by Liza James
Little colorful pills.
I should know what this is. But I don't want to admit it. I'd rather unknowingly take these instead of consciously anticipating my own addiction.
"You want the Adderall?" He immediately replies. His hand falls to my waist as he drags me closer, his already hard cock pressing into my lower stomach. My eyes shut, and I try to fill my mind with anything else.
Music. My guitar. K. Images of the club even, fuck. Anything.
"We don't have any left. Only this. But you don't have to take it. I'd rather you be fully present for your cleansing anyway." He shoves the little baggie back into his pocket before gripping my body with both of his hands and twisting us so I'm pressed against the bathroom counter.
His lips crash against my own, his tongue diving deep before I have a chance to even catch up. My heart plummets and spirals at the same time, thumping so rapidly in my chest while I try to pull back.
"Wait—" I say quickly, but one of his hands slips into my hair as he yanks me forward and against his mouth again.
"Let go," he demands as his free hand drops to my skirt and shifts it up and over my thighs. I press them tightly together, hoping to slow this down for just a minute while I try to figure out what to do.
Stop. Please, stop.
My mind is frantically screaming, pushing back against this while my fingers begin trembling and scratching against his chest as I push him back. But he's so much bigger, so much stronger and while one hand holds my head roughly, his other hand reaches to grip my wrists and yank them in front of my waist.
I rip my head back as I try to breathe, but he's on me again. So fucking quickly, I can't keep up. My legs kick out, darting toward his knees, his fucking balls, anything I can reach.
Dom grunts against me and rears back when I connect at the apex of his thighs. Before I can move out of the way, his hand is swing back and against my face. Crashing across my skin, sending my jaw twisting to the side in agonizing pain.
I fall forward and he catches me, his movements turning suddenly gentle as he carries me out of the bathroom and to my bedroom. Throwing me on the bed, he slowly shifts me up while he climbs above me.
My eyes track his movements, and my head feels slurred and slow as I watch him unbuckle his pants and shift them down. He pulls his cock out, hard and long while he strokes it above me.
I think I might throw up.
Nausea wells in my stomach and works up my chest, my throat. Suddenly I'm twisting to the side as quickly as I can before vomit spills from my mouth and onto the floor beside my bed.
This room has seen more bodily fluid in the past few weeks than it ever should have.
What does it feel like, when you realize it's time to truly let go? To give up.
To die.
I absently wonder what the thoughts are running through minds right before they decide to surrender to all of it.
Is it this? How I feel now?
Question after question after question. Flooding my mind while my stomach floods the fucking carpet. I'm purging every ounce of strength, of fight I have left.
I'm giving it all to him now. Can't he see that? I'm already cleansed because there's nothing left inside of me.
I no longer exist.
The moment I've stopped, Dom's hand is at the back of my head, yanking me into place underneath him.
He kicks my knees apart and I let him. My eyes slip shut and I want to detach, to float above this situation, watch from a place I no longer have to be connected to.
And then I have an idea, since nothing matters anymore as it is.
"Give me the pill," I say quickly, desperately. I need it now, and I'm ready to give everything to The Nation as long as it means being done with this.
He pauses his movements, his eyes falling to my face and widening just slightly. Suddenly, he sits back, his cock still standing straight ahead while he catches his breath and watches me.
He moves to his pocket, pulling out the bag and pinching a single pill between his fingers.
Green.
I like that color. Seems fitting, honestly. My own destruction, my demise, my renewed addiction wrapped in the shade of tranquility.
I sit up and reach for it, but he pulls it back an inch before addressing me. "Tell me how thankful you are. Tell me what you need and I'll give this to you."
Looking to him, I meet his gaze head on. I know in this moment I'm going to have to surrender everything. This is where I truly offer my unconditional devotion.
"I am so thankful, Prophet. To you and the Omega." I slowly reach my hand forward, aching for the little dose of freedom he holds above me. He doesn't move his hand away, and I take that as permission to continue. "I want to be cleansed. I want to ascend my own ladder. I want to join you and my sister in the Garden."
My fingers grip the tiny green pill and I tug it free as he watches. I immediately open my mouth and throw it back before he has the chance to stop me.
Taste. Swallow. Let go.
I lean back, resting my elbows on the bed as Dom comes over me. He carries a wide and salacious smile on his face. His hands fall to my waist, dragging my shirt up and over my chest before pulling it off completely.
"I want you to feel this," he whispers as his touch slows even more. "So, I'll take my time here. Until the barrier between you and your spirit is shattered. When you'll be able to see exactly what I deem necessary."
His lips press to my stomach and I simply watch, keeping steady breaths while I wait for whatever this drug is going to do to me. He moves slowly, upwards and lazy while his rough fingers work against my skin.
I want to get this over with.
"Those pills I worked hard for. Designing them to flood your bloodstream far quicker than usual. The men I met earlier, they've been working alongside me for years now. But struggled after I had disappeared over the last several months." His fingers slip into the edges of my skirt and panties, yanking them down my legs while he talks. "They were beyond ready and glad to be unto service of The Nation once I returned. They give me what I want, and I pay them greatly in either money or a continuous flow of drugs. Whichever addiction they hold at the time."
I don't care about any of this, but I listen anyway.
I've already given myself to The Nation, I've already lost myself to the belief system.
"See, The Nation is led by me—the Prophet. But it takes a very intricately woven group of people to make it run smoothly." He grips my thigh and tugs it over, pressing his lips to my inner leg while his fingers trail up my other.
In a very quiet and subtle instant, something shifts inside of me. A little tingle, a tiny pull upwards—a high. For a second, his touch feels differently than it has. More powerful, more pleasurable, more addictive.
The colors in the room become brighter. My vivid pink skirt seems shinier. God, my skin—it's creamier and smoother than ever before.
I gasp, and he can tell right away that I'm feeling something.
His eyes dart up to meet my own, while he shifts himself between my legs even more. His shoulders inch me farther apart, his eyes dropping to the apex of my thighs while his tongue slips out and along his lower lip.
My head flies higher, and I lift my hand in front of my face while I lean back on the bed. Twisting it around, I notice my bright nail polish. Green and pink with little sparkles on each fourth finger.
I laugh, I don't even know why but I like the look of my own hands right now. The feel of the air blowing against my skin. Dom's touch trails over the outside of my thighs and he breathes against my skin in a way that sends goosebumps breaking out.
I don't want this from him, but it all feels okay in this moment that I might not even care anymore.
"Tell me about the girl," he whispers, his voice low and soft as he presses his lips over my skin again.
My heart suddenly pounds, and I drop my eyes to his while he kisses my leg.
No, no, no. Not this.
"What girl?" I ask, h
oping to play dumb in case he's referring to the only girl I ever think about.
Of course, he fucking is.
"The one fighting tonight. The one who you had pressed up against the wall at the warehouse." I swear his tone is something tempting, as if he wants to me to remember how I was feeling then. He knows K. He’s been at the club with her long before I started there. He knows exactly who she is.
But flashes of her break through my mind. The room spins just a bit and it's like she's here, near me, in my vision.
My skin heats at the thought, but I can't admit this. I don't even want to admit it to myself let alone give Dom the ammunition he needs to destroy me.
"You can tell me," he says quietly, just as his tongue slips out and he trails the tip up my thigh. He's getting closer to my core, and everything inside of me wishes he would stay away. "This is your cleansing, Sunflower. Purge yourself of the sin and let me wash it away."
I look up as the room shifts again. My eyes lift to watch the new colors springing free of the walls. Little flowers and shapes are floating in the space, and the feel of the bed beneath me is far better than it was a few moments ago.
"Tell me her name," he urges even though he already knows the answer. He simply wants me to say it and his fingers bite into my flesh a little harder. My vision almost glitches, like the facade of safety and enlightenment was somehow threatened.
"K." I breathe out her name like life on my tongue. "Her name is K."
He kisses me again, this time his lips rest against the space just above my core. I arch my back on instinct, uncontrollably after feeling her name on my lips.
It isn't him who's turning me on in this.
It's the simple idea of her.
"What does she look like?" He asks, his eyes leaving my own and roaming over my naked body.
I don't want to answer. He knows anyway. So, why do I need to speak the words?
But I ache to at the same time.
Because when I do, all of this starts feeling differently. I'm already high, losing myself to the addictive colors and feel of what's around me. The idea of K is just as drawing, and I want to lose myself entirely to what's happening.
This is so much better than my usual reality.
"She's blonde," I whisper. My voice is quiet and somehow needy at the same time. "Long, thick hair that falls over her shoulders."
His tongue slips over my pussy, and I can't help but move my legs wider apart while I talk about her. "Keep going," he whispers against my skin as his hands massage my thighs and move between them.
"She's taller than me. Slender. But she has these hips and these tits—"
"You like them?" He asks, but his tone is playful, like he wants me to say yes. Like he's getting off on me being attracted to her.
This doesn't make sense.
"Yes," I whisper as if it's a secret and at the same time, his tongue sweeps through my pussy and over my clit. I suck in a breath and my head drops back while he licks me.
God, it feels too good. And now my head is flooded with visions of K.
I look back down, but am taken aback instantly when it's no longer Dom nestled tightly between my thighs.
No, this is impossible. But I can't help it, suddenly my hand reaches forward and slides through the strands of long blonde hair as she looks up at me.
"Tell me what else you like about me," K hums against my skin. She moves her hand and I watch, completely captivated while her fingers slide through my core and slip inside of me.
A moan falls from my lips and I arch off the bed again. "Fuck," I say, just as she dips down to press her lips over me again.
"You aren't here," I say, narrowing my eyes and running my fingers through her hair while I try to get a grasp on reality. "This can't be real."
"It's real, Lyp," she says as she pulls back briefly before diving forward again. Her tongue sweeps through me, licking and sucking when she finally reaches my clit. "Let me take care of you."
"You don't take care of anyone, especially me," I respond on a breathy voice. I can't help but squeeze my thighs together and urge her even tighter against me.
I shouldn't want this. But shit, I do. So much more than anything with Dom.
"Why do you say that?" She asks as she watches my pussy while she slides another finger inside of me. She pulls out and pushes back inside, stretching me around her while I whimper in need of more.
"You've always taken, never given. Not your feelings, not your touch, not anything I actually wanted from you." Suddenly, I feel anger. It's burning in my chest but not lessening the arousal I'm feeling in this moment. I'm so fucking wet, and I can't help but be even more turned on while I watch her fuck me with her hand.
"What did you want from me, Lyp? Say it." She moves quicker, and sucks my clit into her mouth while pushing another finger inside of me. I moan out and grip her hair tightly, yanking her forward while my hips roll against her face.
"I wanted your feelings, K. I wanted you to fucking feel something." I'm saying the words urgently, but my tone is begging for so much more. Her fingers bite into my thighs as she pulls me roughly against her, while she devours my pussy and her tongue moves inside of me.
I can feel an orgasm twisting in my stomach, coiling tighter and tighter while I ride her face in this moment. But I'm not ready, I don't want this to end and I want even more than what she's giving me so I rip her head back and pull her up.
"Look at me," I demand as her dark eyes meet my own. Something feels off, but this is so much more than I've ever gotten from her so I take it.
I take all of it.
I flip us around so she's below me. I'm the one hovering over her now, her blonde hair splayed out across my pillows and for some reason, the sight of that has me even more turned on than before.
I sit back, resting my hands against her ribs and over the black tank top she has on. She's only in that and her matching black G-string, her legs already spread below me.
I want to fuck her.
Right now, in this moment, I know it's true. I can hardly believe I'm admitting it but everything feels so fucking good right now.
I drag my touch lower, until my fingers are sliding underneath the edge of her shirt so I can pull it up a bit higher. Her stomach, her skin, all of it is intoxicating. My eyes rise to her chest, her nipples hard under the thin fabric of her tank.
"I want to see you," I whisper without meeting her eyes, but I watch as her chest rises and falls with a quicker breath. "I would have given this all to you. You never had to take it." I lift her shirt higher, tugging it up and over tits so she's entirely exposed for me.
"Fuck, K," I sigh, venturing to meet her eyes finally. But I get stuck on those fucking lips, parted and quivering as she watches me.
I dive forward, leaning down and taking her mouth with my own. I suck on her bottom lip, pulling it into my mouth before biting down while she gasps in response. My hand grips her waist as I pull her up and against me, her tits brushing against mine while I move over her.
Shifting my knee between her thighs, I roll it forward, grinding against her sweet wet pussy while her legs move farther apart. My hands fall down to her hips, gripping tightly as I yank her against me. My lips move to her neck, kissing and sucking as I continue moving downwards.
"Take what, Lyp?" She asks, and for some reason, the question pricks in my mind.
She knows what she took.
She has no problem reminding me of that. But her skin is on fire, her own hands roaming up my waist over my spine as I continue kissing down the valley over her chest.
She arches off the bed when I slow down, my tongue slipping out and over her skin as if I can't get enough of her.
I fucking can't.
"You know what you took. That day, when you came over to my house." I urge as my head begins feeling a bit heavier. My hands move sluggishly over her body, down her stomach as I sit back and try to regain my own clarity.
The room is bright in both color and feel
ing. As if I can tangibly sense the bright yellows and pinks in my decor. Even though I'm not touching the ground, I can feel how soft the carpet fibers are already.
Even K, I can practically see her energy, buzzing around us in thick clouds of toxic smoke and mirrors.
Part of me is surprised, because when I look at her eyes again, they're that dark abyss I noticed earlier.
I didn't think she had dark eyes. I absently wonder, but just at that moment, her fingers slip through my thick blonde hair and tug at the nape of my neck.
"I'm sorry, okay? I just want to be here, now, with you." She replies in a breathy tone.
Fuck, another little flag springs forward in the back of my mind, but I can't put my finger on what it is. I don't even think I want to right now as it is. I'm feeling too much, and I'm craving every second of this. It's too good to be true and I want to stay here for as long as I can.
It's too good to be true.
I shove away my running thoughts and trail my fingers over the edge of her panties, playing with the thin fabric until slowly pulling them down her legs. My fingertips graze her flesh, leaving trails of goosebumps over her creamy skin.
She's feels so fucking good.
"You're sorry," I mutter out loud, watching my hands slip up to her thighs as I roughly shove them apart. "You are sorry."
My eyes narrow and fall to the apex of her thighs, but the room falls darker and it's as if I can't see everything I want to in this moment. My head is fuzzy, clouded with feelings and uncertainties I don't understand. Everything is constantly shifting, moving farther away and closer at the same time.
I can't see her. But more of that inky darkness spills in the space around us, the colors that were once bright and magnetic now shifting dull and poisonous.
I look up again, meet her eyes in a sharp gaze while my fingers continue moving toward her center. She grips my wrist and tugs me closer, but she doesn't remember that she holds no fucking control over me anymore.
All of this is on my terms now.
I pull back, but she's stronger, far more than I can anticipate because at the same time, her other hand flies to the back of my head as she drags me down and closer to her.