple as that?” said Butler doubtfully.
“Not really,” said Artemis. “In fact, the warlocks did an exceptional job, considering the instruments available to them at the time. They had to calculate the power of the volcano, the size of the island, the energy of each individual demon on the island, not to mention the reverse pull of lunar attraction. It’s amazing that the spell worked as well as it did.”
“There was a glitch?”
“Yes. According to the Book, the warlocks induced the volcano, but the force was too strong. They couldn’t control it, and the magic circle was broken. Hybras and the demons were transported, but the warlocks were blasted into space.”
Butler whistled. “That’s quite a glitch.”
“It’s more than a glitch. The demon warlocks were all killed, so now the rest of the pride are stuck in Limbo, held by a magical spell that was never meant to be permanent, without a warlock to bring them back.”
“Couldn’t Foaly go and get them?”
“No. It would be an impossible mission to re-create the same circumstances. Imagine trying to steer a feather in a sandstorm, then land the feather on a particular grain of sand, except you don’t know where the grain is. And even if you did know where the grain was, demon magic can only be controlled by a demon. They are by far the most powerful of warlocks. “
“Tricky,” admitted Butler. “So tell me why these demons are popping up here now?”
Artemis corrected him with a wagging finger. “Not just here, and not just now. The demons have always felt an attraction to their home world, a combination of lunar and terrestrial radiations. But a demon could only be pulled back if he was at his end of the time tunnel mouth, the crater, and not wearing a dimensional anchor.”
Butler fingered his wristband. “Silver.”
“That’s right. Now, because of massively increased radiation levels worldwide, the pull on demons is much stronger and reaches critical level with greater frequency.”
Butler was struggling to keep up. Sometimes it was not easy being a genius’s bodyguard.
“Artemis, I thought we weren’t going into specifics.”
Artemis continued regardless. He was hardly going to stop now, in midlecture.
“Bear with me, old friend. Nearly there. So now, energy spikes occur more often than Foaly thinks.”
Butler raised a finger. “Ah, yes, but the demons are okay as long as they stay away from the crater.”
Artemis raised a triumphant finger. “Yes!” he crowed. “That’s what you would think. That’s what Foaly thinks. But when our last demon was off course, I ran the equation from back to front. My conclusion is that the time spell is decaying. The tunnel is unraveling.”
Artemis allowed the napkin tube to widen in his hand. “Now the catchment area is bigger, as is the deposit area. Pretty soon, demons won’t be safe anywhere on Hybras.”
Butler asked the obvious question. “What happens when the tunnel decays altogether?”
“Just before that happens, demons all over Hybras will be plucked off the island, silver or no silver. When the tunnel collapses, some will be deposited on Earth, more on the moon, and the rest scattered through space and time. One thing is for sure, not many of them will survive, and those that do will be locked up in laboratories and zoos.”
Butler frowned. “We need to tell Holly about this.”
“Yes,” agreed Artemis. “But not just yet. I need one more day to confirm my figures. I’m not going to Foaly with nothing but theory.”
“Don’t tell me,” said Butler. “Sicily, right?”
So now they were in the Massimo Bellini Theatre, and Butler had barely half an idea why they were there. If a demon materialized on that stage, then Artemis was right, and the fairy People were in major trouble. And if the fairies were in trouble, then it was up to Artemis to help them. Butler was actually quite proud that his young charge was doing something for somebody else for a change. Even so, they had only a week to complete their task and return to Fowl Manor, because in seven days Artemis’s parents returned from Rhode Island, where Artemis Fowl Senior had finally taken possession of an artificial bio hybrid leg, to replace the one he had lost when the Russian Mafiya blew up his ship.
Butle
r peered out of the box at the hundreds of golden arches and the thirteen hundred–odd people enjoying the evening’s performance of Bellini’s Norma.
“First a Gaudí building, now this theater,” commented the bodyguard, his words audible only to Artemis, thanks to their box’s isolation and the booming volume of the opera. “Don’t these demons ever materialize somewhere quiet?”
Artemis replied in a whisper. “Just let the sublime music flow over you, enjoy the show. Don’t you know how difficult it is to get a box for a Vincenzo Bellini opera? Especially Norma. Norma combines the requirements of both a coloratura and a dramatic soprano. And the soprano is excellent, comparable to Callas herself.”
Butler grunted. Perhaps it was difficult for ordinary people to get a box in the theater, but Artemis had simply called his billionaire environmentalist friend, Giovanni Zito. The Sicilian had gladly surrendered his own box in exchange for two cases of the finest Bordeaux. Hardly surprising, since Artemis had recently invested more than ten million dollars in Zito’s water purification research.
“A Sicilian drinking Bordeaux?” Artemis had chuckled on the phone. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Keep your watch pointed at the stage,” directed Artemis, interrupting Butler’s thoughts. “The chances are minuscule that a demon will be caught without silver, even away from the crater, but if one does show up, I want it on film to prove to Foaly that my theory is correct. If we don’t have incontrovertible proof, the fairy Council will never take action.”
Butler checked that his watch crystal, which doubled as a camera lense, was angled toward the stage. “The camera is fine, but if you don’t mind, I won’t be letting the sublime music flow over me. I have enough to do keeping you safe.”
The Bellini Theatre was a bodyguard’s nightmare. Multiple entrances and exits, more than a thousand patrons that refused to be frisked, hundreds of golden arches that could conceal a gunman, and countless nooks, crannies, and corridors that probably didn’t appear on the theater plan. Nevertheless, Butler was reasonably confident that he had done all he could to protect Artemis.
Of course, there were certain things that bodyguards could not guard against, as Butler was about to find out. Invisible things.
Artemis’s phone vibrated gently. Usually Artemis deplored the kind of person who kept their phone on during a performance, but this phone was special and he never turned it off. It was the fairy communicator given to him by Holly Short, plus a few modifications and add-ons made by Artemis himself.
The phone was the size and shape of a quarter with a pulsing red crystal at its center. This was a fairy omnisensor, which could interface with any communications system, including the human body. The phone was disguised as a rather ostentatious ring on Artemis’s middle finger. Artemis twisted the ring so that the phone sat on his palm, then closed his middle fingers, extending his thumb and little finger. The sensor would decode vibrations in his little finger and send them as voice patterns. It would also use the bones in his hand to transmit the caller’s voice to the tip of his thumb.
Artemis looked for all the world like a young boy talking on an imaginary phone.
“Holly?” he said.
Butler watched as Artemis listened for a few moments, hung up and twisted the phone back into ring position.
He looked steadily at Butler. “Don’t draw your weapon,” he said.
Which of course had Butler reaching for the butt of his Sig Sauer.
“It’s fine,” said Artemis reassuringly. “Someone is here. A friend.”
Butler’s hand dropped to his side. He knew who it was.
Holly Short materialized in the velvet-covered seat beside Artemis. Her knees were drawn to her chin, and her pointed ears were covered by a black helmet. As she fizzled into the visible spectrum, a full-face visor collapsed into sections and stored itself in her helmet. Her arrival among the humans was covered by the theater’s darkness.
“Afternoon, Mud Boys,” she said, smiling. Her hazel eyes sparkled impishly, or more accurately, elfishly.
“Thanks for calling ahead,” said Butler sarcastically. “Wouldn’t want to spook anyone. No shimmer?”
Usually when fairies used their magic to shield, the only thing visible was a slight shimmer, like a heat haze. Holly’s entrance had been completely undetectable.
Holly patted her own shoulder. “New suit. Made entirely from smart wafers. It vibrates with me.”
Artemis studied one of the wafers, noting the microfilaments in the material. “Foaly’s work? Section Eight issue.”
Holly could not hide her surprise. She punched Artemis playfully on the shoulder. “How do you know about Section Eight? Aren’t we allowed any secrets?”
“Foaly shouldn’t spy on me,” said Artemis. “Where there’s a way in, there’s a way back. I suppose I should congratulate you on the new job. And Foaly, too.” He nodded at the tiny lense over Holly’s right eye. “Is he watching us now?”
“No. He’s trying to figure out how you know what he doesn’t. We’re taping, though.”
“I presume you’re talking about demons.”
“I might be.”
Butler stepped between them, interrupting the verbal sparring that was bound to follow.
“Before you two get into negotiations, how about a real hello?”
Holly smiled fondly at the huge bodyguard. She activated the electronic wings built into her suit and hovered to his eye level. Holly kissed his cheek, then wrapped her arms all the way around his head. They barely made it.
Butler rapped her helmet. “Nice equipment. Not run-of-the-mill Lower Elements Police.”
“No,” agreed Holly, removing the helmet. “This Section Eight stuff is years ahead of standard LEP. You get what you pay for, I suppose.”
Butler plucked the helmet from her hands. “Anything an old soldier would be interested in?”
Holly pressed a button on her wrist computer. “Check out the night vision. It’s as clear as . . . well . . . day. And the clever thing is that the filter reacts to light as it passes through, so no more being blinded by camera flashes.”
Butler nodded appreciatively. Night vision’s major drawback had historically been that it left the soldier vulnerable to sudden flashes of light. Even a candle flame could blind the wearer momentarily.
Artemis cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?”
Holly winked at Butler. “Your master calls. I’d better see what he wants.”
Holly deactivated her wings and settled into the chair. She folded her arms, looking Artemis straight in the eyes.
“Okay, Mud Boy, I’m all yours.”
“Demons. We need to talk about demons.”
Holly’s eyes lost their playful twinkle. “And why are you so interested in demons, Artemis?”
Artemis opened two shirt buttons and pulled out a gold coin on a leather necklace. The coin had a circular hole in the center. Put there by a blast from Holly’s laser.
“You gave this to me after you saved my father’s life. I owe you. I owe the People. So now I’m doing something for them.”
Holly wasn’t entirely convinced. “Usually before you do anything for the People, you negotiate a fee.”
Artemis accepted the accusation with a slight nod. “It’s true. It was true, but I have changed.”
Holly folded her arms. “And?”
“And it’s nice to find something Foaly missed, even if I did stumble onto it by accident.”
“And?”
Artemis sighed. “Very well. There is another factor.”
“I thought so. What do you want? Gold? Technology?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
Artemis sat forward in his seat. “Have you any idea how difficult it is to have had all those thrilling adventures with the LEP, and suddenly not be a part of that world anymore?”
“Yes,” replied Ho
lly. “Actually, I do.”
“I went from saving the world to geometry in a week. I’m bored, Holly. My intellect is not being challenged. So when I came across the demon gospel in the Book, I realized that here was a way to be involved without affecting things. I could simply observe, and perhaps refine Foaly’s calculations.”
“Which are not actually in the Book,” Holly pointed out. “Simply observe, my foot.”
Artemis waved Holly’s point away. “Some harmless hacking. The centaur started it. So I began traveling to materialization sights, but nothing happened until Barcelona. A demon showed up, all right, except he showed up in the wrong place, and late. I simply stumbled across him. I would be floating in prehistoric space right now if Butler hadn’t anchored me to this dimension with silver.”
Holly stifled a laugh.“So it was luck. The great Artemis Fowl trumps the mighty Foaly thanks to dumb luck.”
Artemis was miffed. “Informed luck I think is a better description. Anyway, that is unimportant. I have recalculated with the new figures, and my conclusions, if borne out, could be calamitous for the People.”
“Go on, tell me. In short words, though; you wouldn’t believe the amount of science I had to listen to today.”
“This is serious, Holly,” snapped Artemis. His outburst was followed by a chorus of shushes from the audience.
“This is serious,” he repeated in hushed tones.
“Why?” asked Holly. “Surely it’s just a matter of sharing your new figures and letting Foaly take care of the rest with light-distortion projectors?”
“Not quite,” said Artemis, settling back in his chair. “If a demon appears on that stage in the next four minutes, then soon there won’t be enough projectors to go around. If I’m right, and the time spell is unraveling, then Hybras and everyone on it will soon be dragged back into this dimension. Most of the demons won’t make it alive, but those who do could pop up anywhere and at any time.”
Holly switched her gaze to the stage. A raven-haired woman was holding ridiculously high notes for a ridiculously long time. Holly wondered would the woman even notice a demon popping out of the air for a second or two. There wasn’t supposed to be a materialization today. If there was, then that would mean Artemis was right, as usual, and a lot more demons were on the way. If that happened, then Artemis Fowl and Holly Short would be up to their necks in the whole saving-the-fairy-race thing yet again.